PhoenixRising46
@PhoenixRising46
13 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 10 · Topics: 1
How would a Cancer man break off from a woman?
Cancer Man Turn Offs in Real Relationships
Cancer man turn offs often show up around harsh criticism, emotional coldness, mixed signals, public embarrassment, or making him feel foolish after he opens up. Many people notice he may not confront the issue directly, but instead pull back, reply less, or retreat into his shell. In real situations, he is more likely to fade out when he feels emotionally unsafe than when there is one small argument that gets repaired quickly.
Well, I did. Called him once, left a message...simple...just checking in. No return call. Several days later, I sent a text... "thinking of you". No response. Another week later, sent another text... "Got a minute?". Nothing. It would "seem" like he's checked out, but I've known men who disappear for long stretches that were trying to get their act together and in "worthy" mode.
And while I know some Cancers have a reputation for wanting to be chased, men in general want to do the chasing. However, what is their definition of being chased? There is a point when women come across as needy, and nothing repels a man faster. Furthermore, how do I tell the difference between his wanting to be chased and wanting space??
Any chance I scared him off by confronting him? Again, I approached him with the utmost respect...told him I didn't want to "react" to what happened but to calmly and rationally explain how I was hurt by what happened. I was very careful not to say, "...you made me feel such-n-such". I put the emphasis on me, and how I felt. Still, he took it hard...he oozed guilt. I reassured him it wasn't a deal-breaker; just had to express it so 1) I wasn't abandoning myself (like I've done so many times in the past, and 2) he would try to hard to not let it happen again.
I was over-thinking this a lot over the past week, but seem to be calming down and more rational about it now. I usually have a pretty good read on this type of behavior, but I'm a bit mystified with this one. I got nothin'! : )
And while I know some Cancers have a reputation for wanting to be chased, men in general want to do the chasing. However, what is their definition of being chased? There is a point when women come across as needy, and nothing repels a man faster. Furthermore, how do I tell the difference between his wanting to be chased and wanting space??
Any chance I scared him off by confronting him? Again, I approached him with the utmost respect...told him I didn't want to "react" to what happened but to calmly and rationally explain how I was hurt by what happened. I was very careful not to say, "...you made me feel such-n-such". I put the emphasis on me, and how I felt. Still, he took it hard...he oozed guilt. I reassured him it wasn't a deal-breaker; just had to express it so 1) I wasn't abandoning myself (like I've done so many times in the past, and 2) he would try to hard to not let it happen again.
I was over-thinking this a lot over the past week, but seem to be calming down and more rational about it now. I usually have a pretty good read on this type of behavior, but I'm a bit mystified with this one. I got nothin'! : )
I appreciate the input and perspective. I find at this age (we're both in our mid-40s) the past beats us up quite a bit and can cause us to shut down faster, put walls up higher. Men, as I've mentioned before, place so much of their identity in their successes...career, bank account, status, etc. They often have complete control over those things. I have found when they think they've disappointed us emotionally, they run to what makes them feel successful and pour themselves into that. I was just poking around about the Cancer male because I've never dated one before. Heard things about 'going into their shells' and 'they always come back'.
Such a 180 from when we first started dating.
Thanks again!
Such a 180 from when we first started dating.
Thanks again!
PhoenixRising.... I have a similar situation with my cancer guy and while it confuses me to the core of my being I think the best thing to do is maybe let him do the chasing while occasionally checking in (as you have been) to let him know you are still around. I wouldn't check in with him though expecting a response. I find that has worked best. I am a Scorpio female also. Moon in Cancer. My guy and I were dating for 4 months..... everything pretty much perfect but he had a lot going on... after a few days of ignoring me (and me pushing the issue- which I should NOT have done) He finally responded to me saying he had a lot on his plate and needed to focus on him and get him right before he could be a part of anyone's life. As much as I wanted to call it bull S*^#, something deep inside believes him. Especially given I know some of the issues he had been facing and wasn't very stable as far as finances and living situation (which is important to Cancer men.... men in general).
He had a court date this past Wednesday and I was confused as to if I say good luck or not.... I don't want to seem desperate and needy especially since he broke things off with me. I did send the email just to let him know that I was still praying for him and everything would be just fine in court. I sent it though, with no expectation of a response back. To my intuition... I got no response however he has been very social with me on Facebook. Liking my statuses and commenting on them. He also commented to tell me that his case was dismissed yet no further contact has been made.
