|Repeatedly I hear that Cancers can be clingy. What does this mean exactly? How does this behaviour manifest and at what stage of the relationship?|
What do you mean by "clingy" ?
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@ duncan exposé:
Sun Gemini 3.41 Moon Virgo 14.11
|When I met this Cancer guy, all I did was see him looking at me and I shook my butt at him. And he knew a friend of a friend of mine, got that guy to figure out what next bar I was going to and had his friend bring me to the back of the bar to meet him. At that point, he followed me around to every bar I went to (I was on a pub crawl with friends) and walked me 3 miles home. It was really weird and would have been extremely creepy if I didn't like him and think it was cute. When we are out, with or without other people, he would pretty much always be touching me. Either his arm around me or something. |
For myself, venus in cancer, I am extremely clingy with guys. Once I like them, I cannot let go!!! I try sooooo hard to be aloof, but I can't. Even now, that cancer guy has moved away and I can't stop thinking about him. It does not help that he texts me everyday, but logically, I am pretty sure we won't date again or hang out any time soon, but I can't help thinking, hoping that we will be together again. Even though I know it is completely ridiculous. It has been months but if he is in town, I pretty much go crazy, wanting to text him where he is and somehow try to get him to hang out with me. It takes major self control to not let him know how crazy I am about him. I probably won't have closure for this until I see he has a new relationship or something, since I guess I can't expect a Cancer guy to just tell me he is not into me anymore. I am trying to go date other people, but it's difficult because part of me wants to leave myself open to him, part of me wants to find someone who is exactly like him and pick up where we left off, but I know that's impossible. I have logic, but my head is so dense, it just won't register and I still have these dumb feelings. I have to somehow date these 'other' people... bleh!
|There are Cancers (that i know of) whose behavior I've observed.|
one is my dad. And he is pretty clingy towards my Mom (although you can tell she enjoys it). He is always calling her from work, hanging out with her at home, anything she does, he has to do. He's always around her.
two, a Cancer guy from last year who had a crush on me. In the class we shared, he was always around me. Always messaging me on Facebook.
Third, is a Cancer guy I am interested in. And I'm pretty sure he's interested in me too. He's a bit more reserved though. He kind of follows me around in class, always in my conversations, especially if it's one i'm having with another guy.
So that's pretty much how I can explain it. Although Cancers are definitely loyal to their friends, unless they have devoted their love to you in a relationship. I think clingy is basically them always wanting to be around you, and getting upset if you're with someone else.
|Clingy is being needy, obsessed, fixated on everything the person does and will do next. |
I think clinginess comes from:
- Insecurity , excessive worry
- Lack of confidence, with the decisions you make
- Low-Self esteem, worry you are not good enough so you always need it affirmed by partner, seeking validation and self-worth from them or based on the quality of the relationship
- Vulnerability, been hurt many times before, childhood derived pathology
- Fear of the unknown, after giving so much of yourself to this rel & partner is there anything or anyone that will pop out of nowhere and take all of this away from you
- Doubt & Mistrust, wondering whether your partner needs you as much as you need them bc it doesn't seem like it to you
- Need to Control, manipulating partner or situation to make sure the preconceived worst case scenarios (that was spawned from your irrational thoughts) can be prevented
- Pessimism, always apprehensive when something is seems to good to be true, instead of being grateful and accepting it, you keep thinking someone will pull the rug from under your feet
- Denial, denying yourself the freedom to act and speak freely without the influence of your partners actions and words (acting instead of reacting)
- Weakness, inability to self-soothe or take care of yourself as in meeting your own needs instead of expecting/relying on someone to do it for you (you're not a baby anymore, give yourself some credit you're a lot stronger and self-sufficient than you think)
How I know this:
I've been working on overcoming my clinginess. It used to be rampantly prevalent in my younger relationships. The worse was when we would say goodbye, whether it is permanent or only temporary (as in saying goodnight at the end of hanging out!!), and I would suddenly manifest an intense resistance & irrational emotional reaction. I would suddenly start a fight or try to make them mad or resort to emotional manipulation. I can only leave if I am mad at the person but strongly refuse to leave when the person is angry with me. All 4 guys I've had a relationship with noticed this and have called me out on it. ALL of them. Another manifestation of this is the incessant phone calls, I think I have a track record of 30 missed calls and 17 text messages. I hope nobody on this board decides to be a douche and criticize me. I've admitted my faults/flaw and making the effort to change so eat it.
|I actually meant to start a thread about this here on the Cancerian board. It's really common with this sign isn't it? oh gawd i hope so, otherwise... eek. lol|
|i have a moon in cancer and some of those traits i notice in myself but that after falling deeply for someone and they pulling away on a emotional level.its a sense of feeling im being taken for granted. if it prolongs i will shut down and go off on my own thing sun capricorn.|
but yea i cant stand my partner mad at me as i personally cant stay mad for long it annoys me .
|Vulnerability, Doubt& Mistrust, Need to Control... guilty, guilty, guilty!|
I remember one of my first bfs, I would hate to get off the phone with him. We'd talk till we couldn't keep our eyes open I couldn't say goodbye. had to be "see you or sweet dreams"
I am emotionally clingy. I don't need to be around you but we have to be emotionally synced or I get very nervous. I need to know what my partner is feeling... even if the emotions are negative. You don't have to tell me, I'll guess it..
