A Most Inspiring Post~ for LWCA, SagAngel, MM, SB

All,

I just found this website over the weekend (also dxpnet.com) and it?s extraordinary to me how much these cappy men are alike.

I have to honestly say something here. I am a Pisces w/Taurus-rising and moon in Cancer (just found about risings, moons). I have been dealing in an engagement-turned-friendship, romance/relationship, relationship-turned-friendship, friendship-turned-relationship, romance/relationship, (well, you all know the pattern), with a cappy man (virgo rising, moon in sag) for over 14 years. He started it, of course. I?ve been through a lot of the same thing that all of you have been through with your cappy men. (It?s not that I?ve had relationships with other men during the whole 14 years, but none of them are quite right.)

My experience with cappy man has been a journey into deep introspection, retrospection and self-realization. Not only because of him, but because I needed to know what was drawing me to this elusive, contradictive, seductive man where I was losing my sound sense of self.

I needed to get ?me? back. I needed to do this so that we could be a ?We? and not just a ?him? if it worked out. If it doesn?t, I?ll still be in search of the man to make my ?We? a reality. I?m still learning, my friends.

Ok, ready? Here goes.

What I?d like to know is why are we torturing ourselves over these men? If we want a committed relationship, why are we going after someone who either doesn?t want one, is incapable of having one, or has a phobia about having one?

In my humble opinion, I?ll tell you why. This is going to be long. I?ve had 14+ years to think about it 🙂 All confirmations and rebuttals are welcome. I would especially like to hear comments from Cappie, Aquamarine, Taurus25, DavidS, ScorpioLuv and Oceanwanderer.

I think all of us dealing with Capricorn men are strong women (excluding DavidS). We have it together. We?re independent, confident, sexy, combining our masculine traits beautifully with our feminine. That?s tremendous sex appeal to men, ladies. That?s what drew Capricorn to us.

As confident, sexy women, we are used to men pursuing us, which gives us the upper hand. We have all the control. I don?t care how sweet and mushy we may feel towards them. Or how we go weak in the knees in his arms or at the sound of his voice. Control matters. And we love having it.

Then along comes Mr. Capricorn.

He?s deep. He?s soulful. He?s sensitive. He?s warm and fuzzy, funny and sexy (wow, what a combinat

(wow, what a combination, ay girls?). He says all the right things so genuinely and thoughtfully ? he gets our attention. He?s a master lover/seducer and he doesn?t even know it (so we think -- or maybe while he is young he may not realize it -- but after around 25, he knows it?trust me.)

Anywho, we think we have this manly affectionate teddy bear man in our power -- someone who we found out is loyal, passionate, committed, (yes, by this time if we didn?t already know, we?ve read about Capricorn men), protective, ambitious,? a Man?s Man.

Then KAAZAM! He has vanished! Where did he go? What happened? I thought he was so into me?? Wasn?t he under my power?

Now, he?s got us thinking. What happened? Is it something I said? Did I offend him in some way? Was I just played? So now we really start to do our research. We find that is he sensitive, sincere and insecure. Backs up when he really wants to go forward. ?No means yes? kind of scenario. BINGO!!! We have found a man who looks like he has it all together (and most of the time he does) yet, insecure in love relationships because he loves so deeply. Awww, doesn't it just make your heart bleed for him? Honey, he?s catnip.

Totally irresistible.

Especially to strong women.

He?s a challenge. He?s a project. He?s a sweetie. He?s lost and needs our help. Mothering instincts come out of us. We want to nurture him. Squeeze him, make him feel secure. Encourage and affirm him. Be there for him. With us at his side, everything will be alright. We want him ravished by our love. We want to conquer him. Turn him inside out.

He?s the man to our woman. He?s Adam to our Eve. Tarzan to our Jane. Julius Caesar and Marc Anthony to our Cleopatra. We don?t want to let this one get away, especially since it seems he so bashful, yet mischievous. Endearing, yet mysterious. Someone wonderful we thought we secured, yet he escaped.

He?s a pimp, my friends, the damn Top Dog.

Ladies, we are better than this. We need to be honest with ourselves. To thine ownself be true, that's my motto. What is it REALLY that keeps us hanging on to him? He is, after all, just a man. There are plenty of other men, born under other stars who want a relationship, who will cherish us, want to understand us and open up to us. A man where it will be our pleasure to love him and he will hungrily lap it up!

We know a relationship takes work. It takes attention. It takes consideration and compromise. On both parts. It? s give and t

It takes consideration and compromise. On both parts. It? s give and take, not give, give, give, while the other takes, takes, takes. Women are, by mere bodily design, RECEIVERS. Takers of what Men give. The men are the GIVERS. Let them do their jobs. They were built for it.

