Posted by brianiabee
Posted by pinkbird03
Posted by brianiabee
I’ve been in contact with a Cancer man for the past few months. We live about 2 hours away from each other so we usually communicate over text. Each time we text, I’m always the one initiating the conversation. He responds promptly, but would stop texting back after a couple of texts. He’s apologized multiple times for being a bad texter though and said that it’s not his preferred method of communication, which I agree because I feel the same way, but it’s difficult because we live 2-3 hours away from each other. When I messaged him once, he asked if I was in town because he was hoping he could finally asked me out, but I told him that I had moved to a different city.

After initiating contact multiple times, I gave up and decided to not contact him at all because I don’t want to feel like I’m chasing after him and I can’t tell if he’s interested or not. A couple of weeks after no contact, he texts me and complimented me on a drawing of mines that I posted on my Instagram. I told him “thanks” and left it at that because I did not expect him to respond back to my text. However, he texted me 4 hours later and asked how I’m doing and we even kept the conversation going for about a week. Once again, he apologized for texting me back late and explained why he responded late, but he also said that he’s trying. We got to know a little more about each other but we didn’t get into anything deep (like past relationships or very personal things). I told him that I would be in town and he seemed really interested and suggested that we hang out and to keep him updated on if I come or not. I was finally able to see him and we only hung out for an hour because he had to work. I was very nervous because I’m that way when I reallllllllly like someone. I kept smiling the entire time because he was too good to be true. We had got food and I didn’t really like my empanada, so he offered to finish it for me. He literally ate it after I had already took a bite out of it. I’m not sure if he does that to everyone or not, but I found it strange, yet cute lol he was very animated and charismatic. He kept me laughing the entire time and we talked about school and video games. Turns out we both play Xbox so he asked me for my gamer tag and I gave it to him so we can add each other. I then asked him about his texting habits and he told me that they’re probably not gonna change because texting isn’t really his thing and he prefers to talk in person. I asked his birthday, it’s July 20th and he asked mines. He’s introverted as well, but he comes off like he’s an extrovert (at least that was the case when we were together). He asked when’s the next time I’ll be in town but I told him I wasn’t sure. He mentioned that he should come to Dallas (where I live) some time and I agreed. He told me he’d see me later and we hugged each other.

I text him the next day saying I enjoyed seeing him and that he was very funny and charismatic. He messaged me back a day later and told me he enjoyed hanging out with me as well and wished me a happy thanksgiving. I guess my biggest issue is that I can’t figure out if he likes me or not because the “date” (if that’s what you want to call it) seemed very platonic and we didn’t get into deep conversation about family or past relationships or just discussing the direction of our friendship. I prefer to be straightforward, but I’m a bit afraid of rejection and I also don’t want to scare him off by being too direct or appearing to be very clingy. How do you know when a Cancer guy is interested? It comes off like he’s interested in some way, but I’m not completely sure if it’s romantically. I’m also unsure if I should attempt to call him or not since he doesn’t like to text. By the way, I’m a Taurus woman

He likes you. Those topics you didn’t talk about are silly and not a deciding factor on how much a cancer likes you. Me personally- I don’t enjoy talking about exes and i only talk about my family if I feel comfortable with you. There are a lot of signs that show he’s into you. Be confident.


You’re right. I guess because I like him so much (and the fact that he appears too good to be true), I’m over thinking everything and I’m not as confident as I should be 🙄 but I’ll definitely take your word for it!
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oh girl, i completely feel you. i had him on my mind all the time. i told my cancer man that he's the ultimate package and all women would want to climb on that (which is true lol) and i feel like there's no way he will like me. but after not giving him the usual attention i always do, he texted me yesterday asking when is he seeing me again (i actually laughed out loud). maybe this just applies to guys in general bc we don't seem too available to them anymore, i don't know. but hang in there, it will slowly pay off. make him come to you. better yet, don't go see him again until he asks when are you guys seeing each other again - i know it's tough.
Posted by teerytotsx
Posted by brianiabee
I’ve been in contact with a Cancer man for the past few months. We live about 2 hours away from each other so we usually communicate over text. Each time we text, I’m always the one initiating the conversation. He responds promptly, but would stop texting back after a couple of texts. He’s apologized multiple times for being a bad texter though and said that it’s not his preferred method of communication, which I agree because I feel the same way, but it’s difficult because we live 2-3 hours away from each other. When I messaged him once, he asked if I was in town because he was hoping he could finally asked me out, but I told him that I had moved to a different city.

After initiating contact multiple times, I gave up and decided to not contact him at all because I don’t want to feel like I’m chasing after him and I can’t tell if he’s interested or not. A couple of weeks after no contact, he texts me and complimented me on a drawing of mines that I posted on my Instagram. I told him “thanks” and left it at that because I did not expect him to respond back to my text. However, he texted me 4 hours later and asked how I’m doing and we even kept the conversation going for about a week. Once again, he apologized for texting me back late and explained why he responded late, but he also said that he’s trying. We got to know a little more about each other but we didn’t get into anything deep (like past relationships or very personal things). I told him that I would be in town and he seemed really interested and suggested that we hang out and to keep him updated on if I come or not. I was finally able to see him and we only hung out for an hour because he had to work. I was very nervous because I’m that way when I reallllllllly like someone. I kept smiling the entire time because he was too good to be true. We had got food and I didn’t really like my empanada, so he offered to finish it for me. He literally ate it after I had already took a bite out of it. I’m not sure if he does that to everyone or not, but I found it strange, yet cute lol he was very animated and charismatic. He kept me laughing the entire time and we talked about school and video games. Turns out we both play Xbox so he asked me for my gamer tag and I gave it to him so we can add each other. I then asked him about his texting habits and he told me that they’re probably not gonna change because texting isn’t really his thing and he prefers to talk in person. I asked his birthday, it’s July 20th and he asked mines. He’s introverted as well, but he comes off like he’s an extrovert (at least that was the case when we were together). He asked when’s the next time I’ll be in town but I told him I wasn’t sure. He mentioned that he should come to Dallas (where I live) some time and I agreed. He told me he’d see me later and we hugged each other.

