Posted by aquatar1
How do you know the difference between interest and being friendzoned by a virgo man?
my virgo crush and I seem to have a great understanding, good conversations etc. he seems relaxed and engaged like he enjoys our conversations, but he also enjoys his conversations with his other friends, so I am worried I may be friendzoned and thats why he is comfortable talking to me the way he does lol
I'm super keen on helping you with this one. This is scary similar to my current situation. So I'll give you insight into my mind (Virgo sun, Leo venus). Hopefully, I can gain insight into your mind as well, and we can both push our situations forward. It will be therapeutic for me, and mutual beneficial to us, if I just get it out.
This is going to be long. I hope you like essays.
***As a side note, what if we are actually each others' crushes and we both ended up in this thread? Next time you see your crush, give an obvious wink when you say hello as a secret sign. Maybe it's you and I'm him. Lol.*** Honestly, half of me hopes she never finds this, but the other half would be relieved if she finally understood.
Anyway, I'm crushing HARD on a Taurus sun, Gemini venus. I see her, not quiet everyday, but a handful of times a week when I stop into where she works. There's nothing I want more in the world than to sit down with her and have a deep, long, flowing conversation with her. But I can't. I'm incredibly social, congenial and expressive (especially for a Virgo), even flirty and comfortable with all women (whether I like them or not)... But she socially paralyzes me. I forget to even give her compliments, and say hello to her, or smile, or anything. If I put myself in her shoes, she must not even think I know she exists, much less care about her. But it couldn't be further from the truth. Truth be told, lately many women have made some obvious attempts at me, and I've shrugged them off because she's the only one I have eyes for, but she's also the only one I can't express myself directly and in-person to. It must be wildly confusing for her.
Instead, because I'm also friends with her coworkers, I just focus my attention and social energy on them, trusting that if she likes me, she'll pay attention and eavesdrop, and perhaps, I can reach her that way, until I figure myself out.
Normally, I'd just be direct and ask her to go out (and believe me when I say, I have many different dates planned already), but since I had to get rid of my car recently, I feel weird asking her out at all, because it'd have to be like "You want to go on a date? Great. You can pick me up." ...*cringe*
Additionally, I'm a traditional workaholic Virgo with 70+ hours a week devoted to work/school. My last relationship (she was Gemini sun) I felt like I was pulled away from devoting myself to my work to constantly be there for her, and there was a lot of bitterness about it. My pros-cons side hasn't figured out if a potential (maybe even one-sided/nonexistent) relationship is worth sacrificing my success. But it would also be nice to have someone to talk me down off the ledge when my exams aren't always 100% , and to remind me to stop and enjoy my life too. This pro-con list is always swaying. Needless to say, I have no idea what I want, and part of the problem has nothing to do with her or my interest in her, but with my life plans. Virgos are planners. Romances are disruptive.
It definitely doesn't help that she's pretty shy around me too. She's always talkative and social, but when I show up she gets super quiet, and is always hovering in the background but never steps forward to me, at times even runs off from me. Not exactly encouraging indicators of interest.
But in the same way that I'm trying to get her to know me better by letting her see me interact indirectly around her, that's the same way I fell for her in the first place. Observing her being herself indirectly around me. I'm pretty good at reading people and it feels like she has a shared interest in me, but if so, damn she's shy. And I'm sure she would say the exact same about me. We're deadlocked waiting for the other to budge (unless, of course, she isn't interested in me at all, but we're assuming she is... because positivity!)
All of this is to say, I'm smitten, but I have many reasons on why I'm being coy and shy. I'm not afraid to express myself necessarily, but I'm not sure what to do with her exactly, despite how right and natural our "eavesdropping, indirect personalities" seem to be jiving.
There's all this talk about 'show a Virgo you're interested, but not too interested, it will scare him off.' It's true, but it's confusing to anyone not a Virgo. So I'll explain it.
What I want most from her: make a very clear and obvious (and not at all subtle) showing of interest (short of saying it directly), but absolutely let me make the first move. It sounds confusing, but it's not. Virgos are traditional, old-school lovers. I'd be devastated (and very self-critical forever and ever) if I didn't make the first move in a relationship. I want to make it. But a Virgo man will also NEVER make a move if he isn't absolutely positive it will be received in kind. A simple, concrete show of interest in me (and only me) would prod the knight in shining armor into action. It takes more than a smile, a hello, or a sweet conversation. That can be feigned to anyone. It requires a brave, bold, ballsy unique gesture. Again, don't come out and confess your feelings, but the gesture should require you to commit to your interest in some undeniable way. For instance, if I was sitting alone at a small, two-seat table, and she just walked up to me, pulled out the other chair and sat down with me, given our current coy and aloof personal atmosphere.... that'd be ballsy and committing. And I can still make the first "relationship move" so to speak. That's really all I would need. That's how you cross the border with a Virgo. You're along for the ride after that.
If you've taken away anything from what I've written, let it be that you now understand how internal, deep and complex a Virgo is. You'll never know what's going on inside them if they aren't telling you.
I wouldn't give up on him. He likely just needs a gentle prod.
@MysScorpVirgo
