Getting A Libra Man Back

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2/23/2008 1:45:17 PM | More
PiecesOf Pisces

female

Hi DXPneters! New here and very worried lol...

Ok in short here is my situation:

I have been involved with a Libra man for almost 3 years. It's been a rocky relationship b/c of our priorities. We were SO in love when we first started. We broke up after a year because his time with me wasn't available so I decided to leave him alone. After 2 months, he asked me to get back with him and I did. We fell even deeper in love. But then the priorities really started kicking in and we broke up again 5 months later. Let me make it clear that before he met me he was wasting time by not doing the things he needed to do in order to be happy or satisfied with himself. I had already graduated from college was very career focused at the time we met so he was inspired and intrigued by my success. Little did I know that would be our downfall in the end. After the 2nd break up we saw each other casually b/c I didn't want to let him go. Boy was that a mistake lol. After many months of arguing, harassing, debating, dramatic scenes, and inconsistency, he broke up with me. He said that we both wanted different things. Whereas I am ready for a relationship, he's just getting into preparing his own future by concerning himself with his career. When we aren't fighting, oh my God are we so in tune. We enjoy the same things and we enjoy the positive differences in each other too! It's like whenever we made up it was as if we never fought. I am really in love with this man now more than ever before. He won't return my calls and messages. I know he needs space, but I am afraid, due to past experience, that I'll get tired of "waiting" for him and stop trying to contact him and forget him and move on without a care for him. I really want him back so I can start a whole new connection with him that deserves time, patience and freedom from responsibility because I rather put off wanting something serious right now with him then to never have him in my life again. I know he loves me dearly, he even wanted marriage and kids to come out of our relationship which I never asked him for. I'm feeling so down. Please help!All advice, good or bad, is welcome!

Some stats for the astrologically inclined:

Him Me
Rising: Leo Sag
Sun: Libra Pisces
Moon: Gemini Gemini
Mercury: Libra Pisces
Venus: Libra Aquarius
2/23/2008 2:25:00 PM | More
P-Angel

55 years old female from Planet Neptune  

Just

"He said that we both wanted different things. Whereas I am ready for a relationship, he's just getting into preparing his own future by concerning himself with his career."


I feel you about being intune with him. One of my (Pisces) exes (Libra) shared a connection with me that has never been experienced with anybody else. When together, the magnetic forcing pulling us together isn't even describable .. I know exactly to what you refer.


However, at this time, going from the above copied quotes ... you two are at different points in your life. And, though, you want him intensely .. he still has to evolve personally within his own life to become the person he needs to be. Just because you two have to seperate doesn't mean it has to be forever.

"I am afraid, due to past experience, that I'll get tired of "waiting" for him and stop trying to contact him and forget him and move on without a care for him."

Being Pisces .. this could happen anyway, even while together. A curse we have to live with everyday of our lives.

I dont' know if this is any consolation to you ... but, my ex Libra to whom I speak .. we seperated in the 80's (early) .. and I've never stopped loving him. Maybe after your Libra has found what he needs to grow into the man he wants to be .. your hearts will still be able to love each other.
2/23/2008 7:37:01 PM | More
Mistery

female

You didn't say how old you are but I'm thinking you're still pretty young. It looks like you inspire him but he may feel like he falls short at times when comparing himself to you. He may feel competitive with you and it could get in the way of your relationship. Do you think it does?

He may want to improve himself and become successful before he'll be ready to move forward with your relationship. He may also want to see if he can do this on his own or at least, in his own way. Ambitious people (such as yourself), may not realize the complex they can give other people. We may feel inspired by you but also perhaps a bit threatened. If you think that could be the case with him, give him space. If you're afraid you will move on without him, well, then do so, don't be afraid of it. People who are meant to be together will find eachother when the time is right. He may need to discover who he is and what HE wants right now. If I were you, I'd let him know that you understand he needs to do that.
2/25/2008 1:16:44 PM | More
PiecesOf Pisces

female

P-Angel: Yes, that connection is something that I fear I will never find with another guy again. I know, "never say never" but at this point of dealing with him, I know my comfort level had risen the bar for any other guy LOL You're right though, I do have to allow for self growth and just hope for the best. You can lea a horse to water but you can't make'em drink! Tell me though, how is the relationship between you and your ex-libra now? Do you feel that you guys have evolved to being closer or is it the same?

