COUNTER or CO DEPENDENT—

I just discovered that I was COUNTER DEPENDENT...is it just me or the whole planet is COUNTER DEPENDENT...is it just another form of commitment phobia...

Is it just me or Scorpio's in general seem to have a hard time with commitment and intimacy...ironing for the famous uber sexualized sign!!!

Read the article below...what are you....CO DEPENDENT or COUNTER DEPENDENT...

Co-dependency and counter-dependency in the context of a relationship are both types of co-dependent behavior because the underlying reasons for both behaviors are the same these are:

1. Low Self Esteem brought about by feelings of shame
2. Fear of being alone

On the co-dependent side the co-dependent person desperately looks for a person who is prepared to put up with their shameful self. They will open up to this person because they feel that they feel they have a need to salve their consciousness about inflicting themselves on another person. They will do anything for that person including debasing themselves in order to keep them because they feel that they have no worth and that their partner will eventually realize this, they will adopt compliance behaviors.

On the counter-dependant side the counter-dependent person cannot face their shame and will do anything that it takes to avoid facing it which may involve virtually any type of addiction the most common of the traditional addictions being alcoholism. Another form of addiction even more common is the addiction to adrenalin in the form of anger at people in general and at their partner in particular. A counter-dependent person is afraid of opening up to another person possibly because they have been rejected or betrayed earlier in life but primarily because if they open up to another person they are also opening up to themselves and facing what they have refused to face. They try to bind their partner to them by threatening their partner and belittling them so that there partner will feel helpless and dependent on the counter dependent, they will adopt control behaviors.

In reality most co-dependent relationships have elements of both co-dependent and counter-dependent behavior in both co-dependents where each switches from one role to the other resulting in the push/pull effect often seen in codependent relationships, however usually each person in the relationship will predominately assume either the co-dependent or the counter-dependent role.

As a rule co-dependent people will subconsciously seek out counter-dependent people and counter-dependent people will subconsciously seek co-dependent people. Sometimes you do find two counter-dependents in a relationship where they are always fighting or two co-dependents in a relationship where they both feel aimless.

After several outings in which the children have experienced limited interaction with their mother??s or father??s new partner, it's time to progress to the next step whereby the children get accustomed to having this non-threatening adult in their lives. Let's say, for example, the new man in your life has sole custody of his two kids and he's in the habit of buying pizza and ice-cream and watching a movie with them at home on Friday nights.

Recovery for the co-dependent in the co-dependent role involves them first accepting themselves and facing their shame. After which the co-dependent must learn to understand the subconscious co-dependent habits which are detrimental to their relationships in order to correct these behaviors.

Recovery for the co-dependent in the counter-dependent role can be much more problematic than for the co-dependent because they must first overcome any physical addiction they may have at which point their substance addiction will be replaced by adrenalin addiction resulting in anger irritability or resentment which is the normal behavior of a counter-dependent in a relationship who is not substance addicted.

If you are willing to control how you react and listen to your partner it will open the door to a positive change in your marriage issues. When you face the truth and admit that you also had a part in the relationship breakdown, you will be able to communicate and work out the marital problems which will answer your question, —How can I save my marriage today and stop divorce from happening— It takes two to make or break a relationship

Counter-Dependant in a way that is a type of person who is so scared of being (emotionally) damaged again (regarding their needs or depending on someone else) that they adopt the role of ??I DON??T NEED ANYONE??.
-They are the least-demanding Fours, they strive in silence, but they show you their burden. Very independent, they rarely ask for help and they manage with little.
-They??re like Ants, patient, hard-working, reserved. The striving stands out .Their motto could be ??Give me more suffering that I can bear it??.-They are organized and orderly. Make very good Secretaries (not in a Threeish ??modern secretary??way, more the ??old fashioned Secretary)
-As all 4s, they DO have a great need for dependence but they forbid it to themselves, becoming very self-sufficient. Is as if they said to themselves ??Why asking for help if nobody will reply—
-The most autonomous of Fours, the least dependant. They say to themselves ??I??ll work like a dog and I??ll get it??. Difficulty to stop. In general, the envious person feels that the others worth more than them. The tenacious Four strives to have what he/she wants and what believes the other don't deserve.

I am counter-dependent.

Gosh, if that counter wasn't there - I'd fall over in the bar.

Just kidding. Seriously - I am counter-dependent because
I can't trust anyone else to do things as sensibly as I
would do them myself - so - I DON'T PLAY WELL WITH OTHER CHILDREN.

Also - to be AT ALL dependent upon someone else means that I have
resigned myself to BEING LET DOWN /DISAPPOINTED and suffering loss
because THEY fucked up. It is not a matter of IF ... but rather WHEN.

I can deal with peopled screwing up. Even recklessly/carelessly,
But I CANNOT deal with them NOT FEELING BAD ABOUT IT.
( Makes me wanna KILL them. )

So ... I avoid killing people by not relying on them for anything
or expecting anything from them at all - detaching, even.

Yes - I have an "attachment disorder". See above.

How 'bout YOU?

Posted by ellessque
so where is the OP?

Prolly home in bed alone. She's happy.

hahaha @ ellesque...I am here! I read everything just didn't have anything to add. Also I am taking your advice...I am not reading too much into it!

@scorpiopics
lol..true I was at home...actually my sagi side was at the gym working out...and my scorpio was happy to be at home after a good work-out!!!!

Sometimes...only sometimes...I feel like my moon sign and my sun sign get along...like they make one! But I guess it happens as often as a moon eclipse would...meaning rarely...and I am not even mentioning when my Leo rising gets involved!!!

What a great bunch you guys are!!!

Posted by ScorpSage
@scorpiopics


Sometimes...only sometimes...I feel like my moon sign and my sun sign get along.

5 bucks says I know EXACTLY what you're doing when you feel that way.

( It's naughty. 😉)