Help this Cancer get her Capricorn back

I'm a cancer girl and I've been dating a Capricorn for just over a month. He has the stereotypical Capricorn trait of being a little detached but at the same time very sweet. The thing about him is that his sharp Capricorn tongue isn't expressed in a fatherly way but in a smart a**ed way. He is constantly antagonizing people (something he seems to be proud of). He makes comments that I can't believe people let him get away with because he's also charming and sometimes his bluntness is refreshing. The problem is being a cancer I am sensitive but I show it in a different way then most. If someone hurts my feelings they're getting their feelings hurt twice as bad. So I started being defensive towards his little "jokes" because sometimes they hurt. But after a while he started making comments about how much s**t I talk. I guess he was right and after a while my comments towards him did start to get worse than his. Even then though we didn't argue we just made jokes about it-though maybe it really hurt both of us. He also asked me why he hasn't met any of my friends and when I said I didn't think he would like to meet them he changed that to I didn't want them to meet him. This still wasn't an argument. At the end of a month we had a little tiff because he was snapping at me in the morning. He thought I was ready to leave and I thought he wanted me to leave. I let him know that since he was driving and I didn't want to wear out my welcome he would have to tell me to go when he was ready. I did something to make him mad (he of course wouldn't tell me what it was) and he gets up and tells me to get ready to go. I thought we' were still playing around & there was nothing either of us had to do so I wasn't hurrying to get ready but he kept trying to rush me out like he was serious. He was also going to the beach and didn't bother inviting me. So I had one of my Cancer sulking moments and just stopped speaking to him-afraid it would blow up if I did.

After that I sent him a text (his preferred form of communication) asking him what happened. He said he didn't get why I got an attitude. I let him know it wasn't what he did but the way he did it that bothered me but then I let it go. We sent a couple more casual texts and I decided that night that I would make an effort to be more open with him. Let him know how the things he says bother me and try to be my usual sweet motherly self. But then I sent a text Monday asking if he wanted to see me for a bit on Tuesday.

Can anyone give me your perspective as to what the hell happened? If Capricorns are straight forward why wouldn't he just tell me he doesn't want to see me anymore? He's usually a VERY blunt person. And is there anything that I could do to fix this. How do you even get a CApricorn to reconsider. I think once he and I get past our communication issues we could be good for each other. I know there are a lot of people here that aren't keen on Cap men! I at least want to try but I'm feeling like this is the end for him which I don't want. j

Seems like a personality conflict more than communication issue.....He is who he is, if you don't like who he is as a person maybe give him less time and refocus on men that are less difficult, harsh, abrasive and mean....Capricorn men (not all) seem to have this kind of personality to some degree depending on on age and emotional healthiness, some women can deal with it, some can't.

Posted by tiki33
Seems like a personality conflict more than communication issue......

I actually love his personality-even the sarcasm. I do think however he should know when to quit and should be able to take it if he can dish it out! The main problem is that there isn't much on the other end of the spectrum. If you constantly joke but then don't give much reassurance that's a bad way to handle people in general. Every now and then he'll let the guard down for a few seconds to let his vulnerability show but not often! I hate when people try to change others in a relationship but I also think sometimes you can talk to a person and they won't even realize what they've been doing. You shouldn't necessarily assume its a person's personality and that's it. One of my best friends is a ridiculously harsh, stern Capricorn and she had to learn to turn it down a bit when she realized how off-putting she was. Unfortunately it takes a lot to get either the Capricorn or the Cancer to open up! Herein lies our communication problem!

My cap (can't believe I'm still calling him that) is one that is not so serious or harsh up front but he's sarcastic as hell. I just realized (because of course he won't tell me) that the jokes I make about him have been hurting his feelings. Now that I'm wondering if it's too late.

Jamaican Cancer: That's actually really helpful. I like to think I'm a little tougher than most cancers as well (I think maybe all Cancers think that!) at least I'm tougher than what astrology claims we are! But I definitely need some reassurance from a guy in order to open up. It's sad because Capricorn men really do have everything we require in a man. I've never had someone who was such a "man" in my life. It drives me crazy in a good way! I don't understand how the two signs can even begin a relationship though if we're so afraid of openning up.

Also Deb is really right! You always hear about how sweet and emotional we are but people don't get that not all emotions are nice! I am super moody and don't like to be bothered when I'm in one! This is why I tried to understand that he was in a mood but still I think it's too much to stop answering my texts.

