What do you think about this letter?

I posted here a few times.
Cap and Gem. Friends for 8 years, close for a while.
Things has been weird lately though and I feel like I need to tell him the following because the deeper we go, the more it's like will make mistakes and I don't want it to happen.

*Story: I told him before that it was best we go separate ways and he freaked out. Told me to never do it again because he hated it and don't want to lose me.

Yesterday, he was distant. Watching movies, barely talked to me. Tonight, what caused me to wanna tell him the following, I texted him, asked him to come over and he didn't answer. I asked him what's wrong. He said nothing. So I told him I'd give him his space. He ignored me again. So I asked what was happening. If he needed his space, was depressed, if it's something I did, or if he just didn't wanna be close. Told him I worry and wanna do the right thing.
He snapped and said: Damit just drop it!
I didn't say anything after that. I was too upset at him.
Also, last week, I told him I wanted to spend a weekend with him. We haven't in a while. We talked about it before a thousand times and it's something we both want. Told him I could go Mid December and he said it was best to wait after he's moved near his kids.

My message to him would be:

The last time I said something similar to you you freaked out and told me to never do it again. Told me to snap out of it but thing is, lately you've been distant and even told me to "drop it" when I started caring about you.
We talked about having a weekend for months now and when it's close to be a reality, you find excuses. As if renting a room somewhere had to do with you living on your friend's couches.
You get mad at me for not being available to you all the time, and when I am you push me away.
I am starting to believe that you only talk to me when you're bored, or only call me when you're horny.
You know I care a lot about you and I made you a promise almost a decade ago that I would always be there for you. But at what price? The price of being told to "drop it" when I worry about you and wonder why you don't wanna come over?
It's one thing to need your space, it's another to be a jerk about it.
I do everything I can to be a good girlfriend. But pushing me away like you did tonight is mean and unacceptable. I would never do it to you. I would explain, talk to you. Communicate. Not ignore you.
So you wanna be a jerk?
Be one. I won't deal with it.







Thoughts

i say... do what you want! if it ends badly, then you will have at least spoke your mind, he will know where you stand and it will be a lessoned learned for the both of you. if it goes great, well then, it just goes great! 🙂

I'm thinking that message is going to give him power over you. He will use it to his advantage.

I agree with capgirl that Gem and Cap are not a good match. I was married to a Gem. It took a lot of work and understanding. In the long term, that took a toll. We were too different and ended up clashing on everything we did and said to the extent that we couldn't even have a rational conversation. We both felt like we were walking on eggshells to not piss the other off. That was no way to live.

Thing is, this past week end he was the sweetest guy ever.
Caring, making me feel loved and just being his loving self. And I did a lot of nice things for him too so it was like a 50-50 thing and we were both happy.

Then, the next day, distant, cold and detached.

Yesterday he sent me a picture and we talked a bit then, I don't know why, he ignored me when I make a joke and then when I started caring and wondering what was going on, he told me to drop it.

Today, he didn't talk to me at all.

And I know not to push, so I wait and do my thing.

Oops, can't edit but, I wanna add. He's not bad all the time. It's more like a roller coaster.
He's moody. Lots of ups where he's loving and the best boyfriend in the world.
Lots of downs where it's like he hates me.

Posted by DeeGee
I don't get it..is this a LDR? have you two ever met? if so, how did you meet? on-line?

We met online 8 years ago, we met in RL we have always been close except when he met his now ex and she controlled him (A Pisces who turned crazy insecure, told him to stop talking to all his female friends and he cheated on her because he felt trapped)
The week he cheated on her, he came back to me and we have been really close friends since acting like we're dating except, Gem don't like to say we're dating, because he doesn't wanna feel trapped again, so we don't use the word boyfriend and girlfriend, but we do say we love each other and he wants to marry me one day, live with me etc.

It's a semi LDR right now because he lives in another state to be close to his kids. And it's complicated because he lives in two houses, sharing time on his friend's couches.

When he gets his own place, I plan/planned to move there in the same city so that we can be closer in distance.

Posted by champranger

Posted by truecap
I'm thinking that message is going to give him power over you. He will use it to his advantage.

I agree with capgirl that Gem and Cap are not a good match. I was married to a Gem. It took a lot of work and understanding. In the long term, that took a toll. We were too different and ended up clashing on everything we did and said to the extent that we couldn't even have a rational conversation. We both felt like we were walking on eggshells to not piss the other off. That was no way to live.

I understand that how that letter will feed his ego, but how would he use it to his advantage?

