any advice about controlling gemini's??

misslissa
i have a gemini father who has some control issues. a few of the issues are:

- he over-rides me as a mother to my children.

- he lies all the time. even tho he knows that he can be caught up in it, he will still lie.

- he can't ever accept the fact that he's wrong in everything. like it can be proven but he will still say he's not wrong. he can't ever accept a difference of opinions.

- he's very condisending in his tone with everyone. he's one of those who THINKS he's smarter than the world. lol.

- when it comes to money, he seems to think that he can lay claim to it somehow. even if it's not his money.

everyone around him agrees that he has to have all the control of everyone and everything. does anyone have advice?? OTHER than leave the situation!! i already know i have to do that! i want to know what to do in the mean time!?!?
dward417
my boyfriend is gem and hes the same way...it makes me sick sometimes...he can be soooo stubborn but I had to learn to either deal with it or leave....i guess this is different with it being your father...thats a toughy
Tas
misslissa I'm experiencing one of the biggest problems in my life and especially this period I'm doing some thinking/changes in my life and one of them regards my gemini father. To cut to the chase he's all that you said and more and I used to like him and wanted to be with him and discuss/learn. And he seemed so good at it until he treated my ex really badly and I started to see the real two-face gemini. I know it's not all about zodiac, there's personality too.

I tried to be tough with him so he will show some respect (I'm indepedent now with my own income and place to live) but his ego/independence/lying shocked me. Who said aqua and gem supposed to match ? He's the only person, apart from a couple of scorpios friends that I broke up and disliked afterwards (i don't get along with scoprios at all), that I start to dislike but again he's my father and I struggle inside.
Summer Night
Hi,

I just recently joined this board cause I just broke up last week after a serious 3 yr ltr with a gem well set in his way. I agree with all these comments and then some.

Since it's your dad, breaking up is not an option. Be strong and believe in yourself most of all. That is the best way to to deal with life's cruelties. Each time he cuts loose in an unkind way, just shut him down and tell him you don't deserve to be treated that way. Try to change the subject to something he likes to talk about or something positive.

I think if you sound strong and stern, their instinct is to hit back hard. But if you can develop a smarter approach...As women from all ages have learned, let them think they are controlling you, but sweet talk to their ego when they are good, and keep your tone as calm as possible when they are bad.

You are looking for answers, so I'm only trying to give you ideas to try. If this is not possible for you, and believe me I understand, then lay the boundaries down, tell him what the rules are if he wants to stay involved, but don't be surprised if he will resort to any tactic to hurt you again, only this time harder.

I feel badly for your situation, I used to think they got a little nicer as they age, but I no longer feel that way. They are only nice when they want something from you, or worse, when they are reeling you in for the big slam hurt.

Geesh, this sounds so cynical. I never in my life talked this way about anyone, but as I said, the wounds are deep and still quite raw.

Best of Luck,

Summer
misslissa
Tas,
yea it was almost the same way for me. he just didn't do anything when it came to my bf's. but yea, i thought he was a good guy at first too. i started to learn from him and it took me 15 years to see how full of crap he really is. half the time he doesn't even know what he's talking about. but pretends like he does. he has given me soooo much bad info, that it really affected my life, cuz i trusted and believed what he said was the truth. he even did this to my sis and i stood up for him cuz i thought he was telling me the truth about it. now, i realize i should have learned from her situation.

Summer Night,
he's one of those who don't learn or will NOT change. he has no compassion for anyone or anything. i have tried to be subtle. it doesn't work. i've tried being forward and that just goes horribly wrong. changing the subject is never an option. i'll be there for 6 hours getting a lecture on how i should never change the subject on him. not to mention, he's very delusional. he will start to assume things that are way in outer space. the minute i tell him i don't deserve this kind of treatment, is the minute he starts in for hours about how i do deserve it. i have, also, tried the "let him think he's controlling me". that didn't work so well either. he does really weird things behind my back. like rearranging my things while i'm sleeping or changing settings in my computer. like i said, weird things. one night i had to stand there for 4 hours, listening to him tell me how i can't say anything to him, after he said something really hurtful to me and he knew it was. then had the nerve to tell me that he did nothing wrong. so, it's easier said than done. sometimes, i swear he thinks i'm 5 yo.

thank you all, for your advice tho. i do appreciate them GREATLY!!

i think it's starting to look like a "damned if i do - damned if i don't" situation and i need to get away ASAP!
Prince_Pisces
any advice about controlling gemini's??

