Men's excuses for wanting NO relationship

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1/24/2011 10:13:07 PM | More
candyapples88

female from USA  

Sun Scorpio in house 11 Moon Leo in ho

I'm just curious...how does not having a job, perhaps still living with your parents, or just not being where you want to be in life factor in your decision for being ready for a relationship? This question is for the men, but women are more than welcome to put their two cents in.

The reason I ask is because I was having a convo with my brother and the topic of why he had no girlfriend came up. He mentioned because he wants to establish his career, blah blah blah. I just looked at him like "why are you making excuses?" But then I realized that being a woman, I have never had to factored any of the above mentioned situations into my decision for wanting or being ready for a relationship. When women hear these excuses from a man, we think it's all bullbutter and just reasons to avoid commitment. However, we don't have the pressure of being breadwinners and providers in our relationships like society expects.

I know each man is different and sometimes these excuses are given when you (the man) don't feel the girl is right for you, but you don't exactly what to tell her that so you try to be nice about it by lying about some external reason for avoiding a relationship - with her anyway. But in all reality, do these factors - job, money, living situation, goals...really play a factor in your determination for whether or not you're ready for a relationship? Or are these excuses truly just bullbutter like us women think they are?
1/24/2011 10:24:57 PM | More
krysrenee7

female

Popcorn is best for these kinds of occas

Honey, half the men who use those excuses DON'T really believe their own excuses.

If they say they're too busy for a relationship, I say:
"Well that's weird. Some of the most wealthiest, busiest & most focused men in the WORLD had time for a relationship/family so what's your excuse?" Their response: Silence!

Even people who had the worst upbringing and/or worst circumstances STILL chose to rise above it all & stop making excuses. Some of the most wealthiest, successful, driven & best men came from the WORST circumstances. They came from dysfunctional or poor households and/or faced the most challenges growing up. But yet THEY don't seem to have a problem snatching up a good thing when they see one.

My dad always told me that in life, you NEVER throw good things off your plate when your plate if full. No, instead you just get a bigger plate.

Some of the busiest, successful, wealthy and/or focused men have time for families. They somehow fit a loving girlfriend/wife into their busy schedules just like they made room for their careers, hobbies, children, or video games!

Some men are even afraid of commitment b/c they fear being "tied down" or see commitment as more of a burden than a blessing. My response? "Honey, it takes 120Xs the effort to find/please ONE girl than it does trying to juggle 5 women at the same time! All the benefits you're trying to suck out of 5 women could all be given to you from ONE good woman if you actually trusted YOURSELF enough to find AND keep her. Smh

I swear, men experience 10Xs MORE drama, heartache, heartache/heartbreak & problems when juggling women they're not committed to vs. the amount they do when they actually commit.
1/24/2011 10:34:17 PM | More
candyapples88

female from USA  

Sun Scorpio in house 11 Moon Leo in ho

Posted by krysrenee7
My dad always told me that in life, you NEVER throw good things off your plate when your plate if full. No, instead you just get a bigger plate.


That's my fav part of your post. Daddy knows best!
1/25/2011 12:28:51 AM | More
ninjamu

32 years old female

Ascendant: Aquarius Sun: Leo Moon

I'd say that at least half the time it's bullbutter.

I've also called people out on this. I understand that people want to be ready or prepared to make room for a significant relationship. However, there is a point where you just go for broke. I have had 2 incidents under my belt now where I was involved with a man that wasn't necessarily ready. The first one was the penniless, still lived with parents, full time student. He was in a bad situation financially and desperately needed to get through school so he could make his career happen. Well, I came along in the midst of that. He took me in with no hesitation.

The other was a guy I dated for a solid year, and would still be dating today had I not gotten with my bf, who is pretty much THE busiest person I know. He works a full-time day job, has band practice every single night because he is in 3 bands, plays shows on the weekends, tours regularly, is fixing and re-modeling his house, and yet he still managed to pick up the phone every day to at least say "hi". on top of that he would make time in his schedule so that we could hang out at least a couple times a week if not more.

it can be done and it will be done if you want it badly enough. it wasn't exactly the best timing when i got with my bf either. he was forced to vacate his house because he got laid off and couldn't pay when we got together. when i asked him why he still chose to go through with it even though other parts of his life were falling apart, he told me that love doesn't work that way. it comes when it comes and you either gotta take it or let it go. he saw a good thing in me and decided to make it work even though he was stressed out. i mean, we'd have to get through hard times at some point anyway if we stayed together long enough. makes sense to me!
1/25/2011 12:36:20 AM | More
venusianbull

43 years old female from A Lush Meadow, US of A  

In the dead of night, it's the anti-sig.

Hereeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee kitty, kitty. There's my take.
1/25/2011 12:49:52 AM | More
LibraSid

33 years old male from Upstate, South Carolina  

Damn you all are beating us guys up quick...

Posted by candyapples88
I'm just curious...how does not having a job, perhaps still living with your parents, or just not being where you want to be in life factor in your decision for being ready for a relationship?

Because we get judged based on these things, that's why. You have two guys you're talking to, pretty much equal EXCEPT guy A has a decent job, a small apartment, debt in order, etc... guy B is unemployed, lives in mom's basement, is in debt, etc.

They have equal chances?

1/25/2011 1:15:38 AM | More
venusianbull

43 years old female from A Lush Meadow, US of A  

In the dead of night, it's the anti-sig.

What is good for me. Whether it's A or B. I gots my own. What..is..good...for..me.
1/25/2011 1:19:20 AM | More
venusianbull

43 years old female from A Lush Meadow, US of A  

In the dead of night, it's the anti-sig.

GAHHHHHHH, someone scratch my back, I'm going NUTS!
1/25/2011 7:33:37 AM | More
P-Angel

55 years old female from Planet Neptune  

Just

I absolutely nothing wrong with a person wanting to sort their life out, and be in a place they feel comfortable with before moving to the next level, project, or state of being, or state of feelings.

And I think this comment is absurd ....

"Honey, half the men who use those excuses DON'T really believe their own excuses.

If they say they're too busy for a relationship, I say:
"Well that's weird. Some of the most wealthiest, busiest & most focused men in the WORLD had time for a relationship/family so what's your excuse?" Their response: Silence!



What another person is able to do, or is ready to do ... has nothing to do with another person and two people aren't comparable, since everybody is different. Of course, most of Krys judgements are absurd .. so, I'm not surprised.


1/25/2011 7:41:57 AM | More
P-Angel

55 years old female from Planet Neptune  

Just

Here's the translation to this thread ....


Candyapple wants boyfriend to commit to her and he isn't ready yet, and told her so .... she couldn't handle it, so now is in here trying to make it look like somethign is wrong with a person who thinks their future is more important than the chaos of feelings at the moment.


Another thing about this ... women today get pretty indignant about being equal, about being able to stand on their own two feet, about not being treated differently because they are strong females ... then turn around and make comments about men paying for their dinners, or having to be the one to make first moves, and in this case, the comment is ....


"However, we don't have the pressure of being breadwinners and providers in our relationships like society expects."

Yet, women will also use that same ^^^^^^^^^^^^ excuse on the opposite level if they think they are being slighted or ignored or passed over .. such as, I work, I'm strong, I can take care of myself and don't need any man to put food on my table.


You can't have it both ways ... and if you try to, then it's actually YOU who makes excuses for not standing up as an adult.


and by you, I mean, everybody, and not person specific
1/25/2011 8:51:43 AM | More
krysrenee7

female

Popcorn is best for these kinds of occas

I'm all for a man not being ready for a relationship until HE (not her) is ready for one. And I completely agree with Steve Harvey that a man basis his self-worth on 3 things: His ability to provide, protect & be needed. If he doesn't have anything going for himself, he won't feel the desire to go expose/express himself to someone else.

Kind of like children, men want someone to be proud of them, need them & look up to them. And it's kind of hard for a man to obtain those things from a woman if, in HIS mind, he doesn't have anything going for himself. BUT, men have got to be 100% HONEST about things though.

Giving 1 hit or quitter lines doesn't work/help either the guy or the woman who wants him b/c we're all trained to see those types of excuses as "bull."