I text him the next day saying I enjoyed seeing him and that he was very funny and charismatic. He messaged me back a day later and told me he enjoyed hanging out with me as well and wished me a happy thanksgiving. I guess my biggest issue is that I can’t figure out if he likes me or not because the “date” (if that’s what you want to call it) seemed very platonic and we didn’t get into deep conversation about family or past relationships or just discussing the direction of our friendship. I prefer to be straightforward, but I’m a bit afraid of rejection and I also don’t want to scare him off by being too direct or appearing to be very clingy. How do you know when a Cancer guy is interested? It comes off like he’s interested in some way, but I’m not completely sure if it’s romantically. I’m also unsure if I should attempt to call him or not since he doesn’t like to text. By the way, I’m a Taurus woman


creepily, your situation is very much similar to mine's. me and my cancer man both lived 2 hours ish apart from each other too and till date i've known him for over 3 months now. i've also always been the one initiating convos and he would reply almost instantly. we're not official either. except my situation is a tad more complicated considering quite a lot has happened in between lol.

i was so confused as well and had to put up a post in here. and i never did that. long story short, i was told he's basically a f***boy and etc by all the ladies who are with a cancer man or have been hurt by a cancer man, so i decided to put a closure on things between me and him and wanted to take him off this IM app we communicated on bc it was starting to weigh on me. and then i started to realize he was calling for my attention bc we use an app called wechat out here and you can put up posts like IG. the frequency of his posts increased since he went home for a bit and i wasn't giving him the attention i used to, where i would text him every 3 days or so asking how he's doing and till now it's been over a week since i reached out. i purposefully stopped liking his posts as well. and all the posts he put up are about his personal life, and he didn't post them on IG or twitter, where his family, friends back home are all on it especially he doesn't know that many people in this foreign country we both live in so posting all of that on this wechat app was odd. he even started to shadow the things i do where he never once puts up a single boomerang vid in any social media, but i did one and then he did one too the next day lol. so yesterday, he posted a 10 sec selfie video of him with this song in the background (which he had introduced me to when we were chilling in my home some time ago and he said "this is for you") and he ended the video with the most amazing smile. the lyrics of that song in the background was a dead giveaway. intuitively, i knew that was for me.

what i'm trying to say is, i can understand that charisma your cancer man has and why you'll be confused the way he behaved. i'm a virgo woman myself so i always thought im overanalyzing things. now i know im not crazy lol. i don't know about him liking you bc it seems a tad early as you've only met once but the vibes are definitely there girl. but my advice is, keep doing what you do, i know it's difficult but try your best to not think into it too much. have TOOOONS of patience bc from what i observe about my cancer man and what people say about them, they seem to clam up very quickly if they feel you come in too strong or you confess your feelings too soon. especially after the first date. the cancer man i dealt with isn't a fan of being on the phone but he's fine with texting, so maybe you can drop a text and ask if he's cool to speak over the phone for a few minutes. do also be prepared with him clamming up every now and then bc he's always overwhelmed by emotions which he may be handling something with his family or work or whatsoever that might have absolutely nothing to do with you. and when that happens, don't get upset and try to make him jealous or even post photos of you and another guy even if that guy's your best friend or whatsoever (i learnt this the hard way and i wasn't even intentionally trying to make mine's jealous). bc you guys aren't official yet, he may think you're also going on dates with other guys.
click to expand


oh and another thing, just bc cancer men don't say how they feel doesn't mean they don't at all. observe his actions, you can tell.
Posted by brianiabee
I’ve been in contact with a Cancer man for the past few months. We live about 2 hours away from each other so we usually communicate over text. Each time we text, I’m always the one initiating the conversation. He responds promptly, but would stop texting back after a couple of texts. He’s apologized multiple times for being a bad texter though and said that it’s not his preferred method of communication, which I agree because I feel the same way, but it’s difficult because we live 2-3 hours away from each other. When I messaged him once, he asked if I was in town because he was hoping he could finally asked me out, but I told him that I had moved to a different city.

After initiating contact multiple times, I gave up and decided to not contact him at all because I don’t want to feel like I’m chasing after him and I can’t tell if he’s interested or not. A couple of weeks after no contact, he texts me and complimented me on a drawing of mines that I posted on my Instagram. I told him “thanks” and left it at that because I did not expect him to respond back to my text. However, he texted me 4 hours later and asked how I’m doing and we even kept the conversation going for about a week. Once again, he apologized for texting me back late and explained why he responded late, but he also said that he’s trying. We got to know a little more about each other but we didn’t get into anything deep (like past relationships or very personal things). I told him that I would be in town and he seemed really interested and suggested that we hang out and to keep him updated on if I come or not. I was finally able to see him and we only hung out for an hour because he had to work. I was very nervous because I’m that way when I reallllllllly like someone. I kept smiling the entire time because he was too good to be true. We had got food and I didn’t really like my empanada, so he offered to finish it for me. He literally ate it after I had already took a bite out of it. I’m not sure if he does that to everyone or not, but I found it strange, yet cute lol he was very animated and charismatic. He kept me laughing the entire time and we talked about school and video games. Turns out we both play Xbox so he asked me for my gamer tag and I gave it to him so we can add each other. I then asked him about his texting habits and he told me that they’re probably not gonna change because texting isn’t really his thing and he prefers to talk in person. I asked his birthday, it’s July 20th and he asked mines. He’s introverted as well, but he comes off like he’s an extrovert (at least that was the case when we were together). He asked when’s the next time I’ll be in town but I told him I wasn’t sure. He mentioned that he should come to Dallas (where I live) some time and I agreed. He told me he’d see me later and we hugged each other.

