So I released him....

I had been trying to have a face to face with him..but he went into his shell and did the avoidance. So I sent a dear john email so I can move one. He is a good man and still care deeply but I can't help him with what he needs only he can and he completely shut down and I need that communication, if you talk then I can work with you, you close off nothing I can do. So this is most of what I sent him. How would you take it? Not looking at trying to get him back, if he wants to work on it then we can discuss but for now I am taking care of what I need to in my life.

I have wanted to have a conversation with you, but it has gone unanswered. I can only do what I can and I will leave it at that. Before I go into what I want to get into there is a part I want to finish when I was taking you to the airport.

Yes, you are right, we had been getting to know each other in person and all we had was behind a screen. Am I perfect? No. Have I made mistakes with you, yes. But I am still that woman you had gotten to know. What I was saying before you got out of the car, yes you pushed for things but I made the choice to go with it because of this amazing person I was getting to know and wanted in my life. But before every step I made and they were scary as hell, I had to make sure I was ready. I had another person and their feelings to consider and I had to make sure my wounds and past wasn't going to get in the way and I end up hurting you because I wasn't ready.

When you mentioned the experiences that had a profound effect on you, I can only deduce you are referring to your marriage and what you went though. Which I do know and understand that pain and experience. Went through it with an infant and pregnant. Like I said, everyone has their wounds they carry, it is a matter of if you allow it to run your life or help it to develop you into a better and stronger person.

What I am about to say is something I think you may need to hear and think about it. I am saying it because I do care and want you to find your happiness. As long as you hold onto it, you will always bring baggage into any relationship you go into. Until you can leave it at the door an allow yourself to be vulnerable (which you have to be to be in a relationship) it will always be a wall between you and that person and will prevent what ever could be or should be. It will be a pattern you will find yourself in. And every woman will find herself paying for Ex's sins and mistakes. And that is not fair to anyone. You need to find peace and release your pain. I know, from experience it is not easy but a step that one needs to make to grow and move forward in their life. Everyone has their wounds and scars, just don't let it keep you from the joys and happiness life can bring and offer you.

I won't bother you any further and wish you the best.

Sorry i feel sick just reading this

i disagree with this and all manner of things

if anyone thinks they must be "vunerable" in a relationship then its obviously not a rel in the first place and a form of which the other person can suck the life out of the said vunerable one

No wonder ppl are so fucked up about shit like this

Rel.s are not to be this way, equal partnership where its equal on both sides and balanced

this is so unbalanced its not funny but it is actually coz well why would you want to live like this?

And have a rel like this where it will never be equal due to your wanting the other to be vunerable in the first place so you can do what you will to them. This is unbalanced and no good can come from this at all! It will never work due the unbalance in the first place, how can one who wants it all start from an unbalanced place expect for things to work out balanced? Once unbalanced always unbalanced (unless you change your position of wanting a "vunerable" other)

So you and him and every other person out there, I release you all

from this madness

coz its just begun in the midnight sun

down and down agun from the fun

first feet on the back street to the beat

re-concilin' and styin', bro, yo who you got dat fo?

dawn of the day, a new fray and they stay and play why- we get away?

from the Nay an H a Hypoc-cri's-Zay

A bit to begun the time has rung

its course a daus alate to bacburn the rivers agate

No more Man, due to tie ming a's late, Tooooo Late!

River's an' a , Pos't id's

...

a Dunn wanna be calm

my storm's in a tempest a

cup thats blown hilt

forth to the fore

this man knows not

for once where they dreamt

not is there that nt whence

Carry on

@mfwb55 at the vulnerability it was not what I was just asking of him. To be in any relationship both parties have to be vulnerable in their selves to truly open themselves up. I allowed myself to be vulnerable to let him into my inner me and allow myself to open to him. If you can't be vulnerable with the person you want to be with then why be with them..that isn't a relationship. You are holding yourself back from your partner and that isn't fair. But you see it different and I respect that,

Posted by miha
lioness...told you...YOU weren't ready....and maybe he felt it. i suppose this is the message you sent to him...if it was hard for us on here to read it...imagine how it was for him....

if he had any issues[it's not clear if so]...it's not your duty to solve them...so why do you invite him to talk about HIS problems....— a man will never do that just because you ASK him to...

as about crabs...i am not an expert on this/them...but i think they respond better to tenderness and sweetness and run for the hills if you are too aggressive..

am i wrong, you, crabs———

I am and have been ready. He did the same thing he did in his last relationship after his ex...froze and got scared and ran.

