Cap Man - Slow to commit or just a player?

I have read alot on the message board about how Capricorn men are slow to commit, but my question is how do you know if he's just moving slow, or playing you for a fool?

I've been dating a Cap for about 3 months, and he has been showing increasing interest in me (multiple dates per week; he even invites me to spend weekends at his house). However, I found out that he is going on a date with another -- new -- girl tonight. I can appreciate that he is dating and wants to be sure about me before showing a commitment of any kind, but it also bothers me that I spent last weekend and will spend this upcoming weekend in his bed, and yet he's still dating others.

I'm not looking for marriage, engagement or anything of the sort, but would like to give the relationship a chance to grow. I'm ok with giving him plenty of time -- I am not needy or clingy -- but I worry that if I'm too passive about him continuing to date other women I could end up sending the message that I just don't care. Not to sound like my mother, but why should he "buy the cow if he gets the milk for free"? lol

Any thoughts? How should I broach the topic with the Cap effectively? Thanks for any insight! (side note - we are in our late 30s, both divorced).

Cap men are slooooooow but I would caution you with giving your body and emotions to a man that is not ready...I don't feel his behavior has anything to do with being a capricorn but has everything to do with being a man that is keeping his options open. My suggestion is to X the weekend and go out with your friends, go do something fun and awesome that doesn't include him....See many times what happens is the woman jumps ahead of the man, she assumes b/c he's calling, he's asking her out that he's ready for love and commitment and the reality is..he's just calling and asking you out b/c he wants to and not really feeling those deep emotions that say I want to make this longterm yet it's a good sign if he's calling and asking you out but you have to PACE things with him, don't give him all of you so quickly, this isn't about playing games but some capricorn men can burn a woman out, meaning he will show deep interest up until he either gets bored of your availability to him or he finds someone more interesting to date so it would be in your best interest to slow down, be less available and not revolve your life around this guy especially a guy that clearly is leaving his options open by dating other women.

If your concerned that he will take you for granted then your right, he will take you for granted if you begin to show through your actions that your way more into him than he is into you and usually women show this by giving a man sex when he wants it (not challenging him) being super available and that's when a man just loses interest, he begins to feel like the woman is just a friend, once that happens he's out of there, usually you can tell when that happens b/c he's suddenly up some other womans face and/or dating and having sexual relations with other women.

My suggestion is to go out on a date preferably with a hot guy and this has nothing to do with sex, therefore you will begin to feel less tied emotionally to this one man which will prevent you from over functioning as in giving yourself completely away to a man that's unsure about you b/c once you give yourself to a man that is slightly out of reach, unavailable your doomed to fail with him, be disappointed and hurt over his actions yet if you keep your options open and continue to date other men you will see a shift in how you deal with this one guy that isn't stepping up, you may even lose interest in him altogether especially if you meet someone better.

Younger cap men can be players but I dunno if this guy is a player especially if he hasn't talked about exclusivity with you but him dating other women, that's a SIGN, a signal to you that he's just not that into you on a deep emotional I only want to be with you kind of level.

Keep dating him and other men if you choose but please don't become a statistic, another woman giving her heart and soul over to an emotionally unavailable man, men are known to have the ability to hang with a woman but feel nothing in terms of love and commitment and yes it can go on for years if we let it, if he's still dating other women then he's not thinking in terms of commitment with you (yet) if ever.

Just to be clear, once a man know he has you 100 $ he slacks off (100% as in your completely available to him sexually, mentally, emotionally) and your not challenging him anymore to keep up his end of the dating process that's when he moves on to more challenging situations with women.

Dating him 3x's a week doesn't mean he's all yours and he won't ever date another woman, if he's serious about you, serious about settling down he won't date other women but if he's just out having a good time he's going to date until he meets that one woman that challenges him in a way that makes him feel on a deep level that being with her is better than being alone which includes being with random women.

100%

DapperDon I am shhhhhh d:

tiki!! how are you?

Hi Cancergem....I'm good, nice profile picture...those eyes, a good story behind those eyes

Thanks for all of the advice... You're right. I need to diversify my portfolio. :-) I just tend to be a "serial dater" instead of a multi-tasker. I'll pick a guy, try him on for size for a while, if it works - great, if not - I'll drop him like a bad habit and move on to the next. I really enjoy Mr. Cap, but probably need to find other men to occupy my time. If it's a timing or trust issue... he'll have to discover that for himself. Or as LovelyScorp said, if I don't meet all of his criteria, then I'm wasting my time anyway.