I text him the next day saying I enjoyed seeing him and that he was very funny and charismatic. He messaged me back a day later and told me he enjoyed hanging out with me as well and wished me a happy thanksgiving. I guess my biggest issue is that I can’t figure out if he likes me or not because the “date” (if that’s what you want to call it) seemed very platonic and we didn’t get into deep conversation about family or past relationships or just discussing the direction of our friendship. I prefer to be straightforward, but I’m a bit afraid of rejection and I also don’t want to scare him off by being too direct or appearing to be very clingy. How do you know when a Cancer guy is interested? It comes off like he’s interested in some way, but I’m not completely sure if it’s romantically. I’m also unsure if I should attempt to call him or not since he doesn’t like to text. By the way, I’m a Taurus woman


creepily, your situation is very much similar to mine's. me and my cancer man both lived 2 hours ish apart from each other too and till date i've known him for over 3 months now. i've also always been the one initiating convos and he would reply almost instantly. we're not official either. except my situation is a tad more complicated considering quite a lot has happened in between lol.

i was so confused as well and had to put up a post in here. and i never did that. long story short, i was told he's basically a f***boy and etc by all the ladies who are with a cancer man or have been hurt by a cancer man, so i decided to put a closure on things between me and him and wanted to take him off this IM app we communicated on bc it was starting to weigh on me. and then i started to realize he was calling for my attention bc we use an app called wechat out here and you can put up posts like IG. the frequency of his posts increased since he went home for a bit and i wasn't giving him the attention i used to, where i would text him every 3 days or so asking how he's doing and till now it's been over a week since i reached out. i purposefully stopped liking his posts as well. and all the posts he put up are about his personal life, and he didn't post them on IG or twitter, where his family, friends back home are all on it especially he doesn't know that many people in this foreign country we both live in so posting all of that on this wechat app was odd. he even started to shadow the things i do where he never once puts up a single boomerang vid in any social media, but i did one and then he did one too the next day lol. so yesterday, he posted a 10 sec selfie video of him with this song in the background (which he had introduced me to when we were chilling in my home some time ago and he said "this is for you") and he ended the video with the most amazing smile. the lyrics of that song in the background was a dead giveaway. intuitively, i knew that was for me.

what i'm trying to say is, i can understand that charisma your cancer man has and why you'll be confused the way he behaved. i'm a virgo woman myself so i always thought im overanalyzing things. now i know im not crazy lol. i don't know about him liking you bc it seems a tad early as you've only met once but the vibes are definitely there girl. but my advice is, keep doing what you do, i know it's difficult but try your best to not think into it too much. have TOOOONS of patience bc from what i observe about my cancer man and what people say about them, they seem to clam up very quickly if they feel you come in too strong or you confess your feelings too soon. especially after the first date. the cancer man i dealt with isn't a fan of being on the phone but he's fine with texting, so maybe you can drop a text and ask if he's cool to speak over the phone for a few minutes. do also be prepared with him clamming up every now and then bc he's always overwhelmed by emotions which he may be handling something with his family or work or whatsoever that might have absolutely nothing to do with you. and when that happens, don't get upset and try to make him jealous or even post photos of you and another guy even if that guy's your best friend or whatsoever (i learnt this the hard way and i wasn't even intentionally trying to make mine's jealous). bc you guys aren't official yet, he may think you're also going on dates with other guys.
Posted by nikkistar
Posted by teerytotsx
Hope you can help me to have a closure on this.


I am not privy to your conversation, but I feel like you are reading into the text conversation and analyzing what he said in a way about him being upset with you going to the game with another guy, simply because you go into detail about what was said about almost everything else. I also think your being a little crazy obsessive with watching the game you attended back, and trying to find anything that would be about you.

Cancers aren't complete markers, so they will respond on their own time. But with this, he is obviously telling you where you are in his life. I don't know how you can see any positive in the way he is treating you, and you should value yourself more than what he is willing to give you. He doesn't really care, and he is telling you that. He isn't playing right now, and has a break, yet didn't even let reach out to you to see you. He told you he wasn't in his feelings, and responded in an annoyed manner when you "jokingly" said something. If there were any feelings involved at some point, you probably annoyed him with the over analyzing enough that you shot yourself in the foot. You aren't a priority. Which I have stated before. It has been obvious that you want more than an FWB from the start, and this guy won't give you that.

I also think your friends are playing up your neurotic analyzing as well, and feeding you what you want to hear and see. A word to the wise, there are some Cancer men that are smooth as silk. They have tested and rehearsed how they act with women to get the optimal affect they want. They have perfected the art of how to make a woman feel special with words, slight touches and all that jazz. It's practiced, and precise. They can do this, and walk away easily. How do I know? My own Cancer bf of 2 years, told me he use to do this, and he worked 95% of the time. Make the women feel special and unique, and its like picking candy from a baby.

Move on, don't look back. Get a man that treats you as a priority, and not as an option. Value yourself more. Demand more for yourself, then just scraps.
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Took him off finally. He responded “of course we will see each other when I come back” to my last text about me hoping to see him before I deleted him. I’m moving on.

Actually I didn’t get to make myself clear, just wanted to keep it short - I myself didn’t watch the rerun, his manager is a friend of mines and he was away during the game. He watched it and texted me asking why wasn’t he concentrating during the game, why did he keep looking at a certain direction and how was he doing when I was there. He didn’t know anything between us. So I used that and joked with this cancer guy.