Cappy man is not an easy guy to get along with. Ok, so then who is, if we are not compatible with him? I don?t care what sign he is. I?ve seen sun sign combinations who, for all intents and purposes, should never have made it, have relationships that have lasted a lifetime. And those that should have made it, split up and can't stand each other.

It takes commitment. Nobody's perfect.

In my opinion, I think it?s because we, as strong women, are in such need of control as well in our relationships, that we consult the horoscope so that we can have it. We just deal with the guy because he is a certain sign. He's a capricorn. I'm compatible with capricorn. Why don?t we get to know the guy?

Forget the horoscope for a while. Yes, there?s truth in the horoscopes. It?s based on study of human nature. But let?s not use that as our only point of reference. It makes us biased. We need to step back and look at this objectively. This is always hard with matters of the heart, but after a few cappy man lessons, it's just makes sense.

I'm using the following questions as my guidelines.

What do you want out of your relationship with your man? Are you getting it from him? Does the relationship empower you to be a better person, or fill you with self-loathing and depression? How did you feel about yourself before you met him? Do you need to change your personality totally to be with him? You are always blaming yourself for hurting him, but what about you?

It seems like most of the woman on the boards (myself included) have been going through years of self-hatred due to being involved with a man who can not or will not meet us half-way. It?s his way or the highway.

What? Are we masochists? Manic-depressives? Bi-Polar? (These are serious disorders and I'm not joking about them, but I'm making a point) Or has it now become a ?win or lose? competition? ?I must win at all costs? ?He?s not going to the best of me and get away.? OR ?Oh, he?s so nice. I must show him I?m worthy of his love and devotion.? ?He?s so wonderful. I can?t let him get away ? he won?t know how great I am?.

Ladies, does any of the above inspires love? Isn?t that what we want? Isn?t that what we thought we c

Isn?t that what we want? Isn?t that what we thought we could get from this bashful, soulful, innocent, manipulative, full of sh*t kinda guy?

Slap the Cap (outta you). Remember Cher and Nicolas Cage in ?Moonstruck?. However, I mean, ?slap yourself, ladies?.

SNAP OUT OF IT! If you are not a Capricorn man, do you want to become one? I?ve seen Lady Cap on these boards, and she is already a Capricorn but even she is having a go of it.

Let Saturn beat the hell out of him for patience and discipline and all the other hard lessons that that rigid, Champion-of-Control planet does to these people (Saturn must hold the title on ?pouting? too). THEY CAN HANDLE IT! Unless you have loads of Saturn or Cap placements in your sign (I guess, I don?t know that much about astrology), you CAN?T HANDLE IT that is why we are frustrated and depressed! We are trying to become like him.

Now, my darling friends, if you want to learn, he KNOWS how to teach us lessons we will never forget.

I dont' know if I would call it testing. Who was prepared for it? Did anybody get a review sheet? What is this, a pop quiz? It's been my experience that his disappearing acts and patterns of silence come for no reason. How about you?

Testing, schmesting. It's manipulation. I think he wants to see if you are as strong and as worthy as he is in order to be in the same class he considers himself. King Kong-trol. (I know, that?s corny LOL. But let?s face it; in the area of control, he?s going to fight to the death.) He's like: "How far can I get her to go?" "I must control everything thing that concerns me. That way I protect myself. If she wants me, then it?s going to cost her."

He ain?t all that. He is who is and he likes it. Be who you are and LOVE it!

BE YOURSELF!!! Something attracted him to you.

I like what a woman said on the board (aka: Taurus25) ?It?s him, not me. It?s him, not me.?

Well, be YOU. If you are the type that will pursue him without a bunch of heartache, frustration and depression, then go for it. If you are not, then open up your beautiful, WORTHY self to new experiences with other men.

Nobody?s perfect. We are all going through growing pains. If his planet kicks him in the a-- every now and then, then he should be MORE sympathetic to you and not kick you in yours. Mainly because he knows how it feels. He should be more compassionate. Humble. He may have been getting too big for his britches and needed karma to come along and SIT HIS A-- DOWN.

He hurts people with his selfishness and arrogance. It ain't all about him! You shouldn?t make yourself feel bad about what you are or what you are becoming. Yes, take the lessons. Learn to be patient and accepting with people. We all could use that. But don?t paralyze yourself.

Ok. I could say more, but I think this is enough. I?m off my soapbox. Whew! 🙂 All comments welcome.

--one love.