I don't like to share either, and that was what was bothering me the most... That we have an absolutely great time when we're together -- laughing, playing, talking, etc. -- but still he seems to be looking for the next best thing. I won't be "runner up" to anyone. Been there, done that, not doing it again. I just didn't know if saying that to him would be the best approach, or let my actions speak for themselves.

Actions speak louder than words, honestly coming at him that way will only serve to ensure him you were way ahead of him in the feelings department and will put the nail in the coffin, to clarify I'm not saying it's not okay to say your truth to a man, of course meet men with a level of honesty if you absolutely have to say something about a particular issue. I find cap men can deal with honesty way better than other signs, as long as your not hyper emotional he can handle it.

If you enjoy dating him I would encourage you to continue on and take a page out of his book, keep your options open to date other people yet if you truly are ready to settle down with someone maybe this guy isn't the best option for you right now and it's time to move on...You have to figure out what you want and lead by that example.

If you really can't get past him dating other women whilst dating you then end it and move on to someone that will give it a chance with you without dating other women.

i like honesty. actions can be misleading. im too young but whatever i know what i like.

Posted by LovelyScorp
cap men are complicated to say the least. I'm dealing with one of my own.

they are extremely slow at trusting and letting you into their world.

red flag if he is setting up other dates and you are spending the night. he may feel that you just don't fit all his criteria. If you don't fit the very specific, high expectations that he has placed on his potential mate, you are just a play toy until "the one" comes along. These guys do not settle.

don't get me wrong or let me hurt your feelings. you are more than likely a wonderful, beautiful person with a lot going for you but these guys sometimes put unrealistic expectations on others. you would be better off exerting your energy on someone who could accept you for you.

if it were me, I would start pulling away. I don't play well with others when it comes to sharing.

Love this comment Lovelyscorp🙂


Yeah....there is so much a woman should not do. Very little that she should do...for ME that is.

Alot of times women are just simply doing TOO MUCH. They really add on a lot of "extra" in terms of interacting. Most of the time I'd like to think we as men SAY WHAT WE MEAN. At least that's how I think. Very RARELY when I meet a female do I have an ulterior motive. (only those I dont like, and I stay away from them so that I don't use ulterior motives at them)
Some guys out there may be a little "emo" and Adhd also and they can be blamed for some things.

Basically women.....if I make effort to continue pushing a conversation with you, then I probably think you're cute and would love to roll around in the meadow.

If a woman asks me questions about ME, then I know she is assertive and loves learning about anyone, has open-minded curiosity, and can keep the conversation moving whether shes attracted to me or not means alot. She's an objective adapter....very science and sexy to me....cant wait till she lets me take her glasses off....but even when she says its ok to take them off...I'll be at the point where I want her to leave them on, waaaay before.

Women...when we're talking...you shut the f*&^ up...and look at us when we're talking to you. I as a cap male don't mind doing the same🙂 as long as you keep it civil and bring up good arguments as well as explain to me how you were lead to feel this certain way...and I'll be happy to concede and apologize. I'm going to give you

Yeah I think people should always start off conversation with a common dilemma. By discussing what is both wrong with you..you evolve into discussing what is both RIGHT with you.

Anybody should be able to get along given this simple rule of mine and its an intelligent ice-breaker. Common "enemy" brings about "togetherness".

Male and female must discuss common struggle in order to, gain comfort in discussing silliness and being silly together, which is ok and fine BUT, being adult in your thought-process and your speech is paramount to any interaction.

Male or female can start out with silliness first, but you really have to be on point and sometimes games and manipulation is involved.

Most people dislike the same common gripes about life and can recall the negative more quickly.
But most people don't LIKE the same things, hence why its hard to just simply find a mate.

I try to learn from everybody bc people are our most valuable physical resource.

(only supercaps opinion) not law

Posted by DapperDon
I think I'm qualified to answer this question since I have studied the ways of Capricorns at University of Michigan.

xD!!!!! *zing*zing*

Posted by SuperCap
Yeah I think people should always start off conversation with a common dilemma. By discussing what is both wrong with you..you evolve into discussing what is both RIGHT with you.

Anybody should be able to get along given this simple rule of mine and its an intelligent ice-breaker. Common "enemy" brings about "togetherness".

Male and female must discuss common struggle in order to, gain comfort in discussing silliness and being silly together, which is ok and fine BUT, being adult in your thought-process and your speech is paramount to any interaction.