Anyways I’m appreciative of your response. I wanted to hear from an outsider. There won’t be him anymore.
Posted by nikkistar
Posted by teerytotsx
Posted by nikkistar
Posted by teerytotsx
Posted by nikkistar
Posted by teerytotsx
Although I have to say one thing that baffled me till now though - when he was telling me he was coming to my city, I told him I’ll be doing something that night and asked him to join me. He declined initially bc he did tell me before that he only hangs with certain people like not everyone can be in his life, so he told me to hit him up after I’m done, or he will see me the next day for brunch before he returns.

He never says things or make plans with me like that.

Is this how fwb supposed to be? I thought it was purely just sex lol.


This right here says "I am not going to give you spouse like treatment".

He doesn't want to date, he doesn't want to make you a priority. He wants sex.

So yes, this is how fwb works.



Nikkistar, im back and i need help again. This has gotten WAAAAY more confusing.

So, i went to his city over the weekend, he's a pro athlete as mentioned and he had a game on saturday. I texted him a few days before that i'll be there with a friend, and he was happy, and sent a hugging emoji.

I got in, didn't hit him up, didn't ask to stay the night with him, basically showed up at his game with a male friend. My friend didn't tell me what it was, but basically just made one comment during the game, "when we see him, i'll tell him i'm your coworker. not going to ruin your game for you". so i asked why the need to clarify, and he just smirked.

after his game, i texted him congrats on the win (though he did really badly which was shocking to me and he also seem a little out of it during the game), and if he's up to link. he didn't reply at all, which is extremely unlike him. so i didn't want to be pushy, went to grab food with my friend instead while waiting for him.

still didn't hear from him the next day so i texted him good morning and if he's doing ok. he replied about an hour plus later and said he is and good morning. so i replied "oh ok, i wanted to see you for a bit" and he just didn't say anything. so i texted again and asked if he'll be coming to my city soon, and he said no, not that he know of. so i said "oh so i have to come out here more if i want to see you? lol" and he said yeah the season is kind of crazy. and that was it.

i understand fwb means no feelings involved, but seems to me he's in his feelings now? i'm actually getting quite tired of this whole affair - i don't know what are we, i don't know how to react, yet i don't like to walk away from something which i was already left hanging. i always have an inclination that he expects something out of me constantly, yet don't want to say anything. i know the best way is to ask him direct, but i've expressed my feelings some time ago, pretty much asked where is this going, and he didn't say anything hence i took it that he wants us to be fwb.


I don't know why you think he would be in his feelings with you, based off this story.

He had a bad game, and was in his feels about that. Again, you weren't a priority, and he didn't even respond to you while you were there. He likely went to his inner circle for that.

I don't know what more you want me to say about this. He is treating you, just like you say you are okay with, as a treetrunk buddy. He owes you no response, owes you no communication, owes you nothing, but his dick when he wants to get laid. He is treating you like an option, which is what you are.

That sounds cold af, and I am sorry if I come off brass with this, but I don't want you to get your hopes up for something more, cause by the looks of it, you will never be a priority.


it's ok. i felt like you're the only one that would understand cancer men and their behavior better than anyone else so i don't care if you come off brass

i began to felt like i'm just an option that's why i think maybe we are fwb, but he always throws me off guard with little subtle messages. i stopped overthinking things, accepted like you said f*** buddy even though we never spoke about it, and move past to meet other people, but he always seem to somehow reel me in with that subtlety. for example, just the week before he tried to initiate a conversation again by using the worst excuse on earth, and then went on to ask how am i doing. caught me completely off guard. or even share some stuff with me. so i don't know what to make of.

why can't he just come off and say what's on his damn mind. if im an option, then don't bother to check in on me or share anything with me. it's confusing af. i'm not getting my hopes high, i just want to know what is this.


There are many scenarios here at play. One he is a professional athlete, which means he probably gets hounded by girls a lot. Two, I mean there is a chance that he is just busy with the season, and doesn't have time for chit chat.

But honestly, it just sounds like I said it was. It is better for your heart and mind, to just leave it at fwb and not get your emotions so invested, so that you can't get hurt in the long run. I just don't want you to be like the many "Cancer left me" thread makers, without warning you.
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Nikkistar, so finally I had a talk with this cancer man. It was a brief one but he was indeed upset that I went to his game with a guy, and did not reach out to him on his game day and spend the night with him.

Basically I saw a post of his on social media and decided to drop a hi. He was being extremely cold in his reply. I decided to ask why is he reacting this way and if he’s ok or I had offended him or I may have upset him unknowingly (Fwb or not, Im someone who hates animosity) He said “no lol”. So I asked if I could go see him over the weekend and he said he won’t be back till the 15th (which I had an inclination he will be away cos it’s a break in the season).

So I told him I watched the rerun of the game that I was at, and there were a few camera shots of him looking my way with a smirk emoji. He denied about it and I said ok, then looks like I was giving myself way too much credit (sarcastically). Then he said, “you always do lol” and I’m like “well then looks like I need to stop being thirsty.” He got upset, and said if I was I wouldn’t have showed up at his game with a guy, didn’t hit him up before and didn’t stay with him that night, continuing to say who knows where I was at after. So I replied, “so you were in your feelings.” And he just said “I told you I wasn’t”. I ended the convo and said in any case, I hope to see him when he comes back. He didn’t reply, which was unlike him.