**************

I DID NOT AUTHOR THIS GREAT PIECE... But it's awesome! ~CapGirl

Branh- I just posted this and you hardly could have read it all by now. I'm posting it for others. Go pick on your own gender and hang w/ your boys- why are you ragging on women here anyway? Misogynist, alpha male- Go be a player and find some women to prey upon.

Flippin heck!!!!...she's been doing this for 14 years—..the womans insane!..I don't understand how these people can give so much of their life..

Thanks Capgirl..

Every situation differs...As every capman differs..just analyse your situation yourself and do what you feel like doing..Don't act on a negative emotion.

I can't believe this woman has put herself through 14 years of this? Is she with him now or what? How anyone can put themselves through that much crap for one person is beyond my comprehension..

Branh, must you always feel contempt for women? Whilst I agree with you on some aspects of your analysis, for the most most part it does feel you openly disgrace them.

I just think its a pity some people waste so much time on one person and let other beautiful opportunities pass them by...

Its a sick, sad world we live in..**sigh**

But 14 flippin years for one person..seriously that is insane..love is patient and all that but jesus christ!

CapGirl

From your perspective it might look like enough information, however from my perspective it still has lots of holes in it.

For example;

When you deal with a person who do not want to understand things because he's/she's an idiot, what to do?

If you go to be patient, you may wait years for nothing. If you brake up now, then you may lose your chance etc.

Those are very important questions.

Surely you can always quit. Or blame the other person. But as you know, there are situations where you might be wrong. Then how? How could you know before you judge? Practically it seems to be 90% impossible. You can't calculate all the possibilities. Which suggest that you can't judge anyone either.

Then if you can't judge someone, then how you gonna make your decision? Difficult...Very Difficult. I haven't figured that part yet....

~~It is all about an egotrip of wanting someone who is unavailable ~~

Its not always an egotrip, some people geniunly do like/love the person but for whatever reasons they are unattainable. But I do believe that the "desirable not available and the available not desirable" applies here..

It has worked out for some, whilst others have just been unlucky in lurve..lol..lets not get all bitter about cap men or any man for that matter...

Its all in jest..

I didn't write that- Just so we're clear.

She knew the Cap. guy for that many years- She wasn't devoting her life to pursuing him.

This was actually a good post. I think when it comes down to me and my situation, I truly believe that I am happy with it. I don't want to be in a 'normal' relationship. I thrive on his oddities and from not having to feel so structured. There's a wonderful sense of freedom in mine. Most days I appreciate it but only when I'm pms'ing, does it remotely bother me. 😉 I don't care to see the guy all the time nor do I care to talk to him all the time and I've noticed that I have a tendency of looking down at people in more 'normal' relationships because they just seem so...tied down. That's just me though.

See an outsider could easily say, "are you trying to convince yourself or us"..blah blah..I think as women we do like some kind of normality in a relationship and a feeling of being wanted..However, nobody truly knows your situation better than yourself..and there are so many other factors that play into the equation: culture, religion, background, upbringing, location etc etc..thats why when there is an abundance of opinions (majority negative) one tends to get slightly confused. Trust yourself to make the best decision. Be your own judge & Jury..of course its nice to have a banter every now and then..(well, we are women after all!)

Miss Morals, excellent comment. I think there are other variables that obviously no one else is aware of...but the underlying factor...is that if I didn't like it, I wouldn't still be involved with my guy and I would have found someone that I could have a 'normal' relationship with. Many women and men do that all the time...settle into an idea of the relationship they want but not really going after the person they really want to be with. They talk themselves into caring for the person that can give them the relationship they want.

Branh can say that women chase after the unavailable man...for the idea of catching him.
A lot of women also settle for the idea of a relationship...which at the end of the day, can mean less.

I'm not making sense but I am typing this at work, haha!

A lot of women also settle for the idea of a relationship - This is sooo true, I have seen it happen one too many times. And they are so unhappy..but they are content with the security it offers. How tragic is that? Not loving someone but being with them for the security..makes my stomach turn..

I can't "just settle" for anything..this attitude pervades my whole entire being..Complexities follow me around like a bad smell..(I don't smell horrible by the way!)..and they keep me alive..but as LWCA says, that doesn't mean we are being trampled over..

If I was to "just settle" I think I probably would've stayed with my Leo boyfriend of 3 years..He had everything going for him..I couldn't just settle..something was missing..so I got out..

Hey Capgirl,

Very informative post, wow that a story ... 14 years ... geezzz!

I was just referring to trying to figure someone out for 14 years...Not you.

Besides, I couldn't really care less...No offence..