Life is a journey!

Posted by beautifulsoul74
Posted by TyliaB
Posted by Virgorean
I’ve read through the entire thread…This has red flags written all over it.

-Request to change your number
-Message guys immediately after entering into a relationship informing them
-Unrestricted access to your phone at any time.
-You rid of all your male friends except the ones your female friends are married to


This is exactly the route my previous relationship took a turn for the worse-It begins with controlling manipulative behavior masked as security. He wants to feel secure and in turn he will provide the same security by abiding by your requests creating an illusion that you’re on equal ground. Sweetheart, you are confusing security with isolation. Eventually, a female friend of yours will do something that he doesn’t agree with or maybe even a family member. And he will request that you no longer speak to them because he felt this person has disrespected him. You will start to see a pattern as each freedom of yours is gradually eliminated and when the pattern reveals itself, by then it may be too late. Don’t let it reach this point.

Tell me, how often do you allow him to go through your phone? Does he randomly pick up your phone? You mentioned you have no passcode on your phone-Has this always been the case or did he request you remove it to make him feel more secure? Make a list of each ‘small’ request he has asked of you from the moment you met him until now. You already have 4 from above.

He doesn't really go thru it that I know of. Hell read a message to me if it comes across my screen and I ask who it is. Randomly picks it up, yes to use it. Not just to look at who I've been texting or calling. No passcodes, that's always been the case. He didn't ask me to message the guy back, I simply did that on my own because he did the same when the females reached out to him.

If you don’t change your number, is it going to come down to an ultimatum that he will break up with you? Assuming you have this discussion.

Since then we've spoken about it and he explained how all this steemed from issues in his last relationship.




I know this is your man but I'm going to be blunt ...he needs to put on his big boy draws and man up and get past the "trust" issues. If he knew he had them, then he should've stayed by himself until he got past them. What he is doing is making you cash a check that his exes wrote...this has nothing to do with love or building a relationship. It has everything to do with punishment and whether you realize it or not, he is inflicting damage on you. The more you stay, the more you become like him. He doesn't even have the decency to cut off other women but has the audacity to demand you do it as if he's your superior...and for what? It's not like your getting Superman in return. It's not your job to heal his wounds or to ensure his emotional security...it's his to do on his own. You're not property. You're a grown woman and it's time he starts acting like a grown mature man instead of a coward who acts like he's owed something. Good luck

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Thank I and he admitted it was issues from his past and since this we have talked about it and he agreed to try to work on this issues without making me feel as if I'm doing something wrong or I need to apologize for things/ his issues that have nothing to do with me.
Posted by poison_ivy
Posted by TyliaB
Posted by poison_ivy
Posted by TyliaB
Posted by poison_ivy
Posted by Teena
Posted by TyliaB
Posted by Teena
I keep changing numbers often anyway..So I probably just would change it if that'd make him happy


I've had this same cell number for 12 or more years


The longest I've owned a number was for 2 years maybe. I keep changing it as soon as I feel too many people know it. So I'd change the number myself when I get into a relationship to start with. Too much noise.


Im the same way... I change my number often.. specially if I'm in a new relationship and the past interest, ex boyfriend's and ex boos keep reaching out.. easy fix..


It's not that easy for me to change my number.ive had it for years. It's my contact number for everything. The only number I've ever had.


I understand that.. I don't think I've had the same number longer than 2-3 years...
I've just found it easier to move on that way so that no feelings get hurt and I can move on with my man without someone from the past resurfacing and it becoming an issue with my boyfriend.. Most ppl get the picture when they call and the number is no longer mine and they haven't gotten the new one..


I understand that and if I hadn't had this number for as long as I have, I probably would've changed it with no problem. Hopefully no one from either of our pasts pop back up again.


You should be okay if you 2 have an understanding.. That people will come up.. you'll run into ppl from past. As long as you respect each other and remain faithful I don't see anything wrong.. I think he should be a bit more understanding to your wishes of you wanting to keep your number... Maybe just block the ppl that come up from the past. Most smart phones give you the option to block numbers manually.. I use it quite often also..
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Lol... yea I don't mind blocking ppl. But we've talked about it and now I think he understands and he will try to be okay with it he says. He just wants to make sure theirs no outside interference with our relationship.
Posted by poison_ivy
Posted by TyliaB
Posted by poison_ivy
Posted by Teena
Posted by TyliaB
Posted by Teena
I keep changing numbers often anyway..So I probably just would change it if that'd make him happy


I've had this same cell number for 12 or more years


The longest I've owned a number was for 2 years maybe. I keep changing it as soon as I feel too many people know it. So I'd change the number myself when I get into a relationship to start with. Too much noise.


