Feeling betrayed by a Virgo
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|Back again. I have never had such a difficult time understanding someone. This forum and you virgos are helpful. So here we go again..|
Shaky beginning with virgo bf. We both started out with lingering feelings for our exes. Fast forward several months after sorting all our ex bs out (on both our parts - after many conversations...I thought). We were in a really good place. We were talking about moving in together in his town (an hour away). He brought up building a house. We were talking future (usually initiated by him). We felt pretty solid. And then one day he was being kind of weird texting. I knew his ex had been texting. Disclaimer: I do NOT think it's okay to go through someone's phone. I'd had opportunities before and never did.
I looked through some recent texts. His ex knew that he was dating me but said that he was the love of her life and that she'd wait forever. He texted her that he couldn't be with her right now - that he was with someone else. But then he also texted her that it should have been her with him at a music festival we were at together. And that he still loved her and could easily see himself back where they were months ago. I didn't react very well. I called him a spineless liar. Again, not ok -I know.
The following day and days after I tried to apologize for my part, attempted to talk and hear his explanation but he was upset. A week later he said that every time he thought about me, all he could focus on was that I think he's weak and shady and that he couldn't be with me. I was angry and hurt. And then finally started feeling better a few weeks later. I don't like having anger or feeling hatred so I left the door open for his explanation. We got together last week and talked. And then the following day we spent hours talking again. And then came texts asking if there were still feelings, if I thought I could still see a future with him. We got together again and I heard him out. He apologized, said it was wrong of him, that she'd really messed with his head but that he'd told her he couldn't communicate with her anymore when we broke up and said he'd never do anything like that again...
I have never been betrayed like this. I said I was willing to give him another chance but it's difficult. His ex works next door to him and I live an hour away. Now I know that's something I need to accept if I'm going to try to work it out but it's tough. Am I "that" girl?
|In case you haven't read my previous stress posts I am a taurus btw. Giving this another shot is a big deal - not easy for me at all. I don't want to end up a total sucker. I can already see the disapproving looks on my friends' faces. Think I'm being naive in wanting to believe him? |
Last one was supposed to end with thoughts? feedback? advice?
|sounds like an emotional cheater. One who just needs to have an option out there at all times. Tells you what you want to hear? Trust will be hard to get back and if he has nothing to hide he will hide nothing from here on out.|
|It's not a question of whether you want to (or even "ought to") believe him, it's a question of whether your gut feeling actually does. You're the one who has to live with any doubts that you have, after all. If you try to pretend otherwise, you'll eventually end up feeling even more angry and frustrated about the situation, regardless of whether he actually comes through or not. Whatever you decide to do, make sure that *you* feel happy about it. You don't owe anyone anything.|
I'm not sure why I'm trying to advise a Taurean, though. I presume that you already had your mind set on a course of action, regardless? ^_^
22 years old male
Virgo Sun Pisces Moon
|Interestingly enough most of us Virgos probably would have executed a clean break from what you just told us... Its not acceptable to have that sort of fling on the side. |
In the end it comes down to you believe him and you give him another chance (accepting the fact that you can get burned) or you don't believe him and if that's the case you really don't need to be with him if you can no longer trust him.
|Honestly, this situation will always be a wedge in your relationship. Virgos who are not completely over their exes will have a very difficult time giving himself fully to someone new. Just imagine this, Virgos who have been hurt by an ex years ago will still face trials dating someone new. Now, compare that to Virgos who still "feel" it, it's almost an impossible situation for you- unfortunately. |
I've witnessed time and time again with Virgos returning to their previous love because for whatever reason, maybe they haven't had the closure or they were not satisfied with the break up, they will go back to fix it.
That's not to say that you've lost all hopes though. If your relationship has been fantastic, if not better than his last, he will definitely weigh it out in his head and make the right choice. If he chooses you, it's because he knows you are the better one and you should be all the more grateful for it! Just know that whatever happens, at least you and he have a very valid reason to break up. You wouldn't want to be with someone who's heart belongs to someone else anyways.