I say just wait if its worth it to you. I know as a Scorp woman it is difficult and probably irritating but I think if its worth it in the end. Just know that he does receive your messages... why they don't just take a simple 2 seconds to respond is beyond me but..... that's my opinion. Hope it helps good luck to you! 🙂
He had a court date this past Wednesday and I was confused as to if I say good luck or not.... I don't want to seem desperate and needy especially since he broke things off with me. I did send the email just to let him know that I was still praying for him and everything would be just fine in court. I sent it though, with no expectation of a response back. To my intuition... I got no response however he has been very social with me on Facebook. Liking my statuses and commenting on them. He also commented to tell me that his case was dismissed yet no further contact has been made.
I say just wait if its worth it to you. I know as a Scorp woman it is difficult and probably irritating but I think if its worth it in the end. Just know that he does receive your messages... why they don't just take a simple 2 seconds to respond is beyond me but..... that's my opinion. Hope it helps good luck to you! 🙂
Brook...thanks so much for your thoughtful reply. I think the reason I'm questioning this so much is because we hadn't gone out for a significant amount of time...I wonder if I was more interested than he was. But the time we did spend together was very sweet. We talked about everything, and frequently...at his prompting. He was a perfect gentleman and took things very slowly. We were not intimate which, under the circumstances now, I am very grateful. He talked frequently about future events...wording it in a way that made me feel both nervous and excited; i.e., taking me away on vacation, taking me around town to see projects he created, phrasing it as if we were going to be a couple.
[The rest of this is more like "journaling". Feel free to ignore.]
Do Scorpios love too deeply?
So strange to me how he went from "would you like to meet my sister" to shutting down all communication completely. I am a more evolved Scorpio (thus the username) so I have been processing this in a more grounded, and less emotional, way (ok...a less 'expressively' emotional way...I still internalize!) 🙂. However, there is no denying that I am really quite broken over it. I may be 46, but I can count on one hand the number of men I've kissed...he being one of them. I am extraordinarily selective. I've had two men in my life over the past 25+ years...my ex-husband of nearly 18 years, and my ex-boyfriend, which lasted five. He knew this, and appreciated it saying it was a very appealing quality. So, I suppose part of the hurt is that he took this gift and threw it away. (I know...sounds silly to most, especially at my age). I have been told I intimidate men...I am very confident, but not arrogant - I hold myself well, am intelligent, and have been told I am Kristin Davis' twin (I've been stopped many times on the street...and sometimes they don't believe me when I say I'm not her).
All this to say...this is a complete mystery to me. Only, it isn't...my last boyfriend used to disappear all the time. But back then I displayed neediness and was a complete mess. Ruled by my emotions, and dealing with his alcoholism...such a mistake. Still, he would always come back eventually...and he was a Virgo. (Ugh...never again!)
Waiting will come as a natural consequence. If he comes back around at some point I will not be with anyone else. Time to replace the bricks I took out of my wall.
[The rest of this is more like "journaling". Feel free to ignore.]
Do Scorpios love too deeply?
So strange to me how he went from "would you like to meet my sister" to shutting down all communication completely. I am a more evolved Scorpio (thus the username) so I have been processing this in a more grounded, and less emotional, way (ok...a less 'expressively' emotional way...I still internalize!) 🙂. However, there is no denying that I am really quite broken over it. I may be 46, but I can count on one hand the number of men I've kissed...he being one of them. I am extraordinarily selective. I've had two men in my life over the past 25+ years...my ex-husband of nearly 18 years, and my ex-boyfriend, which lasted five. He knew this, and appreciated it saying it was a very appealing quality. So, I suppose part of the hurt is that he took this gift and threw it away. (I know...sounds silly to most, especially at my age). I have been told I intimidate men...I am very confident, but not arrogant - I hold myself well, am intelligent, and have been told I am Kristin Davis' twin (I've been stopped many times on the street...and sometimes they don't believe me when I say I'm not her).
All this to say...this is a complete mystery to me. Only, it isn't...my last boyfriend used to disappear all the time. But back then I displayed neediness and was a complete mess. Ruled by my emotions, and dealing with his alcoholism...such a mistake. Still, he would always come back eventually...and he was a Virgo. (Ugh...never again!)