Im the same way... I change my number often.. specially if I'm in a new relationship and the past interest, ex boyfriend's and ex boos keep reaching out.. easy fix..


It's not that easy for me to change my number.ive had it for years. It's my contact number for everything. The only number I've ever had.


I understand that.. I don't think I've had the same number longer than 2-3 years...
I've just found it easier to move on that way so that no feelings get hurt and I can move on with my man without someone from the past resurfacing and it becoming an issue with my boyfriend.. Most ppl get the picture when they call and the number is no longer mine and they haven't gotten the new one..
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I understand that and if I hadn't had this number for as long as I have, I probably would've changed it with no problem. Hopefully no one from either of our pasts pop back up again.
Posted by Virgorean
I’ve read through the entire thread…This has red flags written all over it.

-Request to change your number
-Message guys immediately after entering into a relationship informing them
-Unrestricted access to your phone at any time.
-You rid of all your male friends except the ones your female friends are married to


This is exactly the route my previous relationship took a turn for the worse-It begins with controlling manipulative behavior masked as security. He wants to feel secure and in turn he will provide the same security by abiding by your requests creating an illusion that you’re on equal ground. Sweetheart, you are confusing security with isolation. Eventually, a female friend of yours will do something that he doesn’t agree with or maybe even a family member. And he will request that you no longer speak to them because he felt this person has disrespected him. You will start to see a pattern as each freedom of yours is gradually eliminated and when the pattern reveals itself, by then it may be too late. Don’t let it reach this point.

Tell me, how often do you allow him to go through your phone? Does he randomly pick up your phone? You mentioned you have no passcode on your phone-Has this always been the case or did he request you remove it to make him feel more secure? Make a list of each ‘small’ request he has asked of you from the moment you met him until now. You already have 4 from above.

He doesn't really go thru it that I know of. Hell read a message to me if it comes across my screen and I ask who it is. Randomly picks it up, yes to use it. Not just to look at who I've been texting or calling. No passcodes, that's always been the case. He didn't ask me to message the guy back, I simply did that on my own because he did the same when the females reached out to him.

If you don’t change your number, is it going to come down to an ultimatum that he will break up with you? Assuming you have this discussion.

Since then we've spoken about it and he explained how all this steemed from issues in his last relationship.


Posted by poison_ivy
Posted by Teena
Posted by TyliaB
Posted by Teena
I keep changing numbers often anyway..So I probably just would change it if that'd make him happy


I've had this same cell number for 12 or more years


The longest I've owned a number was for 2 years maybe. I keep changing it as soon as I feel too many people know it. So I'd change the number myself when I get into a relationship to start with. Too much noise.


Im the same way... I change my number often.. specially if I'm in a new relationship and the past interest, ex boyfriend's and ex boos keep reaching out.. easy fix..
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It's not that easy for me to change my number.ive had it for years. It's my contact number for everything. The only number I've ever had.
Posted by ScorpioTruth
Does he have a Scorpio moon? Lol in my early 20s i dated a cap with Scorpio moon and when we got serious he made me call another guy that was pursuing me and tell him that he couldn't call me anymore. Lol i did it... my Scorpio ass is weird like that, i kinda like a man thats slightly possessive as long as he's not overboard with it.


Lol... I'm a Scorpio too and I don't mind a SLIGHTLY possessive man because I am possessive myself BUT... I don't think this is him being slightly possessive. I would've felt better and actually agreed if he would've asked me to call the guy up and personally let him know I'm in a relationship with him standing right next to me. But changing the only number I've ever had? Umm... I have to think long and hard about that one.
Posted by CAPR1LICIOUS
Posted by TyliaB
Posted by CAPR1LICIOUS
Posted by TyliaB
Posted by CAPR1LICIOUS
Tylia, if I were to read your post in isolation, I would say he's being controlling. But isn't this the same guy you broke up with because you thought he was cheating on you?

No. I didn't "breakup" with him because I thought he was cheating, I stopped having sexual with him because my feelings were in ok ed and our friendship didn't have any direction. When that post happened, we were FWB.

Since he gave up his freedom to meet your demands, maybe he feels the need for you to make a few sacrifices as well? To prove your commitment?

We both gave up our freedom. I cut every guy I was communicating with loose before we even became a couple because I wanted to give him my full focus and attention to see where things would lead. Which is why the guys number was no longer in my phone and why it had been months since I had spoken to him.

I think the guy has been very accommodating so far. If you truly desire to be with him, why create an issue over everything he says or does?