Mistery: You're hunch was dead on , I am 23 he is 25. Thank you for that very sincere piece of advise:

"He may also want to see if he can do this on his own or at least, in his own way. Ambitious people (such as yourself), may not realize the complex they can give other people. We may feel inspired by you but also perhaps a bit threatened"

I am an overly-ambitious person b/c I was brought up by successful family members. I thought I was being a good example, but he himself, decided to use it as fuel in a negative way. I guess I didn't realize that at the moment. I hate this situation b/c it makes me feel like I could've been more detached with him and maybe I'd still be with him. Understanding is such a hard thing to come by in relationships, b/c everyone comes with their needs in a bag and expects them to be accommodated w/o influencing the other persons needs. I will give him space b/c he's always given me mine. If he does love me, I'll see him again.

Thank you both for your advice, it's been very helpful! Sometimes you just gotta talk to somebody lol!!
2/25/2008 2:04:06 PM | More
little_sparrow

female from the sparrow tree

Five planets of Libra

* Let me make it clear that before he met me he was wasting time by not doing the things he needed to do in order to be happy or satisfied with himself. I had already graduated from college was very career focused at the time we met so he was inspired and intrigued by my success. Little did I know that would be our downfall in the end.

This is where you both made your mistake. Libras will mold ourselves into you. It isn't necessarily that we are unhappy or disatisfied ... just that we are outwardly focused and detached from ourselves. Before we figure ourselves out we will try you on other people's lives to see how they fit. We will pick up your priorities, your interests, your values and take them on as our own eventually we realize we lost ourselves and need to reinvent. In order to remake ourselves in our own image, we let you go and totally reinvent ourselves in every way.

This is why soooooo many people fall in love with Libra. We are considered the chalemine of the zodiac because we can change ourselves so radically to fit in with other people's lives. Not because we are terrible people but because we want to know you. Because we mirror you, your expectations, your interests, etc ...you feel as if you have a strong binding connection. Unfortunetly, the downfall of Libra is we can't experience self but through mirroring others. It is on our reflection of you that we experience or don't experience self. And this is where the mistake happens.

At some point, Libra realizes they aren't the person they are reflecting and will make a break for it. The only way to do it is to do it in a big way and ending the relationship and ending the identity. If you don't recognize him, his priorities, his values anymore ... then he is already over you.

What he really needs to do is figure out what HE really wants and spend a few years building it for himself. Because Libra is so outward focused, if we don't do this we hurt a large number of people. I really had to spend a number of years deconstruct myself, trying things out, and figuring out who I wanted to be. When I figured that out, I found a partner who reflects the same thing back. I didn't have to change everything because I was already reflecting the same things. (I hope I am explaining this properly. It is a bit complicated.)

For you, what you are really falling in love with is an illusion and his way of seeing you. You are really falling in love with yourself reflected through him. But you neve
3/4/2008 8:09:55 PM | More
PiecesOf Pisces

female

"Before we figure ourselves out we will try you on other people's lives to see how they fit. We will pick up your priorities, your interests, your values and take them on as our own eventually we realize we lost ourselves and need to reinvent. In order to remake ourselves in our own image, we let you go and totally reinvent ourselves in every way."

Hi LS would you agree that what you have stated in the above is "testing" someone out for your own benefit? Or perhaps "using them". See, to me what you said is telling me that Libras are in love with an ideal instead of seeing the person for who they truly are. My ex did this ALL the time. He chose all my great qualities and expected them to be the exact same way whenever he messed up. Like I had no choice but to be this charming, forgiving, educated and focused lady with no regards to my own REAL ideas, opinions or emotions.

"For you, what you are really falling in love with is an illusion and his way of seeing you. You are really falling in love with yourself reflected through him."

