Why Am I turning cold?

Its been almost 3 months to my break up. My Ex was a libra so some of you already know my break up story .Well he was more cold than me. I recently had a post of my leo friend that she is not happy with me wanting my own space. So Let me first tell you I am not the one of a social media spree or a extrovert. I take things as balance. But usually I want to be alone.Eventually after my break up this habit has drastically increased. A good book, A silent night ans A nice music seems like a drug to me now. My friends trying to contact me seems to me like they are forcing me to talk to them. But I really not want to. I am enjoying being alone. I am not the first to reach out my friends because really see no point any more in doing that because after my break up. When I finally decided to move on I promised my self to be more focused on my career goals. I urged my self to be more practical. Most of time I spent alone at home is either studying or reading books. I totally refuse to any friends hangouts and once in a blue moon visit my Facebook and other social sites.


The most strange part of all this is I myself is not consciously aware of such behavioral patterns thats the core reason why I am unable to explain my friends why I am doing so. This behavior is not only with my friends but it continues with my family too. My siblings are way more younger than me one is 2nd standard one in fourth . So I am not close with them and I reserve myself to my room only. I am too much addicted to this hobbit that even if one of my parent or sibling will come and sit beside me I will be annoyed and that "LEAVE ME ALONE"anger will be coming up.


Hope you guys are able to understand my position right now. Don't know either its an emotional battle inside me or something else. Why this kind of behavior is occurring and How I can work to change this behavior...

I think it's easier to turn cold than it is to feel the raw emotion.

*shrugs*

Deep inside I really don't want to do so obviously I don't want to isolate myself but its some thing unconsciously let me do that. As I said it works like DRUG now to me

What you`re doing is obviously therapeutic..alone time is completely underrated.

Posted by Sola
What you`re doing is obviously therapeutic..alone time is completely underrated.

Agreed. I have personally done this from time to time my entire life. As long as it doesn't go completely overboard, I view it as therapeutic. As truecap pointed out: "it's easier to turn cold than it is to feel the raw emotion" and for me it has been a stage between "normal life" and those raw emotions. I's sort of a passage to prepare myself for the rawness which is later seeping through until they finally get me. Hmm, am I making any sense here? It's difficult to explain. It's kind of a defence mechanism.

But deep down I really want to come out of this situation. Even I wasn't aware of my this kinda behavior till my family and friends have point it out because they started to feel that.Is it some thing that will be auto correct by time? Or I have to work on it?

And what in this particular situation going in my mind is nothing like post break emotional feelings or anything. At least not consciously but Its like my mind keeps yelling at me FOCUS FOCUS FOCUS . No socializing, not talking to others not even family. Its just me and myself. Its an overwhelming feeling inside me. I am started feeling guilty of what I am doing but at the same time on the other hand I am realizing that there is surely nothing I can do about it.

Posted by Carolz
Its like my mind keeps yelling at me FOCUS FOCUS FOCUS.

Why does this happen, you think? To me it sounds like defence mechanism. If you really start feeling your feelings, you are afraid to be overwhelmed? This is difficult, because I don't want to put words in your mouth. You have to feel what YOU feel, not what anyone else thinks you feel. So, what do YOU think?

The main point is actually I don't want myself to miss HIM. Any contact from my friends will somehow make me think of HIM because . As you know at teenage we are good at teasing each other with their ex boyfriend name. And I also don't want to be in an argument with my best friend in which she will blame HIM for the reason of any of our fights. Now how I built my mind was that I cannot think about him. That is why I have to FOCUS because I really don't want him back in my life any way. Thinking about him will only hurt me or I am really afraid of PROVOKING my feelings for him any more . But this is what I cannot explain to my friends because they will feel like I am emotionally weak and vulnerable. I don't want that hard shell on me broken by any one else any more. I don't know If this break up has made me more un trusting towards others and how my logic works right now is "More distant is the only way you can be safe from being emotionally weak" I hope you understand it well now .

Posted by Carolz
But this is what I cannot explain to my friends because they will feel like I am emotionally weak and vulnerable.

Are you sure? Maybe not the friend you have been talking about before, but are you really sure that noone in your close surroundings will understand this? I am prepared to swear that there is at least someone there who feels or have felt about the same way as you do now. But you don't know this, because they feel that their surroundings may feel that they are emotionally weak and vulnerable. Maybe someone slightly older than you?

Do I understand you now? Well, it seems to me that you are trying to avoid your feelings by putting up a wall around you. Just don't lock yourself in there. Your latest post makes me think that you really don't want the walls you build around yourself, but that you have to build them to protect yourself from being vulnerable. Truth is that you are going to be just as vulnerable inside no matter how thick the walls, but you are going to get more closed off and more suspicious to your surroundings and then when someone eventually crashes through that wall it's gonna hurt like you've never been hurt before, because now there is no defence. So what you need to do, imo, is to build a healthy defence, which is(still imo) self knowledge and that includes feeling your feelings. This is difficult, I promise, but sooo worth it in the end. Everyone has got a bit of a wall around ourselves, just don't make it too high.

Again, maybe talking to someone would help. I think you'd be surprised knowing just how many people out there have similar issues to yours and they think they are just as alone in it as you do.

May be talking to a person who understands me better. Definitely she is not my best friend but a close friend. And Thanks to all for your suggestions it helped me alot 🙂

Good luck out there! You'll be just fine. 🙂