I'm not creating an issue over everything he says or does. This is just an extreme request for me. If I was the type to cycle they numbers then it wouldn't be a problem but this is a number I've had for over 12 years. As far as my previous posts, he didn't have any fire under his tale to move our relationship along so I had to do something for my sake. I could no longer just sleep with him and not know where the relationship was going, or if it was even going anywhere.

Like I posted in another comment, shortly after we made it official between us he also had females still texting his phone. He handled them the same way I handles this guy. Why is it good enough for u but when I do the exact same thing, it isn't enough?




Well, it seems like you guys are incompatible. My fear is that these issues will carry on as long as you guys are together. I just think it's a bad sign.

Relationships are supposed to bring you happiness, joy and satisfaction. I see no point in being with someone if we're locking heads all the time.

Anyway, it's good that you are clear about how you want to be treated.


Those were my exact words to him last night. I don't want to be with someone if we will always have issues arise. Specially when they are so simple. He says he was hurt so badly in his last relationship that he's trying to do everything he can to not let it happen again. I told him that I'm not ur last relationship so don't make me pay for her mistakes because I've done everything I can to be as open and transparent as possible. He offered us to go to counseling at church so we can work thru the issues together and of course I agreed. Is having dead this severe normal for a cap? Do they hold on to pain that long? The relationship that hurt him so bad ended like 9-10 years ago!


That's a long time ago. Everyone is different though. It is possible that something in your relationship's dynamic is bringing back those insecurities.

Counseling sessions are a good idea. They should help bring those issues forth.

Caps are notorious for holding on to the past. Men more so than women.
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Idk what. Oils be bringing those issues back up for him but I'm willing to go to counseling to help figure them out. In the beginning everything was great. I knew it wouldn't be like that forever but I didn't see this many issues coming up so soon.
Posted by CAPR1LICIOUS
Posted by TyliaB
Posted by CAPR1LICIOUS
Tylia, if I were to read your post in isolation, I would say he's being controlling. But isn't this the same guy you broke up with because you thought he was cheating on you?

No. I didn't "breakup" with him because I thought he was cheating, I stopped having sexual with him because my feelings were in ok ed and our friendship didn't have any direction. When that post happened, we were FWB.

Since he gave up his freedom to meet your demands, maybe he feels the need for you to make a few sacrifices as well? To prove your commitment?

We both gave up our freedom. I cut every guy I was communicating with loose before we even became a couple because I wanted to give him my full focus and attention to see where things would lead. Which is why the guys number was no longer in my phone and why it had been months since I had spoken to him.

I think the guy has been very accommodating so far. If you truly desire to be with him, why create an issue over everything he says or does?

I'm not creating an issue over everything he says or does. This is just an extreme request for me. If I was the type to cycle they numbers then it wouldn't be a problem but this is a number I've had for over 12 years. As far as my previous posts, he didn't have any fire under his tale to move our relationship along so I had to do something for my sake. I could no longer just sleep with him and not know where the relationship was going, or if it was even going anywhere.

Like I posted in another comment, shortly after we made it official between us he also had females still texting his phone. He handled them the same way I handles this guy. Why is it good enough for u but when I do the exact same thing, it isn't enough?




Well, it seems like you guys are incompatible. My fear is that these issues will carry on as long as you guys are together. I just think it's a bad sign.

Relationships are supposed to bring you happiness, joy and satisfaction. I see no point in being with someone if we're locking heads all the time.

Anyway, it's good that you are clear about how you want to be treated.
click to expand


Those were my exact words to him last night. I don't want to be with someone if we will always have issues arise. Specially when they are so simple. He says he was hurt so badly in his last relationship that he's trying to do everything he can to not let it happen again. I told him that I'm not ur last relationship so don't make me pay for her mistakes because I've done everything I can to be as open and transparent as possible. He offered us to go to counseling at church so we can work thru the issues together and of course I agreed. Is having dead this severe normal for a cap? Do they hold on to pain that long? The relationship that hurt him so bad ended like 9-10 years ago!
Posted by CAPR1LICIOUS
Tylia, if I were to read your post in isolation, I would say he's being controlling. But isn't this the same guy you broke up with because you thought he was cheating on you?

No. I didn't "breakup" with him because I thought he was cheating, I stopped having sexual with him because my feelings were in ok ed and our friendship didn't have any direction. When that post happened, we were FWB.

Since he gave up his freedom to meet your demands, maybe he feels the need for you to make a few sacrifices as well? To prove your commitment?

