Longing For Someone

dogsbody
Have you ever secretly longed for someone that you know you'll never have?
And even though you know it wouldnt work, that secret Longing is still there, hidden away in a little part of your heart that belongs only to them.
dogsbody
But its just YOUR secret, that person will never know it
dogsbody
LOL no, it doesnt have to be someone famous, maybe someone you met or someone you no longer speak too. Just someone that made an impact on you for whatever reason
Sagittarius89
Yes, this cancer guy. I always thought he was to prefect too touch. Except I did. But not all the way. Some people you just put on a pedestole. Someone famous would be George Meyer. His brain is so hot.
Klover_Fish
I have but it didnt remain a secret for very long. I could not live with myself longing for someone and keeping it bottled up. I would have to tell them because if you know it will never happen then you have nothing to lose so free yourself by letting it out and then close the chapter.
P-Angel
Yes
P-Angel
But Dog ....


Listen ... it's NOT the other person in which is being longed for, it's the idea, the vision, of what this other person stands for in our fantasy of "what" we long for .. not "who".


In our minds, in our hearts .. we have an image, a condition of love, already, that we know we need this for fulfillment ... then we take this condition and attempt to find another to fit it.


What you long for, what I long for, what we all long for ... isn't person specific .. it's conditioning specific, conditioning to represent an unrealistic desire for a unconditional love.

We want the satisfaction of feeling (that), and so then attempt to attach it to a person .... and then when we find a person that leaves us with "what if's", our heart pines away wanting to believe that maybe .. just maybe .. this person could meld into being the one who could fit within this conditioning.

The only way to closure, the only way to stop this yearning .... is by being aware that it is a mind-set in which you crave, and not really the wo/man.
Klover_Fish
I dont know P. I mean I hear you but you make him sound like a fool for longing since its not about the "person" but the "feeling" I beg to differ because if thats the case I could long for a stranger. Obviously she sparked something within him, now since he is admiring her from a distance then its about the "feeling" but who's to say that if they were to get to know each other it could turn into being about the "person". And there is a such thing as unconditionl love because if you stay with someone than you are loving them unconditionally because if not you would leave and if you stay that makes you foolish.
P-Angel
Klover, my words above weren't really specifically at Dog, or his longing situation, rather, spoken in general terms, as this condition is present within us .... though, because I was talking to him, I can see how this looks as if I was referencing his particular heart-ache.


I guess the way I process this is that because most of the time when this pining away happens for a person, it comes AFTER a relationship was tried with this person and it didn't work out.

think about that ^^^ if this person was meant to be your soulmate, but they have left you, for whatever reason, and you STILL long for this person, eventhough you know full well that they are not right for you because if they were they would have never left you ... then what you are longing for is a condition, and not the specific person.


So, since we have this image in our hearts ... we do indeed try to attach this to a person to fulfill for us.

And, I don't believe in unconditional love, because it's impossible.

We hear stories in here all the time that go something like this ...

I loved him so much, my soulmate, I loved unconditionally, yes I did, and then he did (this) to me, and how could he do this? How could he treat me like this? what do I do now? This pain hurts so bad.


And the thing is ... if you love a person unconditionally, then ANYTHING he does to you, ANYWAY he treats you ... HAS to be acceptable to you without complaint, without pain, without resentment.
cappysweetie
Have you ever secretly longed for someone that you know you'll never have?

Yes ... long story lol
cappysweetie
Its like I know a relationship with this guy would lead to all the trouble in the world. But, there's just something about him, I've made it my purpose in life (well, one of them anyway lol) to stay away from him.

No matter what he tries to do ...
Klover_Fish
And the thing is ... if you love a person unconditionally, then ANYTHING he does to you, ANYWAY he treats you ... HAS to be acceptable to you without complaint, without pain, without resentment.

Without pain no, we are human and we feel. But you hit everything else on the nose and yes I think its possible.
P-Angel
Maybe a wife-beater does so because he loves you and is only trying to teach you how to be a good wife.


If you love him unconditionally, then that ^^^^^ HAS to be acceptable.




Maybe he thinks that in order to love you proper then it entails that he goes out with his mates drinking every Friday and Saturday night to give you space, and girl time ...... you have to accept that, you have to let him go without cookiemonstering.




And lastly about unconditional love and here's the kicker which really makes me believe there is no such thing ...... when we love another person and we think we do this unconditionally, we expect this to come back to us the same way we give it, under the same conditions of unconditional ..... well, if we "expect" a certain condition of treatment to come to us back for loving them unconditionally, then we've actually place a condition of unconditional on a person in whom cannot fulfill this because thier meaning of the unconditional is interpretated personally within themselves of what they expect it to be.


It's like ..

You .... have a interpretation of unconditional
He ..... has his own interpretation of unconitional

How do you bridge these two if they are exclusively subjective to the individual? The only way you can bridge it, is to have a condition in place of expectance that the other will treat you according to your interpretation of love, while you treat the other person according to thier interpretation of love.

===== a condition.
P-Angel
But, you know ... we all feel differently .. you believe in it, I don't.


Thank the Gods that we are all different
Klover_Fish
And lastly about unconditional love and here's the kicker which really makes me believe there is no such thing ...... when we love another person and we think we do this unconditionally, we expect this to come back to us the same way we give it, under the same conditions of unconditional ..... well, if we "expect" a certain condition of treatment to come to us back for loving them unconditionally, then we've actually place a condition of unconditional on a person in whom cannot fulfill this because thier meaning of the unconditional is interpretated personally within themselves of what they expect it to be.


Thats very true and I once felt that way, but I dont anymore.



How do you bridge these two if they are exclusively subjective to the individual? The only way you can bridge it, is to have a condition in place of expectance that the other will treat you according to your interpretation of love, while you treat the other person according to thier interpretation of love.

===== a condition.

You are assuming that people are together simply because they love. Many relationships are built on a need or desire that is being fullfilled and more often it has nothing to do with love. You can bridge the gap by being wise enough to choose a mate who loves you the way that you need to be loved. The selection process is made easier once you realise that we make things more complicated than what they have to be. If what you need from a mate is ten sheets long than you will never be fullfilled and able to love unconditionally because your lack of satisfaction comes from within. Men are very simple creatures and so is an intelligent woman, put these two together and you will get a couple who love each other without conditions because they will have chosen a mate who mirrors their soul.

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