Waiting will come as a natural consequence. If he comes back around at some point I will not be with anyone else. Time to replace the bricks I took out of my wall.
Phoenix... Awww. I empathize with you and feel your pain as I too am crushed by what my cancer guy is doing and he does not even recognize it. I do happen to think that us Scorps love very deeply. I think it has to do with our passionate nature. Its like an all or nothing. When we dive, we certainly go head first or heart first lol.
My guy too made the plans and talks of the future, trips we were supposed to go on etc. He went from 100 to 0 in a matter of 4 days. I like to blame this Mercury Retrograde and just have my fingers crossed that it is some strange error in communication and/or deep thought process and once the planet goes direct he will be back! 🙂....
I wouldn't write your guy off just yet, one thing I have learned (from this site lol) is that Cancer men are very tactful and slow in their approaches in dealing with potential partners. They put a lot of thought into it. I have no doubt that he does like you. This disappearing act may have nothing at all to do with you. My cancer guy once said to me he didn't feel like seeing anyone one particular day. I thought he was mad at me and he said "everything isn't always about you babe." I guess Im self absorbed or something because it really hit home a few days later. Me having a cancer moon, I can recall times where I take "sabbaticals" from those around me. I will not answer my phone, email, text or front door. Im not mad, nothing is wrong, I just sometimes like to be alone to regroup. When I do come back... it usually is as if nothing ever happened. So be prepared for that too.
I used to feel like I was much more interested in my guy than he was in me. It seemed as if it went from him being the initiator of a lot of our communication to me being the initiator. Again, the best thing to do in a situation where he has retreated is focus on you... occupy your time with something else and play this wack little waiting game. Take everything one day at a time. When he does contact you, keep it airy and bubbly because from what I have seen he may test the waters coming back around after such a long absence. If you have an attitude and are questioning and "mean or harsh" to him as we sometimes can be without even knowing, he will just go m.i.a again. Keep me posted on this. 🙂
Also, question, what does it mean to be evolved? I have seen that a lot... I don't know if I am evolved or not. :-/
My guy too made the plans and talks of the future, trips we were supposed to go on etc. He went from 100 to 0 in a matter of 4 days. I like to blame this Mercury Retrograde and just have my fingers crossed that it is some strange error in communication and/or deep thought process and once the planet goes direct he will be back! 🙂....
I wouldn't write your guy off just yet, one thing I have learned (from this site lol) is that Cancer men are very tactful and slow in their approaches in dealing with potential partners. They put a lot of thought into it. I have no doubt that he does like you. This disappearing act may have nothing at all to do with you. My cancer guy once said to me he didn't feel like seeing anyone one particular day. I thought he was mad at me and he said "everything isn't always about you babe." I guess Im self absorbed or something because it really hit home a few days later. Me having a cancer moon, I can recall times where I take "sabbaticals" from those around me. I will not answer my phone, email, text or front door. Im not mad, nothing is wrong, I just sometimes like to be alone to regroup. When I do come back... it usually is as if nothing ever happened. So be prepared for that too.
I used to feel like I was much more interested in my guy than he was in me. It seemed as if it went from him being the initiator of a lot of our communication to me being the initiator. Again, the best thing to do in a situation where he has retreated is focus on you... occupy your time with something else and play this wack little waiting game. Take everything one day at a time. When he does contact you, keep it airy and bubbly because from what I have seen he may test the waters coming back around after such a long absence. If you have an attitude and are questioning and "mean or harsh" to him as we sometimes can be without even knowing, he will just go m.i.a again. Keep me posted on this. 🙂
Also, question, what does it mean to be evolved? I have seen that a lot... I don't know if I am evolved or not. :-/
Once he has come back though and you have his attention again, that is when you can gently tell him that you understand and respect his need for space but not speaking to you for weeks and weeks at a time is not okay. I'm certain you will figure it out. Feel free to chat with me, I will help as much as I can... or at least be an ear for you to vent.. one scorp in love with a cancer to another! hehee! 🙂
Brook...
For now, some reading...
