Need Help w/ Cap Man- Very Long,pls Read!

Ok, I'm going nuts and really need some advice here. I know this is super long, but it's the entire story. I'm at a loss like never before in a dating situation and I'm a grown adult!! I've been seeing this capricorn man on and off since October. I'm a gemini just so you know. We're both in our early 30s. We met at a bar in July and he gave me his number. I texted him days later, and then he texted back...for a few weeks he asked me out here and there and I always had to say no...b/c I was so swamped with work. Finally, he stopped texting/calling. Then a month goes by and I texted him out of the blue, horribly I was drunk one night and remembered him and just texted him! The next day he texted that my contacting him was random, I apologized and said yes, I had too many to drink and it was...and that I can be random. About a week later we finally met up. We went out for drinks and had an instant connection, like I'm taking chemistry that was hot! I have to admit up front, we had sex right off the bat and it was great, possibly the best sex I've ever had, we just have a really good physical connection. For the next 2 weeks, he was the one mainly doing the contacting...And then we started to learn more about each other and realized just how much we have in common, we're both over-achievers and have leadership qualities and ambition....but we are also fun people who love a night out on the town and parties. I'd often tell him things I did at work or in personal life and he'd look kind of amazed and comment about how that sounds exactly like something he'd do. But after a few weeks, after sex one night the convo turned to "relationship" he told me he didn't want to lead me on and that he wants to take things slowly and see what happens..and I replied saying great, I feel the same way. I told him I don't like to rush into things either and I told him that if he had said "hey, let's be in a relationship right now" I would've freaked out. He also admitted to me that he's never been monogamous in past relationships, although he's been in 3 long-term relationships...and they weren't "open" relationships! (But as a sidenote, he told me this after I had told him something deeply personal about myself, the time we last hung out before this conversation).

Anyway, we both were super busy with work and both were traveling here and there, and then the holidays came. We started to go long periods where he didn't text or call and I don't usually ever chase men, it's not in my nature and to be honest they usually chase me, so I don't text or call him, but I do feel like in the beginning he was reaching out more...and then I kind of started reaching out more after time went by and started to get frustrated/ticked off when he didn't always respond...or I don't hear from him. Time goes by and he might check back in...and a couple of times after me not hearing from him I've sent texts that clearly show I'm upset/angry I haven't heard from him and he does always get back to me, even if it takes a day or two for him to respond... Last month I sent a very long text telling him I felt like I was being ignored and that I'm worth more than that and if you're getting to know someone you should make an effort, I sent this long text around 4am on a Saturday, and he called the next morning around 8:30am saying let's talk. But then we played phone tag for 3 days...before he left town for a few weeks and I never heard back from him!!! I had given up on him, deleted him from my phone...and about 5 weeks after that long text...we ran into each other in a bar and it was like a scene out of a movie! He walked thru the door, saw me at the bar and he did immediately smile at me and walked over. We both were shocked and you could feel the tension...I got so nervous and was caught so off-guard, my friend told me I went rigid. I can't even recall what he said. He ended up going over to his friends, and before he left he came by...we chatted and the vibe was there. He invited me to his place and then he left. I ended up going over later that night. he told me he just got a huge promotion at work and it happened right when he got back into town and things got hectic, he claims he tried to call me the week before but didn't leave a message...I told him I was glad to see him and he said the same, I asked if he even missed me and he said yes, that if he weren't traveling that much time wouldn't have went by w/o seeing each other. Again, i didn't contact him after not hearing from him and not discussing my long text. Anyway, we ended up having amazing, passionate sex...literally just making out for what felt like forever before even progressing onto anything else. It was great.

and then we started talking. I asked him if he knows how he affects me when I don't hear from him. And he said, well, I read your text. And I said ok, well what's your response because we never talked about it. And then he took his time and slowly began to talk, he apologized for being selfish and inconsiderate...he took forever to spit it out, but he did end up apologizing several times to me and I said thanks, I appreciate that. And he said he was just in a selfish place and I said do you understand how I could think that's directed at me and he said it had nothing to do with me at all, and I shouldn't take it personally. I told him I thought he could be more considerate and was I giving him too much credit thinking that and he said no, he could be more considerate and that he wouldn't ever ignore or not respond to my texts again...but that his answer might not always be what I want to hear ( I think he meant he won't always be available when I'm asking him to hang out). the next am I asked him what he was doing that weekend and he said he had plans w/ friends friday night and was leaving town for 4 days for work on Sunday. That was about 11 days ago. The Saturday before he left he text to ask me what I was doing and I told him I had lunch w/ a friend in town, but no set plans after that...and I asked him what he was doing. No response. Later that night I texted saying hey, I didn't hear back from you. and he said sorry, day got hectic and he's packing for his early flight and then he asked where I was, when I told him wrapping up drinks with friends, he didn't answer. So then a full week goes by...I don't contact him and I don't hear from him...this past Saturday night rolls around and I'm upset I haven't heard from him and I text him, saying that running into him reminded me how much I like seeing him and hearing his voice but he's so elusive...he responded an hour later, saying he's out with friends but let's hang this week. I responded hours later saying "ha, but of course you r...ok, call me Monday and until then think of me and my sexiness 🙂" He didn't respond to that text...and then monday just passed and he didn't call. Am I an idiot?? Should I trust him? Am I handling this all wrong? Do I need to be contacting him more or just keep waiting until I hear from him, which takes forever!

