Im sorry Poem for a Scorpio

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evermour
@evermour
12 Years

Comments: 0 Β· Posts: 82 Β· Topics: 14
I wrote a "Sorry ive been a jerk, can we start over" poem for my scorpio. He is the sweetest thing, but I was neglectful and bitchy for a little bit and now he is distant.
I felt smothered and now I feel deserted.

Now, Im no Pablo Neruda but I wrote this and am hoping its not too cheesy or bad.. πŸ˜›
Opinions before I give it to him (written on tracing paper, rolled scoll style and sealed with a ribbon in a bottle) and possibly embarrass myself.



"I would swoon,
right into the con-cave
your neck,
Sweet summer sun,
your voice
mountain rain,
pour unto me
It's too clouded to see
and wade into the dark waters,
I've lost my way
Polaris,
with the constellations upon your skin (hes got beauty marks that look like constellations to me at least :p)
Lead me to the event horizon,
back to the beginning
where we might transcend."

Also is this too much?
would a scorpio find this distasteful?
Does it sound superficial?
ACKKK
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Scorpio72
@Scorpio72
12 Years

Comments: 7 Β· Posts: 291 Β· Topics: 11
As a Scorpio female, I can only speak for myself but I love when someone writes me poetry, or anything written from the heart. It shows that you put time and effort into something original, something with such rawness. It touches my heart and depth more than any materialistic item. I'd rather have cheesy than something that cost thousands of dollars. You can replace items but never replace feelings. Maybe that's the Aqua moon sentimental side of me but that's my opinion. I say give it to him but make sure you give it just like you planned to with the handwritten, scrolled paper in a bottle. We are suckers for romance! πŸ™‚ My favorite poem is Immortal Beloved by Beethoven, the most beautiful ending "Ever thine, Ever mine, Ever ours"!!! My heart melts just thinking about it....
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evermour
@evermour
12 Years

Comments: 0 Β· Posts: 82 Β· Topics: 14
Posted by MissGummyshoe


Don't send it just yet! I'll get back to you later tonight - working now. Let me ask you something:
does he read poetry? It's not important, I'm merely wondering.

"(written on tracing paper, rolled scoll style and sealed with a ribbon in a bottle)"



He doesn't read poetry frequently, but he's an Edgar allen Poe kinda guy.

hehehe there are so many adorable ways to give notes and such πŸ™‚
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evermour
@evermour
12 Years

Comments: 0 Β· Posts: 82 Β· Topics: 14
Posted by MissGummyshoe
Posted by evermour
Posted by MissGummyshoe


Don't send it just yet! I'll get back to you later tonight - working now. Let me ask you something:
does he read poetry? It's not important, I'm merely wondering.

"(written on tracing paper, rolled scoll style and sealed with a ribbon in a bottle)"



He doesn't read poetry frequently, but he's an Edgar allen Poe kinda guy.

hehehe there are so many adorable ways to give notes and such πŸ™‚




Perfect! Poe was one of the first writers who got me hooked
on poetry when I was in the 7th grade. I still adore him.

This is going to be fun! πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

If you're not familiar with him, google "Annabel Lee" *right now*,
sit tight and I promise that I'll get back to you tonight.

"Can ever dissever my soul from the soul / of the beautiful Annabel Lee"

Ugh, *so freaking beautiful*!
click to expand





I named my violin after that poem!!!
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PhoenixRising
@PhoenixRising
13 Years10,000+ Posts

Comments: 19 Β· Posts: 19733 Β· Topics: 48
... some of my other post didn't make sense, so let's try this again.

It would be hard to comment on something so personal simply because there may be elements of your poem that mean very little to me, but they have very big significance for the two of you. Also does he even read poetry, will it understand the hidden meaning in your words?

Polaris,
with the constellations upon your skin

You explained it to us, quite well. Hopefully, he will get it as well.

Anyway, I do like your poem. It is sweet and thoughtful. I think he will appreciate the effort.
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PhoenixRising
@PhoenixRising
13 Years10,000+ Posts

Comments: 19 Β· Posts: 19733 Β· Topics: 48
Posted by evermour
Posted by MissGummyshoe


Don't send it just yet! I'll get back to you later tonight - working now. Let me ask you something:
does he read poetry? It's not important, I'm merely wondering.

"(written on tracing paper, rolled scoll style and sealed with a ribbon in a bottle)"



He doesn't read poetry frequently, but he's an Edgar allen Poe kinda guy.

hehehe there are so many adorable ways to give notes and such πŸ™‚
click to expand




Ignore my last question
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LetltB
@LetltB
12 Years5,000+ Posts

Comments: 1 Β· Posts: 9186 Β· Topics: 179
Posted by evermour
I wrote a "Sorry ive been a jerk, can we start over" poem for my scorpio. He is the sweetest thing, but I was neglectful and bitchy for a little bit and now he is distant.
I felt smothered and now I feel deserted.

Now, Im no Pablo Neruda but I wrote this and am hoping its not too cheesy or bad.. πŸ˜›
Opinions before I give it to him (written on tracing paper, rolled scoll style and sealed with a ribbon in a bottle) and possibly embarrass myself.



"I would swoon,
right into the con-cave
your neck,
Sweet summer sun,
your voice
mountain rain,
pour unto me
It's too clouded to see
and wade into the dark waters,
I've lost my way
Polaris,
with the constellations upon your skin (hes got beauty marks that look like constellations to me at least :p)
Lead me to the event horizon,
back to the beginning
where we might transcend."

Also is this too much?
would a scorpio find this distasteful?
Does it sound superficial?
ACKKK



I have to be honest, I don't see the words "I'm sorry" in there and neither will he. This is a poem that would be well suited after he hears an apology. IMO.
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evermour
@evermour
12 Years

Comments: 0 Β· Posts: 82 Β· Topics: 14
I have apologized. @letitb That was the first thing I did. To be more fair this is more of a "continue being my guidance" Poem. He likes being in "control" and most often, he does not steer wrong. And in the case of forming a healthy relationship again Im asking for his help; as well as trying to tell him how much he means to me via symbols of natural phenomenon.
It wasnt planned this way. It just sort of came out and I pieced together the meaning after.