My Capricorn Dad. . .

Hello Everyone,
I'm Dreamy-eyez, a Pisces. I have an issue on hand and right now I'm in the process of standing back from it to assess it. Okay here I go.It's about my Capricorn father. I haven't spoke to him in 5 months and you want to know something, I never really knew you could mentally abuse someone in a passive manner until now. It all began when my Aquarian mother divorced my father when I wasn't old enough to walk. I was raised by her, and as I was coming up, I had no resentment towards my father for not being around. I always made weekend visits to his house twice a month, and while I'm over at his house I use that time to get to know my half brother and sister, along with my step mom.( I love them so much.)When I began struggling in highschool as a result of dealing with physical abuse from my drug addicted Aquarian Uncle, I had to go to summer school. I worked for my own money, but I had to turn to my father for reliable transportation back and forth from summer school. During our drives, he spoke to me about changing my last name to his last name even after I told him "NO." He just kept on pushing the envelope. He also tried to get me to live with him on a permanent basis after we agreed that it was just for the summer. This was the beginning of problems to come. He began getting defensive towards me about my brother and sister. Not only that, he repeated kept telling me his side of the story of the divorce. (Why?) He gives me the impression that he thinks I'm stupid and incompetent just from how he talks to me sometimes. He would sometimes assign my youger brother or sister to supervise me. (WHAT THE FU*K?)He even came up with this ridiculous rule about when we can visit our grandmother, but I rebelled against that rule. I also saw that he wasn't willing to help me fix my smile with braces, so I began working to make my own money. What burns me up is that when I began working to make my own money for what I need, yet he would make a fuss over my own money. That was always a tension filled subject and he always went there. I mean this man would bully me into giving money to my step mom and my siblings, then in turn try to force his collection from me. Alot of absurd things that he dished on me only led to me distancing myself from him. Sometimes I feel like he didn't get over the divorce from my mom, and that he's taking it out on me. I wrote him a long letter of all the frustrating things he put me thru and I haven't spoke to him in 5 months. Are Capricorns really that difficult? He made me become emotionally distant from him, yet he also fusses about the lack of emotion that I show. I'm sorry but he's a pain in the butt that I had to get away from.

I think being sorry might be part of the problem.

Mr. Crabby,
Are you saying that all of his treatment towards me all comes from being sorry for the missed years of watching me grow up? When will he get the idea that I'm okay with that, but I'm nt okay with him lashing that out on me. No wonder why he has high cholesterol and stomach ulcers. How Ridiculous. Thank you, Mr. Crabby. Dreamy-eyez, out.

The problem is that you're sorry about not seeing him and you feel bad about it. He was more than a pain in the butt, and you'll have to accept that. You should focus on yourself and let your feelings come to the surface.
I don't care where his treatment comes from, and you shouldn't either, especially if you're gonna find easy excuses for him. Let him go, deal with yourself.

Mr. Crabby,
Thank you. That's something that I always seem to lose, and that was focusing on myself. I need to maintain that. Thank you, Mr. Crabby.

Dreamy-eyez

Well I have to concur with our arthropod friend. [Hiya, Crabby! 😉]

My dad is a Capricorn; so am I. We haven't spoken in about 20 years, as he is the most controlling person. If he could he would dictate how I should live every aspect of my life! (He did that for many years until I finally just blew him off.)

People like that are unhealthy and need to be excised from your life, no matter what the biological relation. It's your life, and you don't need that stress in it.

FWIW, my dad has never changed and never will. A few years ago I made a concerted effort to not exactly reconcile but at least be on civilized speaking terms, but I couldn't do it by myself and he was unwilling (or unable) to give ANYTHING. It takes TWO in any relationship.

Good luck and God bless. Also you deserve a pat on the back; it took guts to do what you did. Unless someone has done it they have no idea how difficult it is to do, since the genetic link with our parent manifests in a "connection" that is very strong.