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SalamanderCandy

SalamanderCandy
joined January 23, 2015
Leo ✗❥ Aquarius Rising
https://discord.gg/55Gt8vb Astrology Online Microphone & Chat.
  • SalamanderCandy
    Leo ✗❥ Aquarius Rising
    Posted by Chang
    Try being super open about everything


    Thank you for reading this x3
    and nahh...I tried to be open before. He just shouts a bunch of names to my face.

    I just pretend to be someone else when I'm around him.
  • SalamanderCandy
    Leo ✗❥ Aquarius Rising
    Recently, my dad has set the router to disconnect at night. He just unplugs it out of
    pure spite if he hears me Skyping. (I'm using Mobile Hot-spot right now)
    I had tried to believe so many times that his controlling behavior was just to
    "look out" for me.
    But for years now, he has been helicopter-"parenting" me and he yells that it's
    always for my "own good".
    He's called me so many names....
    he's called me a cookiemonster, a leech (even though he told me *not* to get a job in the past and now he's mad that I did what he said), he's looked through all of my boxes
    when I wasn't looking, he's looked through my things and re-arranged my room when I wasn't looking, he put spyware on my computer when I was 17, ....the list.goes.on.
    "He's ruining my life" is a very cliche "teen quote". That quote also feels like a treetrunking understatement.
    But, it's so crippling to feel that your parents are a major setback.
    I hate it.
    I know they mean well but...

    When my dad dropped me off to college, he just looked at me when I got out of the car and said "Oh man, I wish I was you.. I wanna take classes"

    Then, I decided to go into a modeling audition. I thought it'd be fun. Just something for myself, not too serious. The manager loved me and said he wanted me back.
    I was hesitant to go because I knew I had to get my dad to drive me there. And he always acts 'over-involved'. He either critizises everything, or comments on everything I do.
    After that audition, he was so happy and said "HEY I LOOKED UP ALL OF THE POSES FOR MODELS AND RUNWAYS SO I CAN TEACH YOU HOW TO WALK." (like, who tf asked you?)
    It was supposed to involve me only.
    It felt...like...."what's the point in doing this anymore. I feel so much hatred, I can't even enjoy this anymore. Just because he got involved."

    I cried for so long after that.

    So from then, I just chose to do what I liked in secret. If I like something, I keep it a secret. I put on a poker-face when he's around since he doesn't like me
    expressing something negative. If I roll my eyes or frown, he takes it as an offense and threatens to kick me out (I wish I was exaggerating).

    I wear headphones almost all the time, because he can't critizise what he can't hear. So if I wear headphones, at least he won't ruin music for me.

    Then, my mom said that the pianist in the church saw that I had interest in piano, and told my mom to ask me if I wanted to learn for free.
    I've always had a knack for (and loved) music and art, so I said yes.
    My dad had to drive me there and he saw the pianist's studio and everything. The pianist was focused on me, and my dad was focused on how I talked to the pianist
    (he likes to contro- I mean, "comment" on how I talk to people as well).

    *When my dad was driving me back home, he told me the story of how, "When I was 6 years old, my dad wanted to win a big organ in a raffle but he didn't win. So he
    bought me a a toy one instead. I wanted to learn so badly but couldn't. All these years I wanted to learn piano but couldn't."....he is 53 now. I'm pretty sure if he really
    wanted to learn *that* seriously all of those years, he would have bought at least a keyboard piano instead of a big-screen TV, spyware (not sure if he bought that
    or not), and other things. He just suddenly remembered his huge interest in piano when *I* went to take classes for it.

    So when he knocked on my door to ask, "Hey...I have a question. I decided to do something for myself for once. And practice the piano. Because when I'm 70 and go blind,
    I want to play the piano in churches and get payed. So I was wondering if you found the adapter for the piano so I can borrow it meanwhile I'm not at work."
    (The keyboard piano needs the adapter in order to work). I was mildly in shock but then annoyed. Then majorly disturbed. I didn't know what to think. And I still don't know


    "I think it's time that I look out for myself for once." I feel so digsusting and selfish for thinking that.
    I know it's a good thing to think about myself for once, but it's been so ingrained in my mind that it's supposed to be a bad thing.

    But hearing him ruin something I love, feels like
    It feels like the piano isn't even something that's mine anymore. Or if I played any piano. I just feel guilty when I press the keys. I hate it.

    I feel like I want to treetrunking cut myself or hurt myself really badly. Or do something violent (of course I won't , jail isn't worth going into for a lilc!!kiemonster)
    Because my main two outlets (music and the internet) have been taken away from me.


    I love modeling, playing the piano, drawing, singing,

    but....
    on the modeling..whenever I think about it. I get flashbacks and an impulse that feels like rage. (I don't express it, of course. I've gotten used to not expressing anything..only in my writing)
    I desperately don't want the same thing to happen with the piano just by hearing him practice. He mentally tortured me and now he wants to learn what I have been
    practicing ?

    Answers for possible questions:
    "Can't you move with your mom?"- I'd rather not move in with someone who used to hit me.
    "Can't you move out?" - That is easier said than done. Like no butter I'm planning to, lmao.
    I just want to find ways on how to cope a little better in this hurricane.
    I just want to know that I'm not crazy for
    not wanting to lend my dad the piano.
    Or selfish, or bad..I've already been guilt-tripped almost all my life for petty butter. But this feels more than personal. I don't want the piano ruined for me just by hearing him play (I hate him that much).
    This is someone I hate, messing with something I love.
    He suddenly wants to do the thing that he cookiemonstered at me for, and asked to borrow my piano after recently setting the router to disconnect at night.
    (And no, he won't bargain. If I ask if he can bring the wifi back in exchange, he'll have a fit.)

