Hmmm hindsight...

I do regret staying longer because I missed an opportunity to spend time with someone that meant the world to me before he passed... but that's a whole different story.


But I know I did the right thing for my kids and by my husband, as if things had of gone differently I dont think we would have the same understanding that we have today. The fact is once you have kids, you are tied to that person forever and it is a lot more pleasant when you have to gather for family occassions if you aren't at each others throats!

Thanks guys, great advice and I will remain true to myself and my reactions of ignorance or being quite frank. I guess I was just starting to doubt myself and whether I was putting across a different vibe to why I was getting these propositions of late. Typical Libran huh?


And Welcome back P

Yeah I wouldn't call them friends...rather acquaintances. Yep the "What the hell are you doing" is exactly how I felt!

Hey no offence taken, If I was in fact giving off that type of vibe, I'd change as I dont like sleezy attention.


Too much sass...men like anything these days, they dont take hints very well and I've even blantantly said NO and to no avail. Even when there is another guy around they still come up and try their luck. Once upon a time if there was another man around then you got left alone!

I know some of it is that we are in a dance bar but there isn't much choice when you want to go out with your friends have dinner and then dance and have a few drinks apart from night clubs and we dont get hassled so much there but probably because the kids are half our age.

I may have to resort to quietly teling them to FUCK OFF!!! I can still hold my composure if I'm discreet.lol

Sometimes you have to let people take their own road in life, my sister in law and I have a saying because it pops up all the time...you know... horse water drink! lol

We understand each other but are also parents and know first hand that no matter how much you know and can see, it doesn't make it any clearer for the person involved...they dont hear anything or anybody but themselves and their own feelings.


As a friend, you just have to be there to help pick up the pieces should that be the case.

Walk away for a bit if it frustrates you and you cant bear to watch but also understand that you cant force your opinion onto others!

@ SAV,

I was starting to wonder if it was in fact a vibe i was now giving off. As I said I've always had a more conservative vibe and generally guys dont approach me unless I'm giving out those vibes that say it's ok you can come and talk...but lately these insults. I understand if I'm in a club, then maybe anyone is a target and I just ignore most advances unless they are gentleman about it.

the best thing is simply to see it as them trying their luck randomly, nothing personally, like scattering bait onto a river and seeing what bites.


I hear you and normally look at it in that way too but I guess I'm annoyed because both these guys were suppose to be I feel more respectful because I knew them personally.

@ Ging,

I really didnt expect him to ask so was shocked which is why I said "are you asking me a question or making a comment?" Sometimes i aint that quick off the mark I guess, normally I have a smart arse answer for a lot of things but not when it comes to rejecting guys. I need to learn to not think about how they would feel because they certainly dont care how I feel about their propositions!

And yeah the 2nd guy was creepy!!! That blew me away, if he pops over again for any reason he certainly wont be invited in. In fact I know I need to tell him that he isnt welcome here at all. I think he got the hint today as he didnt stay much longer after I said my friends and I didnt go for married men!

I do think that I need to be more assertive like the rest of them and just tell them to fuck off!! I just dont want to come down to their level... thanks Guys

So now I feel that guys are just throwing it out there all the time as they have never done before because alot of the time they are getting results.

i need advice on how to be more assertive. I'm libran and really find it hard to cuttingly tell someone to "fuck off" Oh i really feel like it alot of the time lately but I always end up dancing around and being polite... I kick myself afterwards because I feel really INSULTED & BELITTLED by these propositions.

How do answer back and maintain my lady like composure? It really is important to me to be able to reply with dignity.

So lately I've had a few propositions which I find rather insulting!!!

One of which, I was out with a male friend and we bumped into a group of guys that I hang out with, normally when I'm with my girl friend. It is a dance bar so yes guys are there looking for hook ups, we on the other hand are looking for a night of dancing and because we know this bunch of guys feel safe in this group and enjoy hanging and dancing with them.

Of course it's not the ideal place to find a potential partner but like most girls we want to dance and have a few drinks etc. So I introduced my friend and we are all dancing together and chatting practically on the dance floor all night. Then one of the guys in my group asked if he could take me home! At first I thought he was referring the conversation to someone on the dancefloor and making comment as we all were to "the lonely/drunks" looking for a pick up...But then I said are you commenting about her or are you asking ME a question??? To which he said "can I take you home?" I looked at him rather strange and annoyed and said "No I have my own car and will be driving myself"

This guy had been there a couple of weeks ago and had left early with another girl.



