Oh good Lord...the attitudes on here sometimes.....geez...I thought Aries people were always considered nice!! Not everyone "gets it" like others do....if we did there wouldn't a reason for us to post!!!! I give up....thanks for the advice anyhow!!!!
Oh wait some of you mis-understood...what was confusing was the call/not call thing, not my situation with him....women are not supposed to call to let them chase and miss you...I've read it on these boards and in books. You know remain aloof, mysterious...But yet we are also told to communicate in relationships and dating...sounds lke a paradox....
In the subject headline it says Aries man/Aries woman, I am an Aries too...our bd's are a week apart.. March 31 and April 7
No, the thing about checking every move...I said that...not him...I don't know if his ex did that or not....but that was coming from me...because in the past I have been married and in relationships that can get clingy...and that bores me...so I wanted to stress that that wasn't for me anymore...I was just trying to keep it light....I suggested casual because I knew he was busy with his son's activities and I respected that.
By the way....everyone seems to think differently about "casual" and what that means....
does it mean date others? does it mean get together when you can? does it mean going out once every 2 or 3 months?
I changed the subject because I didn't want to sound like I was pressuring him and over discussing....with men keep it simple and short... but it sounded to me like maybe he wanted to talk more....
Oh and by the way...I never really believed all of this stuff....but I am blown away by how much I can relate to Aries traits and how much the male traits fit him....the one post that said aries male will wait until someone calls him....I do the same...the insecurity we have is deep....I feel it all the time...and the never staying mad thing...amazing...once the person explains comes to me...I"m over it...
What do you all think about this one? Since you all have great feedback!! My best friend was seeing a guy and she felt like he was "cooling" a bit...she sent him a text that said this...
"I think we have chemistry" "But I feel some distance on your part" "If you don't think we are going to work, a text will be fine, since it can be hard to say" (they weren't serious yet) "I'm a big girl now, I'll understand and I won't be hurt"
He would not reply to it...oh by the way he is Aries too...she is going crazy figuring out why she made his "out" easy for him but yet he would not do it... Thoughts??
Was seeing an aries male who I know was into me...went out once or twice and we continued to call and text...he was married and she cheated and is now married to the other married guy she cheated with..been divorced 8 years...last relationship didn't work...so he told me he's been hurt twice.
I told him recently by text that I should be upfront with him and maybe we both should have been at the beginning and he texted back "What"? I texted "I'll call you when I have time."
I got busy and didn't and he texted a few weeks later "What did you want to tell me?" I called him the next night and told him "What are you looking for?" Wasn't sure he knew what I meant, so I said, "You know just something casual...etc"
"Not a stranglehold, independence, not checking each other's everymove...Been there done that when I was married and don't want to do it anymore" He immediately said, "I was hoping for something more serious" (he could have fooled me!)He seemed very skittish... Didn't want to dwell on it or pressure him so I changed subject..and he said, "Why do you always change the subject when talking about us?" I kinda denied it..
So he said his son has traveling basketball and he has custody every other week and sometimes more..well he's been very cool lately and not communicating as much...I don't think there is anyone else as we know a mutual person and they told me he has no one else...he told me on Christmas morning he was alone just him and his dog! So sweet!!!
I did send one text recently and told him a quick story, he answered right away, but I texted a few weeks later with a quick car question and no answer. Uh oh! My friend told me that he wants to talk, by what he said..and she said that men are simple twits and they usually say what they mean...true??? She said he basically told you he wants something serious...
I want to call but when I read all of these posts they say not to call...but if you don't call how do you get anywhere...I have gf's who say they went after their guys because the guys were backwards and shy...and it worked.. it's so confusing!!
Oh I think I'm gonna cry...... Aries babe gave hers with class....leokitten knows nothing of the details of what went on between the two of us, and showed no understanding of what someone might be going thru. I am assuming she is a leo the most all about me sign there is. At least as an Aries I am not as self centered (like we are supposed to be)and can look at all points of view. Irritating? How irritated do you think I am being so misunderstood? Just for once in your sorry lives...look at how someone might be feeling treetr*nk off...
You do not know all the details about what was in the original email I sent when we returned from the weekend. The one where I said I was fed up. How do you know that I didn't say something in the email that indicated/hinted I was thru? So butt out. And where did you see that he called, emailed or told me in a letter that it was over? Why did he say it won't be a goodbye letter? More lies and stalls? Did you ever think for once there may be more to this story than you know about? He told me at least 20 times I am afraid you are going to dump me like you did back in Oh I know....he just did the disappearing thing, or he is doing the jerk thing you talk about where he just calls months later and I'm there ready to jump back in! That would be like me judging a situation in your romantic life without knowing everything. If you told me that you had a 5 hr long distance relationship and it was hard to maintain with that much distance and he didn't call for a while I would not assume he was "dumping" you without knowing everything first. And I am not in denial. Just because a couple has up and downs (I am not referring to just me, it could be any couple, it doesn't always mean the kiss of death) Try to be more objective. You do not know what went on between the two of us. And at this point you don't know whether I have moved on or not. All I am doing is trying to "sort out" So leave me alone, you are the meanest person I have ever met and you owe me an apology. Pick on someone else that has dated one of these guys. There are just as many other ones out there going thru the same situations with them. Try googling capricorn men...they are out there. Oh and by the way it took this person 1 to 2 years after he met me to call me in the first place, he said he couldn't get the nerve to call me and he was shy...so how do you know that his shy/backwardness doesn't factor into this? And he didn't have another person because I was around him at times and there was no one else around. There were times he had things to say to me and he could hardly get the words out. This is the last thing I am going to say and then I am leaving this board, because I have had enough of it....I do agree he is wrong for not calling....even after my nasty email, but this is the way this guy has been from the beginning. And that is not an excuse, it may just be his way. That could be why his relationships were short lived and he was unmarried at almost 40.
