Trying to Understand Cancerian Behavior
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I am feeling really melancholy...any insight or help would be appreciated. There is a guy I have known for about over 4 years. We work together and many times I feel as though we click and then he would just withdraw. Limited conversation, very abrupt and then very conversational. I have developed deep feelings for him over the years and am trying to keep them in check for my own good. I have never revealed to him my feelings, but I sense that he suspects I like him. Is it typical for a Cancer guy to withdraw because he is not interested? He is very flirtatious, but then he flirts with many other people within the job.
I decided to keep my distance and conversations with him to a minimum. After all, he alienated me first. I don't know if this is the right thing to do. I want things to be good between us, but not at my expense. I have noticed him speaking with other people and have total disregard for me. I hurts because I feel alienated for no good reason. I feel like leaving my current job because I can't take it anymore. Is it possible that he just doesn't want anything to do with me? He is hot and cold...too much inconsistency.
|''He is very flirtatious, but then he flirts with many other people within the job.''|
If he flirts with you then he is NOT interested. Cancer men are flirts. But they dont flirt with women they REALLY like. He is a shy man underneath and quite anxious so he would treat you differently. He would be confident around women he doesnt respect too much/care for. The one he cares for and respects will be treated differently.
Maybe he is already in a relationship?
|I totally agree with Scorpion Stinger. A cancerian approach is just so indirect. From what you mentioned, there are 2 possibilities. |
First, there is a slight possibility that he has developed feelings for you as well, if not, he would not have have totally disregard you. A cancerian is quite compassionate in nature. People whom they have no feelings for, they will be nice to them still. People whom have found themself attracted to...they will start to withdraw, unless they are sure the feelings is mutual. Why?
1) He's afraid that if he gets close to you, u will discover that he likes you, & if you have no feelings for him, you might reject him. & once you reject him, he cannot even be friends with you anymore. That is a risk that he cannot afford to take to someone whom he loves. That is the "possibility" that a cancerian cannot face. He'd rather love the person secretly, until the person whom he loves makes a move.
2) He flirts with all, except the one he likes, because while flirting, mind you, he's actually secretly observing your reaction. Yes, cancerian's ultra sensitive feelers at work here. He will try to sense your reaction. If he sensed that you showed the slightest unhappiness or jealousy when he flirts with other people..TADA...He knew that more or less, you have some feelings for him & want him exclusive to yourself. Yup, this is so devious & indirect. Then, he will slowly move forward a little.
You might wish to think again, if he has done anything significant for you. Little surprises, showing of care & concern, when there's only the both of you together. Observe him. How does he behave towards you when there are only 2 of you around. Is he shy?
Second scenario, if he suspects you like him, & he has no feelings for you. Hm...He will be distant. Very very distant. Besides official matters, he might not want to have anything to do with you. His flirtation will also reduce significantly. He will not revealed much about himself to you, or even to the extent of totally shutting you out of his life.
You mentioned that both of you have worked together 4 years. How much have you understand him throughout these years? Sit down & reflect abit on the past 4 years. Has he done anything for you that has touched or moved your heart? A cancerian swim the widest river,climb the highest mountain,pluck the stars for the person whom they love, &,when you ask them if they love you, they simply reply "Hi, that's what friens r for..."
|"He's afraid that if he gets close to you, u will discover that he likes you, & if you have no feelings for him, you might reject him. & once you reject him, he cannot even be friends with you anymore. That is a risk that he cannot afford to take to someone whom he loves. That is the "possibility" that a cancerian cannot face."|
Indeed typical Cancer logic.
|Hello Scorpion Stinger, Flying foxes, Kreeftaap, Luckystar, and Moon_eyes,|
I hope you are all well. First of all, I am very thankful for all of your great advice and logic in my appeal for answers. You have all made me see things that I have wondered about, but unsure of.
Scorpion Stinger, I think you have a good point about his flirting around people that he doesn't really care for or respect. He does get shy around me. I have noticed that. Around other females, he is very social, confident and projects a playboy persona. I have noticed his glances in my direction while doing so. Thanks for pointing that out to me.
Flying Foxes, you have really given me lots to think about! Thank you! I think with his behavior, the possibities could range anywhere from the first to second scenarios. I feel that he is very shy and wants to preserve his feelings. He has done really thoughtful things for me in terms of gifts. Two years ago, for my birthday, he gave me one of his collectible gifts that was still sealed in a package. He knows that I collect figurines and gave me something that was his. It made me feel special. However, I will still observe his behavior and try to get answers.
