Emotions Shutting Down

Has anyone here ever been, or seen someone else be, so overwhelmed with pain from emotions... that they somewhat shut down and are processed more through logic instead? A long, long time ago, and still living that way?

The man I'm asking about has Virgo Sun with ruler-Mercury Libra, and Scorpio Moon with ruler-Mars Scorpio. He tells me this is what has happened with his emotions. He says he has tried sometimes to feel his emotions more, but sees it as mostly pointless... as it's taken this long to get where he is, so it'll take that long to change it, and by then he'll be dead from old age (or too old to care). He says he is damaged. This description would come up when we'd talk about what it is to love someone (anyone, even his family and closest friends, not just me). He says he WANTS to feel love, and to essentially feel anything at all more strongly than he does, but he doesn't know how to reach it. As if the radio reception is off. I've tried explaining it how I see it, but that hasn't been helpful. I suppose you really do have to feel love in order to know what it feels like to you.

He says at his core is the need for justice. Surrounding that is logic. Everything else is just slightly-attached bits hanging on somewhere.

To me, it seems as if love is at my core, and everything I've put up around it is just a barrier to that. The more knowledge I use to distance myself, the less I love. The more I allow myself to connect (and this is an intentional allowance), the more I understand another person as if I could be this person, and the more I feel love for them. Not necessarily romantic; I love plenty of people in a you're-like-family sort of way. He also says he's been searching for a very, very, very long time for holes in his wall to allow himself to feel connection with another person.

Interestingly, he says that certain types of music allow him to feel emotion strongly. He is extremely (and understandably) protective of this trait and takes steps to keep it permanent. Though it's never helped him to connect with anyone. I get this from breathtaking visuals (hello, How to Train Your Dragon 2!), and... yeah, it's never done anything for me as far as connecting with people either.

So the connection thing is definitely Scorp, but I'd felt all along that the I-can't-feel-my-own-emotions was an issue from his Virgo side. I asked the Virgos, but they (and P-P) more-or-less sent me here. I don't personally have any experiences that I could share, any insights, that can help him. I've shared them all. And he's shared plenty of his. We've been very open with each other... one of the key elements in our relationship being so good is not having to hold anything back. There's no need to. Neither of us is offended by each other in any sort of way. This... feels so freeing, and I've never been allowed to experience this with another person before.

It wouldn't be fair to either of us for it to take another 30+ years for him to feel his own emotions and be able to connect with whomever he chooses, though. I'm not going anywhere, but help with this seems like something that would be, well, good. I reach out to connect and I actually don't feel anything there. That'd be his wall; understandable enough. But I hug him, and I know for certain I'd like to connect with what I feel then (something about hug-closeness allows me to sense people better). But he reaches into himself and HE doesn't feel his own self (or doesn't perceive this anyway...?). Not fair. Ignites my wanna-help trait. And unable to help.

Rambling. Sorry. Any ideas? Or similar experiences?

Whoa..you lost me at the second paragraph..what does he need justice for and why is he having a hard time trying to give and/or receive love?? He sounds about as lost as this thread..sorry...IJS

You describe a deep seeded FEAR. This is something only he can figure out and work through on his own. Being his sounding board is about all you can do. You aren't a bandaid, and you can't fix or change his issues.

If you are hoping to connect with this guy with a goal of a relationship, you might want to re-think that. He's not ready for that AT ALL, he needs to stare that fear in the eye and kick it to the curb.
Until you see him make an effort...I wouldn't think of him more than a friend.

Posted by LetltB
You describe a deep seeded FEAR. This is something only he can figure out and work through on his own. Being his sounding board is about all you can do. You aren't a bandaid, and you can't fix or change his issues.

If you are hoping to connect with this guy with a goal of a relationship, you might want to re-think that. He's not ready for that AT ALL, he needs to stare that fear in the eye and kick it to the curb.
Until you see him make an effort...I wouldn't think of him more than a friend.

Too late, we're actually already dating. 0:-) Have been for roughly half a year. He did the Scorp thing where he pulls away sometimes when he's depressed about something else, and I did the insecure thing where I thought he was losing interest in me. We both did the analytical thing and talked things through, and after a few repetitions of this I am beyond that phase. He's also allowed me to see his 'grumpy' side since then, and I didn't reject him for it like he thought I would.

I have no fears of him leaving me, outside of a car wreck or what-not. He definitely has the Virgo thing of a regimented schedule. I'm new to this schedule and there are the usual how-do-I-reorganize-this complications that he didn't count on (this will resolve with time). He did, after all, go out looking for a relationship... and yet wasn't ready for one schedule-wise... haha. He is definitely not over his fear (or apathy) of my leaving him. It's more as if he's just sure I will.

So yeah, it is definitely something from fear. It shows itself more often as apathy or basic cynicism, but occasionally I catch that glimpse of fear (which he clamps down on). We both have basic Scorp abandonment issues. His look like mine did a year or so ago: 'everyone leaves, so why bother at all'. Something from being with my Libra/Aqua ex dug me out of my shell tremendously. Summarized, mine changed more to: 'everyone leaves, so I'll get what joy can be had with them, as if they have a short lifespan'. I know there's no quick fix for fear. My personal change was quick, but I don't actually know how it happened.

He's really the first non-family who's come along where the 'gonna leave' thought is gone. Strangely, I trust that he'll stay more than I do some of my close family. And he hasn't been around all that long. It's illogical, which bothers my Virgo side. But I like it anyway.