Men still don't seem to understand that women are good at seeing the INSIDE & not just the outside. Men avoid women who only want them for their money, outward appearance, etc. BUT yet when they find one who genuinely seems to be into who they are as men on the INSIDE (those traits stay the same regardless of career or social/financial status), men seem to run & avoid these types of women as well. SO some women kind of feel that we're damned if we do & damned if we don't

If women only want a man when he has everything, she's labeled a gold digger, shallow or dependent. But if a woman is willing to take/love a man when he has nothing, she gets left behind b/c the man doesn't feel that he's "worth" a relationship.

Men absolutely CAN juggle a relationship with life. And if they say they can't, it's not b/c they literally can't. No, it's that they refuse to. And there IS a difference! Some men WANT to be ready but just aren't. It won't matter how good of a catch the woman is nor will it matter how much he's got going for himself; HE'S gotta WANT to & be READY for a relationship. And relationships are work--some men don't want to do the work but they can't admit that so they give cheesy excuses to conceal/cover up what they REALLY mean/want to say

1/25/2011 8:58:12 AM | More
krysrenee7

female

Popcorn is best for these kinds of occas

And hey, if a man isn't ready for a relationship, he needs to be honest about that AND leave us chicks alone!

What I have a PROBLEM with are the men who know deep down they're not ready but yet keep on establishing short-mini relations/relationships with women. That's wrong. If a man isn't up to par, good BUT he needs to stay away from the women who ARE looking for something long term. Problem is, men like having their cake & eating it too. They don't want a relationship but yet they still entertain & invest all this energy/time into women, knowing that when the conversation of commitment comes up, they'll always come up short. That's NOT cool.

The PROBLEM is that the men who fear relationships are the FIRST ones to always be somewhere acting like they're already in 1 with some woman. They'll play house and/or do things that only people in relationships should do, but yet they look all confused when a woman finally says, "When are we going to make this official?" She's asking that b/c somewhere a long the line he's given her the impression based on his actions that commitment is EXACTLY what he's looking for.

Of course, there are the women who keep chasing after men that have already told them up front that commitment wasn't their focus. Perhaps these women should stop trying to change or mold a man into who she wants him to be. If he says he's not ready, 99% of the time he means it AND 99.9% of the time his reasons for not wanting a relationship have NOTHING to do with her.

But some women refuse to acknowledge that & they keep on pursuing a man, only to get their feelings hurt when they finally get their head out of the clouds & see that he was dead serious in not wanting to commit. In these situations, it's the WOMAN'S fault if she comes up short b/c he already told her from the beginning & it was HER responsibility to either accept his fear of commitment or keep it moving to someone else.
1/25/2011 10:24:25 AM | More
candyapples88

female from USA  

Sun Scorpio in house 11 Moon Leo in ho

Posted by P-Angel
Here's the translation to this thread ....


Candyapple wants boyfriend to commit to her and he isn't ready yet, and told her so .... she couldn't handle it, so now is in here trying to make it look like somethign is wrong with a person who thinks their future is more important than the chaos of feelings at the moment.


Another thing about this ... women today get pretty indignant about being equal, about being able to stand on their own two feet, about not being treated differently because they are strong females ... then turn around and make comments about men paying for their dinners, or having to be the one to make first moves, and in this case, the comment is ....


"However, we don't have the pressure of being breadwinners and providers in our relationships like society expects."

Yet, women will also use that same ^^^^^^^^^^^^ excuse on the opposite level if they think they are being slighted or ignored or passed over .. such as, I work, I'm strong, I can take care of myself and don't need any man to put food on my table.


You can't have it both ways ... and if you try to, then it's actually YOU who makes excuses for not standing up as an adult.


and by you, I mean, everybody, and not person specific


Lol I actually was just talking to my brother...but if this scenario works for you, then that's fine I'm not gonna try and prove you wrong. You make good points though, very true.
1/25/2011 12:47:33 PM | More
P-Angel

55 years old female from Planet Neptune  

Just

9 times of out 10 .. I'd be willing to wager that the guy didn't even want to enter into a relationship in the first place, and only wanted to get his dick wet .. but, the girl makes it clear that she will only consider doing this if a commitment is in place .. so, he tells her yeah, sure baby ... dips, then dips



she knew all along his intentions .. but, thinks that he will change once shown love because she would change once shown love and is too unexperienced to realize that he's not female.
1/25/2011 1:37:05 PM | More
krysrenee7

female

Popcorn is best for these kinds of occas

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