signs of cancer man in love

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2/7/2008 3:21:53 PM | More
Cassandra

33 years old female

how does a cancer man act when in love? what are some signs he's falling for you? i take it he's not going to be open about it? or would they venture it if they were truly in love? how do you get them to initiate any sign of deep emotion without outright just pouring your emotions out? ok, show them you are understanding, that you listen to them, try to make them feel safe, what else? what if you can't break down the barrier, what if you feel that he is pushing you away? i am at a standstill with a cancer man and ANY advice on how to proceed would be helpful. i'm a defensive scorp who has been hurt before by him so pouring all of my feelings out would be a last resort, although i'm considering it but i would be more willing to do so if i could assume that he feels the same. i need clues. blunt and honest. i'm ready to give up and assume he doesn't care, but something tells me i need to get to the bottomw of this, the core of it, i need him to be completely honest before i can let it go. is this possible?
2/7/2008 4:19:09 PM | More
Scorpion sting

female

Yes its possible. Im a Scorpio woman and I have feelings for the close Cancer male friend in my life.

Im usually very good at getting through to people but Cancer men are a whole different story. These are very smart, tactical men. They KNOW what theyre doing. So clever.

They take the indirect approach to everything. Like crabs - walk sideways.

He may be pushing you away due to a number of reasons;

Maybe youre probing too much. Cancer men dont like too much too soon. It takes TIME and PATIENCE with this man.

He may have been hurtin the past so doesnt want to get close to anyone (just yet).

Does he initiate contact with you first?

I need more details.

2/7/2008 5:13:52 PM | More
Scorpion sting

female

Leokitten

Youre not answering her questions. All youre doing is bragging how great your ex Cancer was.

Cassandra - some more details about your relationship would be useful. Saves me having to make a lot of assumptions. Scorpios and Cancers have a special, almost instant bond which other signs like Leo cannot understand.
2/7/2008 5:15:02 PM | More
Lil.ladie.taurus

female

"clues? sex is making love...lots of face touching...lots of snuggling...need to be around you a lot...calls...listens..."

Thats it right there!
2/9/2008 5:40:08 PM | More
SweetestFatale

30 years old female from Fayetteville, North Carolina  USA  

LeoKitten, I respect your relationship, but my Cancer is very indirect and subtle sometimes. Other times he's very bold and cuts to the chase, but when it comes to emotions and declarations of emotions, its usually by something more meaningful and less to the point. For example he might say something that indicates I mean a lot to him like "I could be anywhere in the world, but Im here with you, and Im happy to be here" rather that just say "you mean a lot to me". Bad thing is, it takes work to figure out when he's doing it and if I dont catch on to what he is trying to say his feelings are hurt. It might be a trait of the younger more inexperienced Cancer.

I think the listening and sharing part are very key to how much a cancer is into you too. I wont lie and say my Cancer guy calls me all the time and initiates all the contact, but whenever something happens that he just HAS to share, he'll call me, voice full of excitement and wonder, and sometimes he'll call me and just listen to me talk. At first I thought he was being an idiot calling me with nothing to say, then I thought about it and now I feel special because I can tell he's just listening to me filing away what Im saying, enjoying my voice and I know this by his thoughtful responses and perfectly timed reminders.
2/9/2008 5:55:33 PM | More
Cassandra

33 years old female

thanks for your comments. i guess i'm just tryig to figure out if i should initiate more or just back off. he's very confusing. we were together a few years back, it became intense quickly, then he broke it off saying he was scared of feeling so deeply, since at the time we were both going away to school and, also, he had been hurt before. i felt very strongly for him, but never told him. we kept in touch for a little while but then he stopped returning my calls.
he contacted me recently and asked if we could meet up again, we did. great conversations, except i got defensive at the end and spoke of my relationships, other men... i don't know why, i believe i'm still hurt by him and don't trust him. we were both very open the whole time until the end, as i said, i started closing myself off, making it obvious that i've had other meaningful people in my life (although none who meant to me what he did, of course i didn't say this). but anyway, we both agreed we would like to see each other again, i texted him a message soon after saying i had a great time, we should get together again soon, he has not responded. it's been a couple of weeks. should i continue and let him make contact when he's ready or should i try once more? can anybody interpret possibly what he might be feeling to make him act this way?

2/9/2008 6:55:50 PM | More
SweetestFatale

30 years old female from Fayetteville, North Carolina  USA  

just give him space and let him decide what he's going to do. You have no obligation to him either way so just do what your heart says. if your heart says stick with it, then try to be patient and wait it out, if it says move on then do that.

