You're 28, you havent had sex with this man but have fallen in love with him in your mind.
You still have the power to get out of this situation, YES it will hurt like hell breaking it off with him but it's inevitable at some stage you are going to get hurt and have to end things. The longer you leave it the harder and more hurt you will experience.
Ask yourself this... Do you want a normal marriage/partnership? Do you want kids? Can you have any of this with this man?
Think for the future not the present and I'm sure the answers will stare you in the face. It's really only about recognising a bad situation and being strong enough now to get yourself out before you really are in too deep!
Well is it a problem for him or just you? Cos if it isn't a problem for him then that's what you need to except, but if it is a problem for him as well then he needs to get some balls and make a fairer arrangement with his ex!
3 & 5 will be easier to deal with, everything your parents do and say is right at this time, as they get a little older and start school all of a sudden nothing a parent says is right because they start to question things. So long as the other parent isn't adding in their 2 cents worth you may only get a few tanties...
1. hurt, drop friend & revenge 2. re-match would have to be beaten several times before I'd raise the white flag 3. withdrawn, angry, revenge 4. ecstatic, glowing 5. happy for her because I'd know it was a good choice
Yes Bella you are right, life's good now but 5 years ago I almost came undone.. I put myself out there and laid it all on the line for my first and lost...So it scares me because I can see clearly that I will get too involved and even though he says we can accomplish anything, I know I'm a homebody and a keeper but he on the other hand is a Nomad...
My concern over the lying was because he mentioned that he would ask his mum if she wanted to attend my mothers 70th birthday and he would fly her over. He's bought it up twice without my influence and at this stage nothing has come from it. Birthdays in Nov...similar to his mother coming to Auss with us all those years ago...that's where I started thinking... lol
I know now that it's not my fault and that these people prey on people like us. Hard as it is to take but also that it effects me now always on the look out just in case it's another "just like me"
As for my girl idk, I've tried and tried and always talk to her about the little boy that cried wolf and to NO AVAIL! It's the people she hangs with and the life style she has chosen to live...after a while there isn't much a parent can do but be there to catch them when they fall. I try to look at it like she could be doing much much worse...
I do try and keep my eyes open for things like that now. But to tell you the truth I cant really tell when someone is lying or not. My own daughter lies all the time. Shes one of those kids that doesn't like to disappoint and is going through some tough years but I cant even tell when her truths are the truth or just another cover up!!
All I do is try not to get too caught up in a situation...just in case I'm decieved. The words dont mean as much as the actions.
Yes Bella, remembering back now I know his mum lied alot. As I said it never really hurt anyone but just little fibs for whatever reason. Like one time she was coming with my husband (we were young & I was prenant with my first child) and I to Australia to visit my mother. She visited us every week and the story remained the same right up til the last week she was still booking her flight on the same as ours. On the day we flew out she showed up and said she couldn't get on that flight as she left it too late but would try and get there that week...Weird but never stopped me loving her.
Anyway I'm assessing him and whether or not he may have some of those traits.
A couple of years ago I was with a guy (FWB) but everything that came out of his mouth was a freakin lie and I NEVER EVER picked up on any of it. i loaned him money to get out of trouble and in the end he moved back home with a lie about going back because his mum was in hospital dying!!!! It all came out after the fact and although there wasn't love for me there, there was alot of hurt from me being soo stupid that I fell for everything he said. ANd looking back now I wonder why I never questioned any of it, apart from the fact that it is so far from anything I could do to anyone, I just didnt believe anyone would to me!
I know that there is alot about my mother that I dont want to be anything like and so I'm looking for it in myself, (to squash it) my own daughters dont want to be likened to me with specific things. Being a child that is filled with disappointment from lies, wouldn't you think that they would want nothing of it themselves?
I think it's that way in most relationships, the ladies always let the man lead because it's meant to be but watch out if he was to go against what SHE wants! So easiest solution let him wear the pants but he better ask which ones to put on first!!!!
Another way of looking at it is He is the Head of the family but she is the neck that turns the head!
I know a lady who use was a liar, she was like an Aunt...not a nasty liar but more one that tells you what you want to hear...all the time. Little white lies like she was going to be doing something for you that never happened. You soon learnt to not take anything she said with much hope & none of these lies ever hurt me. But nevertheless she constantly lied...
My question is:
Do you think it runs in the family, if you are around someone 24/7 and are filled with lies all your life, would you yourself grow to be just like them and not think it's a big deal to be as truthful as possible? Does anyone else know someone like this and how has it effected their children?