The second: My teenage daughters friends father popped over to come and pick up his daughters wallet and camera which she had left here in the weekend, i have only just met this guy and spoken to him a couple of times in my home. So I invite him in as I go to look for her things. We are standing in the kitchen discussing our children and then he starts telling me about how he use to have affairs before he moved here because his wife doesn't give him sex and suggests dicreetly that he's looking for someone to have sex with "No strings" I'm gob smacked and my mind is racing as I'm trying to process whether in fact he's asking me! He also says do I know of anyone open to this!

Anyway i just calmly say, some people are into that and if it was just sex most woman can get that anywhere but me and my girlfriends are not into that especially with a married man!!!

OK so, a little about me. I'm a good looking woman and dress quite lady like. Always have dressed quite conservatively and men use to be a little apprehensive of approaching me. Which use to be great because then they were quite genuine if they did. I very rarely look someone in the eye unless we are in conversation and dont pay any attention to stares or those blatant comments as you walk by.

I sang to my best friends boyfriend because I'm cool like that.

You went to jail??? That's pretty huge! I think you need to concentrate on trying to understand yourself and forget about him.

It's very plain and obvious that he is just a swine and not worth a second thought. He was never there to support you, even cheated on you and was only around when the going was good. Once the shit hit the fan so did he so why waste your time and energy over a user?

If you ever come back into money and the high life he'll be back...hopefully you have learnt enough to not let him back in!


What goes around comes around and we reap what we sow...dont know what you've done but maybe it's coming back to haunt you but you now have the chance to turn your life around for the better...

You see... no mention of the Leo, so reading between the lines I feel you want the Libran...I'm learning that you geminis are like us Librans in the sense that the decision making is painful!!!

At the end of the day though, you have to weigh up what you know you will be happy with. i'd look at both these gents and think about 20 years down the track with them...which do you see yourself happier with???

Well little toys are wonderful objects but really cant replace the intimacy of the cuddle and the kiss...you'll be amazed at how much the kiss is missed!

Sadly texting is addictive...it makes us feel wanted or know that we are being thought of throughout the day. Look around and you'll see everyone always checking there phones to see if someone is thinking about them. I've been out at clubs and will see almost every person in the room checking these little devices and not just once but several times throughout the night.

But in reality...you've never met this person, have you seen a pic of each other? This is so random he could be anyone...it might as well be an 0800 sex number from someone that will boost your self esteem or tell you all you want to hear. You are at this stage addicted to "the texting attention" but this person could be married with kids or a psychopathic killer or ANYBODY! I would think move on, you feel like you have been in a love affair so it's not easy but probably best for yourself.

First of all men and women are so different so I dont even know if what I am saying is the same for him but...if I was doing what he was doing it's because I'm not convinced whether you want me or not and I dont want to let it go so I'm popping up...just in case. Until I get a definite "I dont want you" I find it hard to let go. This is probably why Librans pop in and out of past lovers lives because they are never told point blank "it's over and I dont ever want to see you again"

So if you dont want him around you have to make it VERY clear and he will let go but if you do, now is the time to open those communication lines up and make it perfectly clear what YOU want!

One thing though, if you chose to be with him, I would make sure you address the other guys he had seen you with or make him address it because I know that in this circumstance if I got you I would let it slide for now so as not to create waves....BUT I'd never forget and it would come back up in the future...whether that be through a heated arguement or a legitimate reason for me thinking you could be a player or cheater...

Yes think this through and make up your mind whether you want him or not because at the moment you are both in limbo.

Sit him down and have it out with him, lay the law down of what you want if you must but he sounds very immature. I say that because he has resulted in stalking you instead of talking to you about where your realtionship is. Is there any reason why he thinks he cant talk to you?

Do you want to be with him?

Well there you have it...we had too much money and kids! lol

Well you sound like you have met 2 descent guys/friends BUT are they the one??? Do you have to settle for either one for any reason? Doesn't sound to me like either will fulfill you til death do you part...

What's the rush?

WOW that's quick, 2 years in NZ & 1 in Australia. And to legally end it you have to have a solicitor involved and they try and drag it out as long as possible so they can get as much as they can!

I've had thoughts of it but don't always act upon it! Would depend how much the person in question has hurt me. At the end of the day I believe what goes around comes around...I just wish I could be there to watch for myself! lol

Good advice somechick.

Leave, it's the best thing you can do. When a relationship has gotten to this level it is more damaging to the kids to stay. Neither of you are happy so why are you staying, if you leave now both will be able to find happiness again.

Sometimes we stay because we are scared of change and use the children as our excuse. It is scary going back out there all alone but trust me (I've been through it) within a month or 2 you will know that it was the best thing in the world for YOU and although the kids do initially have a problem, with love and understanding they do get by. One thing though, dont ever put your wife down to your daughter, if you have nothing good to say then dont say a thing!

Another thing, check yourself into counselling to enable you to sort through your feelings on the breakdown of your marriage and allow yourself to move on without the baggage.