Scorpio is associated with the descent into the underworld. For most of us, this signifies a journey to the very depths of our being — a journey that is inevitably painful, for it forces us to confront our inner demons and psychological complexes. But Scorpio also holds out the promise of resurrection, of returning to the light, thus Scorpio is regarded as the sign of transformation. You typically experience a death or near-death experience, only to be reborn, like the phoenix, rising from the ashes of your former selves and soaring to new heights. More at: http://www.astro-counseling.com/Sun% 20Signs/Scorpio% 20Personality/scorpio.html
And...
Scorpio has not just two symbols but three: the Scorpion, the Eagle and the Phoenix. Scorpio fearlessly delves into the darker emotions of the human psyche; like the Scorpion, the Scorpio personality prefers to crawl low to the ground, hiding in hidden corners and is prepared to sting and destroy if threatened in any way. This illustrates the Mars factor of the earth-bound nature of Scorpio: the aggressive intensity of rage and self-protection. The Eagle shares with the scorpion the ability to strike at a moment's notice, but where the Scorpion's journey is low to the ground the Eagle soars above the earth, proud and free. The Eagle has a probing eye that sees what others miss and like the Mars warrior, is very aware of the subtle dynamics of power.
The Phoenix is the transformational symbol of Scorpio. Like the Eagle, in ancient times the Phoenix was a symbol of the Sun that was said to live for 500 years. At the end of its life it built a funeral pyre and burned in the flames, only to regenerate its progeny from those very flames. The Scorpio nature cannot run from the destruction of the fire of its emotional intensity, but within that fire is the secret of immortality and resurrection. Scorpio is a water sign but Mars bestows the essence of fire as well and with it the courage to enter the fire and become transformed.
Read more: http://blog.beliefnet.com/astrologicalmusings/2006/11/the-scorpion-the-eagle-and-the.html#ixzz22WE2Eu9b
Response to come... 🙂
For now, some reading...
Scorpio is associated with the descent into the underworld. For most of us, this signifies a journey to the very depths of our being — a journey that is inevitably painful, for it forces us to confront our inner demons and psychological complexes. But Scorpio also holds out the promise of resurrection, of returning to the light, thus Scorpio is regarded as the sign of transformation. You typically experience a death or near-death experience, only to be reborn, like the phoenix, rising from the ashes of your former selves and soaring to new heights. More at: http://www.astro-counseling.com/Sun% 20Signs/Scorpio% 20Personality/scorpio.html
And...
Scorpio has not just two symbols but three: the Scorpion, the Eagle and the Phoenix. Scorpio fearlessly delves into the darker emotions of the human psyche; like the Scorpion, the Scorpio personality prefers to crawl low to the ground, hiding in hidden corners and is prepared to sting and destroy if threatened in any way. This illustrates the Mars factor of the earth-bound nature of Scorpio: the aggressive intensity of rage and self-protection. The Eagle shares with the scorpion the ability to strike at a moment's notice, but where the Scorpion's journey is low to the ground the Eagle soars above the earth, proud and free. The Eagle has a probing eye that sees what others miss and like the Mars warrior, is very aware of the subtle dynamics of power.
The Phoenix is the transformational symbol of Scorpio. Like the Eagle, in ancient times the Phoenix was a symbol of the Sun that was said to live for 500 years. At the end of its life it built a funeral pyre and burned in the flames, only to regenerate its progeny from those very flames. The Scorpio nature cannot run from the destruction of the fire of its emotional intensity, but within that fire is the secret of immortality and resurrection. Scorpio is a water sign but Mars bestows the essence of fire as well and with it the courage to enter the fire and become transformed.
Read more: http://blog.beliefnet.com/astrologicalmusings/2006/11/the-scorpion-the-eagle-and-the.html#ixzz22WE2Eu9b
Response to come... 🙂
Wow! Excellent reads!! Thank you. I think I'm a pretty damn amazing woman! ahhahaaaaaaa....
I may be more of the Eagle! Sounds like me.
I may be more of the Eagle! Sounds like me.
Brook...my replies to some of your comments:
"This disappearing act may have nothing at all to do with you." --- Yes, I believe that...99% of the time. 🙂 I am fully aware this is all about him. I have examined and chosen carefully my attitude, my words, my heart, and my motives. Ultimately, I can't do anything to make him feel the way he does...it is always his choice. All I can do is take care of myself and continue on with my very busy life. Three children, self-employed, lead the women's ministry at my church, and serve on a development team there, as well. It doesn't put a hand in mine while I'm watching some of these gorgeous summer sunsets, but I choose to trust there is a reason for this trial at this moment in my life. It's never easy to navigate relationships, but I do continue to trust.
