Destinyschild's Question

Ok, there are quite a few different questions going on, so I decided to use my Capricorn organizational skills (big smile and laugh) to help keep me on point. Hopefully, you won't have a problem with me putting it out here, D.

Anywho, you ask, "Maybe you can help me figure out my new cap friends behavior. He is male, an older guy. We are both over 30. we met one month ago. I am scorpio.... we have amazing dates. We talk for hours. get along perfecty. the chemistry is off the hook. he touches me like no one ever has and looks me in the eyes and I think he is going to tell me he loves me, yada yada. then days go by and he doesnt call. It's so confusing. I think he only calls when he knows he has time to see me. He has part time custody of his son, so his time is limited. Is this normal cap behavior? I never met a person who was so non-communicative in between dates—?"

Then, I came back with this response:

Destinyschild,

If you don't mind, I could use a little more information. You say that you're both over 30 and yet he is still an older guy. How old are you both?

You guys met a month or so ago, where did you meet? How many dates have you been on? How often do you talk on the phone?

He has a son, but was he ever married? If so, how along ago was it? Are they divorced now or merely separated? How old is his son?

What does he do for a living?

What kinds of things do you all talk about? What is the most personal thing he has told you? Does he call you or do you call him more? If he does call, what time of the day is it?

What makes you think he is going to use LOVE?

That should help get me started. Hopefully, it's not too much to handle. (smile)

Then, she came back with this response.

Enigma.......I am not sure if all of your questions are necessary. but I will answer a few......we talk and share everything. He is always asking me my opinion on things. both with ex girlfriends, and his financial sitution and his friends and family. he always wants to know my opinion on everything when we are together. he used to call alot on the phone in the beginning. Now, everything is the same when we see each other, he just dosnt call in between dates as much anymore. Our time together is amazing. Just no in between calls. He is divorced. has not been with his ex wife for 5 years. three months ago he broke up with a girl he went out with for a year because he wasnt sure that she was was stable enough for him. he wants someone solid for the future. He is over 40. his son is 10 and doesnt think that after a month he is ready to have us going out all three together, even though I have met his son and some of his family on our third date. so is the lack of phone calls a capp thing—?

Destiny,

Let me tell you, I have one son (age 6). I have never been married, but at times I feel as though I have just come out of a long term relationship.

I would assume that he is pretty busy (be it mentally or physically), I know that I am always getting into something. If I'm not working, I'm thinking about it. As I'm sure you know, we tend to hide ourselves in work. Often times, it's the first place I'll go when I'm hurt or needing some patience.

Ummmmmm, as far as not calling, I have been trying to think of a time when I didn't call (evil grin). Truthfully (laughing), that's pretty much all of the time. I laugh because it is one of the biggest and most recognized complaint, ever. My whole family, friends, coworkers, and even past/present girlfriends have ALWAYS nagged me about not calling them (initially) or even returning their phone calls. Honestly, I know I'm bad at it, but most of the time they're calling when I'm doing something else. I have a one track mind and when I get lost in thought or action, I don't want to be disturbed. This means, if I'm with you, I'm with you (that's a perk, right?).

My not answering the phone or calling doesn't equate a love lost, it just means I'm preoccupied. When I'm with someone, I try my best to give them all of my attention. I think we're pretty good a concentration, at least I know I am. I am determined and driven enough to stick to something until it's finished or I can no longer go any further. So, basically, this means that our time together is our time together. Get it?

D, if you find your time together exciting and wonderful, then enjoy it. I know he is. Just continue to give him the time to do whatever it is he's doing and he'll come back when he's ready to focus on you.

And about the kid thing? I think we feel the same. There have been many ladies in my life. I have learned in my 30 years that things look good in the beginning. It's the lady that can prove to be "wifee material" and maintains patience during the rocky moments (believe me, there will be plenty of them) that gets the spoils. This is the woman that can not only meet, but relax with my boy. By that time, he's thinking about putting a ring on your finger. Eh, but that's just me.