We both gave up our freedom. I cut every guy I was communicating with loose before we even became a couple because I wanted to give him my full focus and attention to see where things would lead. Which is why the guys number was no longer in my phone and why it had been months since I had spoken to him.

I think the guy has been very accommodating so far. If you truly desire to be with him, why create an issue over everything he says or does?

I'm not creating an issue over everything he says or does. This is just an extreme request for me. If I was the type to cycle they numbers then it wouldn't be a problem but this is a number I've had for over 12 years. As far as my previous posts, he didn't have any fire under his tale to move our relationship along so I had to do something for my sake. I could no longer just sleep with him and not know where the relationship was going, or if it was even going anywhere.

Like I posted in another comment, shortly after we made it official between us he also had females still texting his phone. He handled them the same way I handles this guy. Why is it good enough for u but when I do the exact same thing, it isn't enough?


Posted by leowww
Posted by TyliaB
Posted by leowww
Don't change your number.


It's a two way street express, if he's bothered by you talking to your Exs.. Guess what so can't he.

He sounds controlling.
Keep an eye out, that's a big red flag.


Dude not my ex he was just a guy I had conversations with. Nothing else and we hadn't talked in months!


Okay then.

Will you change your number?

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No. Lol. Not as of now. We really have to talk about this.
Posted by leowww
Don't change your number.


It's a two way street express, if he's bothered by you talking to your Exs.. Guess what so can't he.

He sounds controlling.
Keep an eye out, that's a big red flag.


Dude not my ex he was just a guy I had conversations with. Nothing else and we hadn't talked in months!
Posted by DwellingOnMove
Posted by TyliaB
Posted by Impulsv
Posted by TyliaB
Posted by Capri-sun
He doesn't trust easily. Whether it's you and/or other guys. He could view it as disrespectful. Who knows...only you know what you are & are not willing to deal with. If you feel it's unfair then express that to him.
I told him I didn't think it was fair that he asked me to change my number. I know he doesn't trust easily but I've never given him any reason to doubt my loyalty. So he asked me to think about it and we'll talk about it latee
Has he changed his number since the same thing happened to him
Double standard?
No. I didn't ask him to. When they (3 females) contacted him, he told them he was in a relationship and asked that they no longer contact him. That was good enough for me. I trust him.
that can never be good enough for anyone. do you know what a "lie" is? or playing a role? or an accord? or gaslighting? or manipulation?
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It's called trust. I have no thoughts in my mind that he's cheating.
Posted by DwellingOnMove
Posted by TyliaB
Posted by NotSoInstant
Both of you change your numbers but don't give it to anybody else


Lol... if only it was that easy.
aha. you feel just weak. he not. you want him to marry you so bad you are ready to ignore all the red flags.

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What?
Posted by Capri-sun
Posted by TyliaB
Posted by Capri-sun
Posted by TyliaB
Posted by Capri-sun
Posted by TyliaB
Posted by Capri-sun
He doesn't trust easily. Whether it's you and/or other guys. He could view it as disrespectful. Who knows...only you know what you are & are not willing to deal with. If you feel it's unfair then express that to him.


I told him I didn't think it was fair that he asked me to change my number. I know he doesn't trust easily but I've never given him any reason to doubt my loyalty. So he asked me to think about it and we'll talk about it latee


If you guys have been talking/ dating for a year or 2 and someone that old keeps popping in & out, I wouldn't care for it either. Doesn't always have to do with doubting your loyalty.


I understand him not liking it, I wouldn't either. But changing my number I've had for years?! Hmm... I mean, I don't have a lock on it, I don't hide it, he uses it whenever he wants to. There's been times where his phone has died and he's getting ready to leave the house and I'll let him take mine. He knows I'm not communicating with no other man. We don't live together but he has access to my house my house and everything.


None of that is the point. The same way you say you've had the number for years (with question mark & exclamation)...if this dude is someone you met before him....you 2 have been talking for years.....why is old dude still calling/texting


I have no idea... I guess he was trying to reach out to me to see if I started dating someone. I seriously and in all honesty had not spoken to that guy in at least 7-8 months prior to him texting me. I didn't engage in the conversation to see why he was texting h me out of the blue because I didn't care. He never called only texted me and from his text u can see that we hadn't been talking on a ref basis. Like I said, I have nothing to hid. He has unrestricted access to phone anytime. He's even taken my phone for hours at a time because his was dead. We share the same iCloud so he can see what I download on my phone. I have no hidden or deleted apps.

Dude literally fell out of the sky. His number wasn't even programmed in my phone anymore.

