How do you know when you're being played?

9/19/2007 7:04:40 AM | More

9/19/2007 12:00:56 PM | More

yes- I know people have lines they use- but yes, in relationships- like how do you know when someone is trying to be with you for their sexy pleasure or how do you know when they are sincere. Sometimes its hard to tell. If someone was curious to see what you are like(intimately) but you have been around them for a long time just casually flirting back and forth and then you opened the door for more-they moved right on that. Like I am trying to figure out if this guy is scared that he likes me too much- or does he just like the sex alot. When we are alone together- he is silly and all over me. He said 'if I give you what he cant then thats ok but we can still be friends.' He said do you want to end this? I said- you know if you and me spent more time together I believe you would fall inlove with me. He said-it wouldnt take too much. I left it at that. I dont like to talk about things like that too much with him. What do you think as a man? I am not sure why he says some things to me like that.
9/19/2007 12:13:13 PM | More

the thing I think kinda bothers me- is he says call him- so I do- then I dont hear back from him sometimes. He works 3rd shift so maybe its my timing. He likes me to call after 9pm. Now if I call then he always answers. Very plesant to talk to. Maybe he just sleeps during the day all the time- but he know its a missed call so why dont he call back- now he's only done this a couple of times. But when we are together at our poker games- he watches me when I dont notice it. I know this because he says stuff later about what I have on or the way I play. So now what do you think Merc? Am I thinking way too much.
9/20/2007 9:39:55 AM | More

(This sounds like a forum on intuition. . . Da Da Tah-Dah!!!! I just flew in with a cape!) I agree with MercinAries on "the gut instinct thing" because it never lies. If you feel that a person is not being sincere with you, then take 10 steps back because you can see more clearly at a distance. All of that charm is like a smokescreen to hide their true intentions. Actions do indeed speak louder than words. Right now, I'm dealing with a situation to where I have a friend whose leaving me out of things and being all secretive and shady about things that doesn't apply to me. My gut is having me question whether if this is really an associate other than a true friend. Lately, I've been taking alot of steps back in order to rationalize things out. You should try that, Sagittarian because it'll help you see things for what they really are.
9/20/2007 3:16:15 PM | More

well, my gut thinks he is crazy about me- we are both in relationships with others- and people could get hurt- If I get hurt I will just deal with it- I am a big girl- I guess guys might not get hurt like we do- But it is hard to describe the attraction/chemistry. He likes to be around me and with me. Is that just a guy thing when they are attracted to you? Thats probably a stupid question. I am not a girl who has to be told how you feel all the time. I like to keep it simple but real. He is analyzing the times we are together and he likes to sing to me. Which I kinda Nobody by Keith Sweat/Barry White Never Give You Up/ and Kiss you all over. Those are a few. Do guys do this stuff?? I know he has been a cheater before. My guard has been up. My other relationship- I have been considering ending it and have been for a couple of years-we have grown so apart. I love this guys company- I am not real sure why I am second guessing this. Maybe because I am unsure of my own feelings. I am going to see him tomorrow and it will be great. He tells me he cant wait as I say the same. I do believe that. He said one the things that have him attracted to him- are that I am fine- that I think about what he wants/likes without much regard to myself. Then he made that comment about if 'I can do for you what he cant that he would be ok if I just wanted to be friends- could we still be friends' I said is that what I do for you-fill in for something she doesnt do- he said no. Then I just made that comment about ya know if we spent more time together- I believe you would fall inlove with me- then of course he said- it wouldnt take much. I know I saw total submission in in eyes. I later told him that- yes he had that look of total submission- he said yes you did. We laugh so much together. We play so much when were together. He almost seems like a girl saying some of the things he does. So that is why I ask the questions.
9/20/2007 3:45:10 PM | More


"My other relationship- I have been considering ending it and have been for a couple of years-we have grown so apart. I love this guys company- I am not real sure why I am second guessing this. Maybe because I am unsure of my own feelings. "

Sagittarian ----- Please do not end your 20 year relationship on a whim because this guy makes you feel good and sings to you...Please do as Dreamy-Eyez has suggested and back away to re-evaluate things. Right now I think you are viewing the situation through rose-colored glasses.

