star wars humor

from the net...

Lines From Star Wars that Can be Improved...
If you Substitute the Word "Pants"


A tremor in the pants. The last time I felt this was in the presence of my old master.
You are unwise to lower your pants.
We've got to be able to get some reading on those pants, up or down.
She must have hidden the plans in her pants. Send a detachment down to retrieve them. See to it personally Commander.
These pants may not look like much, kid, but they've got it where it counts.
I find your lack of pants disturbing.
These pants contain the ultimate power in the Universe. I suggest we use it.
Han will have those pants down. We've got to give him more time!
General Veers, prepare your pants for a surface assault.
I used to bulls-eye womp-rats in my pants back home.
TK-421. . . Why aren't you in your pants?
Lock the door. And hope they don't have pants.
Governor Tarkin. I recognized your foul pants when I was brought on board.
You look strong enough to pull the pants off of a Gundark.
Luke. . . Help me take...these pants off.
Great, Chewie, great. Always thinking with your pants.
That blast came from those pants. That thing's operational!
Don't worry. Chewie and I have gotten into a lot of pants more heavily guarded than this.
Maybe you'd like it back in your pants, your highness.
Your pants betray you. Your feelings for them are strong. Especially for your sister!
Jabba doesn't have time for smugglers who drop their pants at the first sign of an Imperial Cruiser.
Yeah, well short pants is better than no pants at all, Chewie.
Attention. This is Lando Calrissean. The Empire has taken control of my pants, I advise everyone to leave before more troops arrive.
I cannot teach him. The boy has no pants.
You came in those pants? You're braver than I thought.

another one:

The TRUE ending to "The Empire Strikes Back"


Darth Vader: Obi Wan never told you what happened to your father.

Luke: He told me enough! He told me you killed him!

Darth Vader: No... I am your father!

Luke: No, it's not true! It's impossible.

Darth Vader: Search your feelings... you know it to be true...

Luke: NO!

Darth Vader: Yes, it is true.. and you know what else? You know that brass droid of yours?

Luke: Threepio?

Darth Vader: Yes... Threepio... I built him... when I was 7 years old...

Luke: No...

Darth Vader: Seven years old? And what have you done? Look at yourself, no hand, no job, and couldn't even levitate your own ship out of the swamp...

Luke: I destroyed your precious Death Star!

Darth Vader: When you were 20! When I was 10, I single-handedly destroyed a Trade Federation Droid Control ship!

Luke: Well, it's not my fault...

Darth Vader: Oh, here we go... "Poor me... my father never gave me what I wanted for my birthday... boo hoo, my daddy's the Dark Lord of the Sith... waahhh wahhh!"

Luke: Shut up...

Darth Vader: You're a slacker! By the time I was you're age, I had exterminated the Jedi knights!

Luke: I used to race my T-16 through Beggar's Canyon!

Darth Vader: Oh, for the love of the Emperor... 10 years old, winner of the Boonta Eve Open... Only human to ever fly a Pod Racer... right here baby!

Luke looks down the shaft. Takes a step towards it.

Darth Vader: I was wrong... You're not my kid... I don't know whose you are, but you sure ain't mine...

Luke takes a step off the platform, hesitates, then plunges down the shaft.

THIS WAS GREAT! I've got a friend who's going to split his Pants when I present these to him! BOO-YAH!!

My Taurus / Star Wars Fanatic boss thanks you for this post.

that would be so cool i want them daddy.
where do u think i could get 2 of them.
no that was funny gwen.

Truthfully.. I'd have made a ton of buddies, had I bought a Mogwai' (?) Gizmo plushy toy or two. As for myself, there are props and replica's that I would nearly kill for.. For example, there is some guy that makes the Sleepy Hollow wicked instruments.. (at least those funky glasses with all the lens and knobs,etc.) Certain items.. (lightsabers, etc) would be too fine to just have and handle. (P.S. The double talking Yodas isn't as whack you as might think.. I liked that!)

now I am actually understanding James 13 better than you, espernaut, which is begining to scare me...

I can't understand.. the confusion.. you know.. the "Difference tween' men and boys.. is the age of their toys". Things that go boom, explode or spark.. Fun Stuff.
Besides.. you want a light saber.. I know you do Gwen.