That's his point
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Huh?
Posted by Capri-sun
Posted by TyliaB
Posted by Capri-sun
Posted by TyliaB
Posted by Capri-sun
He doesn't trust easily. Whether it's you and/or other guys. He could view it as disrespectful. Who knows...only you know what you are & are not willing to deal with. If you feel it's unfair then express that to him.


I told him I didn't think it was fair that he asked me to change my number. I know he doesn't trust easily but I've never given him any reason to doubt my loyalty. So he asked me to think about it and we'll talk about it latee


If you guys have been talking/ dating for a year or 2 and someone that old keeps popping in & out, I wouldn't care for it either. Doesn't always have to do with doubting your loyalty.


I understand him not liking it, I wouldn't either. But changing my number I've had for years?! Hmm... I mean, I don't have a lock on it, I don't hide it, he uses it whenever he wants to. There's been times where his phone has died and he's getting ready to leave the house and I'll let him take mine. He knows I'm not communicating with no other man. We don't live together but he has access to my house my house and everything.


None of that is the point. The same way you say you've had the number for years (with question mark & exclamation)...if this dude is someone you met before him....you 2 have been talking for years.....why is old dude still calling/texting
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I have no idea... I guess he was trying to reach out to me to see if I started dating someone. I seriously and in all honesty had not spoken to that guy in at least 7-8 months prior to him texting me. I didn't engage in the conversation to see why he was texting h me out of the blue because I didn't care. He never called only texted me and from his text u can see that we hadn't been talking on a ref basis. Like I said, I have nothing to hid. He has unrestricted access to phone anytime. He's even taken my phone for hours at a time because his was dead. We share the same iCloud so he can see what I download on my phone. I have no hidden or deleted apps.

Dude literally fell out of the sky. His number wasn't even programmed in my phone anymore.
Posted by Gemitati
Posted by TyliaB
So since my last update, everything has been moving along great. He's made a huge effort to give me the things I need to feel comfortable and secure in our new relationship and I've been doing my best to do the same but it seems like nothing will satisfy him. Since he and I became a couple, I've stopped contact with other guys. Now the only guys I speak to outside of our family is the husbands of my close girlfriends. Who he is also very good friends with. Anyway... last night, out of the blue, I received one of those "hey stranger" texts from a guy I was talking to prior to me even meeting my now boyfriend. Well he saw the text and asked me who that was, I was honest and told him so the guy was. So I grabbed my phone and replied to his message with "hello. I'm now in a relationship and would appreciate idi no longer contact me" the dude replied back with "lol... fa sho...." Well, now my bf wants me to change my number. What baffles me is that the day after we became a couple, he has several females text his phone. All I asked that he do was to let them know he was in a relationship and not to contact him anymore. I never asked him to change his number and I find it unfair that he would ask me to change mine. What do y'all think?


Are you willing to wear underwear in colors he likes and eat what he thinks you should and walk on your knees?
Then - change the number or throw your phone away! Look what is next he will ask for! I am curious...
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Lol... not at all. I told him he's being unfair and irrational but he seems to think it's a fair request. This is going to be a battle.
Posted by Teena
Posted by TyliaB
Posted by Teena
I keep changing numbers often anyway..So I probably just would change it if that'd make him happy


I've had this same cell number for 12 or more years


The longest I've owned a number was for 2 years maybe. I keep changing it as soon as I feel too many people know it. So I'd change the number myself when I get into a relationship to start with. Too much noise.
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Lol... oh no. I panic at the thought of having to keep remembering all those numbers. Lol

Posted by Noni05
Posted by sagsagsag
The only time I ever changed my number for someone was 4 months before I got married to my Virgo ex hub..

And that includes deleting people from my social media account and making them all private..

He never asked for it.. I did it whole heartedly lol 😜😂



Ahhh to be in love! Typical sag
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I don't have social media other than this oh. But I wouldn't have a problem deleting things like FB and all that. That wouldn't be a problem.
Posted by bumboklatt
Posted by TyliaB
Posted by bumboklatt
Posted by TyliaB
Posted by LadyNeptune
Tell him, "I will if you will". After all fairs fair.


It'll be hard for him to change his because it's connected with his job


Well you've had yours for years, a sacrifice is a sacrifice, if he's worried so much then you guys can go through a change together

If he makes it difficult he probably wants to control you

What's his sign btw?


He's a cap... he hasn't made it difficult yet. He just simply asked me to change my number.


Ooo lol well I foresee it being an issue. He's obviously upset about it
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Idk why? I handled it the same way he handle them. Lol.
Posted by Teena
I keep changing numbers often anyway..So I probably just would change it if that'd make him happy


I've had this same cell number for 12 or more years