Right now we're at the point where he sent me a text two days after I tried to figure out why he was being so nasty with me. He texted me some crap this Sunday but did not talk about whether or not he was angry nor explain why he went M.I.A for two days while I worried that he was annoyed and done with me. I have not texted him back. So right now it's a battle of wills to see who's more stubborn. I'm expecting the Capricorn not to give up but I don't think he's expecting me to be so stubborn. I'm wondering if I don't call him will it be over. Or would a Capricorn think a person is weak to give in that way.

Lyn when I said personality conflict I meant moreso as in you don't like how he behaves and how he behaves is a part of his personality, he's not going to change because you ask him too or want him too, I agree with JC get a thicker tougher skin or spend less time emotionally investing in this guy. You can't re-raise a man, what his mother didn't do won't get done....What you got is what you get.

Get over the battle of wills, YOU WON'T WIN not with a Cap you won't...If you have issues address them, yes you risk losing him if you address how you feel but if you keep battling him by refusing to respond etc you will lose anyway....You have to be the one to open up, if you can't it won't work because Cap man will not expose his weaknesses to anyone in the beginning if ever...

Posted by tiki33
Lyn when I said personality conflict I meant moreso as in you don't like how he behaves and how he behaves is a part of his personality, he's not going to change because you ask him too or want him too,

Not to be rude but I know how you meant it and I responded to it. In an entire paragraph! It doesn't seem like you responded to that part!

You may be right about me having to open up though. I may have to decide if I'm going to do it because it's really not something Cancer's do well right away either. Takes a lot to get me out of my crab shell!

Lyn I see your point but I think you fail to see my point. Be yourself, don't dish out sarcasm because he's being sarcastic, that's just 2 people using humor, jokes and sarcasm to mask true feelings, lead by example, meaning if you want him to be softer you be softer, if you keep dishing it he will eventually just see you as a friend like a guy friend and then it's over, he won't treat you like he adores you, he will just battle with you....He has to be invited by your example to be different and to come and relax in your softness...you have something he doesn't have, you have feminine energy and that will melt a man's heart....You can dish it like a man but your not a man, your a woman, be yourself, don't let someones behavior control how you behave, react and respond. If what he says makes you FEEL bad, tell him that, don't hold it in, don't dish it, just say ouch that just made me feel bad or sad or angry, that is when you will see his armor fall to the side to comfort you and if he's a jerk he will watch you hurt and that's your que to leave this dude alone because who wants a man that isn't supportive and is too prideful to nurture you when your hurting...

He seems a bit immature that's why he doesn't know when to quit, he hasn't evolved into that person yet, yet joking and sarcasm is his comfort zone, I'm sure if you observe him he will use it when he's nervous, when he wants to hide his vulnerable self, people that are insecure, lack confidence overcompensate by being cocky and sarcastic and witty when in reality they are afraid to let people see the real them so they hide by being overly confident, cocky, mean, distant, joking and sarcasm is his emotional armor, you can't melt armor with harshness, him being a sarcastic doesn't mean you go to war and dish it back, you won't get anywhere behaving this way with him.

Posted by tiki33
that's just 2 people using humor, jokes and sarcasm to mask true feelings.

Woah you hit the nail on the head!

Posted by tiki33
joking and sarcasm is his comfort zone, I'm sure if you observe him he will use it when he's nervous, when he wants to hide his vulnerable self, people that are insecure, lack confidence overcompensate by being cocky and sarcastic and witty when in reality they are afraid to let people see the real them so they hide by being overly confident, cocky, mean, distant, joking and sarcasm is his emotional armor, you can't melt armor with harshness, him being a sarcastic doesn't mean you go to war and dish it back, you won't get anywhere behaving this way with him.

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I see what you mean. Unfortunately it IS kind of my personality to dish it out to people. I am pretty known for stopping people who talk crap in their tracks and showing them how it feels. Usually I'm proud of that but you're right that's not what I want to do with a guy I'm interested in. I get a very sweet guy sometimes with him and we're so similar as far as our life goals that I at least want to try with him. If I feel he's too much of a jackass I will happily go to war with him and tell him about himself but for now I'll try to soften up if only to see if he listens and where it goes!

Jamaicancancer: I will take your advice. I've heard from other Capricorns that they could get over this but its not enough to go by a sign-every person is different so I have to wait and see if there is even a future. I'm guessing I should wait for him to contact me if he gets over the little tiff we had.

If he does I will take you guys' advice. If not I guess I'll let it go. He sent me a text on Sunday that I didn't respond to because he didn't address the problem and waited two days to respond when I asked him why he was upset. I wonder if this is the right way to go about it.

I don't know if caps usually ease out of relationships or just end them like men. I would expect Mr. Blunt to just tell me he doesn't want to see me anymore. Since he hasn't I can only hope!