Thanks so much for the feedback and advice. Point well taken. I guess I'm already doing what you both has already suggested. No can do on the getting out of the house she's abroad till August I guess I just feel a little helpless. And she's not one to take to advice, so like a crab I've send her books that I think may address her issues better than I ever could. Seems to be helping. So thanks again!
My gf of a year and some months has been going through a serious rough patch for the last 9 months. I don't want to get her business all out here, but long story short she's put herself in a very difficult situation and is now having to deal with the consequences.
My question is how can I help to support my cancer lady (she has a gemini moon) and I'm an aqua with (pisces moon). Her birth father passed away a little while ago. They've never had a relationship, and she's always maintained that she never wanted anything to do with him until his untimely death. She's not a big open book, even with all that cancer sensitivity and I don't know what I should and should not do.
I guess i just want her to know that I'm here for her if she wants to talk, but it seems even when I say that she doesn't open up.
Maybe it's me, I just don't get the whole 1.5 thing?? Did you really think I'd be waiting around for a second throw down? Delusional is the word that comes to mind. lol She's the one that taught me how to hate a cookiemonster! lol Obvi we weren't in the same relationship.
Soo my Virgo ex, sent me an email a week ago now after a year and a half of absolutely no contact. The email basically said that she's been meaning to drop me a note for some time and since she had had a dream about it that it was about time to stop holding it off. Anyway, she goes on to say that she was wondering if I'm okay and that she's sure I am, and that she didn't think I would mind if she contacted me and that in no way is she expecting a reply or that it was to anger me. Just so that I know someone in the world is thinking and wishing me well?
My question is what does she want after almost 2 years of nothing? I stopped all communication about 3 months of a rollercoaster. Break up, get back together, rinse repeat cycle. What gives? I thought Virgos walk away and never look back? She's even said those words to me herself.
I sent a reply back a few days later saying Thanks for the note, things are great. Glad to hear you're doing well.
Should I expect something back, or is this like the done deal now? So confusing. I don't want anything to do with her, not even on a friendship basis (we had a very unhealthy relationship that went past it' own expiry date) but I'm not to type to send people packing in a mean way either.
Impatience and Cancer = doomsday! lol yea they're pretty confusing to everyone else except to them. Well hun, there's nothing to do. Practice lots of patience and don't wait. I think that's the best advice I can give. Know that you love and want her and that she's special. Buuuuttt she's gotta earn a right to be in your heart. So make her work a little for it. And how do you do that you ask? Let her go. Insert ancient proverb here..."If she comes back then she's yours to keep."
In your case the good thing about Cancers is that if you meant anything to her at all, she'll come around and drop feelers. They hold on to past EVERYTHING. So if you were kind and good to her she won't soon forget.
Time is all you have, so use it to work on you and figure out the stuff you want for yourself and let her miss all the great things that make you, you.
Personally speaking from experience, you're way to invested. Flip the coin and if you were her, you'd be freaked out too! She knows how you feel, that's all there is for you to do. Do you, and send good vibes her way and that's it. Stop "trying" to reel her into your sphere.
My girl did (does) the same ish and it drives me batty. Until I realized that I was putting too much energy on her and not enough on me. I know what I want and it's her. If she's to afraid, or hesitant I pull back the cord and let her roam freely.
Fast forward a year and she's the one asking me to propose to her "soonish". They really are slow creatures, and sideways about everything. Just give her lots of breathing room, while still reassuring her that your love is unconditional and for her only and STICK TO IT! I think a lot of the times they wait to see when you're going to change your mind or screw up. They really want you to prove them wrong, they're just really guarded.
thnx for the advice. I'm very cautious, so this situ won"t be any different. Im going in to listen to what she has to say, and than explain to her my thoughts on the subject and hopefully she'll she the situation for what it is and we can start to build bridges again.
btw I think you got your facts a little twisted, Pamela Anderson didn't get AIDS, but has Hep C. She participates in a lot of awareness and campaigns agains AIDS, but she doesn't have it. Nonetheless Hep C is a very serious condition and my heart goes out to her. Oh God, another example of a perfectly charming Cancer woman who went just too far into self-detruct mode. Still recovering form her twenties in her forties buttert, what did I sign up for! lol
She sent me a Valentine's wish this afternoon, and as Shellshocker put it (think your my new best friend She felt pressured & that things may have been moving to fast. She's had a little time to think and she would really like the op to maybe get together and see if we can figure this out. That she can't stop thinking of me. blah blah.
I replied back no emotion, that I'm not around until Thursday, and that we can meet after work (somewhere public to avoid yelling) and we can talk.
Don't really know what to do know. I'm disappointed, crushed but still obviously love her. Don't know if I need to be firm and tell her that she needs to ditch the lying and illegal stuff. Which makes me question this whole change of heart really. Because the conflict in question had nothing to do with the marriage proposal. Although that's what she's saying set her off running. No mention again of the illegal butter?? Help
I completely agree Leo, that was my sentiment exactly. I think on some level she's trying to justify the break by saying we argued too much, I cheated for the exact reasons that you stated, because she doesn't want to own up to her mistake and the she keeps trying to test my boundaries.
Our first real argument was regarding a similar thing, with the same ex not but two months ago. Then last week she has the nerve to ask me if I would do this illegal butter?! My first thought is she's trying to test me with her nonsense. When I say calmly that, you do know that we almost broke up over this same thing two months ago she says I know, but I figured I'd ask. I'm thinking why? When you know my standpoint on it.
