Pisces men: Do you test? What kind of response do you want if so?

Over the past two months I have let a pisces man get under my skin. I'm so confused by it all that I am not even sure what I want anymore. Before I met him I wasn't looking for a relationship. We met online dating and both of our profiles said we wanted to date but nothing serious.

In the beginning he was very interested. I hurt his feelings a few times because he hadn't fully caught my attention yet. I showed up really late when I said I was coming over a few times. He sent some cute text messages but nothing really serious, so I just playfully rebuffed him. I kept going on the dating website and I knew that he would see that I was still getting online. Maybe that bothered him, but I didn't want to get too attatched to him if he didn't want me around much. I never did that on purpose or anything, I just knew that he saw it. I started to really like him and I didn't want him to think that I only wanted him for sex. That I didn't want to at least be good friends and see where it took us in the future. I was just trying to go slow and let things happen naturally. He used to say stuff like "you are hard to understand." I told him a lot that I wanted friendship. He never really clearly told me what he wanted, but he would make comments about girls in the past wanting relationships when he didn't. His profile made it pretty clear he didn't want anything serious. I never felt led on that he felt any different.

I was having a hard time being myself around him since we always hung out alone at home. I thought I could be more of myself if we went out and did something. I also felt like maybe I had hurt his feelings and I wanted him to know that I did like him. I never met it as a romantic advance, but I invited him to a few things. What bothered me was that he would just totally ignore me when I did that. I wanted him to just say no so it made me anxious. Like I couldn't text him for days because he had ignored my last message.

Then he suddenly changed. I had to initiate hanging out with him. I had to go to his place and he acted very distant. He didn't ask questions anymore. After a few hours he would just start playing video games or get on his phone a lot, like he was trying to get me to leave. I still acted chill and left when he did this. I still hadn't opened up to him or been myself around him yet so this freaked me out a little bit. If he was rejecting me I wanted him to at least have seen who I really am. It also made me uncomfortable and less like myself around him. At first I tried to give him his space but he kept doing it, like he wasn't interested at all anymore. He started making exit strategies, he'd only hang out with me if he had work soon after or he'd tell me he had somewhere to be soon. I wondered why he even let me come over at all anymore. Maybe he was just trying to be nice?

I told him if he just wanted me for sex and not even as a friend, he didn't have ignore me or make up excuses to get me to leave. He could just t

He ignored me when I said stuff like that and got even more distant. That made me think maybe he did want something more and it hurt his feelings that I was okay with just having him for sex. I didn't really trust what he wanted anymore so I didn't know what to say. It's just that we have amazing chemistry and I really missed cuddling him, having sex with him, etc. I feel like we haven't had good conversation since the first two weeks, so I feel dumb for liking him at all. Like we don't even really know each other.

He went out of town for two weeks and I texted him during it. I told him that I didn't feel like I could be myself around him anymore. He seemed annoyed and immediately accused me of wanting a relationship. I still didn't so I told him no, I just want to be friends. Friends get to know each other and are comfortable around each other, you know. He calmed down and said he would invite me over more when he got back.

He got back and I anxiously awaited his invitation. I really wanted him to see me so he could see that I wasn't emotional or upset with him. After a few days I finally got him to come over. I didn't invite him I just sent him funny text messages until he offered. He was more distant then ever. I tried to ask him questions figuring out what he wanted but he gave incredibly vague answers. He told me he could only be there for a half hour because his friend needed his help. I asked him a lot of questions and got no where with that. Then we had really great sex and everything seemed chill when he left. I went back into the dating website (I'm invisible so can't see when I am online now) he hadn't been active in several days, but after that encounter he was on it again all day, constantly. I didn't understand. If he just wanted me for sex, I made it pretty clear I could handle that. Why was he on the site so much then?

The thing is whenever I told him he could just use me for sex and that I was chill about it, he would get on the dating site again a lot. If I texted him that I wanted more or showed feelings, he would get annoyed and accuse me of wanting a relationship, and still refuse to see me but... he wouldn't get on the dating site at all. This is what has confused me. So then the other night I really missed him. I sent him a long text message telling him how much I loved cuddling with him and that he made me want to not see other guys, because I felt safe with him and I was sick of feeling unsafe with strangers.

He ignored it for a few hours. Then he got on the dating website for a few minutes. He hadn't been on it in several days again, so this made me think, maybe he was just getting online to see if I had been online after all? Twenty minutes later he responded. He asked me what I meant by that. I told him I only wanted him. Then he asked again what I met and I didnt know how to get more specific. He said "If you want a relationship, I'm out." I told him he was annoying. We started arguing about how he was treating me. He said if I didn't like it then he was done. I never even said I wanted a relationship because at this point I was just scared of losing him. I felt like he hadn't gotten to know me well enough yet and I just wanted him to get to know me better. I accused him of being a player and using girls to stroke his ego. I thought that might be true in the moment because he had sent some mixed signals, especially in the beginning.

I felt stupid and like I must just be making him feel uncomfortable and pressured. Maybe he has another girl he is more interested in right now and he wanted to keep me on the side until he figured her out... but I wasn't being easy enough. Maybe he wanted more at some point but I had made myself look needy and desperate. Maybe he was just trying to let me down easy without hurting my feelings. Again I messaged him and said I was sorry. I said I wanted to be friends and make this easy for him. I appologized for not trusting him or what he was telling me. This was a few days ago and he ignored the message. I figured if he had decided I was too difficult or not trustworthy, he would be back on the dating site looking for someone else. He hasn't been online since the night the of the argument.

