Hurt by a Pisces man. Don't know what to do. Help!
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|I have a Pisces man in my life who I love, am in love with and want to spend my life with. Im a September Virgo and he is a March Pisces. We have arguments from time to time however, we have always been able to get back on time and end things off the right way. We are long distance. |
I am pursuing modeling with no certainty that I will even make it at my age or in general. I told him at one point that I was going to wait until the summer to fully pursue it because of other obligations. I changed my mind. I went to discuss it with him and he told me "I thought you were focused on other things" and cut me off. I finally found out the reason why he does not like modeling. Some of it has to do with the fact that he feels that it can corrupt people and he is afraid that I will lose focus of our relationship by falling into the arms of another guy. Some has to do with him not wanting guys to looking at me. Some has stemmed from his childhood and how he felt ostracized because he was overweight growing up and isn't very tall(he is still beautiful to me).
I met with a photographer who also happens to be a model and he suggested I pose with a male. I asked my boyfriend how he felt about it because he told me that I needed to help him feel more comfortable for him to want to move to the next level in our relationship. We had even talked about me moving to the state he was in and possible getting married. Now, he is telling me that it happened over night and he needs to step back to protect himself from being hurt. I feel like I have been betrayed and like what he told me is a lie. I wouldn't have expected this from him of all people. Someone who tells others not to subject themselves to fear. It seems as though he would rather lose everything than risk something. I thought he trusted me and now he is saying something different. He says we need to be friends for a while and that he loves me and that he will not be looking for anyone else. Then he told me that the things he does for me, he has never done them in his life however, he can not bend for this because too much as at stake. I don't understand. Modeling isn't even a career for me yet. Just because I do something here and there, doesn't mean its my whole life. Yes, I would like to make it however, there are no certainties. For him to do this, I feel so betrayed and hurt, I don't know if I can speak to him. I don't know how. I didn't expect this. What about my heart? Please help me out.
|I feel that we spent all of this time focusing on his confidence and why he feels the way he feels about other things. I would have expected something different. I don't know how long this phase will last. I am so disappointed and it seems like his feelings are taking priority. I have taken him at his word when certain things came up. I just wish he would do the same. I feel as though he wants me to conform to his liking so, he can feel security. I was so upset last night, I was thinking all of nothing. For someone who said they were going to put full efforts into our relationship and then retract it for something that should not be a huge issue, shows no heart.|
|I don't know how to talk to him now... I just hope this is a short term phase.|
|Gem... He was the one who was talking about me moving and us getting married. He even told his pastor we were going to be together. We both talked about commitment however, he was the one who pressed the issue. He told me that if I chose modeling as a career, he would have to be my friend for a while until he saw how I would handle it. I didn't think that he would do that to me after one day.|
|Yesterday, I met with a photographer and I noticed he sent me 5 txt messages telling me he loved me within less than 15 minutes of each other. I sent one telling him "I love you too." He never texts me from work. When he called me last night, he seemed in a bad mood. He told me about how he doesn't want to argue with anyone anymore. He said he was arguing with his family, co-workers and me. Then he asked me about how did my meeting with the photographer go and it went down hill from there. He told me that I sprung everything on him so fast and he didn't have time to think about it. I reminded him that I had been talking about it for months however, he didn't want to take notice.|
|I told him that I have never taken a step backwards. I have always moved forwards or moved on. He got quiet. He told me, he will be calling me tonight however, I don't know what to say. I don't know what he expects me to say. I don't know how to treat him.|
|I am in a tough spot... I don't even know if I should pick up the phone. I am literally messed up by the whole situation. I am one messed up lady. He says he doesn't want anyone else but me and he wants me to be his wife. However, he says he can't be more than my friend now. I need therapy. I need psychiatric, shock, message and theraputic therapy. This situation has me all messed up.|
|"But if you decide to make a career out of modeling, I really don't see it working. One of the biggest turn offs for Pisces is superficiality."|
As a fish myself, i wouldn't see modeling, acting, or any form of beauty or creative expression as superficial, far from it actually. i would be extremely proud and supportive. Granted, you do have to do your homework and only work for whom you're comfortable with, etc. True love is about trust, support and loyalty in each other. In the good and challenging times. A secure pisces will share in your career goals and excitement, if it's really what you want to do. Maybe in some small way, he can even be involved himself..
|Sounds like an insecure guy to me, either he accepts your plans for your life and deals, or I suggest you get back out on the dating scene.|
|From what I gather from our phone call last night. He has insecurities. He wants us to not see anyone else and wants me to act the same way however, he wants to say that we are friends. Its pretty weird. He kept saying what is good for "our relationship." I told him that once we become friends, I don't know if I want to go back because of the instability it shows when it wants to change how things are conducted. He got all upset. He told me that if he doesn't get a chance to get rid of his insecurities, it will have an effect on our future together and that I had him all wrong. He said that he doesn't want to get married and then have something come up to were he has insecurities or doubt. I still don't understand it. Does he want a relationship or does he want a friendship? I feel like he wants me to still act like we are in a relationship, but call it a friendship.|
|"I don't know if I want to go back because of the instability it shows when it wants to change how things are conducted. He got all upset. He told me that if he doesn't get a chance to get rid of his insecurities, it will have an effect on our future together and that I had him all wrong. He said that he doesn't want to get married and then have something come up to were he has insecurities or doubt."|
So, what's the problem in giving him time to work through whatever it is he needs to feel secure about this? He is asking for time, and in this time he wants to remain close to you.
For you ... he must have total security in this or nothing?
Because it's too unstable for you?
Well, your confusion in understanding what he's saying could be considered equally unstable for him.
If he isn't 100% on board with this, then it's left you feeling insecure .. why else would you be in here?
So, you would want to say soemthing is wrong with him, while you present these same insecurities ... you want him to be able to adapt without any effort, yet, you cannot adapt to relationship changes.
Alls he's asking for is time, according to his phone call last night .. time to come to terms with this. IN the meantime, you could always include him in like someome mentioned, rather than have him stand on the outside.
This whole thing is only a problem because you are focused on it being one, and not really listening to what he's saying.
|No butter, Moro .... and you tell me this after you've told her what you think she should do?|
She's going to do what she wants to do whether she had a hundred hits on this or none.
Going back and reading her history in here .... there appears to be a pattern. She pushes men for meaningful relationship rather quickly in the beginning phases, which keeps leading her to this same place.
Even in this, somewhere she talked about him wanting a next level of commitment ... which means, he hasn't even agreed to this commitment level yet.
I suspect that her focus is likely a pretty selfish one, and this is making her men feel excluded in her life, so naturally, they will get upset when she makes life decisions and then gets upset when they don't approve.
"I went to discuss it with him and he told me "I thought you were focused on other things" and cut me off."
A confident and independent woman doesn't have to pass every decision through another person, or her man .. however, if she chooses to make these decisions without him, then she has no right to later be upset because he isn't approving of them. If she wants approval from her man for things she wants/does .. then she's gonna have to run these by them before decision making.
If a woman excludes him, and is focused on other things .... then this means she going to find herself in this exact same place in relatinships ... alone.
A partnership means it. Again, I gather this from reading about all her past relatinships over the last year she's posted in here ...
and now Pisces man .... all in one year .. and they are the same problems she keeps facing.
She wants the man to just accept/approve of her and her decisions without including these men in her considerations.
You reap what you sow.
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