Are they really THAT bad...

Almost afraid to ask...just started something with a cappy and I am alrealy not understanding what's going on. He says not to get attached...At first it was okay as I was not looking for a bf. He is much younger than me (29-38)so I though(for the first time in my life)I would just have a lover. Both times I have seen him he can't leave my place...he is so affectionnate, sooo sweet and so into me. He is tender and he can't bring himself to leave (opens and closes the door and holds me some more and kisses me some more). Before leaving that morning kissed my face all over, held me tight, kissed my hand and even cooked dinner for me. All things you would not expect from this kind of a situation. My friends think that there is more to it than he lets out but he keeps saying..."don't get attached" (it's like a running gag so it's always said with a joking tone) and we always laugh about it and we always answer "don't even worry about it". Well, after that evening I don't know what to think about his behaviour...it seems like he wants more and the fact that he asked before leaving that morning if we were going to see each other again was a proof of that. I answered "yes, why not!" That was last Wednesday and I opted not to call him. He did last night...he was working (fireman) and we chatted a bit...he always inquires about my things, very attentive. During our conversation he said (again) don't get attached now lol, to which I replied, "don't event worry about it" and I added "..."not more than you...". He did not answer anything to that. We ended the conversation with I'll call you and I said yes, we'll I hope you are going to do more than that lol and I ended it with yes, we'll talk to each other soon. He did not call a date and I was surprised about that. Now, I am happy he called and am willing to see where it can lead (casual or more serious) but I really regreat saying "not more than you"...I know what I meant by that but when I talked to my girlfriends they had different opinions about it! None of them seem to think it's a big deal but I don't know how HE took it. Maybe I am making too much of a deal about it but I really regret saying it. Also, after reading other posts, not sure if I should call him or let him call me again (hoping he will...). I was thinking of calling him Sunday because I am leaving for the week-end. Your comments....

mcshaker:

No, they are all not really all that bad -- your guy has told you "from the door" not to get attached. You know where he stands. He's looking for fun, not too much else. He doesn't want to hurt you.

So all I can say is, if you don't mean it when you say to him "don't get attached" don't say it. If you like this guy and you want something more than a casual dating thing, you need to be real about that. He may mean what he says, and it doesn't have to be a negative thing -- like he doesn't really like you. It could be he doesn't want or can't handle something serious right now. I agree with Branh0913 in ONE thing, "dont get attached".

The next time he says that to you, instead of asking your girlfriends or trying to analyze what he "really" means, just ask him. Do it now, it may be hard for you to face reality later if you can't face it now.

mcshaker, in your case, this cappy has frankly told you. Believe what he says until he says something else. Now if you choose to ignore or deny that he means what he says b/c of your ego, you are fooling yourself. (I mean "ego" in the kindest sense...we ALL feel like "why wouldn't he want me? He's only just saying he's not ready, etc.")

Oh, one last thing. This guy is not even telling you what you want to hear and he is getting some good lovin' from you. What makes you think he is going to change? Why should he? Anotherpisceswoman said that very well on another thread "stop the insanity!"

In other words, if this man is getting all he wants WITHOUT being attached to you, what will entice him to want to BE attached to you?

SIDEBAR: Branh0913 -- Even you can't blame the women on this board for being hurt and venting. You've read most of the posts so you know the deal. Maybe these boards seem like a "talking journal" for you. You vent and pee all over women's pain, also offer blunt insight b/c someone hurt you. However, you have the satisfaction of getting feedback which helps you "deal" -- you're not arguing with yourself -- Someone is LISTENING. Albeit impersonal. Not one woman here is bashing a thoughtful Virgo man.

I disagree, my cappy told me he was not looking to get attached as well....here we are 5 months later still totally together...I think cappys have a very, very, very time expressing themselves so often they say the opposite of what they mean because its easier, go slow, protect yourself and get ready for the pull-back/disappear act...be calm and keep your self busy, these guys can be complex...

capricorn men are not generally liars, mcshaker. If this man said don't get attached, believe him until he says something different.

Shoot--- this is tough territory.... Mine had told me, "If you thinK I'm going to tell you that I'm totally in love with you, that's never going to happen.' BUT yet just a few days prior, he had said just that, "I'm totally in love with you." SO... it's hard to tell - if they're just protecting themselves with tough talk, or seriously warning of their inability to love....

maybe you should be more responsible of what you say to him. if you're saying "don't worry, i won't get attached", and that's not really how you feel, then aren't you lying to him? tell him you want more, and if his answer is still no, then obviously this man can't fill your needs, and you need to move on. find your own honesty and express it. i find so many women on here that live their lives on the requests of men. what men want, and not what they want. i think more women should live like men and take charge of their lives, wants, and needs. it's ok to do that girlfriends. don't be afraid. life goes on without a man. and as the saying goes, men are like busses. there's another one right around the corner. i mean, that's the way most men feel about women, right?

Thanks for confirmation capgirl, pato. Capgirl, your guy DID tell you something different, and as I said to mcshaker, believe him until HE tells you something Different. pato, as I said and you agree, mcshaker needs to be honest with herself, if she doesn't mean it when she says "dont get attached" then she shouldn't say it. She is only fooling herself.

I agree. Caps really do mean what they say, the only exception is when they are extremely bad at you for something, then they may say something that they don't mean. But yeah, don't tell him that u don't get attached when u really know that u will. That would be really bad, you'll find that out soon. These guys don't get attached very fast, even if they really do at all.

True, true, MyCap.

These guys don't get attached very fast, even if they really do at all.

They may not get attached fast but once they are, they latch on, don't forget these guys are earth, we love to hold on to our "stuff". MyCap, your cappy totally adores, he is just a little grouchy, and trying to make a stand. ignore it all, sounds like you are doing well, hvaing fun on your own and feeloing secure, this will bring him running to you like no bodies business...if there is one thing these guys are good at, it's timing...especially once they get to know you..they wait and bounce right when you are just about to move on....damn them

wheretomylady, u r very correct. He could tell I was doing ok and wasn't wanting to contact him, it made him come back like he's never came back before. I don't know if u read my post tonite on calling the ex cappy post but i put on there about how i stayed at his house last nite. The bad thing is that i was doing so well by not talking to him. Me seeing him again and staying with him again all day, wasn't good for me. Put me right back in there. Like jello in his hands. I was watching tv earlier and just wanted to talk to him. Was already missing him and it hadn't even been 2 hrs since I had left his place. I called him. We talked for a bit, then got off the phone and I started crying. Really don't know why, but just did. It's like I realized when I hung up how much i honestly love him and want to be with him and how much I love spending time with him and miss him so much when we r apart....I just wish he felt the same, or at least showed that he felt the same. I don't regret seeing him today, but i was almost better at staying away from him.