CANCERS REFUSE TO SPEAK WHEN HURT??????????
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|Hello, new to this forum and had a few questions regarding cancer men. |
1.Do Cancers REFUSE to speak with you if you have hurt their feelings or if they are going through a tough time???
If so, how do you handle this situation and is it a form of trying to disrespect you (when ignoring you)?
2.When do you know if a cancer ex has moved on from you, if they always pop their head into your life???
note-he was the one who ended the relationship.
3.How to win back a cancer ex when they have accused you of betraying them?
4.What is the biggest fear for a cancer man, when it comes to a relationship?
5.What to expect in a cancer man when going through a loss and the best way to give support?
Appreciate all answers, THANKS!!!
|1.Yes, do not ignore him, bad communication can any type of relationship and you shouldn't want to see him upset and your not paying attention to his feeling's.|
2. If they not trying to start over or at least trying to communicate again, more so than likely he's over you.
3. That's hard, i really do not know, because once i get hurt or back stabbed i usually cannot trust them no matter how much i forgave or love them, whatever have been done will continue to be on my mind.
4. People with hidden agenda's. Everything has to be upfront.
5. Just showing that you actually care.
|i know this is for cancer males but...|
1. i know when i'm upset and ignoring someone i'd rather they leave me alone for a while. if they don't i tend to find it really irritating and suffocating. and no, it's not to disrespect you in any way.
2. if i'm no longer interested i just make no effort to really be in there lives. although if its been a long time (as in years) i might just say "hey" only because i'm curious as to how they're doing.
3. that takes a really long time and you really have to prove yourself and even then it's hard and we'll move very cautiously
4. picking the wrong person
5. what they said
|Appreciate ALL your answers. Thanks!!|
A little more to the story.......
1. He told me to let go and said he was "over all of it" and "goodbye"(we were still ex's). Asked me not to call or text. Ignored my calls the next few days. I left harsh voicemailes. It wasn't full on betrayal and something he is not taking ownership for (not cheating related). He has said the same "goodbye" "over all of it" when upset and later comes around, so I don't know if to take it seriously or to knock on his shell.
2. Been ex's for ten months. I still deeply love him. He calls me drunk and at times not drunk and confesses how he still deeply loves me, thinks of me, hasn't been with anyone and reason being "no one is like you". Yet, he admits he doesn't trust us, is afraid, and wishes he could trust me again and says he wants to trust me so much (never cheated on him, hurt his feeling in other ways).
5. Related to the loss that he is going through, I feel deep down that I should be of support and that he needs me, for some reason. I want to check in on him and let him know he is not alone and let him know I love and care for him, but am having a hard time doing so when someone just cuts me out instead of having an adult conversation to see where both parites are coming from. I guess that it's too much to ask for since he is a cancer or not???
So, should I send him a warm message showing him support???
And, he says he always thinks he has moved on and then starts remembering me and realizes how he hasn't and how he loves me. He calls me and expresses these things and then pulls away confusing me and then says he was just remembering.
Also, I suggested that he dated other women as his friends tell him to do so since he is ping ponging around and confusing both of us. He got upset and told me that he resented my statement. WTF???
What are your imputs please?
|I just say leave him the hell alone. It is going to take him a long time to trust you. You two are not married. He is giving you confusing msgs because he is a commitment phobic man. A typical CP man. He will tell you one thing but his actions speak otherwise. |
Would you rather be with a show me man or a tell me man? Words are deceptive. If you did little things that hurt him and he is that dayum upset, the hell with him. He is making up excuses so the relationship or whatever you two have can stay in back peddling motion. He wants you to believe that you really did something terrible to him, a guilty trip on his part, so you don't see other men.
Let him alone and move on. He will be back around on his own time and you should date other men and not have your life placed on hold being faithful to a man who is not your husband. He is not guaranteed to marry you. If you act like the typical wife while you two are just dating, you can cut your loses with him anyways. He will distance himself from wifey actions alone.
Posted by krobe03
LOL. No, it's not. So most cancer men are really like this?
What do I take from this, he wants to be with me but is scared butter less or he's just remembering. Who remembers their ex and calls them to confess their undying love for them each time uless they do want them again, but are afraid.
I read that cancers don't like fighting and all that good stuff, then why the hell do you create all the bullbutter and drama confusing the whole world including yourself???!!!
Sooooo weird. He pulls this butter then comes around to make "amends" and then pulls it again like a kid only to have to make "amends" again. LOLL. I love the man, but it's like come on baby. Why.
Posted by krobe03
He actually acted like my husband for the longest time. We lived together. His mother and I were really close friends. I would actually hang out with his mom when he and I were fighting (his very close to her).