What are these really indicating? I’ve decided to take him off my contacts and block him soon, but just want to know I’m doing it for the right reason. I know I do like him and there are moments of us I think back that there were something between us, and you’re right that females can’t stay being fwb especially for me which I’ve never done it. Friends who have met him have said it was obvious he wasn’t about being a f*** buddy with me and that he definitely has something for me. But this is all getting a little too much for me especially I’m someone who analyzes so much.

Hope you can help me to have a closure on this.
Posted by nikkistar
Posted by teerytotsx
Posted by nikkistar
Posted by teerytotsx
Although I have to say one thing that baffled me till now though - when he was telling me he was coming to my city, I told him I’ll be doing something that night and asked him to join me. He declined initially bc he did tell me before that he only hangs with certain people like not everyone can be in his life, so he told me to hit him up after I’m done, or he will see me the next day for brunch before he returns.

He never says things or make plans with me like that.

Is this how fwb supposed to be? I thought it was purely just sex lol.


This right here says "I am not going to give you spouse like treatment".

He doesn't want to date, he doesn't want to make you a priority. He wants sex.

So yes, this is how fwb works.



Nikkistar, im back and i need help again. This has gotten WAAAAY more confusing.

So, i went to his city over the weekend, he's a pro athlete as mentioned and he had a game on saturday. I texted him a few days before that i'll be there with a friend, and he was happy, and sent a hugging emoji.

I got in, didn't hit him up, didn't ask to stay the night with him, basically showed up at his game with a male friend. My friend didn't tell me what it was, but basically just made one comment during the game, "when we see him, i'll tell him i'm your coworker. not going to ruin your game for you". so i asked why the need to clarify, and he just smirked.

after his game, i texted him congrats on the win (though he did really badly which was shocking to me and he also seem a little out of it during the game), and if he's up to link. he didn't reply at all, which is extremely unlike him. so i didn't want to be pushy, went to grab food with my friend instead while waiting for him.

still didn't hear from him the next day so i texted him good morning and if he's doing ok. he replied about an hour plus later and said he is and good morning. so i replied "oh ok, i wanted to see you for a bit" and he just didn't say anything. so i texted again and asked if he'll be coming to my city soon, and he said no, not that he know of. so i said "oh so i have to come out here more if i want to see you? lol" and he said yeah the season is kind of crazy. and that was it.

i understand fwb means no feelings involved, but seems to me he's in his feelings now? i'm actually getting quite tired of this whole affair - i don't know what are we, i don't know how to react, yet i don't like to walk away from something which i was already left hanging. i always have an inclination that he expects something out of me constantly, yet don't want to say anything. i know the best way is to ask him direct, but i've expressed my feelings some time ago, pretty much asked where is this going, and he didn't say anything hence i took it that he wants us to be fwb.


I don't know why you think he would be in his feelings with you, based off this story.

He had a bad game, and was in his feels about that. Again, you weren't a priority, and he didn't even respond to you while you were there. He likely went to his inner circle for that.

I don't know what more you want me to say about this. He is treating you, just like you say you are okay with, as a treetrunk buddy. He owes you no response, owes you no communication, owes you nothing, but his dick when he wants to get laid. He is treating you like an option, which is what you are.

That sounds cold af, and I am sorry if I come off brass with this, but I don't want you to get your hopes up for something more, cause by the looks of it, you will never be a priority.
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it's ok. i felt like you're the only one that would understand cancer men and their behavior better than anyone else so i don't care if you come off brass

i began to felt like i'm just an option that's why i think maybe we are fwb, but he always throws me off guard with little subtle messages. i stopped overthinking things, accepted like you said f*** buddy even though we never spoke about it, and move past to meet other people, but he always seem to somehow reel me in with that subtlety. for example, just the week before he tried to initiate a conversation again by using the worst excuse on earth, and then went on to ask how am i doing. caught me completely off guard. or even share some stuff with me. so i don't know what to make of.

why can't he just come off and say what's on his damn mind. if im an option, then don't bother to check in on me or share anything with me. it's confusing af. i'm not getting my hopes high, i just want to know what is this.
Posted by nikkistar
Posted by teerytotsx
Although I have to say one thing that baffled me till now though - when he was telling me he was coming to my city, I told him I’ll be doing something that night and asked him to join me. He declined initially bc he did tell me before that he only hangs with certain people like not everyone can be in his life, so he told me to hit him up after I’m done, or he will see me the next day for brunch before he returns.

He never says things or make plans with me like that.

Is this how fwb supposed to be? I thought it was purely just sex lol.


This right here says "I am not going to give you spouse like treatment".

He doesn't want to date, he doesn't want to make you a priority. He wants sex.

So yes, this is how fwb works.
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Nikkistar, im back and i need help again. This has gotten WAAAAY more confusing.

So, i went to his city over the weekend, he's a pro athlete as mentioned and he had a game on saturday. I texted him a few days before that i'll be there with a friend, and he was happy, and sent a hugging emoji.

I got in, didn't hit him up, didn't ask to stay the night with him, basically showed up at his game with a male friend. My friend didn't tell me what it was, but basically just made one comment during the game, "when we see him, i'll tell him i'm your coworker. not going to ruin your game for you". so i asked why the need to clarify, and he just smirked.

after his game, i texted him congrats on the win (though he did really badly which was shocking to me and he also seem a little out of it during the game), and if he's up to link. he didn't reply at all, which is extremely unlike him. so i didn't want to be pushy, went to grab food with my friend instead while waiting for him.

still didn't hear from him the next day so i texted him good morning and if he's doing ok. he replied about an hour plus later and said he is and good morning. so i replied "oh ok, i wanted to see you for a bit" and he just didn't say anything. so i texted again and asked if he'll be coming to my city soon, and he said no, not that he know of. so i said "oh so i have to come out here more if i want to see you? lol" and he said yeah the season is kind of crazy. and that was it.

i understand fwb means no feelings involved, but seems to me he's in his feelings now? i'm actually getting quite tired of this whole affair - i don't know what are we, i don't know how to react, yet i don't like to walk away from something which i was already left hanging. i always have an inclination that he expects something out of me constantly, yet don't want to say anything. i know the best way is to ask him direct, but i've expressed my feelings some time ago, pretty much asked where is this going, and he didn't say anything hence i took it that he wants us to be fwb.
Posted by nikkistar
Posted by teerytotsx
Posted by nikkistar
LOL I am sorry, I am totally going to come off as a cookiemonster.

