What to do when his parents are judging you based

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happykitsune
12/20/2011 4:48:18 PM | IP
happykitsune

female

Posted by Nefer
OMG, I basically did that to 2 women who were important to him -- his ex boss (still a good friend) and his mother.

His Mom obviously was ALSO sick and tired of seeing her son get chewed up and spat out.. she's also a very opinionated and stubborn Leo, and 100% unafraid to speak her mind... told him for years to stop finding women in bars, get one that doesn't drink or have kids (he has no children) and has never been married (exes tend to be a problem with his previous women).. he said all THOSE girls are under 21 and no thanks to dating little girls, and if she's like that at his (our) age, then she's a NUN and not on the market. Mom liked that I don't drink, but I HAVE been married, and I DO have kids (he's never lived with kids or been around them much.. the two mothers he dated didn't even have custody!).. so she wasn't sure about me. One day, after a couple subtle jabs I took a deep breath and said, "We need to get used to each other, I'm not going anywhere. Got it? I'll be here long after you're gone. I love him, and I'm going to marry him someday." She too looked like a fish out of water, but backed off a little. Now she considers us a unit, I'm not an outsider or his "latest fling." I come to family functions and his nieces' games. She stops 3 or 4 times a week to sit and drink coffee and chat. We shop together, she buys me and my kids xmas/bday gifts. When she made him an Xmas ornament this year, she made ME one too, and gave us ALL of his personalized ones. And that's BIG for this woman.. cuz the first year, I wasn't invited to Xmas, and after that I still didn't get an ornament and she kept all of HIS for HER tree. LOL


Wow, that's very inspiring. I don't think I have the balls to tell that straight to his mother or father's face unless they straight up asked me. Even then I'm not anywhere near marrying him...we're not even official. But we are dating and his parents know this.
Nefer
12/20/2011 5:26:45 PM | IP
Nefer

41 years old female from Michigan  

Totally freakin' awesome, LOVE being me!

Moms are just usually very protective with their little boys.. play it by ear, be yourself, time will tell. And if the time comes that you KNOW deep down that you want to spend your life with him -- and you feel you need to make that clear to a slightly reserved or less-than-overjoyed female figure in his life.. take a deep breath and lay it out plainly and honestly. Moms just want to know what your intentions are, know that you're looking for Mr. Right, not just Mr. Right Now.


We were official when I met the ex-boss.. and though we weren't actually anywhere near marrying, it felt right at the time, just between she and I.. to lay out my intentions like that, stating that I'm a long-haul type of woman and showing I'm not like some of his exes who just used him and broke his heart. That's all she wanted to know. (When he and I broke up for a short time, she told him he was an idiot and he better stop being an ass and get me back. LOL)

And I certainly didn't blurt it out at the first meeting with his Mom.. in fact, it was something like a year in. She's a nice woman (if ballsy and brash sometimes) and I was always such a sweet little Fishy, but finally her little comments just got to me. I understood of course, but I wasn't going to pay for the others' shortcomings. And so I laid it all out on the table. And I meant every word, and wanted HER to know that I meant it. Of course, she had to SEE that it wasn't just big talk -- we're almost three years in now, and my standing by him through everything finally proved my words to her, and I'm finally feeling FULLY accepted by her. (She and I are doing our last minute Xmas shopping tomorrow, our only day off at the same time.. but her best friend wanted her to spend the day with HER, to CANCEL shopping with me, I'm JUST his gf, no biggie. Mom told the friend off and is more determined than ever to spend the day with ME. :o !)

Both the ex-boss and his Mom are Leos, actually.. and both responded best to my take-charge headstrong ballsy statements. Libra always said that no one else was going to control how he felt about me, but I felt I needed to make myself clear to both of those women. In truth, I'm actually VERY MUCH like his Mom, kinda eerie. I jokingly pointed that out to Libra and he said, "Well, they say that boys usually end up marrying their mothers, right? Maybe there's some truth to that." (And his Venus is in Leo.. he IS attracted to fiery, fearless, outspoken, strong women!)
exoskeleton
12/20/2011 7:54:04 PM | IP
exoskeleton

23 years old female

november 3rd

Posted by P-Angel
Just go out to lunch with mom, and while waiting for your food to be served to you, look her dead in the eye and say something like ..

..... I'm gonna treetrunking marry the bastard one day, mom


happykitsune
12/21/2011 9:27:25 AM | IP
happykitsune

female

Posted by Nefer

And I certainly didn't blurt it out at the first meeting with his Mom.. in fact, it was something like a year in. She's a nice woman (if ballsy and brash sometimes) and I was always such a sweet little Fishy, but finally her little comments just got to me. I understood of course, but I wasn't going to pay for the others' shortcomings. And so I laid it all out on the table. And I meant every word, and wanted HER to know that I meant it. Of course, she had to SEE that it wasn't just big talk -- we're almost three years in now, and my standing by him through everything finally proved my words to her, and I'm finally feeling FULLY accepted by her. (She and I are doing our last minute Xmas shopping tomorrow, our only day off at the same time.. but her best friend wanted her to spend the day with HER, to CANCEL shopping with me, I'm JUST his gf, no biggie. Mom told the friend off and is more determined than ever to spend the day with ME. :o !)

Both the ex-boss and his Mom are Leos, actually.. and both responded best to my take-charge headstrong ballsy statements. Libra always said that no one else was going to control how he felt about me, but I felt I needed to make myself clear to both of those women. In truth, I'm actually VERY MUCH like his Mom, kinda eerie. I jokingly pointed that out to Libra and he said, "Well, they say that boys usually end up marrying their mothers, right? Maybe there's some truth to that." (And his Venus is in Leo.. he IS attracted to fiery, fearless, outspoken, strong women!)


That's awesome she accepts you now Great story!

I only met his mother for a brief moment so I wasn't able to give an impression really. I hung out with his sister a little and she seemed nice. She could tell I was nervous, but I intentionally do that to make it easier for people to talk to me. I think all in all things turned out alright for a short meeting. Not sure if I'm like his mom yet. Guess I'll find out when I really get to talking to her
size zero superhero
12/21/2011 9:15:48 PM | IP
size zero superhero

female

Sun-Libra/Moon-Sagittarius/Ascendant-Vir

Posted by happykitsune

What should I do?

Anyone have similar experiences with parents being judgmental?


I'll chime in, as I can relate. The families of beloved ones can be self-righteous and preachy to biblical proportions, no denying this.

Once, I referred to my boyfriend's family dog as "psychotic" after she devoured an entire pie left on the counter overnight(followed by taking a buttere on the kitchen floor)--mind you, the dog is an adult and 'fully-trained'. His sister then tells his mother I HATE their dog.
After his mom is told of my troublesome opinion she asks him if we're having relationship difficulties--on account of the fact I had vocalized frustration with their pet's recurring obedience issues.

And no, this instance is far from the first or last time I have faced overreaction or my character is subject to undue criticism over the most minor of events.

Explain your issue to your s/o and why you nor he should not have to defend yourselves to each other's families, regardless they might have the wrong idea of who you are--their overzealous critiques should be discouraged or ignored in the future.
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