"I just sometimes like to be alone to regroup" --- Same here! I know a few Scorpios who share this trait. I thrive on my alone time, especially with all the responsibilities I have from day to day. So, it strikes me funny when I hear that guys are afraid of being engulfed in a relationship. My philosophy is...treat me like I'm your most precious commodity and your individuality will be a natural progression of it.
"It seemed as if it went from him being the initiator of a lot of our communication to me being the initiator" --- This is where the qualities of our signs come in to play. While Cancer is a Cardinal sign (initiators, entrepreneurs, etc.), they only really initiate at the very beginning. Once the ball is rolling, that's where we, Fixed signs (fasten in place, sustain activity) come it. We CAN initiate, but prefer not to; we continue what's already begun...take things further, deeper. Taking this a little further, our elements (water, earth, etc.) have even more bearing on how this is fleshed out. So this makes a lot of sense why we, at some point, start calling/texting them instead of waiting around for them to call us. It does NOT, however, explain why they don't return them.
cont'd....
"This disappearing act may have nothing at all to do with you." --- Yes, I believe that...99% of the time. 🙂 I am fully aware this is all about him. I have examined and chosen carefully my attitude, my words, my heart, and my motives. Ultimately, I can't do anything to make him feel the way he does...it is always his choice. All I can do is take care of myself and continue on with my very busy life. Three children, self-employed, lead the women's ministry at my church, and serve on a development team there, as well. It doesn't put a hand in mine while I'm watching some of these gorgeous summer sunsets, but I choose to trust there is a reason for this trial at this moment in my life. It's never easy to navigate relationships, but I do continue to trust.
"I just sometimes like to be alone to regroup" --- Same here! I know a few Scorpios who share this trait. I thrive on my alone time, especially with all the responsibilities I have from day to day. So, it strikes me funny when I hear that guys are afraid of being engulfed in a relationship. My philosophy is...treat me like I'm your most precious commodity and your individuality will be a natural progression of it.
"It seemed as if it went from him being the initiator of a lot of our communication to me being the initiator" --- This is where the qualities of our signs come in to play. While Cancer is a Cardinal sign (initiators, entrepreneurs, etc.), they only really initiate at the very beginning. Once the ball is rolling, that's where we, Fixed signs (fasten in place, sustain activity) come it. We CAN initiate, but prefer not to; we continue what's already begun...take things further, deeper. Taking this a little further, our elements (water, earth, etc.) have even more bearing on how this is fleshed out. So this makes a lot of sense why we, at some point, start calling/texting them instead of waiting around for them to call us. It does NOT, however, explain why they don't return them.
cont'd....
I was going to blog something really open about Cancer nature. I put a lot of thought into it...
By the time I refreshed the page there were a couple more posts. I read them. Now I have nothing to say except..
ladies, watch those egos. They have a way of getting ahead of you when you are feeling hurt.. 😢
By the time I refreshed the page there were a couple more posts. I read them. Now I have nothing to say except..
ladies, watch those egos. They have a way of getting ahead of you when you are feeling hurt.. 😢
Brook...cont'd....
"When he does contact you, keep it airy and bubbly because...." --- This is more of a men-in-general thing. And he'll know if you're faking it. My last boyfriend...when we were apart for a time and I was truly in a great place in my life, he'd come around again. You could just hear it in his voice that he respected me 100-fold! Was very intrigued by the new "Phoenix" and was excited to get to know her all over again. But, as usual, with time, boundaries were pushed and crossed and the cycle began all over again. I don't know about the relationship, but I was always a work-in-progress!!
"Once he has come back though ..." --- I love your optimism!! And while I know what I would say tomorrow if I heard from him, I'm not so sure it would be the same thing if it was another few weeks from now. But I will definitely keep you posted! You do the same...let me know if your Cancer-man comes around again!
Best...
Phoenix
"When he does contact you, keep it airy and bubbly because...." --- This is more of a men-in-general thing. And he'll know if you're faking it. My last boyfriend...when we were apart for a time and I was truly in a great place in my life, he'd come around again. You could just hear it in his voice that he respected me 100-fold! Was very intrigued by the new "Phoenix" and was excited to get to know her all over again. But, as usual, with time, boundaries were pushed and crossed and the cycle began all over again. I don't know about the relationship, but I was always a work-in-progress!!