And when we're sleeping.. have fun prying my arms off of you. I wants to touch!
Posted by Jhene
Oh wow thanks, that is good to know since I was pretty curious about that bc this guy I really like is a Sun Cap & Moon Cancer too. He's off wandered away from me right now to go "process" some stuff I've said & assess our situation i suppose. He promised me he will get back to me after. Since Caps are good for their word, I feel secure about his promise. But being a SunCancer, MoonVirgo, MercLeo, VenusGem ...plus the humiliating post I shared above about my history with guys... I am at edge because he's everything I've always wanted and deserved so I naturally want to better myself and give him only the my best self and nothing less (which is why I don't mind that we are both having space- so I can work on myself more) ....but ugh I'm trying SOOOOO HARD not to react to this negatively and revert to past behavior. I can see how he/situation could trigger it so I'm keeping aware and imposing self-control. ughh so hard.. smh ......on a brighter note, he hasn't been exposed to any of the above misbehaviors. and i'm not gonna say "yet" bc I am determined to do right from now on! whew..
Posted by shellshocker
oh my goodness Thank You someone else out there has the humility to admit this of themselves! lol...
-yes when i sense it's nearing the end of the phone convo and i have no clue when i will see him again, I start to feel that panic feeling like oh no i have to say bye soon!
-true true true.. I am so independent and love to wander and have my alone times, however i only do that when i feel secure about the rel, which is only possible when I know we are emotionally in sync, problem is, I always think that emotions are touchSO intense and that NOBODY could EVER match it so I always feel DOOMED when i fall for someone bc my emotions are strongly involved! (rel were stressful to me in this way! ugh)
-Communication, very very big on that -ya even if feelings arent mentioned, i am intuitive/perceptive enough and can get a sense from your interaction/comm with me
-I am so touchy feely ...HA
::sigh:: sometimes i feel crazy for these and must change :-\
|My guy just always has to be touching me in some way when we're together... hand holding, cuddling, if we're on the couch he'll lay his head on me, even if we're out at the store and I'll be looking at something he'll come up behind me and wrap his arms around me. Or he will just touch my face or hair randomly.|
on occasion he'll text me and ask me what I'm up to when we're not together
he always wants to hangout a lot. lol even if we're both tired from work, even if its just to watch him play a video game.
hes a cancer AND has venus in cancer. hah!
but there was no "stage" it just is how its always been.
|Hey all, thanks for your responses. When my crab and I started dating, for the first couple of months he would text me constantly - usually stupid nothing texts. And he'd make some sort of comment if I took too long to respond. He'd also phone me just to have me on the phone - even if neither of us had anything to say. Also, anytime I got up to leave the room, he'd ask where I was going or if I was okay. (Yeah, I'm okay. I'm just going to pee. Is that alright?) I thought he was a little weird, lol. |
But he doesn't do any of that stuff anymore. He always was and still is very touchy-feely. But I see that more as a need for affection rather than being clingy.
I wasn't sure if Cancers are clingy only during certain stages of the relationship or all the time. And I didn't know why they sometimes act this way. My guess is that my guy is not longer ridiculously clingy because he no longer has those same doubts and insecurities about where we stand like he might have in the beginning. Make sense?
|I think you're right paries, you're fullfilling some need of his and he no longer feels insecure which is good.|
Posted by paries
Yeah right on! I would assume that as Cancers mature and fully develop their sense of self, the type of unhealthy clinginess disappears. But yeah in the beginning we like to feel a person out through talking and interaction, it's how we can tell if it's safe to let ourselves fall for the person. It's good that you were not disturbed or repulsed by it in the beginning, whereas some will find it suffocating or desperate. I guess you passed the Cancer's test There's something about the way you deal with him, it's probably reassuring so it makes him feel secure about the relationship. Maybe lots of affection, honest open communication, understanding, and unconditional acceptance...those seem to make a crab feel secure!
I'm happy for the two of you!
|At the beginning it was clear that he was really into me. Way more than I was into him. And his behaviour made me feel desired, which in turn made me feel secure and confident in the relationship. |
The irony is that since he doesn't cling anymore, now I sometimes feel insecure. Not all the time - just sometimes. On good days I feel that he doesn't cling anymore because our relationship is solid and so clinging serves no purpose. On bad days I feel that he doesn't cling anymore because he no longer has the same desire for me he once did.
"It's good that you were not disturbed or repulsed by it in the beginning, whereas some will find it suffocating or desperate."
When I was much younger, during a stage when I was not really interested in being with anyone, I had a brief relationship with a clingy guy - really clingy. He always wanted to be with me, see me daily, flipped out when other guys looked at me or spoke to me, etc. It drove me insane. The relationship was brief because I just couldn't take it anymore. I'm not sure if I'm remembering correctly because it was so long ago, but I think he was also a Cancer.
Posted by gemcancervenus
holy crap i have a cancer venus too and that is so dead on.
i have to same problem as soon as i like a guy then i tend to get completely into the whole situation and i come off as such an obsessive creep (which maybe i am?)
but yeah seriously, hard time letting go.
same situation of a guy leaving and i want to move on by my heart is still open to the chance he might come back and we might be able to be together.
he's not a cancer but has a cancer moon.