Changing Tastes

I have noticed that my taste in men has altered quite radically from how it was say 10 years ago.
The men I found attractive back then, don't do anything for me now. And it's nothing to do with
familiarity lessening the stength of my attraction as it also applies to celebrities who I don't know
on any level except as TV personalities.

I attribute this to the change in my own outlook over the years on various fronts. For example,
my value system has shifted so that now I have grown more conservative in what I consider
important qualities in a man, such as a steady job, a regular life style . Being quirky and alternative
and off the wall are not things I go for any more. When I think of some of the men I has disastrous
infatuations with, I see more clearly now that they had nothing constructive or healthy to offer me.
On readying various armchair therapy books that explain to the layman the pychology behind
their motivations and actions, I realise that these men reflected quite clearly the state of my own
subconscious sense of self then (although at the time I couldn't consciously see this myself).

I am still a work in progress as regards regenerating my self-esteem. I am trying to use this awareness
to explain the types of men I am attracted to thse days. It's quite difficult to try to see the subscious
resons for my attractions for tmen when they are strong and intense and real.

But in general it makes me think of the whole notion of love at first sight. I think that this phenomenon
occurs in the same way as those relationships that develop over a longer period, perhaps where
there is not initial attraction at all. The difference being that have ffelings for someone almost
spontaneously at the point of being introduced to them is that all the factors that combine to create
the spark of attraction, come together all at the same time.

I agree with what freebird said in a previous post about not getting hung up on any one man
who his making me feel frustrated and hurt, but instead to go out and sample some more of those
fish in the sea! It's difficult when the feels towards this one guy are so strong. But as freebird said
(I think) when a guy is not making you feel good about yourself, then he is not really all that good
for you and go and find someone who is.

Sorry for all the typos and grammar errors, am typing this with my head over my shoulder.

MD said: I agree with what freebird said in a previous post about not getting hung up on any one man
who his making me feel frustrated and hurt, but instead to go out and sample some more of those
fish in the sea! It's difficult when the feels towards this one guy are so strong. But as freebird said
(I think) when a guy is not making you feel good about yourself, then he is not really all that good
for you and go and find someone who is.

I too agree with freebird, it's important for women (including self) to understand if a man isn't making us feel good, we need to love OURSELVES FIRST and walk away, this is how we teach others to love us, if we stick around hoping, wishing and pushing for more, we damage our self esteem and start to develop a destructive pattern and the cycle is endless, the men will show up mirroring us with constant forms of rejection,

for me self love is self preservation because I have been on the other side of hating myself and it TOOK AN ACT OF GOD TO GET ME THROUGH THAT PHASE OF MY LIFE

I have learned if we can't or won't give love to ourselves first how will we ever develop healthy, nurturing relationships, it begins with US first and the love we have for ourselves naturally will extend over to others and if the guy isn't accepting it, then we can naturally move on without hesitation to someone who will accept what we have to offer without doubt, hesitation and no why's and what for's.

My motto is this: I won't do or say anything to anyone that I haven't done or said to myself first, for every i love you i say to someone, I have to have said it to myself first that day, for every loving gesture I give, I must have been sending and giving loving gestures to me first that day.

I think alot of the issues that arise that I see on this board is that some not all haven't been filling themselves up with the things thats needed to preserve a healthy self image and so alot of us put up with BS that would never be tolerated if we loved ourselves a little bit more.

I find that I do my part and if the guy says nope I don't want that, I move on, is it easy? not always but it's something I'm not hesitant to do because I'm IMPORTANT, I have alot to offer a person and if he can't see it or accept it, it's his loss.

You put it really well tiki. Learning to seriously love and respect yourself is the key to getting yourself out of destructive and repetative patterns of interaction with men. We women often opt to have unhealthy relationships with men to avoid facing the problems within ourselves. Putting up with the inadequacies of the man is preferable to putting up with our own. We don't tend to realise that the other alternative is to accept and deal with ourselves and commit to nurturing ourselves first so that we will only attract and be interested in men who don't have problems themselves.

What time is it there MD?

Really late/early depending...it's nearly 4am in the morning. I just thought I'd log on as you do when you should be asleep.

It is about experience ladies, the more you have the more it changes.