But both you @teerytotsx and @elgantine set your worth from the start.

To the OP, you slept with him, and continue to sleep with him, hoping you will gain more than what he gives you. You will likely NEVER actually date him.

You see, there are the girls that Cancer men date, and get bonded to. And then there are the girls that they know just want to say, because they know "if I do A, then B will occur". As much as Cancer men don't want to admit this, they can't deny they will do this. When single, and not bonded to one girl, they can go to a bar, tell the girl EXACTLY what they want to hear, cause they have already tested their theories, and tests what works with the girls that are easy to get into bed with those words. It works almost 100% of the time for them, and they won't remember your name the next day. Or even if they do remember your name, they only see you for what you are to them, a warm hole.

Because the Cancer man wants a traditional valued woman, and one that is his bestfriend as well to be settled with. A girl that is easy to give up the goods without dating at least, will probably go that fast with other men. And it's hypocritical, but they don't want that in a partner.

I don't get why you women have sex with a dude, and think that that will magically make the man want to wife you, before even getting in a first or second date. JFC


Nikkistar always gives great advice but, we didn’t sleep with each other until much later bc I was too guarded and he was frustrated that I couldn’t tell he was interested in me. Yet after I expressed my feelings, idk if this is the way to take things slow or we are just fwb.

I’m not expecting him to wife me either. When I first put this thread out, I was confused at his signals and legit would like to take things to another level. But now, I’m just seeing us as fwb just so I’ll make myself feel better and not get hurt if anything happens.

And idk when and how to initiate anymore. Don’t even know what are the rules for fwb lol. He will use his day off to come see me, I feel like I should do that in return to go see him too? Just keep the balance? Idk. Feels like my situation gets more confusing lol.


If you're fine with a friends with benefit situation, then why even care about whom initiates what? A fwb situation is not based on emotions or even caring about these small things. The way I see it is, whether you want to admit it or not, you do internally want it to be more, otherwise you wouldn't be concerned with what you are concerned with.

Here's the thing, you basically gave services before a contract was signed, regardless of 2 to 4 to 12 dates.

I wish I could say that, regardless of how you deny it, that you will have the end results you deny wanting.

Most women aren't usually capable of having a fwb situation, because most want to be the exception to the rule and think they will be the one that will break out of the mold.

Now if you're truly content being an fwb, then worryjng about stuff that is spouse related as you are, is the first thing you need to stop analyzing. All you gotta be concerned with is are both individuals free at the same time to have a mutually gratifying sexual encounter. That's it.
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Right, and I’ve never done this before, let alone short term dating.

So at this point either I’ll stop analyzing anything and keep up with it with no emotions attached, or just move on to someone else.

Thanks Nikkistar, that was the kick in the butt I needed.
Although I have to say one thing that baffled me till now though - when he was telling me he was coming to my city, I told him I’ll be doing something that night and asked him to join me. He declined initially bc he did tell me before that he only hangs with certain people like not everyone can be in his life, so he told me to hit him up after I’m done, or he will see me the next day for brunch before he returns.

He never says things or make plans with me like that.

Is this how fwb supposed to be? I thought it was purely just sex lol.
Posted by nikkistar
LOL I am sorry, I am totally going to come off as a cookiemonster.

But both you @teerytotsx and @elgantine set your worth from the start.

To the OP, you slept with him, and continue to sleep with him, hoping you will gain more than what he gives you. You will likely NEVER actually date him.

You see, there are the girls that Cancer men date, and get bonded to. And then there are the girls that they know just want to say, because they know "if I do A, then B will occur". As much as Cancer men don't want to admit this, they can't deny they will do this. When single, and not bonded to one girl, they can go to a bar, tell the girl EXACTLY what they want to hear, cause they have already tested their theories, and tests what works with the girls that are easy to get into bed with those words. It works almost 100% of the time for them, and they won't remember your name the next day. Or even if they do remember your name, they only see you for what you are to them, a warm hole.

Because the Cancer man wants a traditional valued woman, and one that is his bestfriend as well to be settled with. A girl that is easy to give up the goods without dating at least, will probably go that fast with other men. And it's hypocritical, but they don't want that in a partner.

I don't get why you women have sex with a dude, and think that that will magically make the man want to wife you, before even getting in a first or second date. JFC


Nikkistar always gives great advice but, we didn’t sleep with each other until much later bc I was too guarded and he was frustrated that I couldn’t tell he was interested in me. Yet after I expressed my feelings, idk if this is the way to take things slow or we are just fwb.

I’m not expecting him to wife me either. When I first put this thread out, I was confused at his signals and legit would like to take things to another level. But now, I’m just seeing us as fwb just so I’ll make myself feel better and not get hurt if anything happens.

And idk when and how to initiate anymore. Don’t even know what are the rules for fwb lol. He will use his day off to come see me, I feel like I should do that in return to go see him too? Just keep the balance? Idk. Feels like my situation gets more confusing lol.
Posted by eglantine
I dont see why you should be in contact with him, if he doesnt even initiate and you are single. We can both do much better. Let him be stuck in his existing relationship... is his choice.