Kreeftaap, I am crossing my fingers. I don't want him to feel unsure. If anything, I would encourage him. :-)
Luckystar, I love Cancers too! :-)
As far as his relationship status, he has no one exclusive. He did mention this to me and said that he needs a girlfriend...I hope it is me. ;-)
|so, when he's in love, "He'd rather love the person secretly," |
but "if he suspects you like him, & he has no feelings for you. He will be distant. Very very distant."
"He flirts with all, except the one he likes," but if he "has no feelings for you... he might not want to have anything to do with you. His flirtation will also reduce significantly."
sooooo.... basically what you have revealed is that the way a cancer treats you if he is in love with you and the way he treats you if he wants nothing to do with you are the same....
how do you figure out which it is?
|good one IsabelScorpia, i am so curious to see what answers you get, it may put a stop to my misery too.....lol|
and please don't say that "you need to ask them", they will go around the bush till you get dizzy, you can never get a straight answer from them anyway
|cancers are passive. you don't need to ask them. they gives you cranky answers depending whether its full moon or crescent. the only thing is to tell them u love them, & see how it works from there. |
let them know how u would like to be loved, then observe, if they make any move on doing those things that makes u feel loved. if he doesn't, most likely he's not into you. Cancers don't express their love. Many times, they express it via action.
drop subtle hints. Tell them how you wish you can find that long lost teddy bear given to you by your dad, or something lost which meant alot to u. If this guy is into you, he'll do whatever he can to get that for u, just to make u happy.
perhaps do a recount of how many sweet surprises he has done for u exclusively. when he's into you, he'll try to read your mind, understands you, listens to you, & finds ways to make you happy.
|Make it simple, don't play with cancers. Be genuine with them, they will be sincere to you. If you are not in love with a cancer, but just like him, & think he's a potential among your other suitors, you are not for cancer. |
"He flirts with all, except the one he likes". Isn't it obvious that if he flirts with all, except the one he likes, this person whom he doesnt flirt with, is different from the rest. So, you can shrink it down to 2 possibilities.
Either he is shy & afraid he would be rejected if this person he likes knows about his feelings for her, or he is bloody disgusted with her that he totally wants nothing to do with her!
So, in between this 2 possibilities, its really up to your own reflection & analysis, as well as your status. If you are attached & in love with your bf, of course the cancerian can only love you secretly.
My point is, don't keep trying to analyse a cancerian if he loves you. If he has done something sweet for you, & you felt for him as well, reciprocate his feelings by doing something similar. mirror his actions. That's the only way he knows if you like him, & then, he will make a bolder step.
Hope all your weekends are great!
I have been reading the posts and have taken all comments into consideration. However, the Cancer guy that I secretly love, has been a bit more attentive lately. I have been doing my own thing and not paying much mind to him. I was testing his reaction to my neutral behavior. Now I notice that he acknowledges me more, flirts less with other girls, and has called me into his office for "meetings." They were business, but he did inject more personal things about himself into these meetings. Yesterday, he called me into his office and we were discussing work-related matters. The conversation ended up more personal again. He was red and had this excited look on his face. He also stared at me and absorbed every word I said. His eyes became dark and we had this intense eye contact for almost 7 seconds...
My boss and his boss knocked on his door and asked him if everything was ok, and he said yes...that he was just discussing a procedure with me. She then looked and me and then him...
She gave this look as if she were interrupting something...I don't know if he is into me or just being himself...
Can anyone tell me what they think?
What does this mean?
i am more than in lovewith this guy i am talking about, i love him very much, but today he told me that he keeps things to a minimum because he wants to save the best for later, as he wants to make sure that he will not be cheated upon or be dumped, i think the 10 years gap between us is eating him up as he always says that"my husband" will be in "trouble" as far as i am concearned....
|BollyHips i think he is really interested, i know that my cancer told me that he had relationships within his work and he usd to be very flirtatious(guess he still is), but now when he has decided that it is time to settle down(he is 39), he said that he will never do that again due to problems or ethics|
i'd say that you should show him that you're interested, keep your cool, but don't give in that easily(they love a challenge....and i know it worked for me especially that it came naturally)lol
Thanks for your advice! What a coincidence! My Cancer is also 39...Not the same guy I hope...;-).