Ok I am not in denial, you all have this mixed up. What I am looking for is an answer to why someone acts like this...because in my head it doesn't make sense and I am trying to make sense of it. If I was in denial I wouldn't be questioning it. I see what is going on. I have never had anyone treat me like this before and it is confusion because like I said, no one ever treated me so mysteriously. Part of my closure to put it to rest is saying, "ok so this is why....... now I get it" I believe what he said when we dated in the 90's when he wrote me a letter, but now I realize it took some time to see it. And I know what you all are saying is true....but initially we did have this chemistry like I never felt with anyone, so that is what's causing the difficult part of letting go. Make sense???? I think this is why so many of them are single and have trouble with women. And tiki and the rest of you, you only show your immaturity when you make fun of advice from books....it does help to read for insight. I am not rejecting my own ideas, breakups are hard.....it takes time
Speaking of a**holes.... What is wrong with you all. I do not have low self esteem. Isn't it bullies who have that? C'mon you know men do the cave thing..men are from mars women from venus I heard my son do it on the phone with his gf the other nite... he completely shut her off cause she was overdoing the female thing..he wasn't up for it, he wanted some chill time...and by the way at 51 I still don't know what I want either. marriage/single? Not sure.... There is nothing about giving men space that reeks low self esteem.
As for the fear of losing a man being unattractive...isn't it ironic that when he and I were in the throes of dating, he said to me, "I am afraid of losing you"....I didn't find it unattractive at all. I was flattered. You are all twisted.
Just because you care to try to make something work does not mean you have no self respect and you are a doormat.You give people a chance 2x 3x and if you see it doesn't work you then leave. You do not even know what was in my email to him. I stood my ground in the email and set boundaries. And wanting closure has nothing to do with self esteem, walking away is fine, but clearing your head with the other person is essential to your mental needs. How can you move on to a good relationship unless you prepare menatally by getting the old cobwebs out first. You have go to get the built up resentment out first, before moving on. Any therapist would tell you that. And by the way men are not wired to communicate like we are. Like I said I am not piecing together anything, just looking for why's and I see nothing wrong with that. so leokitten since you are so wise....do I call this person and formally end to clear my head or just let it go and ignore. And yes we did talk about marriage...and I was not worrying about my Dad, but I have a life here and it was an isssue between us. Did you ever think maybe he realizes the distance thing is too tough and is avoiding hurting me cause he doesn't know what to say? I avoided a breakup once because I didn't know the right words to say...Oh maybe I should have been like you and just been rude. Oh that's right, it's my cappy that's rude...of course not you with your bully behaviour. And I was not clingy and I do have my own life.
And in spite of what you say men disappear/withdraw at times....google it. It happens all the time...I am not making excuses, just thinking it thru.
You know it is possible you are wrong, you were mistaken about my daughter cause you didn't even read the post correctly.
Oh I know, I know he didn't call for weeks. I get it. I have no self respect...bullb*tter It as simple as this...I was giving it time and now the time is up.
There is a book, "Dating without drama"...(God forbid we should read a book for perspective) The woman's dating question was, "My guy was very attentive for a while...now all of sudden he has withdrawn and is NOT CALLING me w/o any explaination...what is going on? (she did not mention a length of time) The dating experts answer was as follows... When men feel something is too strong and they don't know how to deal with it or they need space to sort it out they will do this. Just give him the space he needs, until he sorts it out and he will with space and time. It may be weeks or a few months...I guarantee he will come around after he sorts it out. I think that is excellent advice and don't we as women sometimes need space to sort things out?
Read ladies read...it's amazing how you can get a different spin on your negative attitudes. And "How to catch him and keep him" is good too. The author talks about how men appreciate your ability to think outside the typical female psycho reaction and think like them. Just as we want them to see our side sometimes.
Havent't you ever seen the guy in the bar telling the bartender, "My wife doesn't understand me" They want to be understood. Not b**tched at. Get real ladies.
You should learn how to read. I said she ended the relationship with him. She is not maintaining it. I never thought we were going to marry, all I wanted to know was why would someone say those kind of things? To have s*x? We were already doing that. I need answers and that has nothing to do with self esteem. If you mean people would read books pertaining to the male/female relationship maybe you wouldn't come across like know it alls who really don't know anything. And yes all signs do show common traits. The man did call regularly while we were maintaining a normal relationship. Except when he went thru some depression after the career letdown. What is happening is new. No I am not justifying poor behaviour, I think people act in certain ways for reasons...yes it's wrong but there are always reasons behind it...don't be so quick to judge without knowing all the details. You know nothing about what went on between us. It may be that it's over and I am just going thru a breakup and looking for the reasons why.. THINK BEFORE YOU POST
Ariesbabe I have never emailed him and texted alot. I read dating books and took their advice. But here is a question I have about that...how do you ever get to the point when it's ok to do that? You can't play cat and mouse forever, my son's gf calls him alot and he seems to like it. And referring to your arguements we have never argued so I could never put that into practice...what do you think about men are from mars women are from venus when a man goes into a cave to sort things out...how do I know he is not doing that? You see he told me he has fear of my breaking up with him again like I did before. I am going to do the 5 minute on the phone with him thing, if he calls. Just to play it cool. I have never had this before with him, just that one other time. I never called him too much, it's not my style . I don't think he will call though. I was never too available, so I don't get why he would think I was always there. If you are seeing someone if you are not available how do you work out your problems...you have to work at it. If I am cool to him he'll pick up on that and never call again and I would lose him, and he may just be sorting us out, or in his cave. I know, he will come back if you are firm. I am way too nice.