"Once he has come back though ..." --- I love your optimism!! And while I know what I would say tomorrow if I heard from him, I'm not so sure it would be the same thing if it was another few weeks from now. But I will definitely keep you posted! You do the same...let me know if your Cancer-man comes around again!
Best...
Phoenix
No shellshocker!! What were you going to say? You put thought into it... spill it! LOL..... And thank you... hurt feelings have a way of bringing out some not so good qualities in a person. 🙂
Waterboy, I am usually fairly good at reading people that I date. I can tell right off if they are here for the long haul or if they just want the obvious. My profession doesn't exactly make it any better so my antennas are always up when I meet someone. I usually can tell in the first few conversations what the intention is. With my cancer guy, I can tell for sure (from the gut instinct) his intentions were always pure. He isn't a bad guy at all. I have to only think that he really just needs his time to focus on him and is just in his zone! I mean I guess that just happens sometimes.... right?
Oh.... my bad! lol.... I see what you are saying... Yes, it does make sense. That could be so? To be honest, I don't know, and at this point have no way of knowing. If so though, wow. That's sorta unfortunate😢
Posted by WaterboyCancepio
This thread made me think.. I wonder if we crabs have Pisces (escapism/dreaming) tendencies.
Could it be that they are just in there own zone right now?
This is EXACTLY what I was going to write about!!!! I know, I know...
Cancer has Jupiter in the 12house for a year..
Venus in the 12th house until mid Aug...
AND the full moon we just had was in the 12th house!!!!
If you don't mind me asking, coping mechanism for what? Just the events of life?..... Wow. Never even considered that as an option.
My cancer guy and I have only been dating for 4 months.... so there is a lot I don't know about him. Of the many things he has shared though, It is clear to me that his security/stability... financial state and home life are very important to him. He got in some trouble (dui) a few years back and it has just caught up with him now, resulting in some hefty fines and classes, as well as some other issue (court related) recently too that, thank God has been dropped. He is between homes (living with relatives) and recently fired from his job. From what I can gather, it just seems as if everything bad started happening all at once to him and the "added stress" of a girlfriend just maybe freaked him out. As if that's the one thing he can control, so he did thus his reason for pulling out?.....Just one of my many thoughts on it.
I dunno. I tried to say he didn't care that he was ignoring me and he got highly offended saying "I obviously don't know him well enough to make that kind of judgement"... which I knew it wasn't true, I was just maybe being... ohhh, manipulative? trying to provoke a response out of him. He has been more talkative via social network to me though so I don't know what his deal is...... :-/
My cancer guy and I have only been dating for 4 months.... so there is a lot I don't know about him. Of the many things he has shared though, It is clear to me that his security/stability... financial state and home life are very important to him. He got in some trouble (dui) a few years back and it has just caught up with him now, resulting in some hefty fines and classes, as well as some other issue (court related) recently too that, thank God has been dropped. He is between homes (living with relatives) and recently fired from his job. From what I can gather, it just seems as if everything bad started happening all at once to him and the "added stress" of a girlfriend just maybe freaked him out. As if that's the one thing he can control, so he did thus his reason for pulling out?.....Just one of my many thoughts on it.
I dunno. I tried to say he didn't care that he was ignoring me and he got highly offended saying "I obviously don't know him well enough to make that kind of judgement"... which I knew it wasn't true, I was just maybe being... ohhh, manipulative? trying to provoke a response out of him. He has been more talkative via social network to me though so I don't know what his deal is...... :-/
nope... Full Moon was in out 8th. but still..
Yeah he is. I agree. 😢 ........ thanks for listening to my drama lol
Oh but you did. Talking and just getting insight from other people is help in itself.
I think most of these issues pertain to men in general...Cancer, Virgo, whatever. Here's an excerpt from an article I found. Any men care to comment??
"Men need to feel like they're a —winner?? in the world or they tend to fall apart — it's just how we are.
If he doesn't feel like a winner in the world — if he feels like he's a loser at life at the moment — then that can be enough to keep him from wanting to be in a relationship (especially if he's been feeling this way for a while). The best solution is to stand back and let him work out his issues.