Good luck
2/10/2008 11:38:38 AM | More
krobe03

Cassandra, I am not here to put you down or anything because I KNOW exactly how you feel because at some point in my life I have been in a similar situation.

I know a lot of women say I and Leokitten are very rude, blunt women but to a certain degree if you really listen to Leokitten, she makes some very good points. A man who is continuously showing you love and not putting in work to win your heart should not be an option. No!

He has to want to LOVE you, want to cherish you and there is no ifs ands or buts about making up excuses for him. No action, no thoughts of him should be in your mind. No thoughts, time, space no nothing. YOU are a Queen and in order for him to cherish you as a Queen you have to present yourself as one or tell him to beat it. Men are not stupid they know a woman who is confident and one who is looking for something from them right from the beginning. What will he do if he can feel your neediness, withdraw away from YOU! You have to live your life without the neediness from him or any man for that matter.

Maybe you are treating your Cancer friend just as a friend and not a lover. Men want a lover more than a mother or a friend. A challenge, not someone who they know they have a hold on. It is just not interesting to a man. If he is not giving YOU want YOU need and out of this then let him go on. Don't try to hold on to him.
2/10/2008 11:43:29 AM | More
krobe03

Why? Why keep letting a man who is not treating YOU as the Queen that you are in and out of your life. The more you let him in and out the more he will run in and out of the door way of your life. You have to toughen up your turf. Make some strong boundaries and stick to them. Period! It's no half and half, your love has to be TOUGH and I don't mean be bitter or harsh.

You can tell the Cancer man how you feel because he likes vulnerability. Just don't holler or scream at him with anger. It is OK to share your feelings; he will distance himself more if you are not open and vulnerable. Just share your feelings and back off. He will pick up on them and come back around. He cannot relate to you hiding your feelings from him. NO, no not a Cancer man he wants you to open yourself up without anger or bitterness. You have to “talk” and he will talk and let you know what he wants. He is not afraid to tell you what "he" wants out of this. The whole catch is just don't let him "tell" you things without living up to the words. He wants to know you will not tolerate just words without action.
9/10/2008 6:28:19 AM | More
cremefatale

I am going through more or less the same thing, My boyfriend is an cancerian and im a taurus, ive been with him for a year and 3 months and not sure im making any progress as he draws close then retreats in to his shell for a couple of days, I'm not sure how he feels about me and i it's hurtful as Iam very expressive. I'd say my advice to you is to have it out with him as this worked for me. Tell him how you feel and ask him what he wants from the relationship, Dont be scared to do this because you'll probably be pleasantly surprised, I was with my own slow moving crab!
9/10/2008 8:25:22 AM | More
redhedgurl

female from macau, china  

i'ma true aries. now, move outta the wa

well, he may be a cancer, but he's a person first and each of us is individual. i'm married to a cancer and from what i saw i will agree, they can take for-frickin'-ever! time is different for them when they're testing the waters than for when they dive in. the first one can take years, the dive is startlingly quick. and my husband and his ex tried 3 times to be together with years in between each try. like i said, time is different for them. pushing, prodding, rushing. all bad things. guess my advice would be to be semi-available, sunny, friendly, bubbly and just focus on friendship. cancer or individual, frienship without pressure is always a great start!

9/10/2008 11:29:19 AM | More
Lady_taurus

30 years old female

Taurus Sun Virgo Moon Taurus Venus

"i need clues. blunt and honest. i need him to be completely honest before i can let it go. is this possible?"

This is very hard for Cancers to do. They hate putting their feelings on the line because they fear rejection or someone taking advantage of them. In the beginning I expected the same from my Cancer, but I soon learned to stop looking for what he says and to look for what he does to show me that he loves me and wants to be with me.

“Cancer men dont like too much too soon. It takes TIME and PATIENCE with this man.He may have been hurtin the past so doesnt want to get close to anyone (just yet).”

Agreed!!! Everything will happen in their time. Pushing and wanting more when they are not ready will not help. They will give you as much as they feel you deserve or earned and eventually they will show more… but with time.

“My Cancer is very indirect and subtle sometimes. Other times he's very bold and cuts to the chase, but when it comes to emotions and declarations of emotions, its usually by something more meaningful and less to the point.”

My Cancer guy is also very much like this.


