Pisces man Taurus woman ... long distance

So, back in October of 2007 a friend had recommended I join this social networking site (not one of the big ones) and so I did and was playing around on it and made contact with this lovely Taurus girl. She was cute, whimsical, playful and was immediately taken with me.

However I live in Chicago and she lives in Sarasota, FL. Also, there is a 12 year age difference between us, so I admit that right from the start I didn't expect anything of a relationship with her, but more as just a friendly contact to chat and email with on occasion.

She, however, was very much interested in me and would constantly message me and text me - it was never annoying, I was kind of flattered and more or less played along. We would chat while I worked my boring desk job and basically keep each other company just about every day. She'd tell me how we'd end up together some day and travel and have kids and like we basically planned out our lives and everything. Meanwhile we both still dated in our respective "real lives" and I'd even give her guy advice, and joke about her "hundreds of boyfriends." So you can see it was kind of a light companionship.

Before I even realized it over a year and a half had passed and we basically know everything about each other. She had pushed me to come visit her time and time again, and every time I'd get freaked about the reality of the distance, the age gap, and practicality would always get the better of me and prevent me from taking that next step to actually see her.

Well, cut to May of this year. She finally snapped at me and told me that because I didn't take her seriously and would never visit that the whole thing was pointless. I snapped back and basically said "you're right, I'm a moron for even allowing myself to be this open with you." Then we stopped talking for at least a week. However, after the fight I suddenly found myself missing her a lot, her companionship and gentle understanding, her playful humor, and cheerful way. I missed her and realized that I had fallen for her.

So I started talking to her again but realized things had changed. She was being rather cold to me and cut off in a way. She finally told me that she was dating someone down there, and I realized that she had fallen for another guy. She says she still thinks of me a lot and cares a great deal for me, but now the timing is off.

So I feel completely at fault and moronic. (more to come)

I had a real connection to someone and before I even realized that my heart WAS involved it had already kind of burned up. I can't blame her for deciding to essentially give up on me...but now I know in my heart that I really would strive to be with her.

I have money saved and am actually in a good position financially and could make the distance work, and even move down the road if things evolved that way. So I let her know.

Now she is still distant, but keeps in contact with me with almost daily messages or texts. In a way I feel guilty for throwing all this drama at her, especially while she is dating someone new, but I feel justified in standing up for my heart, and am sick of having horrible timing in matters of the heart.

She is on vacation right now in California and I barely hear from her. She gets back on July 14th. I miss her terribly.

I am kind of at a loss of what to do. I mean I have told her how I feel, and that I would be willing to be there for her for real, and I can tell her heart is confused now with what to do, maybe she doesn't trust me. I almost feel like I'm walking on a razor's edge. Like maybe I should totally walk away and cut off contact. Or stay in touch with her and hope she comes around... the not knowing is a roller-coaster for my heart.

Anyone have any wisdom or words of advice?

Hi Greenfish, I can only give you an idea of what I'd be thinking in this instance. And I've had 2 longterm relationships with Pisces men (although they were a little too sensitive for me :p)

Firstly, I've never had a long-distance relationship. But if I was talking to someone on a daily basis for a year and a half, my feelings for them would have to be very strong. Also, if I had asked you to come visit and you kept making excuses I'd probably take a huge step back and wonder why on earth I was bothering (which seems to have happened in your case). Once that trust has been broken, for a Taurus it can be very hard to get it back to 100% . But if you perservere it could work.

If I were you, I'd continue contact with her. Don't nag her about the way she has reacted; the fact she still has so much contact with you speaks volumes. Send her sweet little messages and remind her of why she fell for you in the first place. You also need to speak to her about why you got 'cold feet'. Open up to her, let her see that you truly want to have a 'proper' relationship with her that is going somewhere in the long term. I'd want concrete answers as to why you reacted the way you did in order to understand. All Taureans need stability and reassurance, especially in relationships, and unfortunately sometimes this is achieved through being Mr/Mrs Nag; all questions need to be answered so that everything can be put in perspective. I doubt the new guy she's dating means as much to her as you do, perhaps she wanted to have some fun and forget about the heartache she was feeling after you refused to go visit her.

