I'm middle age and always drawn in a domineering man, before i dont mind but now i want to escape, to be free.
Maybe to find the one or just give it all up.
Struggling inside but cant tell anyone.
Posted by Gemi13
I've posted about this Pisces previously. Her and I have been going back and forth for a year (official 1 year of meeting will be 10th May). Anyway, neither of us have been ready to commit and we've wanted to remain single but we've basically been in an "open" relationship without the title.
We've both been super honest about our feelings and we've both expressed we loved each other. We've been each other's everything for close to a year ans we've had about 5 times where we've ended whatever we have and then a week or 2 later we come back to each other and it re starts like there was no space at all.
We decided to have a 1 week trial relationship to see how we felt (her idea). I ended it 2 days before it was supposed to end because it seemed pointless. We had a discussion about this and she agreed however said she would have liked to take it all the way till the end of the trial. Anyway we both agreed neither of us were ready for serious commitment. She said she didn't want to continue going back and forth with me. We had space for like 1 day then it all went back to the same.
About 3 wks after that I simply had enough. She's talking to others and going on dates and I was the same but it just seemed pointless hurting each other or being jealous over it so I decided to cut ties and if we ended up together later on then good.
Anyway 2 days before I ended it I went out and met a scorp that night and we kissed and danced and there was a video of that on my snapchat which Pisces saw and it upset her. We had lunch and talked about it. Everything was ok after. Then that evening I switched my fone off for 24 hours. During those 24 hours she emailed me at work, called my direct work line, called my work, googled my 2 bosses mobile numbers and called them, left 2 voicemails on my work fone, asked my best friend wtf happened to me and then came to my actual work.
I took her outside and she was like wtf?! Where and why did you dissapear it's unlike you I was so worried! I said to her I just needed time to figure things out and that I didn't feel there was any point to us. Her eyes got watery and I just repeated "there's just no point". I hugged her and I went back to work.
That afternoon she emailed me at work saying how hard it was to type and she was choking but not to be angry at how our relationship unfolded. She ended it with "I love you with all that I am, all that I was and all that I know how to be".
I didn't reply. About an hour later I got home and switched my phone on. I went onto whatsapp and blocked her and blocked her number and blocked her off snapchat too. She tried calling me 10 times (even though it was blocked I still get notifications of calls). I didn't call her back. She called my best friend that midnight saying she loved me so much and was so hurt and didn't know what was wrong with me and that I wasn't ready for a relo. My best friend assured her I was. And she told my best friend she was just scared to lay it all out and commit and then get hurt.
Anyway 3 days later on Monday she called again on her # and then twice on an unknown #. She then called next morning on an unknown #. I didn't answer any of these and have not communicated with her since the Friday she came to my work.
On the wknd she put up a post on snapchat (on which her and my best friends still follow each other). She post was direct at me and it was her giving an evil grin with written lyrics to our song which is 'only you' by 112 and she wrote "even when I'm gone my love will still haunt you". That really got to my head. After she saw my friend had seen that post, she deleted the post.
Today is Monday and I can't get her out of my head and have this burning urge to contact her. I unblocked her # and off whatsapp so she'll be able to see that I've unblocked her off whatsapp.
What do I do? Should I move on or contact her? Even though I don't feel ready, I love this girl. Id do anything for her and I will make myself be ready for commitment with her. I'm scared to lose her. It will be 2wks on Friday that we've had no contact.
Have I lost her?
Posted by Fallen2Pisces
i either smoke weed, talk to friends who play video games with me and share life exp etc..oh and excersize go out and walk somewhere like a beach helps alot...MUSIC...LIL PEEP might drown ya and so will bjork, but some 2pac might inspire and motivate? lol just talk to people and dont get hurt by their response..i learned