Exactly. This not only happens with me, but with everyone in his relationships. He tries to satisfy everyone. A people pleaser if you will. It sucks b/c it takes away from who he really is and leaves everyone feeling deceived. Why is this? I have an older sister who is a libra, and never once did she give an illusion of who she is, so why is he having this issue?


3/4/2008 8:15:42 PM | More
PiecesOf Pisces

female

Ok I haven't been on for a while so here is an update:
He and I spoke on Friday of last week and we ended pretty nasty. I asked him if he wanted me out of his life and he said "yes". I said good bye and I cut the convo. Through the weekend I was determined to escape his memory and I was doing great until last night. I was coming from a friends house late last night and decided to stop by a Duane Reade before I got on the train home. I was in the cosmetics aisle when out of nowhere he bumps me with a smirk on his face! I was soooooo shocked but remained cool on the surface. I said "Hey! you scared me!" and he was like "Sorry, how are you" blah blah blah... I said good bye and went to the register to pay for my things. As I was exiting he was behind me on the line as I casually said "see ya later" and headed for the train station around the corner. At this point I was buying a newspaper from the news stand and as I headed for the turnstile, he was there waiting on the other side!! Arghhh... I asked him what did he want and he was all like "I don't want you to go home by yourself, come spend the night with me"... after much deliberation and questioning him I agreed. Man oh man. I was caught in Libra's web of desire so many speak of in this site LOL we had a good time and we ended sleeping with each other. Now I know what you're thinking "why?!!" The truth is I think we both missed each other. The next morning I asked him where does this leave his interaction w/ me and he said he just wanted to be at peace with me. It was nice to hear, but I felt somewhat deceived. I kept feeling stupid for sleeping with him and now we're not talking again. I need to leave this man alone. But it seems the more I do that, the more he appears. I don't know what to do!!

Here's a question, do Libras trust their logic more than their emotions even if they're emotions are right and their logic isn't?
3/6/2008 1:58:44 PM | More
little_sparrow

female from the sparrow tree

Five planets of Libra

From what you have written, I don't think he loves you and wants you back. I think he wants you to be on good terms. (Libras generally stay on good terms with their exs.)

He may not be able to understand why you can't love and support each other as you both look for more suitable partners. To me, it sounds like he is over the relationship and has moved on. Not that he never cared but has come to the conclusion that the relationship doesn't work for anyone involved (which by everything you have said) is accurate.

You want him to feel in love with you but he has moved passed that because of the situation. He still thinks you are wonderful, which is why he wants to be on good terms, but that isn't enough.
3/6/2008 2:11:46 PM | More
little_sparrow

female from the sparrow tree

Five planets of Libra

You are assuming his logic is wrong but from everything you have written ... your relationship was happy, loving, stable, and fun. It was argument ridden and upsetting to you both. You want to be together because you love him ... which is nice but the relationship isn't working. As much as you enjoyed your time together, neither of you are getting your inner needs met. Forcing it hasn't worked.

As much as you love each other, you just aren't compatible. It is very tragic but love isn't enough.

Please take care of yourself. This too shall pass.
3/6/2008 3:55:05 PM | More
little_sparrow

female from the sparrow tree

Five planets of Libra

* would you agree that what you have stated in the above is "testing" someone out for your own benefit? Or perhaps "using them".

No. Not at all.

It is an effort to understand you and make you happy.

* See, to me what you said is telling me that Libras are in love with an ideal instead of seeing the person for who they truly are.

wrong. I am saying a Libra will know you better than you know yourself because we are the most empathic sign to our lovers when in love. We know the needs of our lovers so well that we can't seperate ourselves from them. He sees you as you truly are and understands you better than you understand youself. He gets you. You don't get him. Hence the unbalance in the relationship and why he has pulled out.

Libras will go with it for a long time then suddenly, seemingly out of nowhere, will just be done. It makes us appear cold hearted but the signs have usually been there. Libras usually sacrafice self to make the other person happy and like a rubber band will suddenly snap back and realize they have sacraficed too much and move on.

* I have an older sister who is a libra, and never once did she give an illusion of who she is, so why is he having this issue?

You don't know what your sister is like in a romantic relationship because you have never been in a romantic relationship with her. (I assume. hee!)