I just can't believe that after he opened up and apologized like that he hasn't really made more of an effort to contact me or see me since that. When he got back in town, I can't believe he didn't text me to hang out. It's driving me crazy. I know when we're together he likes me, he does find reasons to touch me a lot...he smiles at me a lot, and the last time we went out to eat he literally cut pieces of his chicken up and put them on my plate to share with me. But we've never really seen each other more than once a week, except in the very, very beginning but that's was more about having such a connection sexually. We have amazing sex when we're together, pretty much every time. But admittedly, I don't go out of my way to be affectionate with him when we're just hanging out b/c I'm not like that...and also, as much as I'm an independent woman I don't like making the first move, it's just super hard for me! Especially when oftentimes, I'm ticked off for the first hour we hang out b/c I feel like he's been ignoring me. It's a vicious cycle... The other thing is that I'm upset because he's never really asked me to go out on a weekend night and every time I text him asking what he's doing on the weekend, he says he has plans or is out with friends but then says let's hang out tomorrow, or next week. Why doesn't he invite me out with his friends then?? Please help provide input.

Yeah, in the beginning a good deal of the time these guys will let you know exactly whats up. What they want, dont want, cant provide. I think like thx said, it basically rids them of their guilty concious.

What do you want out of this, or with any guy? Are you looking for a relationship? If so, have you expressed that to him? If so, do you think he would treat you any differently than he treated his ex?

To me it sounds like you want way more from a guy than he is capable of giving.

I dont know what it is but Ive been seeing a capp man for about 2 weeks now and this has been the best sexual relationship I have EVER had. And I mean EVER had. I wanna bottle this shit up and wear it around my neck. Eff the relationship...Im happy with the sex...

Yes, sex with a Cap man is smokin hot and then some. But part of their allure is the fact that they can have electrifying sex with you and yet feel no need to commit to you right away. In fact, "right away" usually isn't their thing because these men need to get to know you in a way that most often can take years before they feel comfortable enough trusting you with their hearts in a truly intimate one-on-one relationship. One thing though is that Cap men don't try to lead you on and if asked will put it out there what they are and aren't ready for.

In your case Sunny it sounds like the sex is hot but that you let yourself get caught up in how that makes you feel and leaves you now wanting more (by your own words and actions) when he (and you as well) clearly stated that neither of you was ready for a relationship. When did that arrangement stop being enough for you? Mr. Cap sounds like he likes you and the sex but not enough to allow you to keep tabs on him or dictate the rules of engagement (the communication or lack thereof according to what you need and what he's shown you he's willing to give). To me it sounds like a friends with benefits and no expectations situation which you now want to change but having already stated otherwise have painted yourself into a corner and being disappointed when Mr. Cap doesn't respond as you believe he should even though you've had hot sex and a few intimate conversations. In my experience that is barely the tip of the iceberg when it comes to capturing a male Cap's heart. JMO

Hey Pidelight, I think you hit the nail on the head!! That's what's going on...and while I do think I want more from him, and potentially a relationship, I'm not sure how to progress from here. I too have a dominating personality and he knows it...and based on a few instances I know he doesn't like being told what to do. I just don't know how to change things and tell him that I'm ready to get to know him more, w/o jumping into a relationship (b/c I myself have issues fully committing), but that I do want more from him and how to say this without sounding needy or pushy. I also wonder what kind of signs I've given off and how to reverse that.

As for the other comments regarding "a weekend girl" I'm not quite sure that's true. We've actually met up a couple times on the weekend, but much later in the night and so I do truly think when he says he's "out with friends" he means it. He just never asks me to join them. I think he holds them somewhat sacred and if we're not really serious doesn't want to introduce me to them, especially when he thinks I might be frivolous. I must admit that again in the beginning I was ok just having a sexual relationship, I know it might not sound right, but I can and have done that in the past. But then we started to learn more about each other and I realize I do really want to get to know him to see if there can be more...and deep down I do think there can be...i just don't know how to fix this mess!! I feel a strong connection with him on many levels, and it's hard for me to be open with my true feelings sometimes. BTW, I just learned from my roommate who's very much into astrology that while I'm a Gemini my ascendant sign is Libra if that helps?? And thanks to you all for your input!!

Posted by Sunny25
Hey Pidelight, I think you hit the nail on the head!! That's what's going on...and while I do think I want more from him, and potentially a relationship, I'm not sure how to progress from here. I too have a dominating personality and he knows it...and based on a few instances I know he doesn't like being told what to do. I just don't know how to change things and tell him that I'm ready to get to know him more, w/o jumping into a relationship (b/c I myself have issues fully committing), but that I do want more from him and how to say this without sounding needy or pushy. I also wonder what kind of signs I've given off and how to reverse that.

As for the other comments regarding "a weekend girl" I'm not quite sure that's true. We've actually met up a couple times on the weekend, but much later in the night and so I do truly think when he says he's "out with friends" he means it. He just never asks me to join them. I think he holds them somewhat sacred and if we're not really serious doesn't want to introduce me to them, especially when he thinks I might be frivolous. I must admit that again in the beginning I was ok just having a sexual relationship, I know it might not sound right, but I can and have done that in the past. But then we started to learn more about each other and I realize I do really want to get to know him to see if there can be more...and deep down I do think there can be...i just don't know how to fix this mess!! I feel a strong connection with him on many levels, and it's hard for me to be open with my true feelings sometimes. BTW, I just learned from my roommate who's very much into astrology that while I'm a Gemini my ascendant sign is Libra if that helps?? And thanks to you all for your input!!

Hey Sunny. My man is also a Cap so I know firsthand the frustration you are feeling trying to "get in his head" and figure out how to translate that into getting to his heart. LOL The only suggestion I can make is that the next time you two are together and before you set the sheets on fire that you have a heart-to-heart talk with him about exactly what you want with him no holds barred and let him respond in kind without any expectations or hopes on what you want to hear versus what he might actually say. Most Cap men are very slow to commit. They do not trust easily at all and it can try a girl's patience to the extreme. He will do what