I guess it’s just loneliness. We both are foreigners living in a foreign country away from home even though we live in neighboring cities, so whatever commitment he has back home he’s away from it. I don’t. I’m single. Though we met on tinder, I can see we both have standards on who we meet considering the nature of our jobs.
Posted by eglantine
I think you explained well what he might have meant with this sentence. Maybe it will take time and grow into something more from this FWB if you have enough patience to deal with him not communicating etc...

I had something similar with a cancer. I think cancer men are not made for FWB and I suspect that yours has something going on with another woman behind your back (maybe with his child's mother).

I met mine on a trip, we live in neighbouring countries. He poured his heart out the first night we had drinks (saying that he lives in a horrible sexless marriage for the sake of his child, but recently they opened the marriage and she has a lover and they get on much better). So he was also free to explore...
He came on strong, even stalked me a bit, and sent nice messages when we left (nothing happened on the trip other than walks).

We got closer by messages and he apparently told his wife about me and she even liked me (she is apparently polyamorous haha, so its all a big mess, I should have seen it as a warning sign). In short, I travelled to see him and we were together some days. We were very drawn to each other and got along great, plus very strong chemistry (never had it with anyone to that degree, so it was also a factor).

I was already sad when we parted ways, but he continued messaging me, then ofc it got harder to communicate with him, he seemed to avoid chats, didnt initiate much. Still he talked about what we would do when we meet and that we had to meet (said sweet things and made plans).

I understand that he is a very sensitive man (he had performance anxiety) and has difficulties finding a suitable (sex) partner where he lives (he never told me that but he hinted he lived years without sex and felt very hurt; seemed kind of demisexual). So I think a cancer man needs a stable a traditional relationship to feel (sexually) secure. I think he felt secure with me.

Basically it all fell apart, although we had plans to meet and he spoke very recently about meeting. The problem is ofc that he has a family already. He didnt reply to my last message and I honestly cant do this any more.

Is not a real relationship, but sucks me in. Just to illustrate how they are...
But yes, I still very drawn to him and he also told me he thinks a lot about me (but doesnt communicate).



I’m so sorry to hear that. Hope youre feeling better these days, and able to find the time and strength to move on.

I’ve never dated a cancer man, I met one before and he likes me a lot but I just didn’t get the spark with him.

Funny bit is, I have an inclination that he’s still with the mother of his child. I never asked if they broke up or whatsoever, I was just judging from social media. Bc his family like his sister would used to converse with the mother on instagram a lot, and just about last year it completely stopped. Little things like these.

And he posted photos of him and his daughter recently, from she was younger till much older, and I looked at the older photos, judging by the physical appearance of the daughter, it was recent and they were taken at the mother’s home. They were having breakfast and stuff. My analytical side just pays off at this point. I don’t think he has someone in the city he’s living in bc he takes every opportunity to come see me during his day off, and when I go see him I would stay with him and get his time easy.

I’m not expecting this fwb to turn into something serious just looking at how things go, I know we have a thing for each other, the sexual tension and chemistry is always there, but I don’t want to be sleeping with another married man or a committed man. I was so heartbroken in my last relationship, was with a Libra, didn’t even know he’s married. This cancer guy came inside me every time we have sex, never had talks about whether I’m on pills or whatsoever. It’s like he just trusts me.

So, I’m kind of baffled if I should continue be in contact with him.
So I have a question for everyone - I pretty much know where I’m at with this cancer man, we’re basically friends with benefits at this point.

I slept with this cancer man again just the day before and this time it was just straight to sex. There wasn’t much kissing this time, he was still taking awhile to initiate sex and still a little nervous too which I don’t know why. He came fast, again, lol, but this time he said “this is why we don’t get enough of each other”, and then told me to give him awhile and go for round two. Said it twice too. It didn’t happen ofc, it was late night and we got to be up early the next morning.

I just want to know, those words “this is why we don’t get enough of each other”, what was this - that we are not sleeping together enough bc we see each other only once a week, or sometimes once every two weeks, or it’s basically that I’m the only sex partner at this point? I mean, I’m not about him sleeping with someone else and with me. I’m whatever with him talking to other chicks bc we are not official or dating each other exclusively at the end of the day. It’s just a strange excuse for coming too soon lol.
Posted by TauRisser
Posted by CanerJason
Cancer man here - I have been talking to a Virgo at work. Just to share my frustrations with her - I feel like she is often unintentionally cold, by over intellectualizing things. Cancers are often moody, and my Virgo doesn't seem to have any patience if my mood doesn't fit what she expects. If I feel isolated, then I am in trouble for not acknowledging her attention. Yeah, we are defensive, we like sex, but as far as a relationship goes, we want to see that the other person makes attempts to understand us, and well, for me, make me feel "safe" in the relationship. It is hard to make changes. =P


Dealing with a hot and cold cancer man myself! We met about a month ago and he is very confusing. Very affectionate when we're together (especially when drinking), opened up to me in a big way! Even told me he was so happy I came over because he's been a wreck and confessed he tried to make me not like him for a few days (after he already made me like him of course, so I just ended up confused). Lots of hugs and handholding and cuddles when I visited last week. Then back to me having to initiate texting ALL THE TIME! I didn't text him all day today and plan to do the same tomorrow because he's giving me such mixed signals I don't know what to think. If he doesn't text at all tomorrow, I'm likely going to talk to him about it the next morning. Basically, "so what exactly are we doing here? Are you interested in seeing where this goes or not? Because I can't be the only one putting in effort."