Male or female can start out with silliness first, but you really have to be on point and sometimes games and manipulation is involved.

Most people dislike the same common gripes about life and can recall the negative more quickly.
But most people don't LIKE the same things, hence why its hard to just simply find a mate.

I try to learn from everybody bc people are our most valuable physical resource.

(only supercaps opinion) not law

Right! Very right, indeed.

Posted by twilight
I do have one thing I wish I can talk to him about, is his communication style . I know he is busy, but if he messages me to ask me "how are you?" - I reply, and he does not.

Or, he msges me to complain about his work, i reply him, and he does not.

When I msg him and asking about specific questions for example "do you have adobe software?", sometimes he does not reply too.

However, if he msges me and I dont reply, or reply 5 hours later, that is when he becomes pushy and sends a text every 5 min. If i still do not respond, he thinks im being kidnapped. haha.

So, I gotta understand this trait more so I do not kill him mentally.

Twilight welcome to my world, scorpio chics world, and lovely scorps world. Cap men are slow and very in depth at work and in studies, in some essence he is doing it for you.

I also will text my Cap and not get an answer but if I ignore him(sometimes I do, not ashamed but queue the passive aggressive behavior)for a hour or so, endless calling and text messages.

The thing is past relationship problems seem to haunt them a lot, I think the title is what scares them. Just think of Caps as actions rather than saying it, he is thinking it. But still trying to be cautious. They are self-centered and logical as well.

Look if he is taking to Phuket and paying for stuff you are his woman but he is still scared of the title because it brought crap in the past. But eventually he has to man up. but don't push him.

Scorpio chic did it for 2 years and she wants more, so shit has hit the fan. But get treated like his woman, his queen.

more later boss back

Agreed with LS....don't let friends pressure you. I like gabbing with the girls but i don't tell them everything bc some chicks have ulterior motives and some are jealous.

I understand wanting that title but it puts pressure and add responsibilities that he might not want.

He choose to communicate with you on certain days when he is not busy bc I am sure his previous chick pressured him into being there more when he just couldn't.

Caps are all about work and that higher status thats their main motivation in life...work, work, work.

If he becomes your "boyfriend", he has to answer your textes, he has to call and check on you...just boyfriend stuff which I am sure he is already doing but thats just how he thinks. Its just easier without the title.

He wants you around when he needs you to be. That doesn't mean he doesn't care. But don't pressure him. It has to be defined one day. They supposedly learn from the last relationship and don't want to make the same mistake again. he probably has everything planned out already. Thats how Caps are. For instance, he thinks "2 more years, graduate, get a job, THEN commit to Aqua and have my kids, if she just stay cool and go according to MY plan"

They don't like pushovers but definitely not complainers either.

Sometimes in life, I realize that the guys who push and want that "title" are not that great for us...the patience gets some getting used to, but these are not guys who cheat and involve themselves in idle. Its work work work and then play. You can go with the flow or let it go and go for the guy that gives you the title but, no trips and space to do you.

I feel you LS, its like their motivation kind of drives me too, I love that energy. I feel like good real love is someone that make you just want to be better just by their involvement in my life. He always pushes me to run and workout and just be a better person. Its also a competitive thing for me too. A good competitive though. We talked about our Army scores, like math, science, etc. Mines were all higher than his so now he is taking it over to "beat" me.

LOL......I want that, i want positive reinforcements, not someone who degrades me.

We got into an argument once and he said he admired me...thats what slowed me down bc I am used to guys just being mean.

It made me reevealuate myself a bit...thats why I am making an effort on this one.

Appreciate the space and do you bc he certainly doing him.

Posted by scorpio_chic
I know what you mean, they do open up gradually and you feel it progressing.. I guess it would just be nice to know that a man feels so strongly about me that he won't let anything stand in his way. I'm a hopeless romantic that way. LOL He always gives just a lil bit. It took him a while to tell me he loved me. Now he tells me all the time... it took him a while to bring me around his son. Now he invites me over to have dinner with them. It took him a while to tell me how he was feeling, now he tells me everything he feels about me and about life in general. It is nice to have something so fulfilling.. I am just torn because I want someone who will fight for me as much as I fight for him. I wonder if that's so bad??

SC, you are a beautiful person and the way you feel is not bad at all. You are feeling this way for a reason. I think that people fight for things that they fear losing or have lost, or things they feel passionate about.

