In love with my Libra confidant

So just to give you guys some brief history, he and I have know each other for 5 years now give or take. We met thru a mutual friend that neither of us communicates with now. At the time we dated I was single and he was on a break from his longtime girlfriend. We got into an argue envy because I wouldn't let him meet my mother and we stopped talking for a while. When we reconnected he was back with the gf. I tell him everything and vice versa, we are extremely close and honest with each other. So we remained friends until last summer when he and I started to drink and all of the hidden emotions came to light. I knew we loved each other but it just felt different saying it at the time. He still has the same girlfriend (who hates me) and I have a boyfriend (who hates him) but I can't shake the feeling that I'm watching my soulmate pass me by. He's questioned me recently about our "gray area" because I try to avoid all conversations about our true feelings because I am scared. I want to know has anyone else experienced this? I think about him all day & I've most recently started writing poems about him, which I haven't done since high school. Please help, I had a dream that I was getting married and he came in plain clothes to my wedding screaming no.

lol no

Posted by djbuck1
Out of sheer curiosity, is this the cab driver?

He turned out to be a real liar

I get it. You 2 have a lot of unfinished business & unresolved issues. Neither of you ever got real closure, so your hearts are NATURALLY longing for answers & for closure. It's the "what if" that is really bothering you, as it usually always will when 2 people separate prematurely w/o resolving their issues & unfinished business.

It's not even always that the people severely miss each other b/c they were somehow soul mates but instead that the psychological response to moving on before you were ready is to miss the person more & more as time goes by. This natural psychological process if how a lot of people foolishly convince themselves that severely missing someone equates to mean that they must somehow be your soul mate. So I get it, but I think you need to look at the reality here

1. You got with him when he'd had unfinished business with his ex (his current girlfriend). He wasn't fully over her, which is why he immediately went back to her the minute you took a "break." So technically, you were sharing him emotionally with the other woman, which ought to help you to realize that you can't officially say that his feelings towards you were as whole & genuine as yours were towards him. If he'd fully gotten over her, she wouldn't have been his 1st choice when he was single again; he would've moved on to someone new OR even better, stayed single until he was over BOTH of you so that the next girl wouldn't have to share him emotionally

2. Of course your current partners hate your ex's. They have every reason to. You are giving the same feeling to your current partner that you couldn't stand your ex giving to you. No one wants to invest in someone who pretends like they've moved on when you know deep down that the truth is that they're still fantasizing about someone else. And it's even more disgusting when you're trying everything you can to make someone happy while they're still lusting over someone who actually walked away from them & gave up on the relationship!

Any time there is a 3rd party in a relationship that is only supposed to consist of 2 people, what you perceive to be "real love" is actually just a distorted version of love. By "3rd party" I mean, feelings being divided between 3 people, instead of just the 2 people in the relationship

You need to let your ex go & he needs to let you go. Right now, you guys are both playing with fire & foolishly willing to mess up something good for something old that didn't work out for a reason. Your current boyfriend could be an amazing guy but you'd never know b/c you're too busy giving your feelings & deepest desires to someone who couldn't wait to go be in the arms of THEIR ex the moment you walked out of the door. If only you realized how IRRATIONAL it is for you to have emotionally carried some ex into your current/next relationship.

You might push your current boyfriend away & end up alone. How? Well I'd be willing to bet $ 1 million bucks that if your ex had to choose b/w you & his current girlfriend, he would NOT pick you. If you're willing to harp over & take the risk of losing a future potential all over someone who wouldn't AND didn't pick you when it's all said & done, then you're insane!

If it's meant to be, it will be. But so far, it's not looking like it's meant to be b/c if it were, you both would be together & working out your problems as opposed to being in the arms of someone else. So sense the verdict NOW is that you guys aren't meant to be, the least you can do is be fair, spare the time of your current partner & fully invest in them! If you can't do that for your man, then do the both of you a favor & let him go so that he can be with someone he doesn't have to emotionally share.

Of course things get messy when people get selfish & start sharing/dividing feelings b/w 1 half of a party whose deserving of you while the other half isn't. You shouldn't be surprised at all.

Posted by krysrenee7
Of course things get messy when people get selfish & start sharing/dividing feelings b/w 1 half of a party whose deserving of you while the other half isn't. You shouldn't be surprised at all.

Although you sound very angry, thank you for all of your advice. However, I am not sure of all of the information. When we stopped talking he thought I wasn't serious about him because I told him he couldn't meet my mother. He has asked me before to work things out but I've always changed the subject but now I feel like I shouldn't have and realize how deeply I truly feel

Posted by djbuck1
Kinda sounds to me like you're both snug in your secure relationships and so are unwilling to take a chance with one another. I'm not sure how long your respective SIGOs are going to put up with this, so you could end up losing both.

If you are reasonably sure that he feels the same way about you, how about a heaping helping of honesty, and a candid discussion?

CAVEAT: I am a Water sign opining on doings between two (four?) Air signs. So, my advice is worth just as much as you are paying for it. I'd be a lot more emphatic (and specific) if you were, "one of my own."

Lol thank you! I am starting to believe I should just be completely open with my feelings... I am scared.