Hope this helps a little bit. I hope it works out for you 🙂

Putting myself in her position, this is what I think: She liked(s) you a lot, because she wouldn't even be wasting her time being in contact with you still today, after you pretty much snubbed her advances; HOWEVER, you have been put on notice because she may think that you are only interested in her now because she has a man.

If I were her I would be extremely skeptical (but that's just my nature 😉) and it would take a WHOLE lot for me to regain that trust. After the situation you described, if I were hot on you at like 95 degrees, I would drop down to a frosty 40 degrees temp. It's not freezing, but pretty damn close.

Well,

I truly appreciate everyone's advice. Whew, what a relief of wisdom you have shown me. I began applying it immediately.

I took everything to heart and wrote her a long email kind of explaining my thought process, my fears, etc. But at the end I told her everything I felt, how I have fallen for her without realizing it, how beautiful she is to me....etc.. and finally how I think it is worth it to 'make a go' of things despite everything.

And I've definitely turned on the charm almost like we just met.

And it's working amazingly well! You ladies know your Taurus women well...

She is warming up to me again, I can feel her coming around.

She finally told me that she is "always thinking of me."

So... things are looking up. She is still in California until the 14th, but I have a feeling there may be a trip to Florida in the near future for me.

It's been nice to feel her coming back to me, even a little bit over these past few days. Now I just have to hope it continues like this when she's home. We shall see.

Thanks again for your advice everyone.

Good, now no more screwing up! LOL, just kidding 😉

New Update:

So we've been having some very honest conversations lately the past few nights, even though she is on vacation.

She basically laid it out like this:
1. She still has feelings for me and can see us lasting long-term.

2. She also could see potential with this other, more local, guy and feels like she needs to give him a fair shot.

3. She made the comment that the timing of it all is horrible and even insinuated that I wait around for her...(?)

So. I told her I really have enjoyed the past few nights of late night conversation with her, but that I could kind of sense it was fleeting. I told her if she is not 100% for me, then it is unfair of me to demand a relationship or whatever and if she wants to expore things with this new guy, then to stop distracting herself with me. All I can do is step way back and hope she'll come back to me someday.

I was very calm and at peace as this conversation went down. I feel like anything I do now just confuses her. I mean, should I fight for her? Like, stay present in her life and continue her confusion even while this other boy is trying to date her?

My heart says I have to let her go (for now, I hope) to explore things with this other guy. I can't be selfish if she's not 100% .

Do you all agree? Should I back way off and not even communicate? Maybe check in in a month or something?

This is all quite agonizing. Especially because the past few days she was very warm and open to me, only to have all this drama seep up again...

"...She finally snapped at me and told me that because I didn't take her seriously and would never visit that the whole thing was pointless. I snapped back and basically said "you're right, I'm a moron for even allowing myself to be this open with you." Then we stopped talking for at least a week. However, after the fight I suddenly found myself missing her a lot, her companionship and gentle understanding, her playful humor, and cheerful way. I missed her and realized that I had fallen for her."

Therein lies the crux of this situation. You waited too long to let her know how you feel. She put it out there for you LOUD and CLEAR that she wanted to be with you, but it wasn't until she was otherwise engaged, that you "realized that I had fallen for her." Now, you are stuck between a rock and a hard place, because you had more than ample time and opportunity to let her know how you felt, but miraculously, it wasn't until she was seeing someone else that your vision was cleared and you saw that you loved her. I'm not being mean, I'm just telling like she is probably seeing it. If I were in her shoes, I would likely be with the person that was close to me, not just because of proximity, but because that person is putting in the time and attention necessary to grow the relationship. You have a ton of options, but the two most realistic options are a. you walk away and let her do her thing, and if it's meant to be, it will be; b. you put your cards on the table and SHOW how the relationship would work realistically, i.e. you both agree to see each other at least twice a month (alternating states), and you plan a trip together outside of each of your states, and you put the time in. If realistically that isn't feasible - financially, etc, then I think the answer may already have been made for you. I don't think that long distance relationships are doomed to fail; HOWEVER, I personally believe that EACH person has to be committed to making it work 100% . If one person is giving 75% and the other is giving 110% or each are only giving 50% - it likely will not work, and you are just biding each others time. I know it's tough, and it isn't as simple as I've outlined.

