tiziani - dxpnet

Posted by nanorobot
Posted by tiziani
Posted by nanorobot
Posted by BoomShakalakaBoom
Posted by nanorobot
My last relationship was with a man who was an alcoholic. Didn’t realize it, or I guess chose to be willfully ignorant to it, if I was being honest with myself. I just told myself “oh his family does this, his friends do this, it’s a cultural thing.” No. I started to realize that everything we ever did had to be centered around alcohol, I would be forced to stay out til 6-7am in other countries. By the end of each night, it was normal for him to have consumed probably 20-30+ beers.

There was lots of flirting with other women when he was drunk, fist fights with his best friend who was also drunk, and overall doing stupid butter in general that I have no tolerance for.

One of the biggest shifts in my feelings for him was one night, after we went to a music festival (we had literally been drinking all day from about 1pm and it was now 1am). I had a horrible headache and I just needed to lay down and go to sleep. He did not care, wouldn’t give me keys so I could go home. I had to sit in a bar with him and his buddy while I had this skull splitting headache, so that they could drink even more. That was probably the moment when I realized that this was going to be a huge problem for me, and it was something I couldn’t ignore anymore.

I don’t have an addictive personality type. I have always had really good boundaries and knew when it was time to stop because I listened to my body. And when I have been hungover, it makes me feel like garbage for 2-3 days. It’s just not worth it and there is not really a reason to be getting black out drunk on a regular basis. Call me a control freak, but I hate feeling a loss or control over myself in my environment. When I feel that slipping, I know it’s time to stop and start drinking some water or soda.

Belgians do have a reputation for abusing beer, I mean they do have the best beers in the world lol

That last thing you mentioned..that’s exactly how I am these days. In the rare occasion I drink one or two good beers, I start feeling euphoric which is my cue to start drinking water and lemonade!

I’ve been really torn and upset about this for a long time. Like, can most of an entire country be alcoholic? Lmao I am pretty sure the answer is YES. Seriously. Alcohol as a culture. That’s what happens when kids start to drink at 14 or 15. Its taken me a long time to accept that I don’t fit. I can’t keep up and I don’t want to. I just get tired of the constantly needing to drink. And I do like to drink, but not like them. I would have to be hospitalized for alcohol poisoning if I drank even a fifth of the amount.

In the US, I would say that those that drink basically kind of go crazy (if they do) from 18-25, but then we grow up for the most part. Most people don’t need to get drunk several days a week anymore. If you see someone passed out in the street by a bar, it’s probably some college kid that overdid it. In Belgium, there are 40-50-60 year old people passed out outside bars regularly in the bushes. I get the beer is good and has a very high alcohol content (vs ours).

You said you went to RW? Did you see how many people get carried away on the stretcher? At noon, 1, 2pm. Most middle aged to geriatric people. It’s just insane to me lol. Too big of a culture difference that you don’t realize the full extent of, until you really get there and experience it yourself repeatedly.

I also notice that a lot of Belgians get scary when they drink. I’ve seen a lot of fighting, throwing and breaking glass, women crying. Go out and by midnight, this is standard. People steal each other’s bikes and throw them into the river. Saw people throw chairs through bar window. Smash beer glass over someone else’s head. Knocking over portapotties. Men in each other’s faces yelling and women sobbing to their girlfriends. Just messy af

Something else that disturbs me. The constant need of men to be just pulling out their dicks indiscriminately and pissing everywhere when drunk. Against the buildings, onto the glass windows, on trees, and even in the ATM rooms that are open at night. I saw dicks for days. I never knew an entire street (outside) to be capable of smelling of piss until I went to Europe lmao. You gotta watch where you step and put your hands! Nothing is safe.

If you're intent on moving to England, it's going to be there too.

I don't know how it is in Belgium. All I can say is Britain is the land of functioning alcoholics.

All of this applies to England? I talked to a few people on the train and they basically told me it was the case. One guy worked in finance or something, I think he was relatively high up in position. He said that he was forced to go “network” and having meetings every night with clients, at pubs, drinking until they close. He was falling everywhere and talking about how much he hated his life but was stuck. He would get fired if he didn’t do this. He didn’t like drinking that much, or so he said. I thought it was really depressing.

I’m not stuck on moving to England, I really liked London a whole lot though, but I think it’s definitely too expensive. Even for an engineer probably. I was surprised by how much I enjoyed it though. I think I overhyped the American moving to Europe thing. It’s terrifying. Or maybe I’m just saying that as I grow closer to what that goal was, ultimately lol. I have to rethink everything now. It’s always the most depressing, horrendous part of a breakup for me. Saying goodbye to the life you create in your mind. That’s a very difficult pill for me to swallow
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The part about drunken fighting in the streets, emotional drunks, and people pissing in the streets is your average weeknight in Leicester Square lol

I'm also guilty of it once, now I think about it. I was barely into my twenties then, it was on my graduation/certificate day. Nothing since. It's one of the reasons I barely felt like I fit into English culture.

You won't find yourself being forced to stay up till 6-7 the next day though. That's more like Spain, by the sounds of it. The UK loves to go to bed earlier than the rest of Europe. The drinking hours are more like 2pm (for the full blown alcoholics) onwards.

From 5pm and after work hours, it's extremely normal for co-workers to come out of work and hit the drinks together until around 7pm and go home.

Either way, I'm not trying to discourage you. Especially after what you've just written.

I know what you mean about idolising the move. I did it in a way where I was guilty of foisting responsibility/my own fears of actually seeing through the move myself onto "the perfect relationship". Not so much the perfect country, because I already knew about all the downsides to Italian life and I still love the country anyway.

Now I can say it was more rewarding for me to be persistent and follow it through, no matter what. It was even rewarding for my relationships.

On the plus side, British culture puts a lot of value on stoicism like you've said you do. I honestly think Britain's blind spot is lacking the emotional smarts to recognise the difference between stoicism and just outright PTSD.

That may even be the ideal challenge for you, to be one of those people who voice the difference for them. Because, without that, they just make up the difference with alcohol (and wry humour too, but that's always a plus in my book).