Asc. Leo, sun Gem, moon Aqua, Venus Gem
|I have recently felt stung by a virgo too but im actually feeling ok because I am able to make sense of it so I am able to let go, forgive, not feel too affected and move on, i have tak en a real deep look into my situation and have an understanding of the reasons why its all happened the way it has so i feel at peace, i do love him But his own issues, hang ups and demons create a behaviour and damage control that wont allow him to appreciate what i have to give, it doesnt matter, I dont feel bad within myself because my love is not about an attachment to someone, i wanted him, I dont need him, probably sounds weird but you kinda remain free.|
Here is my point: Love is not a feeling it is a combination of two or more emotions that you feel towards someone, our past present and future experiences affect our emotions and behaviour within the relationship, think of the love you have towards a child, its unconditional its the purest love you will ever recieve, this is because you are giving into it unconditionally so the love from the child is pure, ya get me? when we feel insecure about something we then start a behaviour which can become unhealthy, ie: anger towards the person, insecurities where our own need is greater than what we give ect. ect. because we do not feel what we are giving is reciprocated, we then start pursueing because we feel an injustice, trying to entrap that person to feed our needs, they feel critized they are going to run/ pull back. Give a love that enables freedom and if the guy is psychologically developed enough he will appreciate that love, also its human nature in relationships theres the pursuer and the one who pulls back, its part of the dance, there will always be this, the purue intensifies the more the other pulls away. Im not sure if Im making much sense to you, I get me!
Check the link out theres loads in here that could help you have an understanding if you get behaviours ect could help in your situation and also help you feel differently about yourself to enable the right behaviours from you to enable growth and and understanding of how to manage the situation healthy. See its as much about you also which will determine things, what challenges him to grow and where he feels safe is what will draw him, Soz about the waffle
http://www.peterfox.com.au/family_fusers_isolators.htm theres loads of different things in this website that can help.
Asc. Leo, sun Gem, moon Aqua, Venus Gem
|I think what im trying to get across is enable freedom, back off to enable your love to be missed and appreciated, if its appreciated, a healthy love and gives a safe feeling then it will be pursued thats an attractive love, your behaviour will be what makes the difference.|
Asc. Leo, sun Gem, moon Aqua, Venus Gem
Posted by Let*It*Be
Posted by Nebulous_Cloud9
my boyfriend is a virgo and we had a similar situation. his ex girlfriend moved away and they tried to work things out long distance but she "couldn't trust him" that far apart so she broke up with him. she moved on, he "moved on," but he was hurt. I think it was his first "love" feeling. months go by, and she comes back saying she still loves him, only real love, blah blah, but meanwhile he met me. immediately asked me out (like within a week or something CRAZY) I don't why I said yes, but I was "moving on" too-- I had just ended an abusive relationship of my own. but there was an honesty in his heart that made me just want to run away with him to somewhere beautiful... I was confused because I felt that I had entered something that hadn't quite ended yet on his part, but I think he wanted to move on from her. trust me, I got defensive, we would quarrel about it... but that was my insecurity. she would text him constantly, called him... "why would you get a gf when you could be treetr*nking me?"
she visits regularly every few months or so for family, so of course she wanted to see him. they hadn't seen each other since she left. I was mildly suspicious, because I didn't know their history (like 6 months together) and I wasn't confident in my understanding of the feelings he still had for her... but in a very awkward position for me he introduced me to her during her stay-- we met at the beach along with her friends. he was very quiet, and as it grew cold he insisted on giving me his jacket. we kept close, shy, affectionate; as we left (early) they shared a light hug and she said I looked like her sister, and that was it. I thought it strange, because "friendly exes" is not my thing. they shared a few words when she contacted him (again) a few months later asking I don't know, but it was just before we were moving in together and he told her that. she's been quiet ever since.
overall, I think he just needed closure with her. it's been over a year now that we've been together.
|not looked like her sister like I look like her but dressed like her. something about the leopard dress I was wearing, I don't know I just wanted to get out of there lol.|
That's wonderful! So nice to hear about happy endings among these sad posts.
