2 mths w Capri guy

just an update,

so capri guy is still working very hard in his job, occasionally making time to meet me.
and we are planning for a short trip off to the country side.
all seems well.

text are less and few, but seems i have gotten used to it somehow.
anyway just gotto keep myself busy at work too and time flies.
occasionally i also get a goodnight call before bed time.

i wun say he is not affectionate. he is,but only after a while of warming up whenever we meet up.
not a big thing to me.

In the bedroom he is super affectionate, holding my hands even as we fall asleep. for the whole night.

he apologizes when he is unable to meet me or spend more time w me.
i appreciate all of it.

He is still in touch w his ex-gf though, and i have caught him lying to me once because he went for dinner w her.
i didnt confront him about it.
just keeping a mental tab.

i understand we are prolly in the very early stages of dating, just hoping he is the one 🙂

Still in touch with ex girlfriend and lied about it and you're sticking around for that?

If he can go out to dinner with her, lie about it and then apologize for the lack of time he spends with you which includes less communication (major red flag), something is not adding up.

Ugh, another unavailable male, this probably won't be good for you. An interested mature male would not do this shit to the woman he's into.

hi tiki

i understand its a major red flag. thats y am keeping a mental tab. let me get a clearer picture first.
need a good time to bring it up.
he knows i am somehow insecure about things though.
and i have kept things from my exes (esp highly insecure cancer)just not to raise insecurities in the past.

just coming from that point. 🙂

Thanks for ur input!

hi Champranger,

thanks for your reply. its a one off thing to date.

on a random note, my ex has a 6 mth relationship prior to mtg me with this very young girl and things did not work out as he found she was not serious about the relationship. they are still friends though and i know they text occasionally. i dont think it bothers me too much as i m also in contact w my exes and while we have coffee once in a few months as friends there is no chance i will get back with them (whether i am seeing anyone or not).

Is this the same for capri?

Thanks!

Nightvirgo you have said in your previous thread you feel like a back up, this is the same guy who keep asking about your girlfriends correct?

Has he verbally stated to you he's in a committed monogamous relationship with you?

If so then his behavior with the ex is completely out of order with the commitment he's created with you.

You can only feel like a back up if you're allowing yourself to be his back up. If he's still communicating with the ex with a follow up date or dates then that behavior isn't in alignment with his commitment to you.

If he's not your boyfriend then leave it alone. My issue with situations like yourself is that so many women see that the men they are into are not fully present/available and instead of being honest about it she instead create this illusion around the behavior.

Knowing that he's still involved emotionally with someone else should be your queue to either back up or exit. It doesn't make sense to be excited over a guy that is still working through his feelings for someone else.

Although you state you have some issues with being/feeling insecure in this particular situation your feelings are accurate. Don't dismiss how you feel because you struggle with some insecurities.

In my honest opinion you're most likely wasting your energy on a guy that is not available mentally nor emotionally fully to you.

Someone whose struggling with working through his feelings for someone else and if you wait around to see what he concludes then you are the back up plan, not necessarily he's made it that way but because you are allowing yourself to be a back up plan.

Having unresolved feelings for an ex is a normal natural occurrence.

Had he not took her (the ex) out on a date and in turn lie about his behavior with this ex there would be no reason to believe he has unresolved feelings.

In her previous post she stated she felt like a back up plan. She wouldn't feel like a back up plan if he was putting in effort.

Men lie when they don't feel it's any of her business (yet) or they want to have their cake and eat it too or just straight up don't want to divulge information that will create more questions and need more answers.

The mere fact that he's slacked off with the communication is her answer. Actions speak louder than words.

Part of the answer is it's not real yet, no need to ask about the lie if she understand the process.

This is not rocket science, this behavior is common in situations where the woman is not a priority (yet).

When the woman is not a priority (yet) she doesn't get a lot of continued communication (yet). She doesn't get the truth (yet) and/or he prioritizes the kind of truths he want to reveal because the relationship is not in that total honesty stage (yet).

She's not a priority yet, the slacking on communication demonstrate she's not a priority jus yet, the lie demonstrates she's not a priority jus yet, his behavior, how he's acting is reasonable when she has not become a priority to him presently.

Not being a high priority doesn't eliminate the sexual affectionate side of the relationship, that part of the relationship will be maintained.

He can have sex, take weekend trips, be affectionate, text a few times and still not make her one of his main priorities in other areas of his life.

I would have a problem with the lying. If he was truly only friends with the ex and he cared about you, he wouldn't have lied. It's that simple.

Virgo, your gut instinct is telling you something - you need to listen to it.

I'm not saying you have to stop dating him, just don't let your heart get involved. He doesn't seem ready to really move on from his ex and you might be the rebound girl. Just be aware and stay smart.

All that said, it's still new and he hasn't dated you long enough to really make you the priority (yet), as Tiki said.

In dating, it takes a few months to decide if this person is right for you and he still may be in the deciding/observing/getting-to-know-you process.

Another thing. You are meeting exes for coffee. How does that make what you're doing any different that what he's doing?

And, caps CAN be friends with exes. Once a cap decides the romance part is over, it's usually over for good.

I am just saying proceed, but proceed with caution.

According to her prior post he doesn't seem all that into her but meh that's just my perception from what she wrote in her prior post and yep I'll say dump a guy if I don't deem him dating material but she's a grown woman so my words probably trickled off her back like beads of sweat like I said nothing at all.

Maybe he thought it would hurt your feelings if told you about meeting the ex

It's only a "major red flag" if people are jumping to the worst conclusion

You could just ask him? It doesn't need to be a confrontation

I feel like he's playing you. I won't speak for him but I'll speak for myself as a Capricorn, if I'm thinking about you, 9/10 I will message you. Also, if I'm interested in someone, I put all my effort into that person. Nobody else is in the picture. The fact that he's still communicating with his ex and lied about having dinner with her makes me think that he's still shopping around for the best option. Don't let yourself be an option.

I read through all the comments and can see things frm both sides. appreciates the replies!

what I am going to do is to give this relationship time, since I do hv feelings for him and also base on my gut feel.

I am doing this because as I have stated earlier, I have also done the "hide the ex" so as not to cause unnecessary insecurity on his part.

of course, this cannot happen in the long run and I will talk to him about this matter, at a more appropriate time.

meanwhile, just trying to spend time w each other.

I am also feeling that he is getting more comfortable with me and hope this can help him to open up to me.

🙂 appreciates all the answers again!