What do you make of this?? Please help me!
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Lol sounds like the situation I’m in. But after I expressed my emotions, he obviously didn’t reply and we didn’t talk about it after but this cancer man did change his ways of communicating. I still have to initiate till now but something did change a little. Not better and not worse. I asked the question too where do we go from here after knowing each other for a month - no luck lol.

I agree with what everyone says - need TONS of patience, do not put in too much expectations, wean off cancer men a bit and you’ll see some sort of result.
Posted by taupixie
It might be in your favour in terms of time and space because you meet regularly in contrast to my case where intimacy and development are hindered by long distance.


Right, cos I was also catching mixed signals. I really thought he was just a f***boy initially considering we met on tinder so I was extremely guarded and after our first small argument, we cleared the air when I realized he’s a tad interested in me otherwise he wouldn’t only see me when he’s here and say all those things, and so I decided maybe I’ll start making the moves since everyone’s also saying you have to initiate convos or anything with cancer men.

And I get it that me expressing my emotions have made him extremely uncomfortable so he’s now coming forth again after I apologized and I decided to let this simmer. Lol why can’t two people just be straightforward with one another if they like each other? I don’t have this problem with any other guys despite their signs. I did also asked him in my outburst of emotions text if I should forget about our hookup and just treat us as friends so I won’t embarrass myself in the future - why won’t he say anything about this? Wasn’t like I’m putting him in an awkward situation.

We actually don’t get to meet regularly - only 24 hrs over the weekend lol. He gets in like Saturday night, we meet and we meet again on Sunday morning and he leaves by Sunday afternoon.

I’m glad to see you’re happy with your cancer man now after all that! And I guess you’re right, it really depends on my patience. But I don’t think I’ll invest that kind of time and feelings for him, I’m afraid of being hurt again - just going to let the nature take its course and I’ll treat us as friends who just likes each other and enjoy each other’s companionship and nothing more than that.
Posted by taupixie
I wouldn’t be able to help you to assess his agenda & motive unless you have more information, that is to say, how serious he is about you. What I can say is that, you will really need a lot of patience to deal with Cancer and being able to put yourself out there to prove yourself to him. Cancer will not be ruffled by your frustrations and will insist to follow his own pace, this is their cardinal quality. If you want this to work, you will have to be consistent with him for him to recognise that you have a safe pattern and if he is interested, he will eventually resonates to that. Cancer takes in feedback and responses and reacts accordingly, maybe not in the obvious showy way but if he is serious, he will show it and will expect you to be sensitive enough to identify that. But if you remain inconsistent, he will feel insecure and discouraged and there will not be much progress for both of you. Other placements of his charts will give a clearer picture of his behaviours.


I tried to stay consistent which I used to reach out to him every two days or so and we will exchange no more than 3 sentences, but that seemed to push him off? And I was told that’s a bad idea? I eventually revealed my emotions he doesn’t say anything but when I apologize for my outburst, he communicates a little better, I mean I’m not counting on it to go somewhere but it was definitely a little more delightful. And if I just don’t hit him up at all, that will be unlike of me and that will make him insecure? So which is which? Lol omg.

Tbh I have no clue about chart placements and what not. I can only tell you birthdates? I’m aug 29, he’s jul 8
Posted by Arielle83
Posted by teerytotsx
Posted by Arielle83
But you're both passive aggressive. That's why this whole situation is annoying.

Please don't fall for a guy after he comes quick.

It isn't endearing

You need more than that.


That makes sense. I don’t think I fell for him, just catching some feelings and wanted to set the record straight.

Sounds like it’s even way worse now lol. If I don’t react to his small advances, he pulls away. If I do, I feel like I’m scaring him away. So what do I do!? Lol. This is so tiring.


Be honest. Do you actually like him?
Or do u like the push and pull?
Some ppl like the game to see if they can win the person.

He feels rejected. He wants u to meet his advances as well. He wants the passion but he's scared to approach in case he makes it awkward.

If you come at him too fast, he will retreat because you've changed suddenly. It needs a balance.

But are u sure you actually like him?

It just seems like a headtreetrunk to me.

How he acts kinda turned me off.

"I'll find someone else". Bs. I'd be like ok run along then. But that's just me.
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Yes I do. I like him, but not to the point like I fell for him. And, I really want to know what’s with the advances.

That’s what I first teased him about - “oh you mean you haven’t found someone else”? Lol. Feels like a kid throwing a tantrum
Also, why won’t he just meet someone else from tinder whenever he comes to my city? I’m sure he’s talking to some other chicks too but why only want to see me? This is the biggest point that baffles me till now.

And to bring it back a little - while we were talking about meeting up when he gets in (though as I mentioned the plan is canceled cos of last min work), he actually for once indirectly asked me out. He was like, “you can hit me after you’re done hanging out with your friends. Or we can grab lunch or something next day”. He NEVER says that. This is all after I expressed emotions, and apologized for my outburst.

*slams forehead
Posted by Arielle83
But you're both passive aggressive. That's why this whole situation is annoying.

Please don't fall for a guy after he comes quick.

It isn't endearing

You need more than that.


That makes sense. I don’t think I fell for him, just catching some feelings and wanted to set the record straight.

Sounds like it’s even way worse now lol. If I don’t react to his small advances, he pulls away. If I do, I feel like I’m scaring him away. So what do I do!? Lol. This is so tiring.
Actually to give a better insight, he has a daughter and still sees his daughter at his bm’s home. The odd thing is, neither of them will ever put up photos of each other. Even in the past. It’s either he and the child, or her with the child. But the photos of him and his child was obviously taken by her. And, only she never shows her child’s face, it’s like she’s not allowed to. Seems like they could’ve gone somewhere in life together but ended up had a clean break last year.

Idk what happened between to the both of them but I’m starting to think if he was so clammed up bc of this. I never ask about it either.