Complicated...Love at it's rarest

I am in an unusual situation and I have not a clue what to do.

I am in LOVE with a capricorn and his ways are very strange at times. I know that he loves me too but... We went to school together 20 years ago, which was puppy love but I have never stopped thinking about him and vice versa for him. He is the LOVE of my LIFE and I so regret not having the opportunity of creating a LIFE with him. I discovered that he did try seeking me in high school and on numerous occasions. We both have moved on with life by marrying other ppl but I do not want to live without him. After 20 years, we have feelings for each other that are so real. This is LOVE at it's rarest!! and I don't wanna let go. I've revealed my exact feelings to him and I continue to do so because I don't want him to get away from me again without knowing how I feel. I feel terrible because of our situations but I love him. I'm in love with him after 20 years. He is so amazing and he thinks the same of me. However, I have noticed that when his feelings for me get the best of him, he shys away from me. The thought of him not being in my life breaks my heart. Do I walk away? HELP!!! I DESIRE him and I know he DESIRES me. I've been married for 15 years to a wonderful guy but I've never felt such a strong connnection to my husband. It could be the fact that I married at the age of 19. What do you think? Can this type of love really exist.

I forgot to mention something I believe is very important. I have never had sexual relations with this cap. We've only shared a kiss. It's everything else I love about him. And he has told me things he adores about me, some things are from our past and I would have never expected him to remember.

I haven't spoken to him since new year's eve and I am going crazy. I have yet to feel this way about any guy.

This isn't an unusual situation, this is you contemplating an affair with a married man. If your not happy in your marriage then get out, stop this non-sense thinking.

Your not going to get your hand held on DXP regarding this kind of issue, someone else on another thread gave you some great advice, some things are best left as a fantasy. Cap is not going to leave his wife/family for you, even if you left your husband he would still cleave to his wife and fight for his family to the bitter end, even when his marriage seems to be falling apart he will not let her go easily no matter how much you love him.

Cut contact and move on with your life, Cap will not respect a woman that is dishonest and damn sure won't leave his wife for a dishonest disrespectful woman that toys with the act and possibility of cheating. Either create some strong boundaries to keep him in your life with minimal impact to your REAL life or use no contact.

You are in love with an illusion, in love with an idea, with a phantom ghost dream man, the thing about cheating and emotional affairs not only do you get a surge of adrenalin and excitement which makes a person feel in love and fall in love (it's selfish love)the people involved can be absolute perfect partners, they can play act perfection and all the things he/she can't accomplish in their own marriages, marriage can breed familiarity and familiarity breeds boredom, and when they meet a person outside of the marriage these people can be everything they are not with there actual spouses, he can play dream man all day long with little to no backlash, no nagging, no complaining, no anger and resentment, he gets to experience complete bliss and passion, who wouldn't love that, then he can go home to wifey and play the dutiful husband...WAKE UP

You really need to check in with yourself and investigate why you want to be in love with an unavailable man....if it's meant to be it will happen without your help.

And that's what feminine energy is.........vulnerable............but not dumb.

Tiki, as much as I appreciate your opinion for it has brought great thought, I believe you are not considering all the facts. I never expected caps to leave his wife/family for me. This isn't possible because I also have a husband. You make it seem as though the situation is one sided, when in fact it isn't. Why isn't the caps considered to be contemplating having an affiar with a married woman? How is it that Cap will not respect a woman that is dishonest and damn sure won't leave his wife for a dishonest disrespectful woman that toys with the act and possibility of cheating when he is the person more than willing to cheat with her. You make me out to be a home recker, and I'm not sure why this is.

Thanks for your opinion astro, but what I am saying about myself is that I have never been in love in such a manner. I didn't go looking for it. We meet at a reunion, feelings started flying instantly. LOVE has knocked me down and I look for advice to help me get back on my feet. I've found it odd that such a strong connection could exist after 20 years. But it is real..and when it is their, it could the hardest battle to fight. I tried walking away and ignoring him...and guess what...I could not get out of bed for a week. I had the most horrible heartache. I'm not looking to make excuses, just trying to understand it all. It has taken me by storm. My worry is..what if he is my soulmate. It is so amazing to love a person for all the right reasons. He came back into my life 5 months ago and we have been responsible enoughn to fight our physical attraction. How can I feel so stronog for a person that I have never come close to being intimate with. We feel it will be something special that is worth the wait if we ever get the chance. I'm not making up things to work in my favor. These feelings have been shared with me by him; directly from his mouth. LOVE has always been controllable and managable for me but this is.......way outta my league. I am so vulnerable for caps love at this time.

No your not a homewrecher, your in love and I wish you well, I really do, someone will walk away bruised and battered, who will it be I dunno but cheating is the most selfish act anyone can do especially when other innocent people are involved. I just encourage you to be more realistic, maybe get some therapy to help you sort through it all. IMO it doesn't matter if it's him sharing his feelings or it's you, your both being selfish towards your spouses, I don't say that to hurt your feelings....It's easy to love an unavailable person, it's easy to share love with a person you never have to be with daily 24/7, you don't know his flaws, you don't know if he snores, you don't know if he picks his nose late at night before bed time, you don't know his financial situation or his credit issues, you don't know him nor know the details that make him HIM beyond the feelings he tell you he feels about you, all you know is what he tells you, all you know is your dream, a fantasy, a wish and it's very easy to feel you love a person you don't quite know but share intimate talks with, try loving the ones that really loves you flaws and all, your help mate, your spouse, your husband, your now an emotionally unavailable woman towards your marriage, how sad is that.

I encourage you to reconnect with yourself and with your husband, the void most likely is something you can fill on your own, you owe it to yourself and to your spouse...

Also when I said he will never leave his wife for a cheater, I meant just that, he may express himself with you but deep deep down he would never trust a woman that would leave her husband because if you do it to your husband you will do it to him too and yes he's thought about it, they are deep thinkers, these men are not impulsive like other signs, anything he does is well thought out, he will know the inevitable ending before you will, it's deeper than his words he shares with you, capricorn men are cautious creatures, they will not impulsively leave a spouse no matter how bad or loveless the relationship is, he will share his deep innermost feelings but most likely when and if the time came he would back out, capricorn men are REALIST, they will not indulge in fantasies for too long if ever....You seem to be a safe outlet for him to express himself, he most likely is not getting what he needs at home but that doesn't mean he will leave to experience love with you, yes it's a strong attraction but Saturn runs and controls his ego and inevitably he will play by the rules and gain control over his feelings, he will not go against the rules of love to be with you, that is just not something they are known for, if he leaves his spouse it will take him years to do it, he will not cut ties just like that, I just don't see him going beyond words....I would caution you to take a step back and wake up.

Maybe he does love you, maybe he will leave his wife, no one really knows but him...I wouldn't count on it happening but you are free to feel for him all you want, I just think it's sad that you can't see what you are blessed with in real time, today, right now.

But I do agree with Tiki in EVERYTHING she just wrote....all of it. Now if she only counsel the heartache and how to heal.

You both seem like really sweet women, time heals. You have to investigate your situations. You have to figure out what void he filled and fill it yourself, once you see that you can fill the voids and heal your own unmet needs on your own without him then the healing begins but you have to want it to. There are techniques to stop the obsessive thoughts but I won't go into here but there are many resources online and offline that you can use to heal yourself. One day at a time, every day you have to make an effort to get on with your life, I could make this a long book but I know if you choose to you can move on, just have to want to more than you want to be in pain and heartache. Does it feel good to hold onto him? If it doesn't then make a conscious decision to let go and get on with your life.