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He would see her admissions (aka vulnerabilities) as weaknesses and could use it to play mind games with her if he chooses. If not mind games, he will play on her insecurities and so forth....

One of my best friends is a Cap and yes, he can be a real jerk sometimes.

You won't get the answer or reaction you're hoping for, particularly if you end your message with this: "So you wanna be a jerk? Be one. I won't deal with it." He will take as an insult/ultimatum (I'm not saying it is but that's how he will see it). Just let it go.

Posted by champranger

Posted by truecap

Posted by champranger

Posted by truecap
I'm thinking that message is going to give him power over you. He will use it to his advantage.

I agree with capgirl that Gem and Cap are not a good match. I was married to a Gem. It took a lot of work and understanding. In the long term, that took a toll. We were too different and ended up clashing on everything we did and said to the extent that we couldn't even have a rational conversation. We both felt like we were walking on eggshells to not piss the other off. That was no way to live.

I understand that how that letter will feed his ego, but how would he use it to his advantage?

He would see her admissions (aka vulnerabilities) as weaknesses and could use it to play mind games with her if he chooses. If not mind games, he will play on her insecurities and so forth....

Thanks for the reply! 🙂

click to expand

I quoted the wrong one! lol!

You're welcome. Just honest. Some caps are like that, but not all of us.

Posted by champranger

Posted by AnnaPhototaker

My message to him would be:

The last time I said something similar to you you freaked out and told me to never do it again. Told me to snap out of it but thing is, lately you've been distant and even told me to "drop it" when I started caring about you.
We talked about having a weekend for months now and when it's close to be a reality, you find excuses. As if renting a room somewhere had to do with you living on your friend's couches.
You get mad at me for not being available to you all the time, and when I am you push me away.
I am starting to believe that you only talk to me when you're bored, or only call me when you're horny.
You know I care a lot about you and I made you a promise almost a decade ago that I would always be there for you. But at what price? The price of being told to "drop it" when I worry about you and wonder why you don't wanna come over?
It's one thing to need your space, it's another to be a jerk about it.
I do everything I can to be a good girlfriend. But pushing me away like you did tonight is mean and unacceptable. I would never do it to you. I would explain, talk to you. Communicate. Not ignore you.
So you wanna be a jerk?
Be one. I won't deal with it.

What kind of reaction are you looking for with this letter?

And it doesn't sound like he was being a jerk about it. He probably was just in a bad mood, didn't want to talk about it, and felt like you were trying to force him to open up about it. Seriously, although I'm an Aries, when I don't want to talk about something, after I say "nothing", I literally meant "don't ask me again".

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That's a good question.

I want him to realize that what he's doing is hurtful. What he likes about me, is that I get him and accept him for who he is.
Meaning that when he needs space, I give it to him. When he doesn't feel like talking, I respect it.
But sometimes, he just shut me off and I worry because of everything he's going through.

I know he talks to me even if he's not in a good mood.
I see it like he's making an effort.
But sometimes he's just distant.
Yesterday I told him he was neglecting me (4 days without sex is a big thing for us) so he came over to my place and we had an awesome time.
Today, we talked. But his mother had a surg

ery and he was worried about it, not in the mood to be playful.
He left in the middle of a conversation, and didn't answer.

An hour later, he updated his FB.
So I told him: "Oh, you're on FB but ignoring me. Aight!"
And he said "Yup!"

So I didn't answer, or say anything.
I know he will talk to me eventually.

But I do worry and I want him to learn or teach him to talk to me about things.

Like I'm fine with him needing space that's not the issue.
The issue is him being rude about it.

Posted by champranger

Posted by AnnaPhototaker
ery and he was worried about it, not in the mood to be playful.
He left in the middle of a conversation, and didn't answer.

An hour later, he updated his FB.
So I told him: "Oh, you're on FB but ignoring me. Aight!"
And he said "Yup!"

So I didn't answer, or say anything.
I know he will talk to me eventually.

But I do worry and I want him to learn or teach him to talk to me about things.

Like I'm fine with him needing space that's not the issue.
The issue is him being rude about it.

Let's rewind. Let's say he was in a bad mood and didn't want to talk about it, and you expressed your worry for him and wanting to know what's wrong. What kind of response would you consider a "non jerk" like response, other than him telling you what's bothering him?

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"I'm sorry babe but I don't wanna talk about it"
or
"I'm going to watch tv I'll talk to you later babe"

Rather than just reading my texts and ignore them and him being online on FB chat talking to other people