You are 100% right, I can not solve his problems...only "HE" can. But as his partner I would walk the journey with him if he allowed me too. Be there by his side 100% . Reassure him and support him. But I can't do that if you shut me out. That is an uneven relationship. I have no hard feelings towards him. He is a good man. He just needs to address his inner pain and until he does that..it will be a continue pattern. I left it open with him...he knows I am still here for him as a friend and always will be.

Posted by miha
lioness...told you...YOU weren't ready....and maybe he felt it. i suppose this is the message you sent to him...if it was hard for us on here to read it...imagine how it was for him....

if he had any issues[it's not clear if so]...it's not your duty to solve them...so why do you invite him to talk about HIS problems....— a man will never do that just because you ASK him to...

as about crabs...i am not an expert on this/them...but i think they respond better to tenderness and sweetness and run for the hills if you are too aggressive..

am i wrong, you, crabs———

Not aggressive..assertive and to the point. Why beat around the bush? Not going to solve anything that way.

Posted by xMoonMan

Posted by TheLioness79
How would you take it?

It's a nice letter.

But.
I'm not the Cancer guy who's been in a romance with you and I'm not in HIS state of mind, so I can't really say how he would take it.

click to expand

Thank you Moonman. No you are not him or "us" so you can't comment on "us" or him.

@TheLioness79 - move on, if he doesn't want your companionship he can piss off. Cancer Man + Leo Woman is a great match and a very successful one. I would date a leo woman every day of the week and again the next monday. I think for some Cancer guys (particularly with a weak moon or mars), the leo woman can be a bit too formidable you should just let 'em go. So it definitely does work you just have the wrong Cancer on your hands. Good luck.

Posted by miha

Posted by TheLioness79

Posted by miha
lioness...told you...YOU weren't ready....and maybe he felt it. i suppose this is the message you sent to him...if it was hard for us on here to read it...imagine how it was for him....

if he had any issues[it's not clear if so]...it's not your duty to solve them...so why do you invite him to talk about HIS problems....— a man will never do that just because you ASK him to...

as about crabs...i am not an expert on this/them...but i think they respond better to tenderness and sweetness and run for the hills if you are too aggressive..

am i wrong, you, crabs———

Not aggressive..assertive and to the point. Why beat around the bush? Not going to solve anything that way.

i saw a funny comercial the other day...discimination says: men are assertive, women are aggressive[it was referring to similar situations and how sexes are perceived] 😄 funny thing...

click to expand

Too Funny! In actuality being aggressive is be accusatory and vindictive not caring for the other person"s feeling, while be assertive is expressing you thoughts and feeling of you without overstepping on someone but getting your thoughts out "with I statements" and what you expect in return. Not being a passive. He knows my expectation in a relationship we disccussed them in that car drive and communication is my biggest.

Posted by incandescentcancer
@TheLioness79 - move on, if he doesn't want your companionship he can piss off. Cancer Man + Leo Woman is a great match and a very successful one. I would date a leo woman every day of the week and again the next monday. I think for some Cancer guys (particularly with a weak moon or mars), the leo woman can be a bit too formidable you should just let 'em go. So it definitely does work you just have the wrong Cancer on your hands. Good luck.

Thank you. I am moving forward in my life (not meaning jumping to the next relationship). This wasn't one of those "how do I get my cancer back" or "I hate cancers". He is really a good man, just still fighting those demons still that he thought he was past. I can't fix that, only he can and until he does he won't be ready for any relationship. ANd I can't be by his side if he closes me out. Things changed so much once he got home and I think reality set in and those demons reappeared in full force. He has a strong moon, Leo and his Mars is in Gemini. Where my moon is Aries and Mars Cancer.

I do still care deeply for him and the person I am, will always be there for him as a friend if he needs me. But I had to put closure, it was causing to much stress. Someone asked me last night, if he came and said I wanted to work on it with you would you? I told them if he did and I was single....yes. If I was taken, no. That door has closed as that is not the type of woman I am. Moving on is what I am doing. I said my piece and what I needed too.