Posted by LovelyScorp
no, don't listen what she's saying. Just read the 1,572 threads about how Cap men take it slow. ::eye roll::

Aint that the truth. Nothing against Cap men, because what people do is their business. Just not my cup of tea that's all. I used to be married to one, and he took it real slow, but he stepped it up when I was seriously thinking about moving out of the country. I ve known another one since college, we lost contact for a period of 12 years and during that time he was looking for me, because we have loved each other since we were freshmen. I have never loved another man like I love him, and he is the only man that I ever wanted to marry. We came back into contact and then started seeing each other again. Everyday he was telling me he loved me and speaking in terms of "we" and was just as loving as one could be. When I asked him where he wanted things between me and him to go he went all the way around the world instead of answering the question. I knew then he wasnt the one for me and I ended it.

Posted by amethyst2002

Posted by twilight
I do have one thing I wish I can talk to him about, is his communication style . I know he is busy, but if he messages me to ask me "how are you?" - I reply, and he does not.

Or, he msges me to complain about his work, i reply him, and he does not.

When I msg him and asking about specific questions for example "do you have adobe software?", sometimes he does not reply too.

However, if he msges me and I dont reply, or reply 5 hours later, that is when he becomes pushy and sends a text every 5 min. If i still do not respond, he thinks im being kidnapped. haha.

So, I gotta understand this trait more so I do not kill him mentally.

This isn't at all unusual for them. It can be kinda maddening sometimes when you feel like having a text convo, or you think you're having one and then it suddenly stops.

I just make them wait just as long now. 🙂

click to expand

🙂

Posted by tiki33
Just to be clear, once a man know he has you 100 $ he slacks off (100% as in your completely available to him sexually, mentally, emotionally) and your not challenging him anymore to keep up his end of the dating process that's when he moves on to more challenging situations with women.

Dating him 3x's a week doesn't mean he's all yours and he won't ever date another woman, if he's serious about you, serious about settling down he won't date other women but if he's just out having a good time he's going to date until he meets that one woman that challenges him in a way that makes him feel on a deep level that being with her is better than being alone which includes being with random women.

Ok so now I'm confused. If you do get serious, then he's no longer interested?

I dunno why they are like that. I texted the Cap I am seeing last nite, no answer, when i woke up, missed call from him. I just feel like you have to accept it for what it is. We are in the very early stages, so it bothers me but not that much, especially if I know he's working


I really don't want to change anyone but I think that me making clear what I want from the beginning helped bc he knows what I want and still interested. I have a realistic approach to the relationship . If it was me in the past, I was totally consumed by relationships. I made it my life. With this guy and my past Cap, I got a chance to do me. Plus it makes the time together more explosive.

That's what attracted him to me actually, me doing me, I scoffed at him pursuing me. I'm just taking it day by day. I told him what I wanted and he was fine with it. Now if I told him what I wanted and he was like he not ready for a relationship, I would of immediately lost interest bc I have tried to change a man and you can't change people and I have no time to waste.

With them, it just has to kind of be their way or think its their way. Thats the most frustrating part for me, being submissive in a way cause I am so head strong.

I guess my question to twilight is...Why would you develop an emotional bond with an UNAVAILABLE MAN?

It's bound to end in confusion and hurt. He's not available, he can and will do all the boyfriend stuff with you but he's clear he doesn't want to be your boyfriend yet you allowed him in anyway....What's wrong with that picture?

Posted by scorpio_chic
I know what you mean, they do open up gradually and you feel it progressing.. I guess it would just be nice to know that a man feels so strongly about me that he won't let anything stand in his way. I'm a hopeless romantic that way. LOL He always gives just a lil bit. It took him a while to tell me he loved me. Now he tells me all the time... it took him a while to bring me around his son. Now he invites me over to have dinner with them. It took him a while to tell me how he was feeling, now he tells me everything he feels about me and about life in general. It is nice to have something so fulfilling.. I am just torn because I want someone who will fight for me as much as I fight for him. I wonder if that's so bad??

It's funny.. have any of you watched The Secret?? I watched that dvd, and in the end they tell you to make a list, thanking God or 'the universe' for all of the things that you hope to have. They said to give thanks for it, even though you don't already have it. SO I made a list almost 3 years ago, thanking God that I had a new car, a new place, a fulfilling relationship, a rewarding job, and thanked him for me being in nursing school.

