Help w/understanding Cap man for our kids

I am a aries woman who thought that me & my ex cap broke up mutually almost 4 years ago. We have 2 daughters 5 & 10 years old. We were together off & on 8 1/2 years, he was a liar and cheater, he stopped cheating wanted to get married but I didn't love him the same anymore, so I couldn't marry him and I treated him badly at this point (not cheating just emotionally hurting him like he hurt me). We both agreed to put our girls first, however it lasted with him for a good 2-3 months, he was a great father when we were together, but he got so bad with not spending time with our girls and not helping to support them after almost a year I went to friend of the court, to set up visitations so we didn't have to deal with each other, he has been very bitter, when I try to talk to him about our girls he says that he will never forgive me, that he will always be bitter towards me, and never listens to me trying to tell him how it affects our girls, so I stopped trying. I found out that after we broke up 2 months later he moved in with a woman and her 2 daughters, needless to say I was hurt, because we was acting so crazy with our girls, he was a great father and I couldn't understand why he was taking it out on the kids, when I asked him about it he said that I should've thought about it before. He would talk to the girls on the phone and get them occassionally until about 2 years ago when I got into another relationship and had another daughter, out of respect, because we used to be good friends at one point I told him I was pregnant, he told me all I was good for was having little bastards and asked me to give my child to her father so we could get back together (i told him where to go), since then he won't get the girls talk to them,call them nothing, not their birthdays or holidays, last time they spoke to their father in september, he called to tell them he married the woman, that she and her kids come first. I spoke with his father 2 weeks ago,he said that he believes he wants to be with the girls but is afraid of being close to me because he was madly in love with me,he said that his wife is jealous/intimadated by me and our daughters, because he always compares her to me. My daughters love their father,and have cried over this. He can't seem to separate what we had as over and that the girls are who matter even though he is now married. Is it hopeless to think he will ever get over it and focus on our daughters and move on in his heart?

Thanks for that scorpio chic. He does pay child support plently because he just joined the army, and now for the past few months he's been in another state for training which at least gives him an excuse for not seeing them, but money doesn't replace their fathers love and support for them. It's just hard because our 10 year is being honored by her school board for being student of the month at her school, he knows but doesn't care to tell her he's proud of her or anything at all, my brother who is in the military too just spoke with him over the phone last week for the super bowl but he doesn't call his kids (we got them a cell phone so he could call them directly), they are smart wonderful girls who don't understand how there dad went from being great, supportive to totally absent in their lives, and I use to blame myself.

I too had to wait before posting on this, I was feeling out of control inside LOL, I hate to see babies suffer over non-sense such as egos and selfishness. If I could make a suggestion, please do everything you can to instill high self esteem in your girls, it's so easy for the girls to believe men leave and as they get older begin to pick up every douchebag off the street to try and re-do what they couldn't get from there real father. Counseling can help, going to an all girl camp to help them learn to love themselves and to understand they are worthy despite the choices men make. I hate to see kids suffer from the choices women and men make not to raise there kids.

I just feel really triggered by this, at this point as SC said you can't control him, you can fight for your kids and let them see and know you are and you have done everything you possibly can to make space for there father to be in there life. His choices will catch up with him, immature assclown.

The courts ordered counseling but he wouldn't go, the kids and I get counseling through our church. They have done so much better than I expected, my oldest doesn't ask about him anymore, I saw the change in her the last time he stood her up for an event, she's always being honored at school, grades,character, etc. and it's seems to bother him, I have never seen a man be so spiteful and bitter until now. I make sure my girls know they are loved and they have a big supportive family, I would constantly tell them their father loves them just sometimes when adults are hurt it's hard for them to handle things sometimes. I know they will be okay,but I would of never thought he would act this way with the girls.

sad 😢

My Capricorn ex husband has always been absolutely craptastic as a father/spouse. He's nearly 40, and no better than he was when we met at 17! Irresponsible, constantly cheating, really selfish and immature. With his next gf (the 16 year old he dumped me for), he spent more time and money and love on the girl's young NIECE that she often babysat, than he did on my two daughters. (Turned out that the "niece" was actually her daughter, that she'd let her brother adopt when she was 15!) This went on for YEARS! Then he dumped HER for a married woman, and eventually they both got divorces, married, had a little girl together (age 12 now). But always with the cheating, especially with the other ex. During his second marriage, he lived LESS THAN ONE MILE from us... and would go six or more weeks without calling or coming by, even with open visitation. Child support was a paltry $ 37/wk which he managed to wiggle out of paying regularly, but always his tax return seizure was used toward catching it back up. Finally divorcing for the second time (for cheating and generally being a lousy husband/father), he got back with the ex (together off and on for something like 18 years now!) and THEY eventually married and had three MORE children in three years (ages 6, 5, and 4 now.) But always with the irresponsibility and especially the CHEATING. Multiple girlfriends, always Other Women scenarios; a lot of times even THEY had no idea he was cheating in order to see them! He treats his GIRLFRIENDS' kids considerably better than he treats his own. So now his THIRD wife is divorcing him (over his latest gf with several kids), and he's a lousy Dad to ALL of his own kids, sons or daughters, young or grown. Not abusive or mean.. just, not there, doesn't care. And we aren't from the Big Bad City, in case you think this might be a cultural thing. He's a skinny, dorky SMALL TOWN boy who can't keep his zipper closed!

My girls are 19 and 17 now, and I raised them the very best I could. They don't hate him, and I never, ever bad mouthed him. As teens, they realized for themselves that he just didn't care much, and they were sad but not angry. But by then, I'd helped make them the strong, beautiful, smart, secure, and LOVED young women they are. They are truly amazing and worth every bit of what I went through struggling to raise them right. They don't drink, do drugs, sleep around.. and they aren't looking for a Daddy Figure with men. They're too strong for that.