Why would you be with a guy if you are this insecure about whether he wants you or his bff? You've come on to the scene after the fact and yet you have a problem? I don't get it. Do you also share this insecurity with a bff of the same sex. Does it make you jealous when he wants to spend quality man time at the pub or football game?

What's the real problem here? Is she beautiful and do you see chemistry with them that is more than a friendship? Which one do you see likes the other more than as a friend or is it both and they flirt with each other in front of you?

A. If they were anything more it would have happened already. Any insecurities lie with the 3rd party and should be kept in check.

Are these to blame for our romanticized outlook on RL?

This week I was watching a romantic comedy and of course the girl and boy have a hate/love relationship but then develop a friendship which turns to love against the odds. While it was lovely, at that point I wondered, does anyone really have this happy ending where the man comes running to find you and openly confesses his love, when previously he was a philanderer.

I'd like to hear stories if you have any.

Then over in Libra, I was reading a thread and it's exactly what some are expecting to happen in their own lives. Against all odds, he comes back and confesses his dying love....or it's want she wants to hear anyhow even though to others it's blatantly obvious that this guy is using her for his own selfish reasons!

More than likely obvious to her to and many many others but being bought up on these stupid "happy ever after" love stories that are so far fetched, has somehow distorted our reality and what we think/dream will happen one day...

If it fits...

From what I have seen and read here most of you share it!

There's not a whole lot of respect or love coming from this man...are you happy to just receive his crumbs because the chances of it getting any better are very slim!!

Your not a priority and doesn't sound like you ever will be and the way he is treating you has red flags all over it!!

Your choice though, you obviously don't feel you deserve better!

No not the smoking, he gave up himself anyway with no persuasion from me. Just wanted to and did. But my family weren't sure of him and I against my better judgement allowed him to moved in, in a short period and I also never wanted step children and I grew to love his two and they were ripped away without as much as a goodbye...there were a lot of little things and I blindly closed my eyes which is why next time around I will be looking to my friends and family to take in all their thoughts right in the beginning.


But I think we all have expectations or a list per-sa that we feel we don't want, and it all goes out the window at some point.

The not wanting a family is an expectation then isn't it? You might meet the perfect person that wants a family...then what do you do?

In my case age is about experience and wisdom. I also didn't want a smoker with the last and excepted it that he was but I overlooked things I shouldn't have in his case and it turned and bit me...so I have to heed my own warnings next time around.

No, that's a fair call Scenic and I totally understand where you are coming from.

However how can you not have any expectations on a potential partner?? Are you happy to go with someone that doesn't fit into your life the way you live it? Not me. There will always be expectations, I've defined mine but of course it's in theory and a lot may not be as important as I think right now when I do meet someone "real"

regardless of whether I'm expecting it or not, I've learnt a lot from past experiences and my eyes will be wider open, trust me as you get older things change in the way you look at everything and you're not as desperate to find that someone, especially if you have fulfilled your "family" life. But more looking for a companion.

I personally think that common sense has to come into play at some stage!

It's a y generation thing and only getting worst. You have no respect for your parents and their authority and then your teachers and now your bosses! Maybe you need to grow up until you earn the rights to be the boss and then good luck to you!

In theory if I don't expect anything nothing happens! It's when I set my mind to something that things start to happen think I like this way of thinking and going to see where it goes.

No Aylin still here crying over the same guy under different names and totally transparent, knew it was you from the start that's why I never comment... Not in me to be rude normally but you are trying everyone's patience!

Haha, sis you notice I got specific in a couple points?? lol

Well that stands to reason, optimistic people get what they want because they believe they will. I've always been like this and I make things happen, set them as goals..now this works when the subject is achievable with money or hard work but to will a person into your life...or is it a matter of wanting it so your eyes are wider open and looking for it?

I admit, I spend days seeing people but not really seeing them, I talk to loads of people everyday but not really fully take that person in because I am otherwise preoccupied with other matters at work etc. This is why, I forget peoples names and faces all the time. My work mate on the other hand remembers every single person by name and face, this blows me away as currently she is holding more than 500 peoples names in her head!!!