Virgos really do suffer a great deal in matters of the heart. They struggle to alleviate the pains they feel even long after a break-up, especially if it's a negative one or one that they feel shouldn't have ended. Because of this, they will pine away, pick at every "ifs", "buts", and "whys" until they grow cold, suspicious, and distrustful... Unfortunately, the next person and probably many persons after that will have a very difficult time knocking down the wall. I entirely sympathize for why their guards and walls are always up because when they give their hearts away, they don't easily get it back. However, the one who is able to capture him will truly get to witness the insurmountable amount of love they are very capable of giving. They won't ever be perfect, but because they love you, they will try to be.
My Virgo is a wounded one. When I met my Virgo I had to deal with repercussions from a negative relationship he experienced back in high school in which his gf cheated on him! The pain and betrayal he felt lasted almost 10 years. Can you believe that? It was really quite unbelievable and it was (and sometimes still is) a very trying relationship. I won't get into details, but the first 14 months of our relationship was HELL. haha But, the pearl is in the clam if you have the patience and are not afraid of a few cuts and bruises.
|I am a Virgo and I agree with Nebulous. There are a couple things I'd like to add, Virgos are known for being a good friend and a lot of people confide in them, I have a lot of people who call/text just for advice/opinions. I can tell you this though, there is really no way that you can tell unless you wait it out because I have ex's that I will blow smoke up their asses and tell them oh yeah we are going to get married one day and not mean a damn word... but I also have a ex currently that if i dated anyone else i know that i would more than likely hurt them because I am still not over him and continue to talk to him. Unlike most though, I won't let myself get into something else because I dont want to hurt anyone I've got enough Karma from hurting people. I can also tell you that once we feel like we are being questioned we can pretty much get downright evil and it will push us away. Whenever my ex's asked me questions as if i was cheating I completed blocked them out and had a horrible attitude. Really its like Russian Roulette, you can stay and see if it works out or you can let it go. |
I dont think this helped one bit, but hey I tried.
|Ok so I'm really appreciating all of the helpful insight. I'm reading, discussing my skepticism with him, really trying to decide what's best and I am slowly processing, processing. |
Let*It*Be - I didn't see or talk to him for 3 weeks. I know how ridiculously short that seems but considering we interact several times a day it felt like a break. Enough of a break that he swears he knows what he wants, that letting her even momentarily mess with his head was wrong, that he will never do anything like that again and maintains that he was never wanting to go back to her (as he'd explained to her in his texts) - and that the day after I blew up at him he broke all communication with her and hasn't had any since. I know she begged him for another chance. He said no - and swears that he really is over her. You seem to be a virgo pro - think the red flags could possibly be yellow? And I promised to never check his phone again.
Capbaby - Emotional cheating...that's exactly how I put it. So far he seems to be forthcoming and honest (even about stuff he knows will annoy me further). Hmm :-/
Lochinvar - My gut feeling is to trust him. But that was my gut feeling before and I still feel like he betrayed me.
"I'm not sure why I'm trying to advise a Taurean, though. I presume that you already had your mind set on a course of action, regardless?" Haha you seem to have experience with taureans. I really am paying attention here though ;-)
Ixion120 - I told him that I would A. never be anyone's backup or rebound and B. not stand in the way if he was in love with someone else. And then I explicitly offered him a chance for a clean break. I want to trust the fact that he didn't take it.
Nebulous_Cloud9 - I definitely wouldn't want to be with someone who's heart is elsewhere. So you think that given that he chose our relationship and not to get back together with her could be a good sign...but maybe not? I know he loved her and that he initially wasn't over her but he says that he's come to realize that she's immature and blew it - and that he was truly happy with and wants a future with me.