question for guys...

so this is a question i've been wanting to post for a while and just havent until now...

any guy of any sign...

perhaps it's just me, but im willing to bet it's also most women... i like consistency in a relationship. as me, or as a woman, i pretty much neeeeed a constant show of affection in some way. when things change up and say i get significantly fewer phonecalls, or less feeling from my guy, the wheels start circling and i start to wonder 'what the hell is going on?' normal female reaction, i think. and so i've been in enough relationships, or just pay attention to guys, where i've noticed a trend in men that seems to match up to this behavior... is it just stress that has your panties all up in a bunch, guys?

it seems to me like stress with work, finances, or some other life dilemma... something weighing on your minds seems to cause this emotional distance from us females. Yes? No? Maybe so? wt'f' is it that is going on during those times of remoteness——

nothing wrong with wanting. we should just know that there is a right time and a right amount of time for everything.

and ya... i do ask my man. i only posted this thread becuase i hear women, myself included, bringing up the same issue a lot, no attention or distance for a few days. that or i hear comments like, 'it shouldn't matter how busy he is at work, he should make time for the one he loves. i would!' and it seems like a lack of understanding of the nature of guys. women tend to open up when stressed and men seem to close up. that seems to be the difference and it would be creating a problem if we didnt try to understand that.

Thanks for your post M Ldy. But I wouldn't say that I rely on them. And for me, it's not so much a matter of attention, but connection. And I'm not saying that I, persay, require it all the time. Phew, i have my days of inwardness and distance as well.

Do I want a guy's attention and affection? Of fricken course. I dont think there's anything wrong with wanting that at all. Me personally, I rely on knowing that my guy feels a certain way compatible with how i feel. We're not perfect and we lead our lives that dont entirely involve one another. Consistency isnt always in the cards. And as for loving myself... I'm a normal human being. For the greater part, I love myself plenty and just like anybody else, I have moments of self-doubt. But I'm resilient enough to come out of those moments just fine. My desires or needs for attention and affection come in healthy doses(i'll admit, sometimes too healthy) and are because I want them, not because I'm trying to make up for any poor self image or lack of self-love. If I ever get out of hand with my high-maintenance female ways, I'll tell myself i need to re-align and get real, usually before anyone else has had a chance to realize what's going on.

And companionship IS a focus of my life... not THE focus because I have no single focus, but a few that involve each other. That's just based on my own beliefs about life. To say that companionship should not be the focus of one's life seems so individualistic to me. To each his own though. 🙂

Totally agree with you on that Jack: "I tend to move away from everyone when feeling this way wanting to be alone, feeling that I'm alone in this battle".

So true

When I have something that I am focusing all of my energy on, I have a tendecy to only communicate with a few people outside of my mandatory obligations (which are school and work). I feel that no one knows what I'm going through with better then me. Also, if I let people in my "circle" before everything is all squared away ... they may interfer.

Oh no, I wouldn't blame myself for his distancing a little 😢 I usually just assume that it's like with any human being who needs their time alone or with friends or or or so many things. When I feel my bf a little distant I just kinda think to myself "Fine I won't bug you you dumb azz!" not in a bad way, makes me laugh to myself 😛 Could also be boredom, if you're together every single day and things haven't been particularly exciting. Also stress. Other interests. A few days isn't that bad, days are so short that you don't always have the time and willingness to be cute... ahhhhh that takes effort even for us girls now imagine men who are less emo. Then you miss each other and find inspiration again and if not you realize it's been a few days and hAvE tO/sHoUlD see them. You feel like you didn't miss them, but it turns out that you ARE happy to see them 🙂 I'd suspect it's the same with them no? And if not well I don't care! As long as I know what my man is up to and he checks in atleast once a day... it's alllll coool. They make up for it later, when the heart feels like it which is much nicer than nagging them into realizing how 'neglected' we've been LOL

lol Ldybg, could be that i did. but it seemed like you were missing the entire point of this thread. you had good points though, but some of them just weren't for me. i have the affection i so desire. real and prompted from his own heart. i couldn't and wouldn't ask for more. and yes, i will learn what i need to learn.

my question was... where and why do guys go emotionally when we lose them from time to time. if i need to spell it out then here's an example: (hypothetical) say you've been dating a guy for a while, he is busy with work and u dont hear from him for a couple of days. you are thinking to yourself 'why why why? why does he not just call... it only takes two minutes.' etc etc. and im talking about when you are in a relationship, not game playing.

the reasons are much more clear to me now. i just wanted to hear what the guys had to say for themselves when things like this happen.

he's a scorpio.

and dont get me wrong... im not going through this situation with him. this is just something that i've heard from friends before and something i've gone through in the past.

that makes sense. that's how i've understood guys' general reasons for distance to be... need their time to rejuv, or need their time because people are distracting. for whatever reason, they just need their time. and it doesn't seem that all guys are so aware of it that they will tell those who care and might want to know whats going on, ie. a gf. not that guys need to... that all depends. it's just that some women tend to go nuts not knowing what is up.

and ya i know this doesn't plague men alone.