Ultimatum for Cancer Woman?

In my opinion, I think if she were really that into you, she would at least drop a message saying 'hey, today's going to be busy for me. I don't think I'll be able to talk.' As someone who disappears because of stress and being busy, myself, I can tell you that if I had someone I really liked or loved, I would make time in my schedule to at least drop a text. It wouldn't even take a minute. In that case, I don't think an ultimatum would work. She's going to do this disappearing act even with an ultimatum. And, I wouldn't give her a note. I would call her up and say "This isn't working. I understand you're busy, but you leave and don't even send me one text in the time period you're away for.", etc. Calling or talking in person would hit her the hardest, probably. Just don't be pulled in by her words. You need to make a solid decision that you would be happy with. Stay with her and continue dealing with these periods she's away, or leave for something else. Have a strong conviction in your choice.
If you think she has some underlying issues, ask her to talk about them. Maybe you'll find your answer from that.

cyberloon

5/7/2012 3:28:06 PM | IP

male

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cyberloon

5/7/2012 3:48:09 PM | IP

male

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crabcakesandmayo

5/7/2012 4:14:38 PM | IP

female

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Scenic

5/7/2012 4:17:15 PM | IP

female from U.S.A.

Sun Pisces Moon Pisc

Well, it could be that she's keeping her true feelings to herself. When's the last time she's been in a relationship? I was so used to saying 'I love you' to my ex that now, if he ever says 'I still love you', occasionally I slip and say 'love you, too', out of habit. Not saying that is what she is doing. But, I also slip up sometimes and explain it that I'm tired because I don't want the person to get the wrong idea. If she disappeared after your gift, she could be thinking about whether she wants to go deeper into a relationship with you or may be asking if she really wants to continue it. Maybe some conflicts going on in her mind. When she disappears, it would be good not to bug her too much. You might want to say "it hurts when you do this" or something, to keep her in check. If not, she might drift too far away or do this more often. Someone told me this before, and since then, I've felt bad every time I didn't text back right away, so my habits with him have gotten a little better.

What did she say after you told her that? <--referring to your last sentence.

It may be possible to get her to come out with her true feelings and explanations, but you're going to need to either be talking to her on the phone or in person. And you'll have to act caring and understanding. And maybe use some guilt tactics. Not too much. Though, this is what would work on me, so maybe you should take your own advice, instead of mine.

cyberloon

5/7/2012 4:35:49 PM | IP

male

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paries

5/7/2012 4:41:32 PM | IP

I'm an Aries female in a relationship with a Cancer male. Here's my experience:

My crab disappeared twice. The first time, he resurfaced all upset because (in his mind) I didn't try hard enough to let him know that I missed him. The second time, which was a few weeks later, I tried to call or text approximately once every few days but he ignored them all. I didn't nag or get angry in my messages. I just said things like "thinking of you" and "I'm here when you're ready to talk".

Finally he came around after a couple of weeks. He was going through some emotional stuff and his disappearing act(s) had nothing to do with me. Except in a way they kind of did. While I thought my feelings for him were clear, from his perspective they weren't. Basically he was testing to see if I was going to stick around or tell him to shove it.

I let him know that I'm sticking around but that disappearing and ignoring me is not okay. That was 6 months ago and he hasn't done it since.

cyberloon

5/7/2012 4:46:30 PM | IP

male

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Scenic

5/7/2012 4:51:54 PM | IP

female from U.S.A.

Sun Pisces Moon Pisc

Sounds like she's in a bad place for a relationship right now. The more you talk, the more I'm thinking it's probably not as big of a deal as it could be, meaning she has feelings for you but has so much going on instead of 'she may not even like you and she's all confused'. Well, I think the best thing to do for her is to just support her in whatever she does and try to make her happy. Once she starts leaning in you more and letting go of her insecurities, things should lighten up. I think maybe doing what paries does would be good - send her simple things like 'hope everything is going well' 'miss talking to you', etc, maybe be good to do when she goes missing.

cyberloon

5/7/2012 5:09:07 PM | IP

male

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cyberloon

5/7/2012 5:39:31 PM | IP

male

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paries

5/7/2012 7:52:58 PM | IP

Posted by cyberloon
I forgot to ask you paries - did you let him know the disappearing was not okay during the actual disappearance when you were sending messages every few days or did you wait until he came back?

I told him when he came back. He explained why he disappeared and only then did I tell him that ignoring me was not okay. One difference between my situation and yours is that unlike your Cancer, mine didn't come back acting like nothing happened. He knew he hurt me and he owned up to it.

cyberloon

5/7/2012 8:10:32 PM | IP

male

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crabcakesandmayo

5/7/2012 9:09:18 PM | IP

female

@ Maddy: we are selfish when it comes to our feelings. We know it hurts you but that hurt is nothing compared to the hurt we feel if we make a mistake. We run tests that would make the Superior Institute of Laboratory Tests astonished!!

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