If he's already broken up with you, then move on — start getting new dating options, start meeting new guys. You would be amazed at how quickly some guys get their act together (even after months of turmoil) when they think they could lose their girl to some other guy. And the best part is, in the end he??ll thank you for being his inspiration and motivation to becoming a better man.
You're not going to get there by coddling him (that will just make him feel pitiful). You're not going to get their by begging him (that will just make him feel that you're desperate).
The solution is that you motivate him to come back to you??_ or he doesn't come back and you move on."
This all makes perfect sense to me. Happened with my last (Virgo) boyfriend (career in crisis, alcoholic in recovery, bitter divorce, son with autism)...life was chaos. The more I tried to comfort him and be there for him, the more he pulled away. The Cancer man I was recently seeing was slapped with some pretty heady personal thoughts from his deceased mother's journal about slowing down in life, realizing what was important, etc. the day after I nicely confronted him about the holiday debacle. While I believe he has been busy doing exactly what he set out to do, I also believe he is also trying to process the overload of information that's been coming in. I have to admit, I'd probably check out on everybody too until I felt I could lift my head in confidence again.
Thoughts?
"Men need to feel like they're a —winner?? in the world or they tend to fall apart — it's just how we are.
If he doesn't feel like a winner in the world — if he feels like he's a loser at life at the moment — then that can be enough to keep him from wanting to be in a relationship (especially if he's been feeling this way for a while). The best solution is to stand back and let him work out his issues.
If he's already broken up with you, then move on — start getting new dating options, start meeting new guys. You would be amazed at how quickly some guys get their act together (even after months of turmoil) when they think they could lose their girl to some other guy. And the best part is, in the end he??ll thank you for being his inspiration and motivation to becoming a better man.
You're not going to get there by coddling him (that will just make him feel pitiful). You're not going to get their by begging him (that will just make him feel that you're desperate).
The solution is that you motivate him to come back to you??_ or he doesn't come back and you move on."
This all makes perfect sense to me. Happened with my last (Virgo) boyfriend (career in crisis, alcoholic in recovery, bitter divorce, son with autism)...life was chaos. The more I tried to comfort him and be there for him, the more he pulled away. The Cancer man I was recently seeing was slapped with some pretty heady personal thoughts from his deceased mother's journal about slowing down in life, realizing what was important, etc. the day after I nicely confronted him about the holiday debacle. While I believe he has been busy doing exactly what he set out to do, I also believe he is also trying to process the overload of information that's been coming in. I have to admit, I'd probably check out on everybody too until I felt I could lift my head in confidence again.
Thoughts?
My crab bf and I have been together for a year. He disappeared on me twice 3-4 months into our relationship. He was also dealing with a lot of stuff. Eventually he came around and told me everything that had been going on. (I wanted to pull up my own posts on the subject for you to read, but dxp isn't cooperating.)
I followed the same advice you were given here. I called or texted him every few days to let him know that I was thinking of him - even if he didn't respond. No anger or accusations - just letting him know I was here whenever he's ready. And when he finally did respond and was ready to talk, I remained calm. Once we were back on solid ground, I let him know that disappearing is not acceptable to me and that if we're going to be in a relationship, we need to communicate. He never disappeared again.
One thing I've found with my crab is that it's very important for him to know that I will stick by him no matter what. In the first few months, he really didn't know if I would.
I followed the same advice you were given here. I called or texted him every few days to let him know that I was thinking of him - even if he didn't respond. No anger or accusations - just letting him know I was here whenever he's ready. And when he finally did respond and was ready to talk, I remained calm. Once we were back on solid ground, I let him know that disappearing is not acceptable to me and that if we're going to be in a relationship, we need to communicate. He never disappeared again.
One thing I've found with my crab is that it's very important for him to know that I will stick by him no matter what. In the first few months, he really didn't know if I would.
dxp has decided to behave 🙂
Here's the thread I started back when my crab disappeared:
https://www.dxpnet.com/opinion/cancer/how-to-handle-cancer-male-s-withdrawal-2950808/#2950809
Here's the thread I started back when my crab disappeared:
https://www.dxpnet.com/opinion/cancer/how-to-handle-cancer-male-s-withdrawal-2950808/#2950809
Thanks Paries...I'll be sure to check it out! I think Brooklyn may benefit from your story more than I as she is in/has had a relationship with her Cancer. I can't qualify my situation as a relationship. Five dates over the course of a month...lots of talking, relating, connecting. I thought we were progressing nicely, but hardly a relationship.