I appreciate your honesty USCTaurusgal.

I think I have learned over the years that I do have horrible timing in matters of the heart. Like I have an intuition to back away when something is true, and only feel real "love" when someone is on their way out from me. And this experience especially has been a hard lesson for me. I will have to be more aware of real connections in the future.

I don't blame her for wanting to explore her spark with this other guy and can understand her point of view, even if it goes against my own want and need of her. If we are meant to be, then we will be. I can tell she is torn up about the whole thing as well. But she also feels bad for the other guy, for starting something up with him and then the fire I rekindled in her for me. So, I can understand her guilt in a way... it hurts because it means that she sees real potential in him, enough to kind of push me out of her life.

The distance is a major obstacle that we would have to deal with as well, but we in the past we already talked about both moving to another location sometime in the future.

Anyway, the distance isn't even the problem anymore considering what's happening. I just have to be mature and step back and kind of hope she comes back to me down the road at some point. In the meantime I will live the single life, and who knows I could meet someone, once I get over this situation a bit and find more acceptance.

However, I think I will still drop her a line on occasion when I miss her and what not, just to keep in touch.

I still have this gut feeling she will come around...but it could be my own pipe dream. We'll see what happens. I'll definitely post an update if anything changes... if I don't, then we know that this whole thing fizzled out. C'est la vie.

New update:

So, these past few days have been really intense. We've been talking daily and nightly while she is on this trip in California. I should note that I'm giving her space, she always contacts me. In a way I hope that her being totally out of her life in Florida and away from her usual day-to-day life has kind of given her some distance to truly reflect on her own heart and what she may or may not see in the future.

Everything is still tenuous. I know that the real test will be when she returns to Florida and obviously the guy she is dating will want to see her again. I won't lie, that I did a little snooping and found his myspace...kind of a bad move on my part, because I saw all her posts in his comments dating back to the end of June and up to July first. But also in a way I can see that this guy is very independent and somewhat of a ladies man, judging by all the other posts from various women all over his page. So, it kind of gave me some confidence because I don't really see them going long-term, but just kind of dating for fun through the summer. And really, why shouldn't she? She's down there and I'm up here. I can also kind of see why she likes him (conveniently, he is a Taurus as well).

However, in our conversations we have discussed a lot of deep things about the continual heartache for each other and how we both miss each other. The past two nights we've dreamt of each other (which is something we Pisces are quite skilled at 😉 ). I have felt this sense of faith start growing inside me that is very exciting and also somewhat terrifying. Exciting because I think her heart is still quite attached to me, but also terrifying because I can see that this could all fall apart on me if things progress with the boy in florida.

The test will be July 14th and after when she's home. I think then she will know what's in her heart and how she wants to proceed things. Also, the July 21st eclipse is supposedly supposed to bring a lot of luck in romance to the fish, so at least astrology seems to say things are in my favor.

My main issue right now is the amount of stress and heartache this is all causing. But when I consider the alternative I know I would rather be where I am right now, feeling these deliciously agonizing aches of the heart for her.

So I guess I'll post again when she's back home from the trip and new developments take their course. If anyone has advice on how to handle the stress I'd surely a

Last line was cut off...

I just was saying:

If anyone has advice on how to handle the stress or general advice I'd surely appreciate it!