He has not come into his own power. He needs time off out of relationships to figure out who he is. Otherwise this will keep happening.
3/13/2008 10:48:52 PM | More
Mistery

female

"Here's a question, do Libras trust their logic more than their emotions even if they're emotions are right and their logic isn't?"

Aah, the problem here is that Libran's are not logical when it comes to relationships. A pretty smile, a flirty word or two and BAM! They're yours. You know falling into bed with him was not a good idea but don't beat yourself up about it. You saw him again and got the true answer you needed. Now, get over this moron and move on to better things! Easily said, so easily done

4/1/2008 9:25:03 PM | More
PiecesOf Pisces

female

"From what you have written, I don't think he loves you and wants you back. I think he wants you to be on good terms. (Libras generally stay on good terms with their exs.)"

It's funny you should say this LS, b/c soooo many times I actually though the same thing. I'm not sure I can agree fully though b/c he gives mixed signals. For example, he tells me I'm better off without him, but as soon as I said I was dating he got upset and asked me to give him some time and for us to take things slow. I feel like he's being selfish in two ways. He wants me for himself, but he won't commit to me either LOL what is going on!? Anyway you may be right though, b/c there are times where I notice we're just acting like mutual friends and not looking at eachother the way we used to when we were together.

"He may not be able to understand why you can't love and support each other as you both look for more suitable partners. To me, it sounds like he is over the relationship and has moved on. Not that he never cared but has come to the conclusion that the relationship doesn't work for anyone involved (which by everything you have said) is accurate."

That is the conclusion I came to too! LOL I love him sooo much but at the end of the day I want someone who WANTS to be with me. I am slowly getting over him, but that just seems to attract him more and pursue me. I am so confused on what to here! LS thanks for the honesty, it opened a lot up in my mind!
4/1/2008 9:33:39 PM | More
PiecesOf Pisces

female

"wrong. I am saying a Libra will know you better than you know yourself because we are the most empathic sign to our lovers when in love. We know the needs of our lovers so well that we can't seperate ourselves from them. He sees you as you truly are and understands you better than you understand youself. He gets you. You don't get him. Hence the unbalance in the relationship and why he has pulled out.

Libras will go with it for a long time then suddenly, seemingly out of nowhere, will just be done. It makes us appear cold hearted but the signs have usually been there. Libras usually sacrafice self to make the other person happy and like a rubber band will suddenly snap back and realize they have sacraficed too much and move on."

This is where I REALLY can't agree as far as my Libran. I was ALWAYS the one who had no problems doing what HE wanted to do, but when it came to my interest, he always had plans w/ friends or he'd change it to something HE wanted to do. He never even met my family. I always went to see him when he wanted to see me, but there was always an excuse when I wanted to see him...I always had to fight for what I wanted with him and it was annoying. There was NO sacrifice, and if there was it was to his benefit and MY sacrifice LOL Do you see what I mean?
4/1/2008 9:38:32 PM | More
PiecesOf Pisces

female

"Aah, the problem here is that Libran's are not logical when it comes to relationships. A pretty smile, a flirty word or two and BAM! They're yours. You know falling into bed with him was not a good idea but don't beat yourself up about it. You saw him again and got the true answer you needed. Now, get over this moron and move on to better things! Easily said, so easily done "

Mistery you hit the nail on the head! He's very easy to deal with once we're just flirting but get serious and he's running LOL I love that we can flirt and be light, but sometimes he's wayyyy toooo light where he should be a little more considerate and sensitive. It's funny b/c he says until me, he had no idea what emotions even were... ha!
4/1/2008 9:44:48 PM | More
PiecesOf Pisces

female

"Libras have their own internal demons to figure out, all you can do at this point is be strong for yourself, and walk away before your respect and love for him turns into hatred, because he's now messing with your head (unintentionally) but it's hurting you."

ThinkTank, I couldn't say it better...I always joked with him about how he is so logical and intelligent for the most complicated issues at his job and in school but for the simplest things like, just being there for the person you love, it's like he's solving a rubix cube LOL

I will be reading your post right after this...
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