Someone please give me some insight on what to do.

Hi all... I'll try and shorten this as much as I can. I am a capricorn and R is a pisces man.

I was going with R for 2-3 months. During that time, we had a very intense relationship. We saw each other almost everyday and we emailed all the time. We had an amazing relationship where we clicked so well intellectually, emotionally and physically. We had maybe 2 arguments during the whole relationship and we were very honest about how we felt. Basically, out of all the relationships I have been in (including a 2 year relationship), this felt by far... the best. Then out of the blue, he breaks up with me. I couldn't see it coming at all! I tried to look back to see if i could have anticipated it.. but no.. not at all. We had spent time with his family.. and while I was away on vacation in Malaysia a couple of days before, he would email everyday saying how much he missed me and couldn't stand me not being there with him.

After the breakup, I was utterly confused as to what happened. His reason was that he foresees that things won't work out and I didn't know why. So I removed myself from him... took all his stuff and put it away. I still have his DVD player and some DVD's and he still has my rollerblades and a book of mine. I was willing to give those items up and if he wanted his stuff back, he can ask me for it. But I just didn't want to deal with him. Another thing, we work in the same company. Different floors so we didn't bump into each other often. His family and friends were really pissed off at him for dumping me because i was an amazing girlfriend... in fact, his mom took me out for lunch and told me that I was better off without him and that he doesn't know what he wants!! The more I removed myself from him, the more he started to approach me... (and this all started within a WEEK after the breakup). He would come and ask me questions about things he had heard about me out of the blue.. he gave me back two of my t-shirts out of the blue that I don't even remember having and leaving at his place and didn't return the rest of my stuff that he KNOWS he still has (he actually told me).... calling me... emailing me...! I haven't initiated ANYTHING! (I've been trying to be strong) I gave him a small transformers toy at work once.. and i stuck a small sticky note on it with a sweet message. Until today, that toy is still on his desk and not only that.. He didn't throw the packaging and kept it with the note on it infront of his keyboard!!! ( a friend of mine told me)

So one day i bumped into him and I couldn't take it anymore and i had to pull him aside and asked him what the heck he wanted from me. He sat there telling me that he wants to be friends and wants to salvage a friendship. I told him that it was impossible because I still am very attracted to him and missed him way too much. Then he sits and tells me how much he misses me too! And how much he's hurting! so I confronted him and asked him what the heck happened to us then. he then tells me that he foresees us not working out because he has this intangible bad feeling just like his two year relationship from a long time ago which ended up really badly. I sat there and told him that I am NOT his ex-gf and NOT like his past relationship. No one can predict what will happen.. you just have to take the risk! he agreed that the relationship was so amazing and so I said that he ought to just live those moments and just absorb all its goodness. And he said that he knows it's going to fall off a cliff but he can't give a reason because there isn't any! I told him that he's just not that into me... and he got mad! He said he's been honest and it's never about how much he cares for me..how happy I make him and how well I treat him... how much he wants to fall in love and be with me.. how compatible we are intellectually, emotionally and physically... but he's afraid of that pain that he went through and he cares too much for us to go through it. So he

What you did is actually "perfect". There is no mistake from your side IMHO. He either don't trust you or don't know what he want. In either case he don't trust on the relationship plan that has been created between you. Perhaps you should focus exactly on that part. Something like: "What was problem between us?" or "Don't you trust me? If not then which part?". Or he simply don't know what he want. This is all what I could understand from your posts. Sorry if I couldn't be much helpfull.

Well I am looking at this in terms of him being a pisces. I am quite confused with his actions as it says one thing but means another.

Just thought piscean men might have some views? :/

Savagetai:

Girl, I feel for ya! I'm not a Pisces but I have an idea of how they function because I have a harsh crush on one. I'm a Scorpio. Your story could have been our story really. You must be hurting so much. I know Cappies too because my moon is Capricorn--so I know how much it takes to get attached and once you are, you're stuck there for a very long time.

I'll tell you upfront, I don't have great advice. And I hope you won't find my direct approach offensive🙂 So you're situation is what it is, you're either going to have to cut ties completely and it's going to hurt, or you remain in this half-assed friendship and you both suffer and that's ridiculous too. Love is messy. I just don't get it, what an idiot! How can he ignore the amazing potential this relationship has?

But from what I understand of Pisces men, I'm sure he's genuine with you. They hate being the cause of hurt to anyone. They have generous good hearts. He really is scared to death of whatever disaster he thinks is going to happen. Possibly burnt badly from ex--which is so unfair to you. Sounds like a classic "he has to grow up first" guy. He's also trying to be the nice guy by offering friendship, he'd die if he knew you hated him. So that's not fair to you either. Plus he also feels the attraction and connection. Catch 20/20.

So, as the Capricorn, you're the one here with a good head on her shoulders and it's going to be up to you to cut the ties and end this BS. He won't do it. Exactly like you said, he can't have his cake and eat it too. This happened to me before and they do it because they don't want to hurt you. It's going to hurt either way.

What he offers is not enough for you. You deserve to be loved by someone who can give himself to you fully, 100% . (But I know love is messy, LIFE is messy. It's hardly ever that easy)

Maybe if you could pull this off--try it, but it's gonna be really hard: completely IGNORE him. As if he didn't exist. (Now I know a scorpio can pull that off😛.) Don't return calls, if you pick up by mistake hang up, ignore/avoid him at work, don't talk to him, block his e-mail, msn etc. and tell him he's out completely. That's like the greatest ultimatum and he'll bust his balls to win you back, if he makes up his friggin mind. It may push him to really decide. It is a risk, though.