You need to think of this guy as a drug right now, an addiction. In order for you to find out whether your relationship has lost its spark, you need to kick your habit for the time being or good. If at all possible tell this guy that you think it would be best if you evaluate your current situation and ask that there be no contact.

Since he knows how you feel and what is going on between the two, he shouldn't be selfish and insist on continuing because he too should evaluate his situation as well. Lies/deceit can only go on for so long before someone/everyone finds out and gets hurt.
It is really time for you to do some soul searching and FIND OUT WHAT YOU REALLY WANT like MIA said. You won't be able to make an objective decision with this other guy still in play because he is a distraction.

Maybe you could focus on your current relationship for the next 3 months, talk to your spouse about the changes that have taken place and your feelings. Start to do some of the things you and your lover does with your spouse to spice things up (do not be direct/slowly introduce them-you wouldn't want him suspicious). Write a list of the pro/cons of each relationship. You will probably notice that the list with your spouse will be longer, because those are the tangible things that you two have acquired/built over the years.

Also this other guy has a major relationship that he is not likely to let go (i.e.-wife & children) no matter how unhappy he is with his wife. If he were going to do so because of his unhappiness he would have probably already left. I don't know if you and your spouse have children, but if you don't he has more to lose than you. Many times when parents divorce, especially as a result of cheating (if caught), the children side with the mother.

9/20/2007 3:45:39 PM | More


You could lose a 20 year relationship, he loses his children (that is how he will look at it). Maybe it is time for you to end your relationship, BUT you will not be able to truly recognize it while the guy is still in the picture. You will only compare how happy and good you feel with the guy and look at how unhappy you feel with your spouse.

I know it all feels so great, new and lively with this guy but it won't feel good if you leave your relationship (not because it wasn't working) but because this man makes you feel so good that you would turn and walk away. Then what if once you do that he stops seeing you to work on his marriage? You will be left with nobody, which sometimes is not a bad thing, because it gives you time to self evaluate. There is a saying "The way your enter a relationship is likely the way you will leave it." I know that sometimes the mistress turns into the wife, but that is not the norm. I think everyone here wants you to be happy, and this sort of thing can break a person down emotionally. Think about you first. Just my thoughts. Wishing you the best of luck with everything!
9/20/2007 7:12:50 PM | More

thanks. I really am going to think about this. It is hard because I am so distracted right now. But I am going to think about it...
9/21/2007 3:00:30 PM | More

wee, I am broke down emotionally today. How can I let myself be so taken in. At 1st I thought, this is great I've lost 30 lbs and everybody is telling me how good I look. I thought ok- this will be good enough for me because at least I have done something I have not been able to do on my own. Why cant guys hurt like us?
9/21/2007 3:02:53 PM | More

and ya know... I dont want to end my relationship of 20 yrs- I just cant get my mind back into him right now. He has been my heart for so long. How could I have done this to myself? I will have to heal this on my own also. I hope I can.
9/22/2007 12:14:42 PM | More

I just now read this after reading & responding to the other one, and all I can say is:


Do you think you're the first woman he's sung to????
Do you think you're the first woman he's made feel good???
How do you think he's managed to cheat on his wife & other women he's been with???
How do you think he's managed to keep his wife around even though he's cheated on her???
He probably does more to make her feel good than just sing to her like he did for you.

Also, him saying he wants to do whatever your man can't/won't do "but we can still be friends" means - he just wants to treetrunk you, nothing more. He doesn't want to do all the other things your partner does. He doesn't want to replace him with a relationship. He just wants to fill in with the sex & fun part. Let *HIM* do all the "relationship" work. Besides, he already has his relationship work cut out for him with a wife and ***3*** children!

If you want out of your current relationship or you still want it, but you want it *BETTER* then that's something the 2 of you have to address. But this guy just wants you to be some fun on the side. Sorry.

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