No, but i do know their out of their minds lol!
Tas
I dunno Lissa I'm a guy that can be nice and open to anyone until I'm hurt really bad by someone then I don't hate but completely erase/ignore s/he ever existed. Obviously with dad that's not possible but there's obviously a friction in our relationship however he seems to try to keep in touch for some reason. He's like yday he called to speak but I shouted said I don't want to just gimme mom on the phone, I spoke to mom and today he texted me like nothing wrong happened yday. I dunno if both our behaviour is typical zodiac but this is so important for me beyond zodiac because his behaviour contributed a lot in me breaking up with my ex and now he's thinking why am I not talking to him. Crazy. The last around a year I almost always speak to mom and sis but not him, I really don't think of him most of the time and he doesn't seem to care, talking about big ego and double face gem.
misslissa
GeminiSister,
yea, i think your right. i try my best to do that. it works for the most part. when i do that tho, he gets weird on me. he'll start stealing my soda. or he'll change settings on my computer. or he will rearrange my things when i'm gone. it's really childish behavior. i try to ignore all that too, but sometimes, enough is enough. lol.
Tas
Geminisister I agree with lissa. It's like when you ignore him he comes back to irritate you more and many times in a sneaky way. Like he knows I want my privacy in my room and we had fights about him entering all the time without knocking. Now he just stays outside to listen and opens the door just a little, when I notice him he finds excuses like he wants to make sure lights are off so not to waste energy !! I mean Im supposed to be aloof and stubborn aqua but he has no consideration of others.
Perfect Gem Angel
any advice about controlling gemini's??



DOnt try
P-Angel
I wish that they would have a desire to try to control themselves, though, if it's recognized that this might have the potential to be a problem in life.
misslissa
Posted by Perfect Gem Angel
any advice about controlling gemini's??



DOnt try


sorry, lol i think i did word that wrong. it's a bad habbit i have. i don't want to control a gem man. i want to get some advice about one who is very controlling and trying to control every aspect of my life. i, being a gem also, don't understand this control issue he has.
misslissa
Posted by P-Angel
I wish that they would have a desire to try to control themselves, though, if it's recognized that this might have the potential to be a problem in life.


even tho, he's been accused of these actions, over and over again, (throughout his ENTIRE life) he still fails to realize that. he has very little control over himself. which is one of the reason why i think he tries to control everyone else around him.
Perfect Gem Angel
Posted by misslissa
Posted by P-Angel
I wish that they would have a desire to try to control themselves, though, if it's recognized that this might have the potential to be a problem in life.


even tho, he's been accused of these actions, over and over again, (throughout his ENTIRE life) he still fails to realize that. he has very little control over himself. which is one of the reason why i think he tries to control everyone else around him.

Sorry I didnt respond earlier Misslissa, I have been in a bit of crisis.
I too am perceived as you perceive him. I dont try to control anyone, I think alot of times, my own self control and control of my world is so "intimidating" for lack of a better expression, the strength within myself that I dont even mostly recognize, is part of that perception of others. I apologize often for this "control" issue. It certainly is not intentional. My kids often see me this way as well, doesnt matter how much room i feel i give them, they still feel it no matter the silence or distance. IDK I hope I helped someway.
misslissa
no worries, Perfect Gem Angel. i'm sorry to hear that you have been in a bit of crisis. i hope it gets better soon!

i see what your saying. but with him it is intentional. he will even say so and gloat about it. the other day he says to me, "i have to get the control back in this house!" i looked at him and asked, "what control? we follow the rules to a T and we don't disrespect you or anyone else here." he literally told me, "becuz you and your kids are not doing what i want you to do FOR ME!" and smiled about it!

granted, i am his daughter, but i'm not 8 years old anymore. we do everything for him and when it's our turn to go do something for ourselves, he sabotages it and gives us MORE to do. that's only the tip of the iceberg. money is another issue. he will tell us to do something or get out. fine, i can do that. but when i go to look for some other place, he will raise my rent here so i can't leave or save any money for a new place. i already pay $500/mo to him. which i believe is more than he should be asking from his own daughter. i never charged him rent when he needed a place to stay.

i do understand the unintentional part. my kids also get on me about this too. i think all kids get on their parents for this. but what do you do when it IS intentional?



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