    Should I feel guilty for playing the piano in secret and pretending I haven't found the adapter, for my own personal sanity?
  • SalamanderCandy
    Leo ✗❥ Aquarius Rising
    @sultrykitty oh my god you're like...my astrology *moon apposite* twin x3
    My moon is in Cancer
    Aqua Rising
    sun Leo ^^
  • SalamanderCandy
    Leo ✗❥ Aquarius Rising
    Hm...

    How easily did he fall for you?

    Did he flirt with you as easily as he is flirting with this new person? And if so, it could have been anyone in the world as long as they were pretty and flirted with him.

    I've dealt with the same kinds of people. They make it seem as if they will literally die without you.
    But then they make it seem as if they will literally die for anyone who gives them attention..



    It is painful to watch once you get attached to them.
    Especially when you weren't attached to them
    at first. You just wanted to be a genuine friend at first.
    It's like..they don't even care about the other's feelings. They only care about who can baby them for attention. /:
    idk him personally,
    but...
    He sounds a lot like the type I've dealt with.

    Clingy at first,
    then detach as soon as they find something else to cling to.
    Too blinded by their own self-pity to realize the harm they cause.
  • SalamanderCandy
    Leo ✗❥ Aquarius Rising
    @fishydude that was so cute
  • SalamanderCandy
    Leo ✗❥ Aquarius Rising
    Posted by edgelord
    Posted by EvatheDiva
    Posted by roleplay
    You can record it at http://www.vocaroo.com

    I know this thread has been done already 😬


    No way! You will THINK I am a 10 year old....I get this allot when I answer my cell, "Uh, can I talk to your mother?" Angry

    Hug cyber hugs!

    Love,

    Eva
    I sound like underage girl as well. Last time I posted people didn't take me seriously afterwards. It's a pass from me.

    click to expand

    I like my voice, but the struggle of some idiots taking you less seriously because of a high-pitched voice is real,
    User Submitted Image
  • SalamanderCandy
    Leo ✗❥ Aquarius Rising
    Oh god Scorpio moons do even attract the attention they don't want

    xD
    Hahah that friend group looks so fun
  • SalamanderCandy
    Leo ✗❥ Aquarius Rising
    BRANGELINA Crying
  • SalamanderCandy
    Leo ✗❥ Aquarius Rising
    I'd say knowing each other's passwords is a STAGE. (Even then, I don't see it as a necessity).

    I'd understand sharing my password with someone I've been dating for at least around a year,
    whereas,

    I wouldn't give my password to someone I've been dating for like, a week.
  • SalamanderCandy
    Leo ✗❥ Aquarius Rising
    My percetion of @queenaries_ is..

    She knows her b*tter xD I am really liking that "ESTJ" result from the same personality test I'm familiar with.
    And she is also very creative, just based on this thread.

    My first impression is..that she likes to not only think of an idea, but also try it out a few times. Even if it doesn't work the first time, you can bet your money in that she'll try again, or that she'll think of another plan to try the same idea.


    PS: I don't know if queenaries will still be the comment above mine, but it is while I'm typing this.
  • SalamanderCandy
    Leo ✗❥ Aquarius Rising
    No '-' They're just quiet freaks
  • SalamanderCandy
    Leo ✗❥ Aquarius Rising
    Nah, that's just how society tries to condition all of us, regardless of zodiac sign.
  • SalamanderCandy
    Leo ✗❥ Aquarius Rising
    Winking
  • SalamanderCandy
    Leo ✗❥ Aquarius Rising
    Go for it and then you tell us Tongue
  • SalamanderCandy
    Leo ✗❥ Aquarius Rising
    Sociopaths that find it "fun" to cheat on an honest person. Then cry and act like a victim when they're abandoned.
    It's pathetic
  • SalamanderCandy
    Leo ✗❥ Aquarius Rising
    Posted by Cancervirgo15degrees
    Posted by SalamanderCandy
    Posted by Cancervirgo15degrees
    Posted by tiziani
    The idea has definitely been a turn on but i never had lived out that one.


    Finally! Someone who wants to be honest.

    Ok so of the opportunity presented itself would you?
    I mean for example some hot girl or whatever at work lets say and it just happened. The kind of feeling where you are going batbutter cray and must rip clothes off.


    Not everyone who isn't immoral, is dishonest.

    Temptations do exist, but why even find it "fun" to entertain the idea of cheating on someone? Or helping someone cheat?
    wtf.


    Immoral is purely subjective.
    click to expand


    Whether to feel guilt or not over murder,
    is also subjective.
  • SalamanderCandy
    Leo ✗❥ Aquarius Rising
    Posted by Cancervirgo15degrees
    Posted by tiziani
    The idea has definitely been a turn on but i never had lived out that one.


    Finally! Someone who wants to be honest.

    Ok so of the opportunity presented itself would you?
    I mean for example some hot girl or whatever at work lets say and it just happened. The kind of feeling where you are going batbutter cray and must rip clothes off.
    click to expand


    Not everyone who isn't immoral, is dishonest.

    Temptations do exist, but why even find it "fun" to entertain the idea of cheating on someone? Or helping someone cheat?
    wtf.
  • SalamanderCandy
    Leo ✗❥ Aquarius Rising
    Proposing then ignoring.....? Sounds emotionally cruel.