Keep us posted here. And I'm here if you want to vent. See Pisces men, see how you're making us sensible girls suffer! Just kidding😉

Both of you seem to be stuck in the past a bit.Your side "no a friendship isn't possible" and his side being the "bad feeling".Maybe you guys both need some time apart before a conclusion can be reached,it could be just a great friendship,getting back together or going your serperate ways.There still can be alot of good possibilties to this,sounds more like a figuring out what he wants or paranoid break up.It can also give you time to figure out if he's really what you want(the fell in love too fast senario) too.Maybe your ignoring him will make him figure it out faster,but still pay attention to the emails for if he does and if at that time you still want some type of relationship to work when that happens.It will be a test of the relationships or friendships indurance if nothing else.

Tia is right as usual.

lol.

😉

I know my feelings pretty well and been through quite a bit.. I know that friendship with him is not something I would endure in the long run unless the course of relationship was done. It's how my heart works and well, I wish i could yield it to think otherwise.. but haha.. it's stubborn (like most cappies). I'm just doing my own thing now and being somewhat patient of what is yet to come...

HOWEVER, thanks for your insight guys and gals. Everyday.. I want to call and I want to email him. But i am not initiating. It's only when he does, that I reply. I know that most people say.. if you like someone.. put in some effort and what not.. but gee... I pulled down all my pride and asked for him back. I've done all that I can. I've poured out my heart and soul to him. So I am now backing off by letting him make his decisions and just continuing with my life. Is this a good way to deal with pisceans? I never use anger because I don't have a temper and I am always giving and generous. Right now though, I am pulling back and it seems to just have him coming back for more of some sort. I don't want to be rude either to him.

Sorry my former entry wasn't any help at all, I know.
You know what, you're doing absolutely the right thing. No mistakes there. You're acting exactly the way you should.

Aww I really hope he does come around! (fully)

You pickin on me mike?Nah,that other post was just to let ya know I did think about the guys side to it and that the post was intentionally excessively blunt for that reason.Nothin to bad.

Yes,savagetai,thats the best way to make him get his poop together.As you can tell that seems to be what works best in getting his attention.It's making him think and decide alot.

I find when I have doubts about a relationship I'm getting into, those doubts usually don't go away. In fact they get stronger. However put space between myself and the girl in question and this will force me to reassess my situation from a different vantage point. In some cases I may come up with the same conclusion while in others I may come to the realisation that it is my inner fears (commitment, hurt, taking the wrong path). At which point I would throw caution to the wind or walk away.

I guess what I'm trying to say is you have to look after yourself first. If he is causing you heartache by still being in your life then you've gotta get him out. If he's got doubts or issues from a previous relationship then he needs to sort that out for himself but he needs to do it on his own watch. Kafka was right about us Pisces not wanting to hurt people but you can't just be friends to make him feel better about it all whilst you're miserable holding on to a slim chance he might just decide to come back.

If he decides he wants to be with you he will come back into your life. I don't know if it's a Pisces thing or not but I've only been really, really in love twice and both those times it felt right from the beginning. There was never any doubt but maybe that's just me. Us fish are all so different.

Thanks Kafka, BJ and Tiamat... looking after myself first is the most important thing of all!

And BJ... hah.. your last paragraph made me think .. Yes, I know you've been in love only twice and it felt right from the beginning and there were no doubts... but you aren't with them now (well, you may be with one but not the other) right? I guess I am saying this because my ex is saying that he has doubts and comparing me to his ex isn't exactly very helpful either... but he says he has no doubts that he could fall in love with me even though he doesn't fall in love easily. But everyone has doubts going into a relationship. I've had some really bad relationships where I was cheated on and etc.. etc.. it really freaked me out about relationships! But it didn't stop me from having another one and giving it a try to see where it will end up. If I let these doubts stop me, where is the chance to live life to the fullest and seeing where it might go? Sigh... I wish this situation wasn't so complicated.

Your right Savagetai, I'm not with anyone at the moment. It takes a fish a long time to get over love and the pain that comes with losing it. Your guy's obviously been very hurt before and is still in self protection mode. If there was a switch on his body somewhere I would love to tell you how to work it (that sounds kinky) but unfortunately us Pisces are a little more complex than that. Hell, I can't even figure them out.

Time will tell I guess. Good luck and take care.

Leave him alone & pretend like he never existed!

TRUST ME! He will hurt you and string you along as long as you allow him to. F-K his feelings and the BS about not wanting to hurt you...if he REALLY cared about your feelings so much then he would RESPECT your wishes to just let the whole thing go because OBVIOUSLY that is hurting you more & you can't really get over it unless you completely cut him out of your life (by the way, I fully understand you there too)

His ulterior motive is he doesn't want to harbor the guilt of breaking up with a great girl because of his own fear...(I find alot of their "reasons" behind doing things are self motivated) and he would rather make YOU seem like the bad guy but not "accepting his friendship" GIRL, DON'T FALL FOR IT! If his OWN MOTHER is telling you these things about him (HELLO she knows him better than ANYONE) I would listen. It's only going to hurt you more in the future.

Cancerlady