I did hurt him in pretty messed up ways in the past, when we were together a year ago. I was nasty emotionally and verbally. But, people grow, they learn and change. Just recently, I wrote down everything he was telling me and recorded part of it and sent it to him since I had a feeling he would be ping ponging with me. He didn't know I was doing that as we were speaking and says I betrayed him. I understand were he is coming from, but I wanted to have him hear himself and how confusing he could be. Why would I want to record you, it's not like your the president... Unless you go back and forth with your wants and words creating drama between us.
|Him acting like your husband it what has scared him off. He does not want to "act" like your husband. It is making him feel unsafe so he has distanced himself from you from the fear of feeling "trapped". He is ping ponging you so you can lessen your expectations of him. Accept him for who he is not for what you project him to be for you. He wants you to be independent, strong, and for the for most part "mentally intelligent".|
If you lack mental intellect, he will distance himself, use confusing behavior and just keep you string along because "you don't understand him". You want a commitment and a commitment makes him feel trapped, suffocated, wrapped, like a bird in a cage. He wants his freedom right now more than he wants you. So, he will come back around just to throw some false hope, only to let you down again. ALL game.
You will be going through that butter for the rest of your life. Get focused on YOU, get a life way so far outside of him. He has left you stuck in the past, wanting more of something that is not going to happen again. He has caught you so he does not need to put in any work besides a few words to you.
Do yourself a favor and lose him. He will come back around but you will not want him with all that ping ponging. That butter will break the strongest woman's confidence down. A woman with high self esteem will walk away from him and place his ass in the back of her mind. That BS hurts to the bone.
Posted by krobe03
Thank you for your comment.
I was very young in many ways mentally and did not know how to react towards the situation.
I was going through a very hard time and treating him like my punching bag and feel like anyone would have walked away at that time. He got us a place so I could go to school full time, was taking care of some of my bills and taking care of me pretty well. He was very supportive in many, many ways. Everyone thought we would marry. His family and I were very close and I became apart of their family.
He is going through a very hard time now with his own issues and each time he comes around... I am gaurded at first and then soften up and maybe come on too strong. He analyzes everything and thinks about it over and over again and then backs out. He has told me many times that he is very afraid of what happening in the past happening again.
|He is making up excuses. He is NOT afraid of butter. He is just telling you he is afraid, confusing you so the relationship can remain on stall. As long as he is distancing himself, he does not have to move anything forward.|
I would let him be. He is a man. I know for sure Cancer men will tell you they want a mother figure like woman but act like one. He will disappear on you so quick. Let him deal with his own issues. He is a man, he can handle his issues. The more you stay and be understanding the more you are acting like a wife. Right now, he may not want you to be like that for him.
I would walk away. He will come back around too you. Just don't give in so easily each and every time he throw a bone your way.
Posted by The-Dream
I understand where you're coming from.
For the past ten months on and off, he has been popping into my life and confessing his undying love for me and crying while he does so. He tells me at times that he wants to go to therapy with me, wants me, and is afraid of the bull butter from the past getting in the middle of us.
He tells me so much that confuses me. Then he will back away. He says it's not a game (while crying) as I accuse him. He tells me he wishes I was inside his heart and felt what he feels for me.
So, he changes his mind non stop and I understand the fear part of it, but don't understand how someone is so confused.
We then fight about it because he changed his mind and I am super confused.
I decided to record him finally to have HIM hear every thing he says and why I become so confused, sad, and a bit resentful. I wanted to show him how and why the arguments stem from because then he puts it off onto me sometimes when anyone would confront the situation.
I feel somewhat bad for recording him, but apart of me didn't feel like I had a choice. Days after our discussion, he twisted what he said around and I then told him I had recorded him for this very reason. He was embarrassed at first and after I sent it to him, he cut me off.
I understand both of our parts, and have already apologized. I just feel like he is not taking ownership for his part fully. During our recorded conversation, their was a beeping sound he asked about (my phone dying). He later said he was done for a couple reasons. He said I lied about my phone dying when it was the recorder (not true). He said I asked him leading questions because I knew he was being recorded ( he was telling me all these things for two hours. He changed the subject and as I decided to record him, I asked him to clearify what he had previously said). He said I violated him and betrayed his trust.
He is making it sound like I cheated on him (never have, which he trust fully) and as I said, I understand both of our parts.
Is this something a cancer will never want to get back with ex for?
|I have a better understanding but i still think it was wrong to record that, i think it's going to be rough to be able to get his trust a little from that, it's like you taking as a joke. I'm just saying! Not trying to offend you but that's probably how he's feeling. I think he still in love with you but i think he want both of you guys to really fight for the relationship but you may seem like little aloof about his feeling's, when you write you still seem a little detached but caring but still detached LOL. You should make a date and really sit down and talk to him, he's trying but he wants you to try too.|