It's tough to know if my keeping in touch with him would be a nice gesture to him, or if it looks desperate and needy. If I'm honest with myself and I bottom-line it, if he was interested in talking with me, he'd have called. Right?
I won't call/text him again. It'll have to be his move. His silence is speaking quite loudly, actually. I'll just have to respect that, even if he seems to be showing very little of it himself. I trust everything will work out exactly the way it's supposed to.
Thanks again for the link!
It's tough to know if my keeping in touch with him would be a nice gesture to him, or if it looks desperate and needy. If I'm honest with myself and I bottom-line it, if he was interested in talking with me, he'd have called. Right?
I won't call/text him again. It'll have to be his move. His silence is speaking quite loudly, actually. I'll just have to respect that, even if he seems to be showing very little of it himself. I trust everything will work out exactly the way it's supposed to.
Thanks again for the link!
Posted by PhoenixRising46
I can't qualify my situation as a relationship. Five dates over the course of a month...lots of talking, relating, connecting. I thought we were progressing nicely, but hardly a relationship.
I have a Sag friend who would disagree. (Makes me wanna gag) 🙂
Thanks Paries, I will check out the thread you entered.
heyyy not sure if u're still using this site or not
How's everything with your cancer guy??
i also have similar situation to you
i've been getting to kno him for 4 months now (since late october)
had been txt with him a month till i got to see him in december
since then we had been seeing each other at least once a week.. it's great! ^^
we're not in relationship yet.. (intimate but no sex)
he's so cute and sweet ..i can feel that he likes me coz he's jealous of my guy friends lol
and interested to what im doing each day..
i thought everything's doing great.. i thought we could be exclusive soon.. BUT
then on late january he has very serious issue at work (from the story i heard from him,
he pretty much gave me some insight info) it felt great that he open up to me
i said that i understand him and feel free to talk to me.. altho this issue makes him
moody pretty much all the time (severe one.. might take awhile to be good again)
so i kinda feel down too.. at first i tried to do something else
that will help him stop thinking bout it... however it seems like he gradually shuts me out :O
after that he's being less.. no phone call, less text..(i have to be the one who starts conversation
first lately which i felt that something is not right... coz bfor this he usually contacts me first)
so i asked him whether i bother him or not, and should i leave. he said it's fine we can still talk.
it jus he has a lot of things to think and such...
anyway still.. turns on silent mode on me completly on late feb (he ignored my txt! damn!)
so i didnt txt/call him too.. coz i dont wanna be needy! coz we're not an item yet!
But what should i do? i like him.. still thinking bout him all the time ((sigh)) i want it to work it out >.
How's everything with your cancer guy??
i also have similar situation to you
i've been getting to kno him for 4 months now (since late october)
had been txt with him a month till i got to see him in december
since then we had been seeing each other at least once a week.. it's great! ^^
we're not in relationship yet.. (intimate but no sex)
he's so cute and sweet ..i can feel that he likes me coz he's jealous of my guy friends lol
and interested to what im doing each day..
i thought everything's doing great.. i thought we could be exclusive soon.. BUT
then on late january he has very serious issue at work (from the story i heard from him,
he pretty much gave me some insight info) it felt great that he open up to me
i said that i understand him and feel free to talk to me.. altho this issue makes him
moody pretty much all the time (severe one.. might take awhile to be good again)
so i kinda feel down too.. at first i tried to do something else
that will help him stop thinking bout it... however it seems like he gradually shuts me out :O
after that he's being less.. no phone call, less text..(i have to be the one who starts conversation
first lately which i felt that something is not right... coz bfor this he usually contacts me first)
so i asked him whether i bother him or not, and should i leave. he said it's fine we can still talk.
it jus he has a lot of things to think and such...
anyway still.. turns on silent mode on me completly on late feb (he ignored my txt! damn!)
so i didnt txt/call him too.. coz i dont wanna be needy! coz we're not an item yet!
But what should i do? i like him.. still thinking bout him all the time ((sigh)) i want it to work it out >.
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