Today, fresh eyes, I'm not even mad or angry or questioning what happened. It is what it is, and I totally believe I dodged a bullet and I thank her for showing me her true colours. She's obviously not ready for a bigger commitment if she's so willing to throw thing back in my face, and back out of a plan that she enforced up until now.
I stand by my you'll find out more about a person in a break up, than you will while you were together.
She called an hour ago, and it started with the same bs, and I just reinforced how much I loved her and that I was there for her. She eventually was able to talk, and no yell or scream obscenities. For the first time in a looong time we actually were able to be honest and not try to tear each other up to pieces.
You were all right regarding the money issue, not really sure what about but I know she got very defensive about the money thing. And also that she got super cold feet. Her mom did tell her of my intent and all she could think was how pressured she felt. I explained to her that I didn't care if we got married in five years or ten and that my proposal was simply to reassure her that she was the woman for me and to hopefully help her understand that in no way did I want her to feel pressured.
We continued and she brought up the whole ex thing and that if she couldn't reassure me that nothing was going on then what kind of gf would she be. I explained again that in no way did I think she was cheating, that I never did. That I felt like I was at the bottom of her importance scale and that she lied about him being there previously. I encouraged that I never thought she cheated again, and that I feel she won't allow herself to be vulnerable because of my past transgressions although I tried and would try whatever she needed.
She went on to discuss that she didn't believe it was over and that maybe in haste she ended things because she felt that we were arguing too much and that I couldn't let this go. I confirmed that I was upset about it, again not for the reasons she believed and that were both guilty of not communicating effectively and I didn't realize that there was a time limit on how long I could stay upset. I told her that if I knew there was, I would have tried damn harder to squash it.
We left off with her saying that she didn't break up with me because she wants to be single or meet new people but right now she needs space because she can't think clearly. I just told her that I understood and that she should have really just said that from the beginning and thank you for proving that we actually can have a civillised conversation since there was so much misunderstanding.
Although it sounds like she was dangling a maybe we'll get back together carrot, I'm not holding out for it. She really does need to figure stuff out right now and in no way can I be apart of her fears and sabotaging as Shellshocker put it.
And I'm like what's there to talk about? She says I want to apologize and I said well I don't see why you need to come over for that, you can tell me now. She does, then just like that we're arguing again. No idea how, she's throwing everything back in my face and then saying how we don't have discussions we purge everything and how I can't do this anymore. I ask her point blank if we argue so much when was the last time we argued before this thing with your ex. She can't even recall and says well I don't keep track of it.
I tell her that I'm not arguing with her but I feel she's looking for any excuse to end things and that I'm not stopping her. But that she's called me, she's come over and then called me again. And that I'm getting mixed signals. If it's over why do you need to come here to talk.
Phone conversation doesn't end well, I tell her that I love her and that I never wanted things to turn out like this, and hang up. WTF??
I'm I going crazy or do you all agree that there's so much more to this than what she's letting on? My gut tells me the ex propositioned her to some illegal stuff again and that's why he was there, and she knew that I wouldn't condone it so easier to end things and do whatever she's gonna do than to have me interfere. Cause really, none of it makes any sense at all that she would break up over me being rightfully upset over an ex popping up unannounced.
Either that or she got really cold fee as it's Valentines day and I was planning on proposing. She knew because I called her mom to ask her blessing which she did. I figure she called her mom to vent and her mom told her. No idea. But funny how, in 4 days you can go from proposing to break up!
Well, all of it means nothing know. She broke up with me. Used multiple excuses, first it was we fought too much, and I didn't see it getting better. Then it was you cheated on me (I did and have taken complete responsibility for it but it happened the first month we were together. I don't even think we were exclusive!) throws it in my face, although I mentioned several times that tell me whatever you need me to do to make this better. I even said at the time that I completely understand if she choose not to be with me any longer. She tells me today, well I'm not over it and I thought I could be a stronger person.
Then she blows up my phone, telling me she's coming over to collect her belongings I tell her she doesn't have to that i'll pack it up and send it in a cab. She then storms through my house, gathering all her things without saying a word. Then says, if you weren't on the phone you'd know that I didnt' want things to end this way since I left you a bbm. I was like okay, read the msg. NOWHERE does it say she's sorry that she broke up with me on a whim and she was upset nothing. I tell her this and she says what do you want from me. I told her, as Shellshocker suggested, that this was all an easy fix and that yes I was upset, but never did I threaten to end things are that I didn't love you. (Even went to her house yesterday to take her dog out as she was sick, brought her soup and some flu stuff ALL while I was still upset about the event) Nothing. She proceeds to yell and say it doesn't matter I'm gone, I'm gone. Now I got angry as she was at the door leaving and picked her bag up and tossed it on my stairs and said to go, you want to leave so bad, then get out. She turns around and cookiemonster slaps me across the face and storms out. WTF!! I'm beginning to understand what KingofLibra is talking about in regards to manipulation.
Not an hour later, she's blowing up my phone again to apologize and that it's out of character for her blah blah and you still have some things here, and I don't have a need for them if we're not together.
She bbms my sister to tell her she's sorry for getting her involved and that to let me know that she's going to call me today, no drama.
I'm like this girl is trying to pull the wool over my eyes. I don't get it, you break up with me, slap me and then want to talk no drama?? She calls I answer, she makes no mention of my belongings and goes right into well I want to come see you so we can talk. And I'm like what