“not sure im making any progress as he draws close then retreats in to his shell for a couple of days”

In the beginning my Cancer was like this. By being very slow, they want to be absolutely positive about the person they are with. So they constantly retreat to evaluate the relationship to figure out whether they want to be in it. While doing so they also want to see what kind of reaction they will get from the other person. And because they are indirect, you may have done something unknown to you that hurt them. They sometimes expect people to read them like how they can read other people. Unfortunately, it can't always happen.

“they can take for-frickin'-ever! time is different for them when they're testing the waters than for when they dive in.”

Very much so!

Like everyone said… it is going to take a lot of patience and endurance to deal with this man. Depending on his past, he may be very guarded. Cancer men are very complex but once they see that you understand them and can tolerate and pass their “tests”, they will allow themselves to open their heart to you, but you have to be a deserving person for them to open up like that. Someone that they feel is “perfect” for them, one who will not disappoint them, intentionally hurt them and one whom they feel comfortable with in all aspects.

I hope things work out!
9/10/2008 11:31:16 AM | More
Lady_taurus

30 years old female

Taurus Sun Virgo Moon Taurus Venus

"frienship without pressure is always a great start!"

Yesss!!! Friendship is very important to Cancers and if you can flex with them as a friend they will appreciate that more than you putting on the pressures of trying to be in a relationship.
9/11/2008 11:19:37 AM | More
krobe03

Krobe I have been reading ur posts on different threads and I must say I like ur style. It reminds me of the principles in this book called "Why Men Love c**kiemonsteres" by Sherry Argov.

Um, No, I don't have any rules but I have been dealing with men long enough to know what works and what doesn't work and I def know that sitting around waiting on a man to come back to you ever time he is pulling away and you pursuing him or "even" iniating "Calling" him is just putting out unnecessary energy!

Being exclusive and acting like a girlfriend BEFORE he is MARRIED and fully committed to you is a trap! You are being a steady woman in his life where he has ALL the power over you. He gets to sleep with you, you cook, clean, mother him with extra "love" dote over him, shower him with love and attention so you can prove your loyalty to him and all you are doing is being "desperate".

He is aware you are desperate so he will do everything he can to act Toxic and keep you into his poisonous trap, simply because he is aware you have low self esteem.

I really don't too many men that marry women with low self esteem that is the reason why you stay his "girlfriend" and exclusive with him until his dream girl comes along! Then he will break the girlfriend deal and get married to someone else who appears to not give a flyin fu@@ about him while you put in years of hard work just to "get him".

I just believe women should always act as a prize and someone worth "getting"! Men cannot fall in love with a woman who is trying to "get him". He will not be the man you want anyways. He will be lazy and you will be "weak" doing all the work in the relationship and who wants that role. A desperate woman!
9/11/2008 3:00:00 PM | More
Lady_taurus

30 years old female

Taurus Sun Virgo Moon Taurus Venus

"Being exclusive and acting like a girlfriend BEFORE he is MARRIED and fully committed to you is a trap! You are being a steady woman in his life where he has ALL the power over you. He gets to sleep with you, you cook, clean, mother him with extra "love" dote over him, shower him with love and attention so you can prove your loyalty to him and all you are doing is being "desperate"."

Are you married Krobe?

People court and get to know each other before they actually marry. Cooking and whatever else for a man is not being desperate. 2-3 years is the maximum in my books for courting, but if a woman is with a man for 5-10 years without being married, and is acting like the wife, then that is being desperate. On the other hand some people choose not to be married and are quite fine being in a common law marriage with someone.

"Then he will break the girlfriend deal and get married to someone else who appears to not give a flyin fu@@ about him while you put in years of hard work just to "get him"."

I don't think this is true. I am sorry but any man that wants a woman who does not treat him good, it is him that is in fact dealing with low self-esteem.

Women need to realise that treating a man badly does not make them a stronger woman. That tactic may cause him to chase, but eventually the chasing will get old and he will want someone that can be his partner, not someone that he has to put up with or struggle to keep. I think it is the other way around, men marry the wife material and have the seductive, hard to reach woman on the side as the mistress. They may be intrigued by her game but do they actually leave their wives. Hardly ever do.

Women should just be themselves; by putting neither less nor more effort in which they feel is deserved into someone. Yes some women go over board and try to please a man, but being mean and bitter to gain control is only playing a game and eventually all games come to an end. At the end of the day, you are not losing anything by being yourself, and if someone can't appreciate the good about you then you need to leave them. With every relationship we learn and there is someone out there for everyone. Why lose yourself by trying to win?
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