I didn't have any of that at the time... I had an older car, I was unhappy at the job I was at. I was in & out of unhappy relationships where I had the 'title', but they were shallow relationships without solid foundations, so they fell apart easily. I have to admit if God answered my prayers, and if my Cap was exactly what I asked for. A meaningful and fulfilling relationship, no doubt.. the most fulfilling I've ever had. Title or no title. So maybe I should just be grateful... I just go back n forth in my mind. So many people saying 'you deserve more'... I'm a mess. Woosahhhh I'ma get it together though. 🙂

You deserve the "Title" Don't settle

Time to make a new list (:

Oh your an aquarius twilight, me too, Aquarius women are slightly commitmentphobic so you should work out well with your Cap just don't be too weird around him and you should do fine....He will like the fact that you give him room to breathe.

Posted by scorpio_chic

Posted by GeorgiaPeach
I have never loved another man like I love him, and he is the only man that I ever wanted to marry.

That's exactly what I'm afraid of. Sigh. I've never felt this way before and you already know how hard it is to come across a good man. I won't lie.. I'm afraid that moving on would be a mistake.

What happened with you and your ex-cap that you married, if you don't mind me asking?

click to expand

No, I dont mind. Long story short. We married because I was pregnant. And any complaints he had, he did not voice them until we were on our way out of the marriage and even then it was to other people, not me. Also, the umbilical cord was never cut from his own mother. His mother was very involved in our marriage from day one. I am not saying I am perfect, but he allowed her to control and manipulate him which caused friction between him and I. But if I had not been pregnant there would not have been a marriage in the first place.

Dxp is messing up! My posts keep coming out messed up everytime I try to quote somebody. Anyways, Scorpiochic I hope you have a wonderful time one your date!

Posted by LovelyScorp

Posted by GeorgiaPeach

Posted by scorpio_chic

Posted by GeorgiaPeach
I have never loved another man like I love him, and he is the only man that I ever wanted to marry.

That's exactly what I'm afraid of. Sigh. I've never felt this way before and you already know how hard it is to come across a good man. I won't lie.. I'm afraid that moving on would be a mistake.

What happened with you and your ex-cap that you married, if you don't mind me asking?

No, I dont mind. Long story short. We married because I was pregnant. And any complaints he had, he did not voice them until we were on our way out of the marriage and even then it was to other people, not me. Also, the umbilical cord was never cut from his own mother. His mother was very involved in our marriage from day one. I am not saying I am perfect, but he allowed her to control and manipulate him which caused friction between him and I. But if I had not been pregnant there would not have been a marriage in the first place.

Oh my, sounds like deja vu. My first husband (who was a cap) was exactly like this and our situation was very similar to yours.

click to expand

LS, what a learning experience it mustve been.

how do i check on this chart? any good sites?

found it. haha he is venus in aquarius. no wonder. 🙂

I am venus in aries.
wow, this is another level of astrology to explore. Thanks Lovelyscorp!

i addressed the wrong person. Sorry scorpio_chic.. my bad..

Posted by twilight
Realised something as I was reading through the venus in aquarius traits...

Venus in Aquarius represents how one person is as a lover, and exhibits Aquarian traits when dealing with love. For myself as an Aquarius, I portray the exact same behavior to my friends as my Cap is doing to me. Things & activities go according to my timing, if you msg me and I am caught up with my own activities, I will not reply. Or I will reply when I am done because then, I can focus on you.

But this does not mean I do not remember you and that I do not care for you. I do, I am just too busy. If you bug me, I will rather give up the friendship. If you however, understand that I am busy and give me space, I will always remember you and will care for you. This is what I do to my friends, and the close friends I have are those who understands this side of me.

In a relationship, I see that you are one whom I need to make an effort to communicate in order to keep the relationship healthy, and thus when I make an effort, there are expectations to have something in return.

I guess I am getting a taste of my own bitter medicine. =|

YES! Its like they can't do 2 things at a time. Thats how my aqua friend is. OMG she will never text or call back. You would think things don't affect her but they really do....she just mulls over it privately by herself.

The Cap I am talking to called me Saturday, never heard from him all day sunday even though I texted him. It bothered me bc I am not like that, even when I am busy i make time for the people that matter. well he texted me this morning and blah blah blah.

I dunno what to think, he's still waiting for my response but, oh crap he just called. lololol.

Just spoke to him. Its that can't do a million things at once thing I guess. Patience is not my virtue.

Annnnnnnyyyyyywwaaaysss, I dunno what to think. Arrrgggghghhh.