I hope that helps. (wink, wink, smile)

Enigma...
thank you so much for taking the time to answer my question. You hit the nail on the head when you said that capps get preoccupied and have great concentration. I have seen it. Sometimes when I am at his house, he will go to his office and get on the computer or take a phone call and he gets completely immersed in whatever he is concentrating on. It's like he has blinders on. then when it's time to focus back on me, he is right there. He does focus alot on me when we are together. we always look each other directly in the eyes when we speak. My favorite time is when we just sit out back in his yard and just talk for hours. No music, no t.v. Just us focused on each other. He always grabs a cigar and always says that he hasnt done that in months until he met me. It makes me feel good to see him so relaxed. but i have one more question for you in general as a man......if a relationship starts off really, really good, like AMAZING..... Would it sometimes scare a guy and make him back off just a little? We have had six dates and the last two dates included sex......off the hook sex. After the first time, he said that he thought that it would be good, but not "that" good...then last time he didnt want me to leave after the firt time and we went at it a second time. then we watched the tyson fight on tivo because he tivoed it for me to see, ( I love boxing).....it was all too perfect....do you think that men get scared when it might be too good? thanks again for your help. hey, if you need help with a scorpio female, let me know and I will return the favor. Oh, one more thing about the phone calls. He knows that my ex has been calling me the last couple of weeks. and he also knows that I didnt like my ex in the beginning but becasue he pursued me with phone calls constantly that he finally won me over. do you think that maybe he doesnt' call me alot because he wants to be different—/

Ya know, I hear the older we Cappies get, the more Capricorn-ish we become. I wonder if that statement holds any merit. What do you think? Hmp. Something to think about.

Anyway, back to your questions. To me, it sounds like everything is going pretty good. I like those kinds of situations. I enjoy relaxing. I enjoy a good conversation during the calmest part of the day. We remember those times and don't quickly forget them. Who says we don't know how to relax?

D, enjoy those moments and please don't forget the messages he is giving you right now. I don't know when, but he will get sidetracked with work or other engagements. Yes, he we are romantics at heart and will make time to enjoy the finer things in life, but we're still ruled by Saturn and that makes us fundamentally disciplined. It's ok to veg out, but at some point, we're gonna have to return to the office for some work. We are tempermental. I've always enjoyed my girl hanging around the house, but don't forget to get lost every once in a while. It makes us miss you more. Do enough to make us chase you, but don't go so far away that we start wondering who your messing with.

Be careful about your ex. I'm possessive and quite protective, so any competition is a bad sign. Be sure to give him plenty of assurances. Don't hide anything and be completely honest (it helps to build trust). If you ask us how we feel about competition, we may play it off by being too cool. Don't fall for that facade, we're very observant when it comes to things like that.

In an attempt to answer your intial question, I'd say it could happen. If I like a girl, I may get a little uneasy. I don't want to lose all my self control so I backup a tad to check her out. I watch and watch some more. I test and test some more. Then, when you think I'm not watching or testing, you best believe I'm still doing it. I'm looking for dependability and trustworthy-ness. Handle the ex right and that's a point in your corner. It's also wonderful that you're so cuddly and cute now. Stay away from arguments and obvious demands for him to change (it's so new right now that it may not happen yet). Be possessive yourself, which shouldn't be a problem for Scorpios, this helps to give us comfort that you care. Not too much as it will seem like you're trying to control us.

In the end, be patient. Allow him to eb and flow with the waves until he feels completely comfortable with you. One month is so new and it may take MONTHS before he gives you a great deal of committment. Be mindful of how you treat him. Give him the respect that he deserves. Don't worship him, but crown him king of ya'lls "castle." He likes honest respect and reverence, but don't fall into the category of being a welcome mat. Stand up for what you believe in and show him (on virtous issues, you cannot be moved). Dont' be a kid, but be his equal...as equal as reverantly possible (smile).

Outside of that, I'm loving it for you. Shoot, I wish that I could be there. What's better than a good cuddle, boxing match, and a cigar?