Well time will tell, I do believe it as the last time I did something similar to this I met the guy I spent the next year and a half with...but I've definitely changed what I am asking for this time lol

You see people like this all the time, they are only here to vent and read anything that is agreeable with them and what they want to hear. The ones that point out the negatives the things they aren't willing to hear they completely ignore...normally they are the nutters and come back time and time again with new stories and/or new love interests and the same story!

Keep growing it's wonderful I have had this mindset for a while now and I'm loving it. Two of my daughters however are struggling with it but I just say, I'm doing me now and you are old enough to do for yourselves and I don't buckle! Because you once were, they think they can still use you to their advantage. Don't let them put your needs ahead of theirs and DON'T feel guilty!!

Mars in Leo and Venus in Libra which is why i know that a long term FWB would get complicated with me.

No, this was premeditated to some point on my part, I knew before I went that it was what would more than likely to happen and I was going to allow it. It's a mind over matter thing and I needed to do it and that's why I say it was selfish because I was taking care of my needs and not considering his.

The setting helped, it was a romantic setting, overlooking the water late at night and lights around with all the big flash homes and sights of the city, we were talking about the position we were at i.e.: North, South and where my home was. I couldn't get my head around it as everywhere I thought things were, were backwards!! He was trying to explain everything and it was funny I was quite disorientate and couldn't get my head around it!

But as it stands, I have only received a few texts from him since, I know his mother is up and he is otherwise occupied but on the norm if someone was really wanting more they would go a little harder. So i can put this into perspective and not over think it.

I'm normally the same but I wanted to for my own reasons and I don't feel bad or I'm not beating myself up over it.

My sister in law gave me this idea and I like it so I'm going with it, She feels if you want something you meditate on it and will into your life She makes me laugh with her optimism so this is my Vision Board for my new man:

He has to have dark hair and be athletic and conscious of his health and appearance
Be smart in either business or overall knowledge
Funny and easy going
full of energy and happy
enjoy sports and competition
love entertaining or being entertained and have lots of friends and be family orientated
enjoy life and reward themselves for hard work and have a desire to travel
Most importantly know how to communicate and express himself and not run from issues
like alone time and can relax with nothing to do
Is not scared of physical work and knows how to maintain a home

and Give me butterflies

This is the man I wish to meet...I'm happy to overlook some qualities but most of these are important to me

Your turn

I had one loose canon that I went on a date with and then constantly blew up my phone and left desperate messages but I shut that down real quick and later found out that he had a gf! Chances are he was looking to escape that relationship and probably found someone to replace her.

The only stalker I had or felt like a stalker was a (girl)friend and she was just possessive and a little nutty and thought I was her best friend and I shouldn't be hanging out with others because it drove her to jealousy! It wasn't a sexual thing, just plain woman possessive jealousy. I shut her down too and blocked her on my fb for about a year, then I took her off block and now she only sends me invites to those selling parties which I always decline and never talks to me. Just the other day though, she approached a friend of mine in their gym and introduced herself and told her she knew her because she had seen a picture of her at my gym during an Open Day, on FB??? I have warned my friend about her, she had already friended her on FB and commented on every single picture or status she had put up, lmao. We had a great laugh about who she will be stalking next!!

yes it is awkward because straight after I just wanted to go...and he wanted to talk and cuddle and go again :/ I stayed and we laughed and chatted some more and then I went home at some ungodly hour. I don't feel bad, I knew what I wanted to achieve and did so and he isn't desparately beating down my door so all is well for now.

And the reason I don't do FWB is that, I probably would catch feelings or start to think I had a place and a say in things. The first time around when we were exploring each other, it was a lonely thing and I was hesitant then because he was rebounding. Then we both met others and called it quits and happily went to explore other avenues. His lasted 4 years and mine not at all. He came looking for me 6 months ago and we have maintain a distant friendship since.

I've never had the chance to have "the talk" I was going to, last time I was here in the Cappy threads asking for advice but I really didn't see him much after that. I kept putting his invites off and things had really cooled down and then I got selfish. It may amount to nothing, maybe he feels that I will come running now like the last time when I happily jumped into a FWB, I mean he is a man and it worked last time lol