Heh heh

OFFICE SARCASM

1 .. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and then
bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.

2.. If it's really a rush job, run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes
to inquire how it's going. That helps. Even better, hover behind
me,and advise me at every keystroke.

3.. Always leave without telling anyone where you're going. It gives me
a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.

4.. If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books, or supplies, don't open
the door for me. I need to learn how to function as a paraplegic
and opening
doors with no arms is good training in case I should ever be injured and
lose all use of my limbs.

5.. If you give me more than one job to do, don't tell me which
is priority. I am psychic.

6.. Do your best to keep me late. I adore this office and really
have nowhere to go or anything to do. I have no life beyond work.

7.. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets out,
it could mean a promotion.

8.. If you don't like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to
be popular in conversations. I was born to be whipped.

9.. If you have special instructions for a job, don't write them down. In
fact, save them until the job is almost done. No use confusing me with
useful information.

10.. Never introduce me to the people you're with. I have no right
to know anything. In the corporate food chain, I am plankton. When you
refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.

11.. Be nice to me only when the job I'm doing for you could really
change your life and send you straight to manager's hell.

12.. Tell me all your little problems. No one else has any and it's nice
to know someone is less fortunate. I especially like the story
about having to pay so many taxes on the bonus check you received for
being such a good manager.

13.. Wait until my yearly review and THEN tell me what my goals SHOULD
have been. Give me a mediocre performance rating with a cost of
living increase. I'm not here for the money anyway !

Very good! I just actually sent this to my buddies at work, the last one I have to say is very fitting for where I work!

Thanks for posting Pisces!

Irish Railway company

Yet another one to laugh at and start a new day:

Irish Railway company

The following is an actual exchange of correspondence between a customer and the Irish Railway Company, Larnrod Eireann.

Gentlemen,

I have been riding your trains daily for the last two years, and the service on your Line seems to be getting worse every day. I am tired of standing in the aisle all the time on a 14-mile trip. I think the transportation system is worse than that enjoyed by people 2,000 years ago.

Yours truly,

Patrick Finnegan

Dear Mr. Finnegan,

We received your letter with reference to the shortcomings of our service and believe you are somewhat confused in your history. The only mode of transportation 2,000 years ago was by foot.

Sincerely,

Larnrod Eireann.

Gentlemen,

I am in receipt of your letter, and I think you are the ones who are confused in your history. If you will refer to the Bible and the Book of David, 9th Chapter, you will find that Balaam rode to town on his ass. That.... Gentlemen, is something I have not been able to do on your train in the last two years!

Yours truly,

Patrick Finnegan.