Married to a Cancer Man (ARGHHH)

OK - I met my Cancer hubby about 3 years ago. We met online and proceeded to talk on the phone about 2 weeks before meeting. When we first started up, we would talk on the phone for hours and hours and laughed at EVERYTHING together. Shortly after we met, I became pregnant with our son (FAST ASS LIBRA, I KNOW), and he begged me to have the baby. Well, I did and he proposed to me at the baby shower. I had our son 11 days later.

Now, here we are. We had a big wedding last April and went on a Mexican honeymoon. The planning process was stressful, but once we got closer to the wedding date, things got better. But all in all, we argue back and forth because we are so different. He has plenty of exes that he still speaks to and he is closed off emotionally. I closed the chapters in my life along the way so I don't speak to exes and I am an open book.

Well, around Christmas, I asked him how he felt when he was thinking of proposing and he acted like it was just another day - as if I 'deserved' it for having his son. He always acts like that. He acts like he is just here, but if we get near the point of separating, he tries to save the marriage. WTF? It feels like he purposely holds back what he feels to control the flow of the relationship. He buys me whatever I want (holidays), he has given me access to his financial affairs (and he is very protective of his finances), and he is searching for a house for us. He even wants another baby soon. What gives? Why does he hold back like he can take or leave me? Then in the next breath, he is planning ou future together? It's getting old!!!!

By the way, he told me he was a Gemini, but I should have known because this is unlike anything I have ever dealt with. He is born June 21st. That's why I thought we would be compatible.

Ah man, I'm kinda confused from your story! LOL!

Basically, things were good, then bad, then good, etc. If you're confused, how do you think I feel? That's why I need help.

Just took a look at our charts. Explains a lot. Thanks DaBull

He is actually a Gemini/Cancer. To be honest.... Is there maybe more to this story? It sounds to me like he is doing everything to make it work, but why would he have insecurities after 3 years? Makes no damn sense to me!

Thanks everyone!

@ N.Node, what you are saying makes a lot of sense. We are very different and I think that is where I am frustrated. I looked at our natal charts and one of our negative aspects is when one of us is feeling romantic, the other is feeling intellectual. I did not marry him out of convenience. I just believe that our relationship was a whirlwind romance and when the dust settled, we had growing pains. I love him very much. That's why I am here - to try to understand him and adapt as best as I can while still being myself.

@ Goddess, I know the story sounds crazy, but I was trying to sum up 2-3 years in a brief statement. The truth is there was a lot of excitement and now we are working to get to know each other better and better.

@ DaBull, Sun in Gemini, Moon/Neptune/Asc Node in Sagittarius, Mercury in Gemini, Venus in Leo, Mars/Jupiter in Aries, Saturn in Cancer, Uranus/Pluto in Libra, and Lilith in Pisces.

Without sounding ungrateful, I really don't need advice on how to get him or be with him. I am just trying to understand his ways because I don't have a clue. You all have posted very insightful information on these boards and I really think you can help my marriage.

Thanks in advance guys!!!

I guess I want to know why he is not open with his feelings, and why he seems like he is in a shell all of time. I am open with my emotions and it's like he wants me to be insecure by not telling me what he feels. He seems sure of himself in our relationship, but the way he operates makes it seem like he is what you all say is a Cancer (in a shell, sideways, sulks). I know that Libras are logical and Cancers are emotional, but my husband does everything based on feelings. I just don't know how to get into his heart deeply.

Cancers generally avoid confrontations. Most would sidestep a problem rather than face it head on. By sharing his feelings, he is leaving his shell behind and exposing his insides for you. Perhaps he doesn't trust you enough and thinks you may walk all over him when he doesn't have his armour on. The good then bad is typical Cancer. Shifting moods, like the changing of the moon or the waves of the sea. You need to ride out the lows and soon enough you will be back on another high.

One thing I have learned about Libra females are they have a tendency to be insecure about the slightest things and will focus on other people. You need to look at the man in the mirror.

Thanks for the comments everyone.

All of you hit on points that I have thought about at sometime or another. And it's true, Libras (at least I do) internalize the actions and words of our significant others and we take everything personally, and that feeds the insecurities. In my case, because my Gemini/Cancer is so shifty with his moods, it seemed as if he was open at one point. So when he began to shift the other direction, I was really missing the closeness. I see with him, I will need to spend the rest of my life as a classic wife - dutiful, supportive, and loving; not necessarily sexual. When I am feeling sexual and he may be in one of his moods, it seems to cut that much deeper because it is rejection at its worst.

I hear you on the trust thing. Maybe he thinks I won't take his emotions seriously or throw it back at him (which I wouldn't - I love that type of communication). I will say this. Just yesterday, he injured his foot, so I took care of him and all of the chores/errands. Then today, he told me how he appreciated it and how he got a good feeling from it that he feels "is good for us". WTF— It's nice to hear and all, but damn why does it always have to be an evaluation?? Why can't he just be at peace with us because we are husband and wife? I think that is the most frustrating part.

Oh and I took some other Cancer advice I read. Today, I didn't call him from work like I normally do. By the end of the day, he called me and said "Hey you didn't call me today". So he seems to have that "leave him be and will come back around" thing with him. Is that a typical Cancer?

Damn I really wish he was here trying to figure me out!!!!