Was it all just a test after all? Did he want me to push for a relationship to prove that I was willing to lose him if it met I might have him? I feel like I never got a chance with him and I don't know if I ever even had one. It might all be fucked. But I'm not sure if I should just give him space for a while to prove that I'm not needy / clingy and get him interested again. Or if I should do something really stupid like go to his house and tell him I want a relationship after all. I don't even know what I want anymore. I really miss him and I want a chance with him. I don't know what to do.

The first month neither of us said we did or didnt want a relationship. "Not serious" can mean something casual. The first time we discussed it (a month in) he said he didn't want anything serious or to get too attatched. But still didn't clearly say, no relationship. If I had known from the beginning that all he really did not want a relationship with me at all, I don't think I would be feeling this way. I would have handled clear FWB different. I never would have asked him out or anything. Then maybe he wouldn't have gotten so distant, etc, etc. And we could have been friends. And I wouldn't have feelings so strong they impeded that.


I didn't want a serious relationship before I met him. I was just looking to experience different guys and get a better idea of what I wanted. But I already did that for 6 months and I guess now I realize I want a guy like him. His story is really unique so I feel like I am losing something special now. I'm not deseperate to be in a relationship and I am going to take a break from all dating now that this is over. Like I said, what bothers me is that he didn't really get to know me well, so I'm missing ever having a chance with him if he ever does want a relationship or if this was all some weird test.


Maybe he does this just to get an ego boost out of getting girls to fall for him. But if he just wanted easy sex I think he would have used me for it more. I practically had to beg him to see me and have sex. The more chill I was with the sex the more distant he got, that's what I don't understand.

See I actually know that I can handle FWB. I have been in an FWB relationship for five months with a guy who I see almost every day. We decided to do FWB because the guy has a kid and I'm not ready for that. Plus we know each other well enough to realize that we would bug each other if we lived together. We love each other in a really weird way, not that I have told him lol. I still let him chase me a bit sometimes because I know that guys take more for granted once they know how devoted and loving to them I already am (which will eventually make me fall out of love with them forever if they abuse me).

We barely even have sex anymore because it has almost nothing to do with the sex. We're just best friends and have a lot of fun together. We can be totally honest with each other because there is no reason to hide when there is no long-term commitment. I feel like we will always be in each others lives in someway unless one of us does something to break the others trust. I know he will get busy with his work and family, so will I, so I will miss him and it will hurt sometimes. But I can handle it because I trust that he is around because he wants to be, not because he has to be for the sake of a wedding ring or a baby.

I'm not saying I expected the same sort of the thing to happen with this guy. I am just telling you I was being honest when I went into this not expecting a relationship or a commitment. I know I can handle that as long as we are open and honest with each other.

"Never love with the expectation of being loved back. That is not true love."

Posted by MiZLeo

Posted by ArieChick
I guess now I realize I want a guy like him.

You want a guy who treats you like shit—??

click to expand

If I ever get into another relationship I want it to be with someone who is a lot different than my ex because I want a new experience. My ex ended up working with me and we basically had the same life. This guy has a career and his own life. He needs space and the biggest problem with my first relationship was that my bf was very clingy and wouldn't let me do my own when I needed it (sometimes I want to lock myself in my office for three days and work non-stop). I am very indepdent and the only way I'd want to try another relationship again is if it was very casual, slow and the guy could be really independent. I have met 20 guys in the past 6 months, dated 10 of them and this was the only one that actually had all of those chracteristics. Which I didn't really realize, that was what I was looking for, until I met him. Then I fucked it all up so lol. Ya.

Posted by Vixen2
First and second paragraph says it all really. You already know why he changed...

He liked you a lot in the beginning...you were the one wanting to be chased, you rebuffed him and embarrassed him. Then you couldn't even be yourself around him. That's insulting. He decided to swim away from you and your mind games. The tables have now switched. Classic Pisces.

In the mean time in classic girl style...you want what you can't have now. His distance and ignoring have just made you want him more.

And people say Pisces is wishy washy? We are attracted to people who mean what they say and say what they do.

lol pretty much. I realized I fucked it up immediately in the beginning. I just want to know if there is anything I can do now to fix it. I'm not normally this way he just caught me at a really bad time.

Posted by Vixen2
I don't know...he doesn't know who you are now. Which person are you? The non committal girl or the the other one? That may be what he is thinking.

Maybe just be yourself...if you get the opportunity to see him face to face tell him how you truly feel. Tell him that you feel things started out wrong and that you are sorry you hurt his feelings. You could tell him that you'd like to have another chance of getting to know him and him you.

The problem is that he has hurt you back...and now you both probably are now reluctant because you've seen the unpleasant side of each other.

Do you even want to be with someone who is making you feel all fatal attractiony?

That's all I can think of...just put it all out there. The worst he can say is no again. Then you need to not have sex with him and leave him be unless you are ok with just being sex / casual sex .And clearly you want more so it's not really an option.

Yes that's right. But I need to be able to see him in person and actually have a real talk to him. Because he won't be able to see that I am geniune over text. Myabe he can't believe me. Maybe we just aren't compatible. But I really feel like I just want to try talking to him one more time before giving up on this. No, I don't think I could do anything casual now. All the anxiety over the past few months has given me too strong of feelings now. At least I would want a long break first and then I'd be afraid of feeling this way again, all obsessed anxious and confused lol.